[blackroselee]

Hi everyone.

I'm 24 years old and have suffered with mental illness all my life, as you all know the road towards the correct diagnosis is a long one with many errors so I was only just diagnosed with Bipolar this year.

The medication changes have been hard on my mental and physical health but now that I am on anti-psychotics things seem to be improving a little. They say that all of these changes will be worth while in the end....I'm still waiting for that time to come.

I also got married this year, it was beautiful but sadly it was overshadowed by everything that was going on. I have a great husband but I feel lonely a lot because not many people in my life understand what it's like.

Knowing the mechanics of mental illness is different to knowing how it actually feels.

So I'm hoping I can find a different type of support network here.

=)

[kittlies]

Hi. I have bipolar 1 and am off my meds. I've been off my meds since November 18th and am currently depressive to the point of not going to work or school or taking care of basic tasks. I am 34 and was diagnosed at age 30, after many mis-diagnosis and wrong meds, poor decisions and suicide attempts, one of which led to serious legal problems which haunt me today. Currently waiting for a hearing about my disability appeal. I'm here in case it helps to talk to other people.

[redfaux]

I wanted to step in and say hello. I am going to go by Red if that's good with you all. I am 24 year old female who was diagnosed as bipolar 2 when I was 20. Its been a very rough road traveled. I believe looking back at my life I can see how I have had this issue since I was a young teenager. When I was 8 my mother moved in with and eventually married a man with three children of his own making me the middle of 6. It was a rough road with ADHD and a myriad of other issues. In the shadow of my three step siblings a lot of what I did was over looked. At one point in high school I was diagnosed as depressed and put on Zoloft (this was before they found out the issues with ADs and teens) I don't remember being depressed but I do remember being very aggressive and energetic in high school. I was also deemed the "queen of unfinished projects". I realized I had an issue junior year of college after transferring schools and realizing the previous year I could spend two whole days hyper focused on a project then crash for 3 days and barely making it to classes. It was a year trying to get medicine, therapy, and being able to work, pay for college and eat. I went from abilify which was great except the price tag. To limactol which made me exhausted all the time. To another medicine I was on for three days which ended with a full manic break down in the quad. I ended on risperidone which caused my hormones to fluctuate. I graduated last December from college and at the prodding of my mother who never agreed with my diagnosis I got placed on welbutrin and removed from risperidone while having bipolar removed as my diagnosis. I know that this isn't working the best for me as a rapid cycler its pushed me into ultra rapid cycling where I can have lows where I sleep for 18 hours and lay in bed the rest of the time on the verge of tears (Sunday) to dysphoric mania to agitated depressed to hypo manic in 4 days. My pdoc( hopefully I am using the right abbreviation) moved and I never got another one as my schedule is hard to make appointments with. It was easier because nothing was as stressful as college see I got a great new job and freedom but about 6 months in I started having issues with my wisdom teeth and started cycling again in a more noticeable manner. I got a boyfriend who is a great guy. He's 22 and very sweet but ADHD and very naïve. Within two weeks he was telling me I was the love of his life and In the last 4 days He's found a way to say all the wrong things ( you know the things you shouldn't say to bipolar "you don't have to have x,y and ,z" and things like that). Any time im in a serious low he becomes insecure thinking im going to leave him which usually ends up with him showing up at my door step and crying which is not good for me at all. He has made promises to research my diagnosis to try and help me and himself in understanding but he has yet to do so. It also doesn't help that as time continues on I'm finding myself indifferent to having a boyfriend. I have always been extremely independent and fickle so it makes it very hard for me to want to be around anyone to the point of making an effort to see them. On top of that I've always wanted children but don't know how I could handle the process of pregnancy so having a boyfriend is another reminder of what I may never be able to have. I am also in the process of buying a house with acreage out in the middle of nowhere and I am so excited but its been nothing but problems and in all of this I've had the worst low I've had in years. I felt like joining a community would be a good place for me to start trying to work on myself again while potentially helping others by sharing my two cents. Thank you for letting me join and I look forward to getting to know you all.

