[donna450]

Hi all....my depression has kicked in again my mean angry self puts down my husband and I just strike out to hurt. He has learned over the last 30 yrs just to leave me alone walk away and to try not to take all to heart. I use to cut..have many scars on wrists arms stomach..my conclusion to my cutting wasn't to kill myself but to FEEL SOMETHING anything but anger and frustration. I haven't touched a razor blade in many years..I'm afraid I might lose all I've had from being "well" these past 20 years. My grandkids especially. My daughters would in a second keep them from me if I showed signs and think I might do the things I did way back when being hospitalized. It's not their fault but I wish they would realize it wasn't mine either. I hope we all can help each other to deal with our disease as we go through the stages that are so insecure. Be well....be safe!!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

[Asphodel37]

Hello to anyone out there taking the time to read through these intros!

I'm 26 and I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 1.5 years ago. I also have anxiety and ADD on my plate. I've just switched psychiatrists recently and my new doctor is trying out different mood stabilizers with me. I haven't really been manic in a while, and I tend to live in the depression zone.

Bipolar disorder has lead to struggles with school and relationships. My boyfriend is still adjusting to the fact that somedays my biggest accomplishment is taking a shower or getting out of bed. But he's trying. We just got a book called "Loving Someone Who is Bipolar" and we're going to try to do some of the suggested activities together.

As far as school, I was almost dismissed once and I teeter on the edge quite a bit. I work with the campus resource center to get accommodations, but it's difficult with the type of schooling I'm in. I'm just glad that most days I am able to make it in to class…

In my free time, I like to cook and read. I might be slightly obsessed with Harry Potter…

I hope to find support on here and to finally realize that I'm not alone in this.


-Asphodel

[donna450]

Good evening, My husband and I and our 14 yr old granddaughter went out with a church group for dinner at a nice pizza place. It took me awhile to relax and get in the conversation, but not too chatty, just trying to be in a group and not by myself. I did well. Glad it was over, but glad I went. Tonight though feeling down and unsure. I saw by primary this morning and started crying, it just popped out, and she was concerned for my appt. with my psychiatrist. It is soon about 2 weeks from now. I go through this bouts all the time but this depression is the first time in a long time to catch me off guard and put me in a position of real self doubt in this late stage. I want to thank all of you who listen and pray and just for being here for me to vent. Hopefully I'll be a little better tomorrow and pray that I don't sit in the corner of the couch all day wishing I was surrounded by self pity. I don't want that. I want to be strong, self reliant, and happy. You should too and someday you'll reach that goal some sooner than others but it does come. Donna

[Roblovescats]

Let's bring the meeting to order... Let us all say the pledge. I am a nice bipolar disorderly not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image I must first change myself. Fish are friends not food.
Hi I'm Rob. Contrary to popular belief I'm quite miserable. I'm nice and fun to be around but inside I am a big ball of self-loathing.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Beepee]

Originally Posted by Beepee

Appreciate everyone's experiences here. I have done lots of therapy over the years and don't beat myself up with negative thoughts anymore. I have learned to take better care of myself. Now accepting my diagnosis even though I was diagnosed in 2002. Looking forward to making friends here.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think I should have included more info about myself here, but I won't bore you with my life story. I am 54 years old. Have had major recurrent depression since 1991. Started on anti depressant in 1993. Had anxiety since childhood, but did not take anti anxiety meds until 2000. (Benzos, now Buspirone). Diagnosed bipolar in 2002 but did not understand it. Seem to have mania every 5-6 years based on memory of events. Hospitalized twice, once for reaction to geodon, second time depression. Probably lesser mania at other times. Stopped taking mood stabilizer in 2006 or 7. Rediagnosed in January after I realized I had some mania in November. Slid downwards after Christmas. Get depressed every January (must be SAD). In a manic episode I drive my car impulsively, spend money, sleep less, do a lot of projects, irritability, anger. Luckily I don't get hypersexual or do drugs or alcohol. Now I take escitalopram, buspirone, lamotrigine, trazodone. Probably won't know for some time if the lamotrigine is working. Thanks for reading and sharing your experiences. It is helping me understand my own better.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Nightside of Eden]

Hi, all. I know this is an older account, but I really had no idea what was going on with me when I was on these forums the first time.

