CCG! I get that too (though alas, "they" do not wait patiently to go one at a time). Seriously annoying indeed. I didn't have the same experience as Nessa. I do take Lamictal, and have for years at full dosage, but don't recall ever having the experience while titrating up (nor later noting any correlation with adjustments). Some have been triggered, some not (at least not discernibly so). I don't know why it happens. I've flipped out badly a few times, so they kind of scare me. (But I also have OCD, and that surely does not help.)

Today was pretty good, but for getting pretty freaked out/worked up about something, then spending the next 4(?) hours taking actions (probably excessive) trying to bring it as under control as it can be. Consequently, didn't get any intended things done. Then a good thing/bad thing. Good: Tackled something electronic which I'd failed at before and had put off for many months to try again. Bad: Started getting really verbally self-abusive, because it still wasn't working out. Good: Was able to walk away. (And shut up, lol.) Soooo, really didn't get anything of substance done, but have been able to ignore this fact, and not care.

I have had the depressive part REALLY bad the last 24-36 hours.
I have been extremely stressed out with my ex...she triggers the worst in me...she triggers all my stress because I never do anything right for her, never do anything in a way that makes her happy.
She just had to share, yet again, how I ruined her life...how me and my issues destroyed her life, her love, her credit (oh yeah, she mentioned her god damn credit score!), her trust...everything. I am the reason anything and everything in her life is bad.

And I wanna ask "is there a prize for that?"

[Gixxer06]

Not a great day....Stopped meds 2 days ago because i felt they were doing no good. But today i was mentally distracted. I was confused, slow, sluggish, and my cognitive functioning was horrible. Might re-start meds today becuase it seems like i am better on the meds than off. The only side effect i cannot handle is restlessness. Don't know what to do

[Darth Bane]

last two days were great... but today was worst.. i went to visit my family for a few days.. as usual my mom was really happy to see me, but then her usual moodiness begun... it began today and i left home immediately... now i am in really bad mood... honestly why do i keep making same mistakes? there was never any need to visit mom... it always turn out like this... i need to learn sometimes... i have headache !!!

[A Red Panda]

Today's been productive!

I have: - written out the timeline for Mental Health Guy. It looks very organized but is still likely leaving loads out. - went to school and started to organize my classroom (I switched to a new room and was waiting for a HUGE shelf to get moved) - organized my binder - wrote out my year plan for next year.

[Moreta]

Today is good. I got my catheter put in my back yesterday and the meds seem to be helping. I'm going back for them to take it out on Thurs. Then I'm going to the chiro on Thurs too. Looking forward to that, cause I feel great after they adjust me.

I was worried about my fish last night b/c he didn't eat. He ate this morning so I was relieved. I forgot to check how warm the tank was this morning, so I'm kinda paranoid about that. Don't want the fish to boil.

[lil_better_everyday]

The scale says no, but I feel like I'm gaining weight. Maybe the scale is broken. Might be the seroquel. I know that's the reason it takes me two hours and a pot of coffee to feel halfway coherent. Kinda wanna try a meds change. I dunno this seems to be working moods wise. Can't talk to pdoc till August anyway. Might be time for the coffee, ciggs and water diet. Food is just one of the last things I truly enjoy.

Feeling very 'meh' today. Slightly on the downside, but not terribly.

[SingDanceRunLife]

Originally Posted by lil_better_everyday

The scale says no, but I feel like I'm gaining weight. Maybe the scale is broken. Might be the seroquel. I know that's the reason it takes me two hours and a pot of coffee to feel halfway coherent. Kinda wanna try a meds change. I dunno this seems to be working moods wise. Can't talk to pdoc till August anyway. Might be time for the coffee, ciggs and water diet. Food is just one of the last things I truly enjoy.

Feeling very 'meh' today. Slightly on the downside, but not terribly.

Are you on IR or XR? Because switching to the other version might help. I don't think I ever noticed a difference between the two other than I could tolerate a higher dose of XR and IR made me sleep faster/better.

/questioning

My day today was great! I woke up, went to my first day of work which was awesome despite the lack of AC in the store making it about 80 degrees F inside since it was about 93 outside which is super hot working conditions. Then I saw my pdoc and I was able to discuss my situation with work and living and whatnot and of course, meds which she thankfully approved to stay the same for now even though we both want to change some thing when things and I am more stable. And she had also just gotten off the phone with my T and she will be in touch with my nutritionist as well so they'll make a good cohesive team which I'm happy about. The only thing that sucks is for insurance purposes...my old pdoc had me labeled as BP II, and my current one is labeling me as BP I. Oh well. Such is life.