[Latebloomlisa]

Hello,

My name is Lisa. I was diagnosed with bipolar II a few months ago and I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the disorder. I don't have any friends who are in treatment, so I feel a bit left out and misunderstood. I've been isolating and very depressed. I'm hoping my medications will level me out but it seems more like the depression is worse. Any help or words of wisdom are greatly appreciated.

[Rrancher]

I'm so glad to be here and I hope I can keep up with it. it's hard to talk to anyone but the therapist because they either think I'm a leper or just can't understand despite their compassion. woo hoo!

[gris212]

Hello I'm new to the site, but not new to Bipolar. I've dealt with being bipolar since my first episode at 19. I'm currently doing an outpatient group therapy for bipolar, anxiety, and depression. I am 34 years old and have been teaching for 9 years. I had to take FMLA because I couldn't bear the anxiety anymore and I fell into a depression. For the month I've been off work I've gone back and forth thinking about my career. I'm not happy, I dread going into work. There are no bad evaluations or parent complains, all the issues are in my head. I feel anxious all day at work. I felt anxious in previous years, but as soon as I would get busy at work it would go away, but now the anxious feeling is there all day. I'm not looking forward to going back and I find that I don't have the passion for it anymore. I think its a stressful and overwhelming profession. I want to be healthy and more than anything I want to be happy.

I'm taking my medication and seeing my psychiatrist. I went to see a therapist for the first time this past weekend. I'm thankful for the outpatient group therapy because it is getting me out of my depression. My concern now is what to do next job wise. All my degrees are in Education. I don't know in what direction to go, I know I like being of service to others. I don't really care if I take a pay cut as long as I can get by.
More than anything I just want to be happy and find my purpose in life.

[sarah putney]

Hi, my name is Sarah. I was diagnosed with bi polar in 1999. I also have ADD. I just started taking meds recently as up until now I had been self medicating with meth.

[tipper1492]

My age - 62 male. Only in the last year was I informed I have Bipolar 1 @ 2 or so my wife believes the doctor said. If not both, I would guess Bipolar 2. currently on RISPERIDONE, DEPAKOTE, CITALOPRAM, @ TRAZZODONE. Feeling well now that I am on meds. I do not skip meds, and gave up all drinking, and smoking cigs. Glad I did. I have the understanding from here on out, the rest of my life, I will have to take meds. At times my hands shake like when I have coffee cup in hand.

I am not computer smart and as yet do not know how to add a computer "icon" on my pages.

tipper1492

[pinkroseacct]

I'm amy. 32 and divorced. I have an MBA in public accounting, but my ex husband left me during my MBA year, and I have just been qualified as disabled with bipolar 1 rapid cycling, PTSD, and anxiety.

[usehername]

Hi, I've posted in a couple places, but I don't think I've ever posted here.
I was first diagnosed bipolar 1 in 2006 and was treated for acute mania. I stayed compliant with meds for 6 months (with poor results) and then fired my pdoc and went into complete denial about the diagnosis.

I met a man who made me want to look into some of my issues so I could be "ready" for him. He is the first emotionally mature man I have ever managed to attract, and I wanted to be his equal, so I started going to therapy. Therapy made me realize I had more issues than I thought, so I went to see a pdoc, who initially treated me for anxiety. I failed to disclose the previous diagnosis because I was still totally in denial about it.

In a conversation with the man, he said, "honey, I think you have some seasons going on". Shortly thereafter, I was hit with one of the worst mixed episodes I've ever had. Contemplating suicide and having the energy to acctually accomplish it was scary, so I made an urgent appt with my pdoc, who agreed with the original dx of bipolar 1. He put me on meds. Lost my insurance, wound up with a different pdoc, who I am in the process of leaving for yet another (1st shrink was still tinkering with my meds, current will not change them, new one will). I'm still riding the med-go-round trying to find something that works, so bear with me on the verbal diarrhea please. I hate the holidays because I always seem to end up lonely in a crowded room, so here I am today, trying desperately to avoid letting another mixed state be a transition to catatonic depression (or worse, staying mixed).

