[Icare dixit]

I'm now in a certain mild mixed state, consisting of different states. We all know the depressed state and the manic or hypomanic, or both, state, or states.

Can you discern, name and describe more states, that are of a mixed, manic, stable or depressed kind?

The name is just a label (maybe a code like A, B, or M1, D3, S2, or a word describing some behaviour or emotion).

The description can be about what you feel, the dynamics, actions/reactions, processes.

Please describe, as much as possible, which actions, reactions, expressions, impressions are useful and which dysfunctional, which are constructive, productive and which counterproductive.

You may also describe states that you haven't experienced, maybe just read about, or that you have experienced only briefly or that you experience infrequently.

These descriptions might help to think about what you experience instead of having what you experience determine what you think. It's a way of maintenance, staying in the moment, to regain a sense of control.

There's more between emotion, sensation, and delusion or expression. The more steps, the easier the climb.

You may reference other threads or quote other posts if that makes things easier.

I'll "live broadcast" my own states as they develop (being in a mild mixed state). But with some delay. I admit it's very difficult.

[Icare dixit]

It may be easiest to start with transitional stages.

Edit:
Having given in it some more thought, it may be easiest if those who want and are able to, to describe your current state and to synthesise, reduce, further categorise and label those.

It may take weeks (months) but it may be of value (to some).

Rationalising the irrational, but with less perceptual distortion.

I'm not sure of the question. Is this what you mean:

A depression I had a few years back was a new state for me. It was near catatonic. Somehow I was able to eat and go to the bathroom, but other than that, I was blank. Every so often I'd come to and howl and cry but then back to nothing and staring. It wasn't pleasant but somehow time passed and I didn't notice much of anything. It was weird. Then I woke up. I was in that state for nearly 6 months.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I'm not sure of the question. Is this what you mean:

A depression I had a few years back was a new state for me. It was near catatonic. Somehow I was able to eat and go to the bathroom, but other than that, I was blank. Every so often I'd come to and howl and cry but then back to nothing and staring. It wasn't pleasant but somehow time passed and I didn't notice much of anything. It was weird. Then I woke up. I was in that state for nearly 6 months.

Yes, that's very useful, that's the idea.

Just maybe give it a (provisional) label. If others experienced something similar we might further reduce to essentials (and possibly broaden it).

Let's maybe call it the "blank depression" stage or something. Maybe later.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I'm not sure of the question. Is this what you mean:

A depression I had a few years back was a new state for me. It was near catatonic. Somehow I was able to eat and go to the bathroom, but other than that, I was blank. Every so often I'd come to and howl and cry but then back to nothing and staring. It wasn't pleasant but somehow time passed and I didn't notice much of anything. It was weird. Then I woke up. I was in that state for nearly 6 months.

I'm not sure, but reading it again I think "catatonic depression" or something might indeed describe it very well, better than just "blank". Or maybe "empty"?

I can relate, but can't describe it. It wasn't really a stable state or as pronounced for me. It's similar, but maybe different. It would depend on other descriptions and what you would agree to as being similar.

[Icare dixit]

Ok, my turn.

There is this mixed state where you express strong beliefs or assessments but you have to rectify them because your beliefs change. Let's call it the "delusional-rectifying-expressive mixed state".

There are non-expressive delusional and (non-)expressive with uncertainty/confusion/complexity/inexpressible variants.

Edit:
There can be different cycle lengths. Maybe if you can't rectify something it's no longer a mixed state and you can only do something new or do nothing, having failed beyond repair.

It might just be that confusion and delusion just quickly alternate, where sometimes the confusion is more prominent and at other times the delusions.

[Pikku Myy]

I do not believe I have had stages of BP1. To me its just part of what I am - life. It happens. Often good and sometimes very difficult. We are all different

[raspberrytorte]

I don't know. I can't even discern what is happening to me right now. I just have wrong/angry feeling phases, really inspired phases, and down feeling phases.