Anyway, I'm 26 years old and have ultra-rapid cycling Bipolar II and my fiance has rapid cycling Bipolar I. We were both anti-med and generally anti-treatment for a long time. Then on Jan 21st of this year, I 'woke up' from the worst catatonic depressive episode of my life to find my fiance hospitalized for mania with psychosis. I was so far down I didn't even comprehend that the police were at my house, or that he was being taken away. To say that woke me the hell up to the fact we had serious problems would be an understatement. As they say, De Nial is not just a river in Egypt, and denial kills. We're both on meds now and seeking other forms of support, which brought me back here.

[Severa]

Hello

I suppose I should introduce myself here. Dx BP II as of last summer. Not working.....I get too overwhelmed around people and noise etc and melt down. I'm living in Edmonton Canada, with the BF and my cat.

-Sev

[Roblovescats]

I have found as bipolar I that I can't watch the news. The politics of this country is killing me. Aaaaaaaigh! Someone made a political remark in a post here and it was very offensive. Sad thing is that I was in agreement with them on the issue. But they chose to make offensive remarks towards a particular party to which I belong that was off base and hateful. Half our country hates the other half. Where's Lincoln when you need him?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[abipolargirl]

I feel like you described my life. I mean every single bit

[Cskingston]

I'm Cc. I'm 42, married, live in Quebec and have been diagnosed for over 20 years. I'm bipolar 2 rapid cycling symptoms first appeared when I was about 6. I have been on about 40 different meds and combinations over my 20+ years of treatment. The genetic component is very strong in my family-like the force lol. I am very pleased to have found this forum since I live in a rather rural area where discussions of this illness cannot happen due to language and general ignorance toward mental illness

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[donna450]

Cc. I hope you can continue here and with your therapist and doc. Besides family they are the most important people in your life but I've had 40+ years of this insidious disease and everything from a to z pertaining to it. I had found the right mixture of meds and been fairly level for the past 15 years. But have recently found I'm having mania and depression bouts. I see my pdoc tomorrow. She'll probably tweak my meds a little. But this disease is like a cancer it eats away at the foundation of self and self control. You are at it's mercy. Taking meds and understanding the disease helos and also knowing when you are going into mania or depression so you can call pdoc and get help before it gets too bad. Good luck..be well..be safe.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

[Grindstone]

Hi. I'm Grindstone and I think I'm glad to find an online bipolar home. I say "I think I am" because I'm already overloaded and overwhelmed. I'm not sure adding one more item to my To Do list won't send me right over the edge, but my gut's telling me this is the place I need to be and it scares the h**l out of me. I need to simplify my life and have a launch pad and landing pad every day to stay grounded. I become so quickly overwhelmed with 'options' in every aspect of my life, I often paralyzed. When I do make a decision regarding how to manage one aspect of my life, I feel 'guilty' and 'less than' for not choosing another option--as if I'm not entitled to simplicity and decisiveness.

It will take me many posts, I'm sure, to share my situation, so I'll begin in summary format:
1. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2007.
2. I was diagnosed with OCD and depression in 1991.
3. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2013.
4. I had PTSD from the time I was 9 until my late 30s (I'm now 51).
5. I experienced a lot of violence in my family of origin and in junior high and high school.
6. I have been the main source of income for my family since my husband lost his HR job with one of the Big Three in 2008. As a contractor in this economy, I'm constantly being laid off and having to look for work.
7. I have a 10.5 year old daughter (my husband and I married late in life).
8. I'm a recent survivor of brain cancer.
9. My husband's sisters and many members of his family hate me and constantly cause drama. They live nearby, and they're a large Filipino family. I'm English and Sicilian. I told my husband either I'm divorcing him or I'm divorcing his family. He completely supports me divorcing his family.
10. I grew up in the 12 Steps of Recovery. For many years I thought I may be an alcoholic only to discover I'm addicted to food. Not sure at this point whether to focus on the bipolar recovery or the food addiction recovery (or both).
11. I need to find another job, exercise, study for and pass a professional examination, take care of my family, manage my bipolar, etc. No wonder I'm stressed!
12. I recently made the decision not to promise my family anything on the weekends. Weekends are for me to take of me. If I'm up to participating in family activities outside the home I will. If not, too bad. Deal with it.
13. I resent having so much stress and responsibility on my shoulders even though my husband is a huge support. He travels 1 hour each way to work on an automotive line to provide us with excellent benefits. He handles homework with our daughter and extracurricular activities. When I’m working, he plans the meals and does the grocery shopping. I’m truly blessed in this regard.
I’ve read many of your posts and I applaud your honesty and victories. You guys keep it real but also focus on the solution, not just the problem.
Thanks for allowing me to ‘vent’.
God bless,
Grindstone

[bipolarbearinthere]

Hello.