I have a child, a cat, a garden, a bunch of instruments and lyrics, etc. Sorry for the long post.
Oh yeah, they also think I am comorbid with ADHD & GAD. Explains my whole life in a nutshell. lol I'm many kinds of nuts.

[MistressStayc]

Hi my name is Stacy. I've been diagnosed bipolar for a year now since I was inpatient for severe suicidal thoughts last New Years. I've been working with my doc, tweaking meds all year and have been relatively stable but not necessarily happy. The anniversary of my hospitalization is upon me along with some other stuff, pressures, long stories and I am feeling antsy. Came here to find some support. I don't know anyone else really living and struggling with this disease and least no one who chooses meds. My father and sister both had it but they are gone so it's just me. I lost them before I knew I had it too so no help there. We'll I have rambled enough....the details. I am 41. I am a student about to start my final semester of school and final teaching internship. I have a great hubby but with major rose colored glasses and a beautiful 6 year old who has high functioning autism. Major full plate for me. Hi everyone!

[8abovefalling]

Hi ~ I am new to this forum and have come looking for support, guidance, information and insight; also, giving in return. I have bipolar II, often with mixed states and rapid cycling. Days come and go, my see-saw life of okay and bad, I do have moments of happiness interspersed, along with times of creativity and hope toward a goal or dream; I have dark days when my concentration is far out of reach and I feel anger for no reason and my irritability is high and I feel like I can jump out of my own skin and want to run far away. I can explain my mood swings as simply as this: it's like sitting in the warm sun only to be unexpectedly plunged into ice water. So ~ I am looking forward to all this site has to offer!

[Tr0uble]

Hi,

My name is Bill from and I've just been diagnosed. In the last two years I've lost my marriage of fifteen years, haven't spoken to family for over a yeaq, have no friends left and am rapidly running out of money. Can't even finish my divorce because the thought sends me manic. My carrear as an entertainer has dried up because I'm too scared to answer the phone and spend most of my time avoiding people because, let's face it, who would want to be around me? They said there was a three month waiting list for the local program but that was six months ago and, despite repeated calls, no openings for help. There's not much left to lose. I'll hang on as long as I can. Hopefully there are answers here.

[Fishfood]

Hi!
My name is Danielle. I was diagnosed with bi-polar in 2010. I am sure that I have had it much longer but had been thought of as depression when I was old enough. Before then that was just how I was and no one ever knew different. But with my episode in 2010 there was no denying I was bi-polar. Since then I have had many ups and down. It seems my medication works for awhile then I crash. With the most recent one that happened a few weeks ago being the worse of them. So now I am looking for help and information on what to do so I can keep my crap together. I have three wonderful kids and a husband that I owe it to.

[Tydi469]

I've seen links for a medication education area, you might want to check that out. You may need either adjustments or different meds all together. It's been said that it can take over 5 years to find the right "cocktail" of meds that work for you. And there's so many out there that it's no small feat! Hope you get the help you need & glad to hear you have a support system!! Very important!

[donna450]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Welcome to our forum! Come in and introduce yourself to other members!! This thread is place for new members to get the attention and feedback of the older members, or older members to give more information about themselves. They can discuss diagnosis, treatment or another other topic of their disorder and older members will respond.

I created this introduction thread due to the number of introductions posted on the "Bipolar Chat" sticky. The Bipolar Chat that I lead is now scheduled on Fridays at 9 PM EST. It will cover a variety of topics which will be posted in the chat announcement and outlines will also be posted for those unable to make the chats. The first Friday of the month Wingin'it will lead an open Bipolar Chat. Those will Bipolar are also invited to the Depression Chat on Wednesday at 9 PM EST, but there will be significant overlap in topic.

