[Alokin]

Hello all! I am new here! I am excite to get to know you all and make new friends!! I hope you are doing well today!

[Jcon614]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Welcome to our forum! Come in and introduce yourself to other members!! This thread is place for new members to get the attention and feedback of the older members, or older members to give more information about themselves. They can discuss diagnosis, treatment or another other topic of their disorder and older members will respond.

I created this introduction thread due to the number of introductions posted on the "Bipolar Chat" sticky. The Bipolar Chat that I lead is now scheduled on Fridays at 9 PM EST. It will cover a variety of topics which will be posted in the chat announcement and outlines will also be posted for those unable to make the chats. The first Friday of the month Wingin'it will lead an open Bipolar Chat. Those will Bipolar are also invited to the Depression Chat on Wednesday at 9 PM EST, but there will be significant overlap in topic.

I am trying to figure out how to post. This probably won't go through, but I am trying. I am new here. My name is Jill. I am going to end this to see if it goes through. If someone could help me I would be most appreciative. Thanks!

[Alokin]

Looks like you did ok Jill! Welcome!

[Jcon614]

Originally Posted by Alokin

Looks like you did ok Jill! Welcome!

Thanks!!! Alokin

[BPPrincess]

new here, just looking for some support. Diagnosed about a month ago with Bipolar 2, this did not come as a surprise as I knew for years but was in denial.
On lamotrigine with a slow increase in dosage, so we shall see how this all pans out.

[Alokin]

Originally Posted by BPPrincess

new here, just looking for some support. Diagnosed about a month ago with Bipolar 2, this did not come as a surprise as I knew for years but was in denial.
On lamotrigine with a slow increase in dosage, so we shall see how this all pans out.

Welcome! Everyone here is very nice and supporting! I hope you have as good of luck with lamotrigine as I have, probably saves my life!

[unbroken94]

Hi everyone! I'm a freshman in college and I have not yet been diagnosed bipolar but I have a lot of the signs and symptoms especially mania and depression. I started having manic episodes in my junior year of high school at the age of 16 and they got worse during my Senior year. I'm seeing a psychologist next week hopefully the lady will give me some answers.

[PrairieCat]

Originally Posted by teresapooh98

Hi all,
My name is teresa and I was officially DX with Bipolar in 2007 when i was hospitalized and even when i got out my old pdoc thought it was just major depression but the old pdoc had me change to my new pdoc so i could see him on the outside as well as in the hospital. With that new dx I was finally hoping to get on the right meds but it took 4 years and a new pdoc that does therapy too to get my on the right meds. Last year I was hospitalized every month and for the last three months i have actually been stable. I just started driving again after not driving for about 6 months because of my illness and afraid of getting into another accident. Hope to keep stable for many more months to come. I have been a member here awhile but haven't posted much or gotten to know people but i hope to change that.

Hey, TeresaPooh,
CONGRATULATIONS!
I'm new, too! I was dx'd 16 years ago - by my daughter initially and then by docs. I'm still here.
PrairieCat

[PrairieCat]

Originally Posted by jmiles312

Hi. My name is Janice and I was diagnosed with clinical depression about 6 years ago and then bipolar 5 years ago. Six months previously to being diagnosed with depression I got sober. The first 1 ½ years I had a lot of rapid cycling. From that time on I was on disability 6 months - worked 6 months until I went on long term disability 2 years ago last March. Since January nothing seems to be working and have been hospitalized once. My doctor and I are once again playing the med game and I am very much a part of this process. I get very frustrated with this disease.

Hi Janice,
Playing the med game is what we must do. Yes, it is so frustrating at times. I am going off of Lamictal right now because of itching and rash side affects. One gets so very tired of this but one must do it. Congrats on getting sober. I quit smoking for one year but just started again due to awful family negativity (two sisters who may have their own mental health problems) and grandson having a serious drug problem, all which equaled way too much stress. I cannot take more antidepressant. I have been on disability since age 55 and am now on SS, which is what disability changes to when you get older. It's only a name change, not $ change.
It's difficult. How are we to deal with a broken brain when our brain is already broken? I think that bipolar patients are some of the most courageous people on the planet! That goes for everyone here.
PrairieCat

[PrairieCat]