All seems to be back in check...for now.

[A Red Panda]

Today's been another productive day!

I did some more organizing in my classroom (it's set up now, and things are in the right areas, just need to full-out organize it which I'll work on later this week), I did the dishes at home, I spent a few hours volunteering at a fundraiser, and I did my grocery shopping!

Now I'm just chilling, and trying to relax before tomorrow. Also, my tattoo has finally started to get a bit itchy on its own. But it's peeling so hopefully that'll be done soon!

Got my second appointment with Mental Health Guy tomorrow. I'm rather just all over when I think about it, because I don't want to have to explain how much of a trigger he hit last week. And I am worried about his response to just how organized and thorough I was with setting up my binder (seeing as he gave me all those little booklets I figured it needed organized.. so it is very organized now) and it's ok if my friends tell me I'm being a bit OCD (because goodness knows I have heard that a lot) but I don't want to hear it from him. And I don't want to go over all the sheets of stuff he had me fill out. Yeah. I'll do it all but goodness knows I don't want to!

[manicdepressive07]

Today was good

Went to the gym for the 3rd day in row, (Woo whoo!) Trying desperately to burn off the extra weight I gained since I was put on Saphris. Recently made the switch from Saphris to Geodon which has been working great! I'm really hoping I lose weight since I made the med switch and I'm working out and eating better. We'll see!

[Nessa213]

Bah. I was decently productive, but only because I had to force myself to be so. I hate Tuesdays. A lot.

It's a legit belief of mine that Tuesdays are cursed. I actually avoid making doctor's appointments on Tuesdays if I can help it.

At least tomorrow's Wednesday. And ginormous spiral of suck that is known as Tuesday will be over. So that's something to look forward to.

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by Moreta

Today is good. I got my catheter put in my back yesterday and the meds seem to be helping. I'm going back for them to take it out on Thurs. Then I'm going to the chiro on Thurs too. Looking forward to that, cause I feel great after they adjust me.

I was worried about my fish last night b/c he didn't eat. He ate this morning so I was relieved. I forgot to check how warm the tank was this morning, so I'm kinda paranoid about that. Don't want the fish to boil.

good to hear all that, Moreta. Hub wants to start fish tank, marine style, I wanna start a little simpler. Already have several other critters I love. They're awesome!

[gary290]

I was on vacation for 2 weeks and that was great - relaxing. But back to work since Monday. Overwhelming depression and hopelessness. I just don't know what to do. I use coping skills - CBT - cognitive reframing - gratitude list, etc. Maybe it's just a normal adjustment to getting back to work...I don't know. Since I stopped taking the risperdal, my moods have been more noticable...mainly irritable or very depressed. Just feel so messed up psychologically. I hate it.

After a very depressive start to the week, I have not gone hypo as of yet...usually if I get deeply depressed the pendulum swings strong in the other direction but so far its just about centered....and I cannot decide if I am just blindly happy about this or quite suspicious of it.

[A Red Panda]

Gary: as much as I love allll of my vacations and time away, I find that returning to work is always a drag. Vacations can often leave you feeling more exhausted than not because you're so on the go all the time. Bodies need time to recover, and they also need time to readjust to sleeping to your work schedule. That, and unless you ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR JOB most of us would prefer to be somewhere else.

It's perfectly normal to be feeling in a funk now that you're back to work. It'll probably start feeling more normal again after a week or so of being back!

[jadedbutterfly]

Originally Posted by SpiritOfAStorm

After a very depressive start to the week, I have not gone hypo as of yet...usually if I get deeply depressed the pendulum swings strong in the other direction but so far its just about centered....and I cannot decide if I am just blindly happy about this or quite suspicious of it.

I am in the same spot... things aren't "great" but in the middle... feels awkward

[anneo59]

sounds about right! Also, from a former teacher, seems like longer vacay is, sometimes the longer it takes to adjust getting back to work! The best!

[A Red Panda]

Anne: I think because I'm still in my first five years of teaching, I find it the opposite! By the time I go back in September, I'm usually nervous and excited to get to meet the next group of kids! Although I definitely get stressed out and have "back to school" nightmares! haha.