Hi, my name is Donna. I am 63 yrs old and I have been diagnosed with Bipolar with Rapid cycling back in 1996 but have had the symptoms a long time before that. I've been in many hospitals a couple institutions for as long as a year 2x. And in and out for a week or a month here or there since 1980.
My husband and children at the time of I'm assuming the beginning of my bipolar symptoms my children were 4 & 5. They had to grow up with all the symptoms of anger, demeaning and unnecessary but still it came out. With long periods of depression and then many bouts of mania rolled into sometimes four or five times a day. They haven't really forgiven me even though it was the disease and not me personally doing it, but they couldn't tell the difference. I didn't know what was wrong how could they. My husband stuck by my side through thick and thin. As of today we've been married 45 years. In 1996 after being diagnosed with bipolar rapid cycling. I went into a severe deep depression that I could not climb out of. And this lasted for years. Finally my doctor said nothing else would work that he had tried but maybe shock treatments would. I had 25 over a year and a half and I began to come to the surface and know that there is life out there to enjoy and it was nice to be aware of my surroundings. I have been on 7 psychiatric drugs to keep me stable. I haven't been in a hospital for bipolar for 15 years +. I have had some mania and depression recently and I don't want to go back to that life. So I take my meds as instructed and try to keep up with life as it happens and deal with the problems at hand instead of sinking into the comfortable abyss that I used to live in. I have been good for the most part after coming out of my severe depression but it took all my willpower and the loving care of my husband. Although he had little knowledge at the time of why I was doing what I was doing. Bursts of anger, laughter, sarcasm, hateful remarks, classic bipolar. But today I enjoy my family. No lingering effects except the scars on my girls' minds and hearts. But we're dealing with it. And I have finally come to terms that I can stop apologizing for being sick, when I didn't ask for this. I can now forgive my mom completely for her behavior towards me knowing now that she had bipolar also. So did my older brother. Our girls were adopted as we were unable to have our own children. At least from us bipolar will not be in their future or my grand children, I pray. The most important thing I learned after getting out from under the depression is to forgive anyone that has wronged you. To take your meds and ask questions of your psychiatrist who give you those meds and be honest and upfront when possibly having symptoms arising again. It's doable. A life reasonably free from all the ups and downs of bipolar disorder. Thanks for letting me vent. Donna

[lost&wandering]

Hello 8abovefalling.
I can relate to everything you put here in your post. It brought tears to my eyes. It's a weird feeling to read someones words as if they were typed by yourself. I am new to this site and I dont know anyone who suffers from BP and who can relate to my messy mind. I am here trying to make sense of it all and feel less like a freak if that's possible.
Just wanted to say thanks!
Jen

[kitty_m]

Hi everyone. I have not been diagnosed yet, but I'm thinking I might have some form of bipolar or something similar to it. I have major mood swings, going from anger, depression and paranoia to hypomania (the less sever form of mania I think). I suffer from major paranoia issues, thinking my phone and car are bugged, there are cameras in my house, people are talking about me and people are just out to get me. My hypomaniacal moods aren't so bad. Good, even. I feel invincible and everything that wasn't interesting before, fascinates me. I want to spend money and do drugs and have sex. It's like I think without consequence or something. I don't make a lot of money and one time I spent $200 at the mall on stuff I didn't need, just because. Sometimes when I wake up, I'll think I'm dead. This occurs sometimes during the day too but usually goes away in a little bit. My mood swings change hourly or daily. If I'm having a high mood swing, I am aware I will crash soon.this is putting strains on my relationships and friendships, but I don't want to take medicine. I don't want to load up on a bunch of pills to fix my problems. Im just looking for advice, suggestions and ideas about how to handle this. Thanks for your time!

Sent from my SPH-L300 using Tapatalk

[PrairieCat]

Hi Everybody!

I am PrairieCat in NM, an older female, not 'diagnosed' until I was 55 years old. I joined this website on 11-1-13. If I have BD, it is mild BD II. I have recently asked my new pdoc for an official diagnosis as I feel I never had one, was just in huge depression and tried Lithium, which I am now allergic to. I am now only on two meds, just started Cymbalta Anti-D, 30 mg/day (am stopping Lexapro 20 mg per day) and Alprazolam/Xanax for sleep, 1 mg, also .5 mg for anxiety occasionally, not frequent, though. I am ultra-super-sensitive to all meds, so sometimes just a tiny bit helps but sometimes more helps. We are all so similar but also have our individual differences.