Originally Posted by johnf22881

I'm John and I am 30 years old. My life has been complete hell for over 10 years. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a little over 10 years ago. I cannot keep a job because I just quit for one crazy reason or another. I have gotten multiple DWIs and don't have a license currently. I don't have or want any friends because I am pretty antisocial. Yet, I am in a relationship with this girl, who I just got pregnant (an wanted to at the time, terrible judgement), and now I have zero interest in her and continuously think and picture every single fault she has. I have cheated on every girlfriend I've ever had and don't know why. Sooner or later I find something wrong with every girlfriend, so far, that disgusts me. I use drugs more often than not and would say I have a problem with drugs, alcohol, gambling, and the like. I am a liar. I have stolen from family and friends. I have had my fair share of legal problems. I have obsessive thoughts about all types of stuff and can't make them stop, and most of the thoughts are worries. One minute I feel like I can do anything and then I feel I can do nothing the next. My grandfather just had a stroke. He was like the dad I never had. I have gone to see him in the hospital a few times, but I feel like I don't care and that absolutely kills me. For the last few months, or more, I have barely left the house. I pretty much have no interest in anything. I need to get a job because I got fired about 5 months ago. I have worked at this place for about 5 years, but quit the same place 11 times in that 5 years. I was a finance director at a car dealership, but want nothing to do with sales anymore. I have absolutely no idea what to do for work or with life anymore. I can't even figure out what I like anymore.

That is my story, the brutal truth of it.

Yes, I am on medication and don't feel like any of the medications I have been on have ever helped.

So talk to your doctor about this, John. Many of us have been where you are. The doctor is the key to fixing what's wrong. If he/she doesn't listen, find a new one. Also try to find a counselor to talk to about all of this. We all need a live person to listen to us and to believe us.

PrairieCat

[Jcon614]

Originally Posted by PrairieCat

Hi Janice,
Playing the med game is what we must do. Yes, it is so frustrating at times. I am going off of Lamictal right now because of itching and rash side affects. One gets so very tired of this but one must do it. Congrats on getting sober. I quit smoking for one year but just started again due to awful family negativity (two sisters who may have their own mental health problems) and grandson having a serious drug problem, all which equaled way too much stress. I cannot take more antidepressant. I have been on disability since age 55 and am now on SS, which is what disability changes to when you get older. It's only a name change, not $ change.
It's difficult. How are we to deal with a broken brain when our brain is already broken? I think that bipolar patients are some of the most courageous people on the planet! That goes for everyone here.
PrairieCat

Do you think that getting sober had anything to do with the BP diagnosis? I was only sober for a month before I was soft-diagnosed with possible bipolar.

[Mkessna]

Originally Posted by Alokin

Hello all! I am new here! I am excite to get to know you all and make new friends!! I hope you are doing well today!

Hi hope u ok Hun

[absurd]

I wish I were here to help offer support to others struggling with their bipolar issues, but I think I'm here to share my story and learn more about others to help feel...normal, I guess?

I'm a 28 year old female and I've been diagnosed Bipolar type 2 for about 2 years now. Before I found my current doctor who was willing and able to look at my entire history rather than my current frame of mind, I was diagnosed throughout various times of my life with depression, anorexia, depression, and depression again. Of course all of those elevated periods in between were viewed as the more wild, productive, fun, outgoing, and slutty "phases" in my life, so why seek help out of that, right?!

I have a days-of-the-week pill organizer so I can keep track of my Effexor XR, Lamotrigine, risperadol, ambien, and klonopin because I think we can probably all relate how overwhelmingly ****** it feels to miss a dose or accidentally double up. Though it is embarrassing that every employee at my pharmacy immediately heads to the pick-up bin when they see me coming because they see me so frequently that they don't have any need to ask/verify my name and date of birth...I have to say that the last 2 years have been the most stable and overall fantastic continuous time of my life. Still though, I'm struggling.

Despite my regimen of medications, I'm undoubtedly on a manic upswing right now and it's kicking my ***. I don't really feel like getting too into it right now but I thought I'd introduce myself and start reading more about everyone on here. Thanks for reading.

I have no idea how to work a forum chat so...here it goes!

[choocha]

Yay Absurd. I'm glad you have improved over the last two years and that you are compliant with your meds. Sorry you are having an upswing rith now (if that is a bad thing for you). Fingers crossed for no crash after. Nice to meet you Absurd, I hope to see you in chat.