Though there's more to them than that I suppose.

I'm just lousy at identification. lol

[Icare dixit]

I had this "this is such a great idea, this is easy, clear as day and I'm very stable so it must be a great idea and easy and we should really do this" probably mildly manic state. It was rather non-affective, though.

It followed a "I can't keep this up, angry and irritable, overbearing, self-conscious" (latent) "preparing in the wings" depression stage. More (clearly) affective.

That followed a "steam ahead knowingly disrespectfully because what I have to say is extremely important and you should understand that" manic state. There is an unknowing alternative type.

That followed a "completely self-fulfilment and satisfaction, marvelling, ecstatic" stage.

Now, I'm just tired. Fearful of being tired. I fear it a little or rather think it's bad.

The manic stages have this oneness part which is as strong as the mania severity. I think that manic me is right: we are all different, but also the same, so there are specific states we share beyond just stability, mania and depression.

Edit:
There is a slowly emerging depression, slowly emerging and collapsing depression and a post-mania instant collapse state.

The is an "everything is different" depression and "everything is old an the same" depression stage.

There is an "everything is new and different, I'm part of something special" mania state. Also an "all the same, nothing special" mania variant.

As ElsaMars said, but maybe brought back to essentials, otherwise just an overlapping/similar state I experienced: an "absent, less/not aware, in the moment, not feeling, empty, understimulated, avolition" (SZ-like) depression stage. There is a manic variant, but it's "highly aware". I think hallucinations are common (in my situation, but it may not be essential; maybe creating more, twice as many, variants).

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I don't know. I can't even discern what is happening to me right now. I just have wrong/angry feeling phases, really inspired phases, and down feeling phases.

Though there's more to them than that I suppose.

I'm just lousy at identification. lol

Is the wrong/angry state one of hyper-vigilance, do you feel there's something wrong with how you feel, or more of a undirected dread/paranoia, more overwhelming state?

[Icare dixit]

There is this "I'm not depressed, I just like doing nothing but sleep, denial, anxious imagining doing something" state.

I'm now in it, but it's very mild (also in nature, regardless; not the worst state to be in).

If anyone recognises any of these, please let me know. Any inessentials or nuances are important.

We're very much the same. Don't go all exceptionalist. No need for self-affirmation. That's so... normal, common, banal.

[Icare dixit]

There is a "I'm stable but still not in control, this is confusing, rising anxiety, anger expression, I want to destroy everything, "The Joker", sometimes borderline antisocial, sometimes depressive" stability state.

Woke up three days in it. Had a few evenings being in it. Mostly before going really, mildly mixed.

[Icare dixit]

Maybe it's useful to give every experience, changing/synthesising descriptions as needed, a "commonality" score and then a code based on that and maybe a one-word descriptive name. Scores are based on how many of us share the same experience.

It's might become a bit of a dimensional and possibly categorical taxonomy. It can keep you busy when you need distraction, coming up with descriptions.

Basically, both the process of creation and the result can be therapeutic.

Maybe it's best to describe the exact dynamics and what you can do to counteract problematic states, go quickly through a stage or maintain and reverse one, later, after having stable, a reduced number of conceptually reduced, stages/states/steps.

It's actually quite easy.

[raspberrytorte]

I can tell when you're getting a little manic, icare. Your posts start to get really complicated and maybe not make a lot of sense. I'm sorry. lol

[violetgreen]

Maybe someone can tell me if this is a BP state, or something else. For some weeks, maybe months, I have the physical sensation of having an ocean inside of me, building pressure, noise, reverberations. Weird and I also have to watch my feelings of irritability and anxiety during an episode. Yesterday this started at a coffe shop while listening to live Irish music, eating a muffin, and drinking decaf, went on for a couple of hours. Anyone else knows what I'm talking about?

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

Is the wrong/angry state one of hyper-vigilance, do you feel there's something wrong with how you feel, or more of a undirected dread/paranoia, more overwhelming state?