I'm Amber.

I was not so recently diagnosed with PTSD, General Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia and OCD. I was officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2012. It's been a whirlwind ever since. I am actually getting back on medication today...since I decided that getting off medication was fine about 6 months ago (it really wasn't fine. at all.) Now in order to save my health, sanity and relationship I am doing everything in my power to get the help that I need. Joining Psych Central is now part of my daily healing routine.

It's hard for me to make friends...but I am comfortable online so I look forward to not only gaining knowledge and confidence in my diagnosis but also possibly making some online friends on the way.

Hope you all are having a good day.

[Roblovescats]

Mania is going away ... Hope I can stay level for some time. Was depressed other day. I worked all weekend by choice and I think it helped me calm down. I guess i am lucky to be happier at work?

~Sent from Dark Side of the Moon~

[littlemiss1970]

Originally Posted by bipolarbearinthere

Hello.

I'm Amber.

I was not so recently diagnosed with PTSD, General Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia and OCD. I was officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2012. It's been a whirlwind ever since. I am actually getting back on medication today...since I decided that getting off medication was fine about 6 months ago (it really wasn't fine. at all.) Now in order to save my health, sanity and relationship I am doing everything in my power to get the help that I need. Joining Psych Central is now part of my daily healing routine.

It's hard for me to make friends...but I am comfortable online so I look forward to not only gaining knowledge and confidence in my diagnosis but also possibly making some online friends on the way.

Hope you all are having a good day.

Hello Amber...I can relate to you having difficulty making friends. I isolate way to much. I just joined here and am enjoying reading Peoples posts. I too suffer from bipolar, ptsd, anxiety, depression and adhd. I hope you getting back on meds will help you. I'm sure it will. Some days I wish I didn't have to take so many to feel "normal" whatever that means.

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk

[MGrand]

Hello All

I am new to this board and to be honest my diagnosis. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder and ADHD. This has caused tremendous anger and sadness swings that where out of control before i started taking my meds. I have also lost alot because of this all from work to my family.

I am hoping to find more information to get things under control.

[Roblovescats]

The great thing about my friends here is that they don't judge me for showing up in my pjs and ranting about my problems. I always know when I feel down there are hugs waiting for me here. I love this place. I love these crazy people. I feel at home. > group hug <

~Sent from Dark Side of the Moon~

[TheVeronica]

Hey all.

I was formally dx approximately a month ago after spending some time in the psych ward. I had been very, very depressed, so of course my SSRI was increased, which set off the best hypomania. Then the crash happenend, and I almost killed myself.

I have been dx with depression for almost 20 years, with many trials and failures of SSRIs and years of therapy. My sister has BP2 had been concerned for a while that I was being misdiagnosed. She wins! I am currentlly taking Lithium (still subtherapeutic), Prozac, Klonopin and Trazadone. I see a therapist every Tuesday, journal, and cry alot.

Yay BP!

[SundayCometh]

I did go to a therapist but she was telling me I was a freight train out of control. That I need back on my meds and should check in to center for a weekend. Then she tells me that my Psychiatrist is leaving and I will be getting a new one and I think they explained my sitution to he but my old Psychiatrist was women and now its a man and I do not feel comfortable talking to a man about some of my stuff. Especially if its face to face but online would be ok. I just do not like them telling people my issuses because I have not agreed to see him but I am afraid if I tell them anything they will have me put in a hospital and I do not like them and will probly leave the area if they suggest it again but I think they have some keeping a eye on me. I am so freaked and want them to leave me alone and do not make me take my meds because they do not work. I did tell them they did so it would not hurt their feeling but if I was going to get back on my meds they need to be different but they say try them again but I do not want too. Can anyone give any insight on my ramblings because this is the way it is

[Trainwreck54]