Hey everyone. Just an update on me, as I just read my original post and things have changed since then.
It's now been 2 years since I joined PC. I have many friends and really enjoy posting my poetry on Creative Corner and participating in live chats.
Back then I was dx'd with BP2. That dx has now been changed to BP1, because of the length of my episodes and because I'm now having full-blown mania's, instead of solely hypomania's. This really scares me because I'm having less hypomanic ep's, which I kinda really enjoyed. I'm also terrified that my condition is worsening, and that I will soon be delusional.
I'm currently on Zeldox and Pristiq, which seem to be working pretty well at the moment. I'm still not back to what I call my normal self, but I'm not suicidal either and am pretty able to control my emotions and behaviours. So, Yay about that! I was unemployed when I joined here. I now have a full-time job, which I'm managing to be fairly reliable for (a few sickies here and there).
I no longer feel like I'm drowning; more like floating along, with occasional periods of doggy-paddling. I'm no longer desperate for someone to talk to because I know I have many friends on here. I now get my self-esteem from helping people on here. I'm very rarely the depressed person in chat looking for support; I'm actually the person giving support. So that says a lot I think.
I'm still single, so still not quite ready to trust again yet. But I did put myself on a singles dating site recently. I don't know if I'll get up the nerve to meet anyone, but maybe I might.
I now live with my sister, who I get along well with, we are very close. So that has helped with me isolating myself. I now permanently have compnay and someone checking on me and my well-being. I'm not used to it and it annoys me sometimes, but it is good for me.
She has 2 cats, so we now have 2 dogs, 4 cats and 3 guinea pigs living with us. Crazy.
I would like to be able to re-establish some friendships in real life, so that is a goal of mine. It is hard though because the only people I come into contact with are my sister, my clients and my workmates.
Other than that, I'm not as far along as I would like to have been but I have to give myself credit because I have come a long way, and I haven't given in to my conditions.
I loved reading all of your posts. It's nice to meet you all. I hope to see you in chat sometime. All the best with everything.
If anyone is bored, lonely, and needs a friend; feel free to leave a msg on my board or pm me. I am a friendly and helpful person. Take care xo

[choocha]

Dear Jcon. I think that 1 month sober is brilliant, but it is not quite long enough to properly dx you. Looking at your recent patterns and behaqviours ie over the last 12 months would be greatly influenced by your binges and using habits. I don't know what your drug of choice was but any substance bandaids or masks your true feelings and behaviours. Only 1 month is not long enough to see a pattern. Thye could start treating you for the symptoms you currently have but they should hold off and monitor you for a period of time befire making a dx like BP.
Good luck. Keep us posted about your progress. All the best.

[BPandMe]

Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed with BPI -1/2 (yes, They are on the fence about BPI or II. I have had two hospital visits. The diagnosis came from my last vist this past August. After a ten year roller coaster of a life, at least I have a reason for it. Today, I am glad to say that I have accepted myself as having BP, but remain "in the closet", not wanting anyone to know. I am realizing that this isn't a healthy way to live. I desperately need to share with others who actually understand how it feels to have BP. Looking forward to making some new friends, offer support, and become the best person that I can be.

[koda59]

Hi I am new here I have had this my entire life and never knew it I am 54 now and found out when i went to the doctor about maybe having ADHD. I am in college and was having a difficult time with anatomy, when he said bipolar i almost fell over. You see when I filled out my papers I did not put family history since i was adopted. I did meet my biological family a few times, and completely forgot my father has it BINGO!
I can not believe they did not include this in my adoption records, I was terrible and honestly I did not mean to be. I remember coming home from school one day and falling asleep my mother woke me and I was talking crazy, she rushed me to the family Dr. whom was a D.O. not good the next thing i remember after falling asleep was looking down at my shoes and wondering how i got here and why the doctor was telling my mother i was on drugs. I was 10 years old and had never seen drugs but my mother believed him and not me after that point i was the devil because of this idiot doctor, i soon made it true by 13 i was smoking pot regularly cig. and popping acid there is not many drugs i haven't tried.
I would sleep for 24 hours without waking my mother could not wake me for school i had people throw ice water on me and would NOT wake up. I grew up thinking this was norm it was not untill i had my daughter that i could wake easily, and when she was born I stayed awake and felt on top of the world for 4 days straight no sleep, i thought i was just excited and it was normal. I had 2 sons later in life when i was 34 and 38 my oldest son would sleep for 3 or 4 hours a night and after about 6 days he would sleep 12 hours I complained to doctors they claimed he was just a active little boy, it was draining me i could barely go, i never got any sleep, both of my sons have bipolar my youngest is borderline right now with ADHD like myself. Did I mention I have I and II? After leaving their father I met a man and began a relationship that lasted for 5 years, my X had hep C so i had been tested yearly and I left in 2000 in 2001 i was negative not thing anything of it I began menopause which really kicked the bipolar in (it was horrible) I gambled I lost my nice home in Fl on the beach and my boyfriend gave me hep C I was devastated to say the least, i moved bought a house i could not afford and traded for my house at the beach took out loans i could not pay back and ended up losing a home that was worth 450k i had nothing and no one but my sons, i packed up and moved to KY for work (according to a friend of mine) there was no work here i had no education only a GED we ended up in a homeless shelter its been a rough life I can tell you that, but i finally found a doctor that did not insist i was depressed I never took meds they would give me they hand them out like candy and it was a good thing I didn't, when i heard bipolar it all fit together it told my entire life I lived it but never ever thought i had it. My children are all in denial i wanted them to get help before they end up waiting their entire life to find out what is wrong.
Bipolar is a strange illness and has so many different symptoms. I was on lamictal and my liver elevated now i am on one that is milder but i honestly see do difference in the way i feel (btw my hair fell out in handfuls with lamictal it is a side effect they do not list) the one i am on now is neurontine it mellows me almost like smoking but not so intense it was made for epeliptic like most of these drugs and it failed. I am on vyvance for ADHD which helps me motivate (my drug of choice was cocaine and actully in moderation it worked well for me i did great but its not legal) so now i have so many things wrong and can not take one med because the hep c makes the bipolar worse i can't take the bipolar meds it hurts the liver???? Sorry this was so long tried to fit it all in I look forward to making friends on here and becoming part of the chat group