I'm having a wrong situation right now. I should try to explain what this is like without saying wrong or not right.

However, there isn't anything wrong with the way I feel. I just feel wrong! My very being feels wrong right now!

I feel unfocused (not literally. My mind does!), off key, off kilter, not right...

Damn it! I used not right!

I can't explain this feeling!! But it's the feeling I can't handle! And when I try explaining it people look at me like I have two heads!

I FEEL ****ED!

(Husband: what does that mean? can you elaborate? what do you mean you feel wacked? lol!)

Hypervigilant. That's a nice word. Dread, also nice. Anxiety is also nice.

I also have this internal frenzied feeling, which I also can't really explain (you'd think I'd be better at this! haha).

I have these obsessive thoughts. ALL DAY LONG!!! Same things. It drives me crazy. If I could just not think for five minutes, but really, who can do that? I can't even do that when I feel right.

I don't know. Thinking about this is giving me a headache.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I can tell when you're getting a little manic, icare. Your posts start to get really complicated and maybe not make a lot of sense. I'm sorry. lol

Yes, but this is different. It's mildly mixed. I know when I'm manic in this state, so I can compensate for that a bit. But I'm not always aware. Things escape my grip. But it's also constant reappraisal and uncertainty. With warning bells.

It used to be depression with mixed features but now it's mania with mixed features. Something like that.

But thanks for the warning.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I'm having a wrong situation right now. I should try to explain what this is like without saying wrong or not right.

However, there isn't anything wrong with the way I feel. I just feel wrong! My very being feels wrong right now!

I feel unfocused (not literally. My mind does!), off key, off kilter, not right...

Damn it! I used not right!

I can't explain this feeling!! But it's the feeling I can't handle! And when I try explaining it people look at me like I have two heads!

I FEEL ****ED!

(Husband: what does that mean? can you elaborate? what do you mean you feel wacked? lol!)

Hypervigilant. That's a nice word. Dread, also nice. Anxiety is also nice.

I also have this internal frenzied feeling, which I also can't really explain (you'd think I'd be better at this! haha).

I have these obsessive thoughts. ALL DAY LONG!!! Same things. It drives me crazy. If I could just not think for five minutes, but really, who can do that? I can't even do that when I feel right.

I don't know. Thinking about this is giving me a headache.

If you could explain it, it wouldn't be irrational or insane. We're so much beyond that rational nonsense. Will write more later (if I don't forget: I wish, as it is). I need to be overactive for a bit, anxiety relief.

[Icare dixit]

"high anxiety, I don't know where this going, recognising past depression and mania, afraid of more instability, no concentration, anger and irritability building" stage.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I'm having a wrong situation right now. I should try to explain what this is like without saying wrong or not right.

However, there isn't anything wrong with the way I feel. I just feel wrong! My very being feels wrong right now!

I feel unfocused (not literally. My mind does!), off key, off kilter, not right...

Damn it! I used not right!

I can't explain this feeling!! But it's the feeling I can't handle! And when I try explaining it people look at me like I have two heads!

I FEEL ****ED!

(Husband: what does that mean? can you elaborate? what do you mean you feel wacked? lol!)

Hypervigilant. That's a nice word. Dread, also nice. Anxiety is also nice.

I also have this internal frenzied feeling, which I also can't really explain (you'd think I'd be better at this! haha).

I have these obsessive thoughts. ALL DAY LONG!!! Same things. It drives me crazy. If I could just not think for five minutes, but really, who can do that? I can't even do that when I feel right.

I don't know. Thinking about this is giving me a headache.

Maybe alienated is the word. I do feel it now. It must've been transmitted through your writing. Really, maybe. Ok, I had that, but now it's worse. Thanks.

What obsessive thoughts?

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

Maybe alienated is the word. I do feel it now. It must've been transmitted through your writing. Really, maybe. Ok, I had that, but now it's worse. Thanks.

What obsessive thoughts?