Originally Posted by deprofundis

Morning, all. My name is Rene. This is the first time I've ever considered talking to other people on a message board about my condition, my problems, my ongoing battle with Bipolar I, dissociation/depersonalization, and OCD tendencies. After 7 years of misdiagnoses (and a 2-year stint of intense treatment for Dissociative Identity Disorder, which I didn't have), I was finally diagnosed properly and put on the right medication. I'm a working professional and reasonably stable but with an everyday baseline of lingering depression. My life is empty. I don't do well with people. I've never had a single romantic relationship before, only brief encounters. I feel highly uncomfortable in crowds and around people I don't know. When I'm at work, that's the only time I can keep it fully together -- I literally split, into a different kind of person, to keep super-stable in my job and be able to handle being around other people and deal with my many responsibilities. The moment I walk out of the doors and get into my car to go home, though, this persona drops and I'm often then overwhelmed by exhaustion, irritability, and simmering depression. I don't know where I'm going in my life. I turned 27 this year and, while some people think that's young, considering what I haven't yet achieved or even gotten close to achieving, I feel like a complete failure. No relationship, no further in my chosen profession, no graduate degree, no financial stability, loads of debt from manic spending sprees, etc. On top of all of this, every day I think about the darkness. The days spent locked in my room, completely overtaken by severe, psychotic mixed episodes, filling whiteboards with what I thought was the secret of life itself... cutting, picking, and being self-destructive. Loss of any and all control. And, now, I constantly feel the need, the urge to get it back. To let go. To give up and let myself fall back into the darkness.

I guess I just didn't know where to turn, and so I turned here.

I just got here too. My twenties (awhile back) were pretty much trashed by bipolar. I also drank to feel better, not recommended. Getting sober consumed the REST of my twenties. But I turned things around, went to nursing school at 32, and was identified as bipolar 2, which had only recently been identified. There have been lots of med changes since then, but it really is better knowing than not knowing.

[Motown Gal]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Welcome to our forum! Come in and introduce yourself to other members!! This thread is place for new members to get the attention and feedback of the older members, or older members to give more information about themselves. They can discuss diagnosis, treatment or another other topic of their disorder and older members will respond.

I created this introduction thread due to the number of introductions posted on the "Bipolar Chat" sticky. The Bipolar Chat that I lead is now scheduled on Fridays at 9 PM EST. It will cover a variety of topics which will be posted in the chat announcement and outlines will also be posted for those unable to make the chats. The first Friday of the month Wingin'it will lead an open Bipolar Chat. Those will Bipolar are also invited to the Depression Chat on Wednesday at 9 PM EST, but there will be significant overlap in topic.

Hi, I'm new to the Forum . . . I am hoping to learn more about Bipolar and how I can not let it take over my life (at times). I get nervous as to when the nasty "D" will sneak up on me. I want to shorten those depressive episodes and be able to get back on track to live my life. I look forward to meeting others like me and learning together. Thanks much,in advance.... Motown Gal

[Still_Hopeful]

Hi, my name is Amanda. I've had some very negative experiences with being misdiagnosed and treated for general anxiety and depression. My therapist thinks I'm actually Bipolar. The next step is meds. I'm nervous to say the least. Otherwise, I work, am a mom to one amazing child, and I dabble in a few hobbies here and there.

[Bvd13]

Hi! My name is Betsy, and I have been dealing with depression, anxiety, and ocd since I was 11. Currently I am 25 and about 2 1/2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar II. Very new to this and I'm quite scared. Just started Lamictal the day I was diagnosed and up to 100 mg and climbing. I love knowledge and want to learn more about this but also know i am not alone. Mostly i am just scared that life is over and I will never function right, have a job I can stay at, relationship, my own house. Etc... Just trying to make sense of it all.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Preslee.Denton]

Hi, I'm Preslee.

I got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder last year. It's weird for me, because I always wanted a diagnosis, and now that I have one, I don't want it.

My doctor suggested something about Lithium??? I'm a little more than nervous about it. We are currently switching me from Seroquel to Latuda. So far, so good.

Anyone have any good ideas for therapies that actually work?

Thanks

[Hopeful Camel]

Hi, my name is Sandra. I just am learning that I may have Bipolar I, [and it seems right], although I have a lot of other diagnoses. I'm afraid because my mental health has been rapidly deteriorating. No one believes me about what is in my head. I think that I am being judged for not doing everything I am supposed to. I am scared and have no one to talk to. Thanks for listening. I'm actually a nice person.