[krissydear]

Hello

I'm Krissy. I was diagnosed in 2010 with Bipolar II Rapid cycling. I have been switching doctors for a while now and have experienced varying degrees of diagnosis. I have had 2 doctors tell me I have bipolar rapid cycling, but one that said I am not bipolar but have a mood swing disorder of some sort.

I was on meds but stopped after I developed muscle stiffness and slowly began losing movement. I detoxed with the reluctant help of my doctor, and I don't currently see anyone for therapy or medications.

I decided on my own that the meds were not working and that I could be fine on my own if I was strict about my life (schedule of activities, diet, exercise, etc). I spent two years after my first diagnosis in and out of hospitals and rehab centers. I then spent some time trying to get back into school. I finally was able to transfer into a university and am currently trying to succeed in finishing my bachelors degrees.

I don't see anyone for my bipolar, but I do struggle with it daily. I have a hard time with anxiety and mood swings- I can't drive because of my anxiety and my bipolar makes socializing difficult. I live on campus, but find it to be triggering to the point where I basically commute. I have had a resurgence of anxiety attacks coupled with depression as well as weeks where I am as high as a kite.

My purpose in joining here was to open up my support group and maybe find a way to stay off meds or accept the fact that I just might really need them... I also joined because I am a huge isolater. I am an approachable person, but I don't keep friends easily. It's easier for me to write than speak.

[Jcon614]

Originally Posted by choocha

Dear Jcon. I think that 1 month sober is brilliant, but it is not quite long enough to properly dx you. Looking at your recent patterns and behaqviours ie over the last 12 months would be greatly influenced by your binges and using habits. I don't know what your drug of choice was but any substance bandaids or masks your true feelings and behaviours. Only 1 month is not long enough to see a pattern. Thye could start treating you for the symptoms you currently have but they should hold off and monitor you for a period of time befire making a dx like BP.
Good luck. Keep us posted about your progress. All the best.

Alcohol was the drug of choice

[Demigod46]

Hello. I am new to this forum. I have a blog I where I regularly post things I'm thinking about and feeling as a person who suffers with bipolar disorder. I write this as an outlet for my emotions and a way to help others who deal with it feel validated. Hopefully, when they read what I write, they will know that others go through this up and down dance as well.

Lately, I've been trying to post helpful things I find online as well and that is how I found this forum. I'm so relieved. The unfortunate by product of my online searches has been a great feeling of being totally alone. I have one friend who has bipolar disorder as well, but she moved out of state and we have been growing apart as a result.

It just seems like people who don't have it don't get it. You can try to explain but I haven't yet found someone who was truly sympathetic and willing to stick by me no matter what state I am in.

[Demigod46]