I have been on almost every single PM there is and the mood stabilizers have almost killed me, so I'm not ever going back on one unless it is to save my life. At one time I feel I was overmedicated, taking five meds at a time with no positive results, three of them mood stabilizers. I have also had ECT when I was depressed in my 20's and I've had TMS treatment within the past two years. ECT sucked and TMS was miraculous, did not get rid of my depression, but woke up my brain in a wonderful way, also cured my Fibromyalgia! Now I am just left with Scleroderma/Raynaud's Disease. Whoa, it's always something!

I also have a new fantastic therapist who is, for the first time, letting me talk about my childhood, mother, upbringing. That's when and where my troubles started, of course. Past therapists have not allowed that! I guess it depends on what methods they are trained in. I may go broke paying for this therapy, but I hope not. New T is checking into whether I am being billed properly, thank goodness.

I am right now happy and feeling better each day. Since joining this website, I have learned so much! You are all so wonderful, also funny and lovely people, lovable, too. Everyone is lovable, even if they don't think that today. Thank you for being there for me.

Love to All,
PrairieCat

[grunowg]

I need help with this it hard everyday please help from greg

[Beepee]

Appreciate everyone's experiences here. I have done lots of therapy over the years and don't beat myself up with negative thoughts anymore. I have learned to take better care of myself. Now accepting my diagnosis even though I was diagnosed in 2002. Looking forward to making friends here.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[krazykickboxer]

Hi guys!
I am new to this forum! Just wanted to introduce myself and tell you about my background story.
I am a 22 year old recent graduate from Chicago. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II a year and a half ago after I graduated. I have been having symptoms of depression and mania since I was 15 years old because of a trigger but thought it was major depression. I was given an antidepressant during my senior of college which induced a mixed episode. I have always had emotional problems and before I sought counseling (I have gone through 3 so far and still actively searching for the right one) I was having issues of bipolar, depression, anxiety, bulimia mixed with anorexia, self-harm, and trying to cope with alcohol and drugs, self-esteem & confidence isssues, childhood emotional, physical, and childhood sexual assault issues (PTSD? not sure because I was having body memories). I had social phobia especially being around older men. I went to a social worker who recommended a psychiatrist to me. I am currently on lamictal and celexa and lorazapem as needed. Still trying to accept my condition and am thinking I might have borderline for some reason; however, I did stop my meds at one point and had a breakdown. Currently I have a part-time job and recently had an interview with NYU for a grad school program and I have mixed feelings about. Anyways, enough of me-I like to know more about you guys! thanks for sharing your experiences-it takes a lot of courage and it makes me feel a lot better that I am not alone fighting this disorder,

*hugs*
-krazykickboxer

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[MellieIsMe]

Hi Everyone,
I was diagnosed with Bipolar II two days ago and am tying up my beginner shoelaces, ready to do some learning! I also have a spot of PTSD and social anxiety just to round things out. I have lots of questions but from trawling through the threads here, I know I'll find (and hopefully one day offer) lots of help and support. I'm sure I'll come to terms with this diagnosis at some stage right!

[minerva2014]

I'm Minerva and I hate my job.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Bipolarginger]

Hi, I'm 37 and have bipolar 1 with personality disorders. It's been a lifelong battle and I've never truly known what peace is. My first suicide attempt occurred when I was 11 with other numerous attempts along the years. I was first diagnosed with bipolar at the age of 19. I didn't want to believe it and denied it for years. Life has been a roller coaster and there's no way off the ride. I'm never understood by the people that are in my lives. Even on medication, my life is still in turmoil. I've been on so many different medications and I may get some relief but it only lasts for a short period of time. I'm so tired and feel so alone.