[Chupacabra]

Never checked in... Just wanted to talk about my cycling over the last month & subsequent med changes. Man, I've been all over the map. Was feeling like I was stabilizing then BAM first manic episode in awhile. Lasted a couple of weeks, became dysphoric & felt like I was crashing down. Expected depression to follow soon. Had appt with pdoc & was prescribed latuda. Insurance doesn't cover, so had to get samples & couldn't start for a couple of days (couldn't count on sleep being ok & being ok to work daylight shift the day after starting)... Ok so deep depression didn't come, started it a week ago tomorrow. Not sure where I'm headed now. Rapid cycling between depressed & hypomanic/dysphoric. Seems to be slowing. Next appt is Tuesday, we'll see where I'm at then.

Ok. Just had to get that out to people that understand. Feeling exhausted emotionally, mentally & physically. Hungry for the first time in a while... Hoping to be able to eat & just go to sleep. Sigh.

Officially checked in,
Chupacabra.

[emgreen]

Sorry to hear of your problems, Chupacabra. I've been struggling with sleep lately, too. My pdoc increased my seroquel, but I'm still having trouble getting sound sleep...Because of vivid, disturbing dreams, mostly. I just wish I could eat & get a good night's sleep, too. Does anyone know if there's a correlation between meds & dreams? I'd list all the meds I'm on, but it would be a long & boring exercise.

[comicgeek007]

Originally Posted by emgreen

Sorry to hear of your problems, Chupacabra. I've been struggling with sleep lately, too. My pdoc increased my seroquel, but I'm still having trouble getting sound sleep...Because of vivid, disturbing dreams, mostly. I just wish I could eat & get a good night's sleep, too. Does anyone know if there's a correlation between meds & dreams? I'd list all the meds I'm on, but it would be a long & boring exercise.

I know some antidepressants can cause weird dreams. Both my friend and I had it shortly after starting on Zoloft and Lexapro, respectively

[emgreen]

Thanks for the advice, comicgeek -- good possibility. However, my pdoc took me off lexapro a few weeks ago, as she was worried I was going into a mixed state. I think a big part of my problem is the lack of getting a sound sleep. Dream sleep is no substitute for true unconsciousness.

[A Red Panda]

So! I've been feeling fairly normal the last two days, which is nice because I have been getting rather frustrated with happy one day and crying at nothing the next! So let's hope that keeps up!

Had Appointment Number Two with Mental Health Guy. It went a lot better than the first one as he didn't hit any triggers, and I managed to explain that trigger without breaking right down. We did a few mindfullness things, and the one activity was relatively a bust because I 1) can't keep my eyes closed for the life of me (used my hat as a blocker) 2) spent the exercise attempting not to laugh at how silly I felt 3) didn't do well with keeping my feet uncrossed and flat on the floor as that's uncomfortable and awkward for me and 4) having to focus on how specific parts of my body felt made my tattoo VERY itchy and I had to spend that time NOT scratching it! so... that was sorta a bust, but I gave it a shot. On the plus side, he admitted that he feels awkward reading the meditation because he isn't comfortable reading to others. I offered to switch roles because I'm a-ok with reading to others.

Homework for this time really (and I won't see him for two weeks this time) is that I am supposed to get a little memento thingy and keep it with me for a tactile refocusing.

Which, thinking of it later, I used to do actually. I had this little plastic baby soother (they were "cool" at some point when I was a kid... I only got it as it was tossed into the benches at one of my brother's hockey games) and I kept it in my mitt. My mom threw it out a few years ago and I was pissed off because it was something I used to fidget with all the time.

Also been volunteering at a golfing fundraiser thing. Attempted to do some of the golfing today... and I was spectacularly bad but I had fun with it anyway. haha.

[Nessa213]

I remember when pacifiers were the "it" thing to have! I had quite a few as necklaces. heh (And I think one as a ring too now that I think of it.)

Today was pretty... normal-ish. Whatever that means. I actually kind of enjoyed being social and stuff at work which just about never happens. It could have the been the punk rock/heavy metal soundtrack I had playing in my headphones... perhaps.

It was almost a "I think I might be being a bit TOO social" as my boss kept giving me the evil eye. (Not really... but considering I'm usually at my desk 95% of the time sulking by myself, being up and moving around was probably quite a shock for him to see.)