Originally Posted by deprofundis

Morning, all. My name is Rene. This is the first time I've ever considered talking to other people on a message board about my condition, my problems, my ongoing battle with Bipolar I, dissociation/depersonalization, and OCD tendencies. After 7 years of misdiagnoses (and a 2-year stint of intense treatment for Dissociative Identity Disorder, which I didn't have), I was finally diagnosed properly and put on the right medication. I'm a working professional and reasonably stable but with an everyday baseline of lingering depression. My life is empty. I don't do well with people. I've never had a single romantic relationship before, only brief encounters. I feel highly uncomfortable in crowds and around people I don't know. When I'm at work, that's the only time I can keep it fully together -- I literally split, into a different kind of person, to keep super-stable in my job and be able to handle being around other people and deal with my many responsibilities. The moment I walk out of the doors and get into my car to go home, though, this persona drops and I'm often then overwhelmed by exhaustion, irritability, and simmering depression. I don't know where I'm going in my life. I turned 27 this year and, while some people think that's young, considering what I haven't yet achieved or even gotten close to achieving, I feel like a complete failure. No relationship, no further in my chosen profession, no graduate degree, no financial stability, loads of debt from manic spending sprees, etc. On top of all of this, every day I think about the darkness. The days spent locked in my room, completely overtaken by severe, psychotic mixed episodes, filling whiteboards with what I thought was the secret of life itself... cutting, picking, and being self-destructive. Loss of any and all control. And, now, I constantly feel the need, the urge to get it back. To let go. To give up and let myself fall back into the darkness.

I guess I just didn't know where to turn, and so I turned here.

Hi Rene, I'm new here but what you said really moved me. I'm 34, and I went through the same thing you did with the work situation. I was this other person at my job. I was "successful" as far as my career was going but was miserable overall. I quit my job 7 months ago to pursue a lifelong dream of writing. Sometimes I think that my bipolar drove me to doing something that could be viewed as entirely irresponsible. I have 2 children and get only pennies from my ex for child support. I had a good job.

I wish I could say I have some profound response to what you said, but I don't. Just know you're not alone. Sometimes the call of the dark feels like the call of the soft, thick comforter on a very cold day. I just want to hide there and let it take me. Sometimes I do for a little while. Sometimes its easier not to try and be happy but to "enjoy" the depression. When it gets really bad, I look at my kids. If they are at school, I look at their pictures. That's how I remind myself that no matter how bad it is, I always have something to live for because, as I'm sure you know, there are days when I just can't remember any other reason.

You're not alone.

[d20girl]

Hi. I'm new here. I live in Omaha, Nebraska, a city in the middle of the USA. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (originally Bipolar II, but it was later changed to Bipolar I) in the summer of 2001 after my first year of college. Although major episodes seem to crop up now and then, I have found medication and therapy to be extremely helpful in managing it. I seem to be going through a little bit of a rough patch again, so I thought I'd look into finding a forum in order to vent and ask for support. I'm excited to be here.

[Alokin]

Welcome! This is a great place!

[rapidcycledancer]

Hi, I live in the UK and have suffered with bipolar type 1 for just over 13 years. A couple of weeks ago I had a hypo-manic episode, but managed to keep the lid on it before I became fully manic/psychotic. I think I've been suffering a depressed phase for over a year but have managed to fight it through bicycling. I feel 'normal' for a few hours after a ride before the endorphins wear off. I'm seeing my psychiatrist next week to hopefully discuss using an anti-depressant: maybe something like lamotrigine.

I feel like I'm on the edge of an epiphany about my illness, but still it escapes me. I get a lot of comfort from listening to music and I love house. Its message of unity and peace gives me hope for a brighter future.

I've got no close friends and get most of my support from family and a support group I go to once a week called 'The Oasis'. We do things like play bingo and do quizzes, which I would normally find boring, but the group makes it fun and therapeutic. I always leave with a smile on my face.

I love science and nature and am currently trying to get through 'Does God Play Dice?: The New Mathematics of Chaos' by Ian Stewart. I haven't picked it up for a few weeks so may have to start again!

[steelfang]

Hello all. I already introduced myself in the new member's section but thought I would post here too.

I read a lot of threads on this forum and found it helpful to hear about other people's experiences so I don't forget I am not alone. It's nice to have a place to vent/discuss without wearing other people out.

I am a 19 year old college student. I was diagnosed with major depression last fall. Turned out that was only half the story. This past summer, my pdoc sensed that I was getting hypomanic because I was tackling 10 summer units and 3 jobs without being tired and cutting off friendships. She diagnosed me with bipolar 2 and put me on lamictal but I didn't listen to her and thought she was being a pill pusher. I really thought I was cured (grandiose thinking) and quit all meds.

The summer went just fine but I had several intense manic/psychotic episodes during the fall semester because of my heavy workload. The diagnosis changed to bipolar 1. One manic peak was all it took for me to comply, but I ended up having to drop all but one class. As a distinguished student in my college, I feel ashamed and embarrassed but keep telling myself it's not my fault I got sick.

Overall, I am grateful to be treated but I always feel horrible about my noncompliance because I felt like I could have prevented myself from becoming bipolar 1. But then again I feel this disorder is in my genes. This has been a humbling experience for me.

I am very excited to be a part of the community!