Haha. Sorry!

Well, I guess they're different each day. Mostly I'll think in my mind what I want to write, as in actually writing it, over and over and over again, followed by mantras like IT'S NOT REAL IT'S NOT REAL ITS NOT REAL, YOU'RE JUST ****ED, KEEP IT TOGETHER KEEP IT TOGETHER KEEP IT TOGETHER!, DON'T TALK DON'T TALK, and randomly, out of no where and without me thinking it, I'M HERE.

Yeah, annoying.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by violetgreen

Maybe someone can tell me if this is a BP state, or something else. For some weeks, maybe months, I have the physical sensation of having an ocean inside of me, building pressure, noise, reverberations. Weird and I also have to watch my feelings of irritability and anxiety during an episode. Yesterday this started at a coffe shop while listening to live Irish music, eating a muffin, and drinking decaf, went on for a couple of hours. Anyone else knows what I'm talking about?

Maybe you describe it too figuratively for me to fully understand the experience. I know it must be difficult not to, but maybe you could elaborate.

I sometimes (like now) feel like I'm swimming/floating almost drowning, in an ocean but I can't imagine it being inside me (though in my mind as in a flight of ideas or confusion, but not as a more bodily sensation).

[Icare dixit]

"dysphoric mania" stage.

Is this a mixed or a manic state? I'd say manic, but I'm not really sure. If mixed, how is it different from a typical quickly-alternating mixed state?

Another one would be a "race condition" mixed state, like a dog chasing its tail subconsciously. Pseudo-stable with more or less anxiety. Not the worst: bit slower alternations are worse, probably, but less preoccupying the mind. The slower, the worse the anxiety up to a point (when there is more awareness of one's mood state).

Edit:
Then there is agitated depression. Much like dysphoric mania, but severe depression, would you agree? Both can be outwardly directed or undirected. Anger or anxiety. Irritability as intermediate. Not like a mixed state. Hypersensitivity, not hypervigilance.

[violetgreen]

I haven't ever heard anyone describe physical sensations from bipolar disorder. Once last summer I missed taking my lamectal doses all day until after 9:00pm. I had physical sensations like I'm having now, intermittently during the day. But, I'm on Seroquel now.

So, I'm feeling something like fluctuating inner pressure, jitteriness, physical anxiety not thoughts, sounds change like I'm in an echo chamber. When that's going on its harder to follow conversation, and I'm reactive and irritable. Thanks for asking what I mean, since figurative descriptions hit the meaning for me, but usually no one else. So, is this hypo? It's not blood sugar since I used my husband's equipment to check that. Not blood pressure, that's stable.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by violetgreen

I haven't ever heard anyone describe physical sensations from bipolar disorder. Once last summer I missed taking my lamectal doses all day until after 9:00pm. I had physical sensations like I'm having now, intermittently during the day. But, I'm on Seroquel now.

So, I'm feeling something like fluctuating inner pressure, jitteriness, physical anxiety not thoughts, sounds change like I'm in an echo chamber. When that's going on its harder to follow conversation, and I'm reactive and irritable. Thanks for asking what I mean, since figurative descriptions hit the meaning for me, but usually no one else. So, is this hypo? It's not blood sugar since I used my husband's equipment to check that. Not blood pressure, that's stable.

The echo chamber thoughts are a hallucination, arguably illusion, and not uncommon (not just for those with SZA–SZ I think, but I'm not sure; many hallucinations might be experienced by those without any psychotic disorder). If you experience it often you may have some physical problems causing it or it's "just" (functionally) psychotic and an antipsychotic might be worth trying.

The anxiety may underlie a hallucination, but maybe the two are completely separate.

Anxiety can be caused by hypomania. All other things that you describe are probably that or depression (but as you say it's more like hypomania, it's unlikely). Dysphoric hypomania. Could be. Something like that.

Edit:
Maybe check your vitamins (at least B12). Have blood drawn or take supplements.