eden1515

What is your proof? That they are trying to treat you and make you take meds that will make you better? Versus these things in your head that want you dead. So which one is really trying to hurt you?

Take the meds and listen to the doctors and everyone else that can see how unwell you are.

All year you have been in and out of hospitals and been posting on mental health boards but continue to claim you are not sick. If you weren't sick you wouldn't bother posting here.

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Well firstly there is a lot of proof but I can't be bothered the explain it all as I have been doing that all day for the last few days and most of my threads where asking about my psychologist btw and also ugh never mind the point is the doctors want to hurt me and they are bad and I need to find a way out of this hospital.

No my dear, you are mistaken. You did not provide any proof. At least not on this thread.

I know that for me, people arguing against my delusions was very triggering and made symptoms worse. Usually, anyone who argued against them became "part of the plot against me"

What matters right now is that this is real to you. What also matters is that you want to get out of the hospital. Unfortunately, the only way you will likely be released is if you are med compliant. The meds might help you see things differently, they might help you feel better. Or maybe taking them will get people off your back. Wouldn't you like to feel better? It sounds like you are in a scary place emotionally. Having people try to hurt you must feel awful. I know it's hard to take a strangers word on this, but the meds really might make you feel better or give you a clarity of thought to facilitate a way to help yourself.


(((Hugs)))

I feel like i am about to cry i feel completely hopeless the meds are going to hurt me i feel trapped i cant trust the doctors and this is all my fault everything hurts so much it aches inside i feel like screaming all i can think about is ending everything. It is not safe here the angels are mad and it is all my fault they want me to run i think i should it is too dangerous here the doctors are trying to get into my head i cant stay here.

Eden you need to eat. If you are worried that the food there is not safe, ask someone you know that you can trust to make and bring you food. Then you will know it is safe to eat. I have had my dad and my husband bring me food while I was in the hospital before and they never let it out of their sight and would sit and eat out of the same container as me...and I'm still alive and so are they. So no poison. Royalty used to always have food tasters, who would eat and drink from the same containers, so no one could poison them...so even if they are not able to make you food daily, maybe they can come visit during meal time and be your food taster...that way the Dr's know someone outside is making sure they don't hurt you and they will have to give you safe food. Hang in there, Eden...I know it is scary now, but the sun always rises and it can't rain all the time...it will get better soon. I'm praying for you.

How are you doing?
bizi

[QUOTE=eden1515;5233610]The doctors are trying to hurt me[/QUOTThey

They are trying to help. Please do whatever they want.

I know blind trust is hard, but you must try. What could be worse than where you are. Hear all the posts here, and trust a different way,

We're all not wrong, are we?

These thoughts are a manifestation of your illness.

Are all of wrong??????

I wrote a long ish post but it just got eaten by the internet Brownies, and switched to priority and I'm glad.

Hm, what was I trying to say earlier? I completely forgot. Hopefully I'll remember it before you're back. Try to keep your spirits up, and take the meds. Yes, you can add me to your blacklist, but I hope you won't.

My criminal neighbors are back to triggering me and I hate their guts. There really is a stigma if people like that pos don't get penalized for the crap they do.

ETA we suffer with so much crap and a turd like that thing downstairs gets away with gaslighting and more torture.

How are you able to talk to us? I've never been in an IP with access to Internet. How do you have such priveledges when you're not cooperating with them? You're lucky.

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my phone data

I have been moved back to the other ward after a bad night where i tried to hurt myself badly i was in the high dependency unit for 2 and a half days with no phone and i just moved out to low dependency they didnt want me to move and i had to promise to tell a nurse if i felt like i was going to try again i was on an order under the mental health act again for the last three days and they were going to extend in for another 11 days but i had to beg and make a bunch more promises for that not to happen. they havent said when i will be out yet only that i still have to take meds or they will force me i have managed to hide some of them though even though they thought i took them but other times i have not been so successful they have been giving me ones that dissolve in my mouth lately so i cant spit them out and i cant throw them up. that is annoying and they have increased the amount which also makes me mad but my mind is still racing and i still feel like i can do anything and i just plan to do what they say until they let me go then i will stop taking the meds and go back to what i was doing. i still dont trust the doctors they are going to hurt me but i feel kind of invincible right now so i kind of dont care in way cause i feel like i am stronger than them anyway not much has changed exactly i am just trying to pretend to be good.

Please just take the meds and come back to earth. What you're experiencing is not real life. You can't go on your whole life being manic. Please cooperate

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well i kind of have to cooperate or they will put me on an order and inject me but also i feel amazing why should i stop feeling like that cause other people think it is weird everyone always says we just want you to be happy but then when i do feel good it is like that is wrong too. but anyway it doesnt matter i am going to get out of here and everything will be fine.

Yes, I remember having similar thoughts way back maybe 10 years ago. At the time, I hated that pdoc and now I hate him even more (although I've been away from him for about 5 years), and I detested the way those dissolving ones felt, but he wasn't forcing me to take them. That may have been his only saving grace.

I felt as though at worst I was just an eccentric without the vast sums of money to be a charming one. I felt like people didn't like me but why should I drugged for their sakes? Why couldn't they be drugged too?

Anyway, it was a very long time that I held those views and feelings. I'm not sure if meds were working but the same day I posted here for the first time, the noises stopped. That's too huge of a coincidence for me. I don't know what the heck's going on, but I'm just so thankful those noises have mostly stopped.

I agree with everyone that you need to stay on meds. It's easy to say you tried them and don't feel better (or different) because, for some of us, it takes these meds weeks or even months to start feeling more normal. It's possible you may not have felt anything close to normal for many years now.

The eden that everyone hopes to see, is one who has insight into this illness. None of us do, at first. Or I should say, a significant number of us dont. Do you really just want to crash every 6 weeks, at each time incorporating more entities? When you do, you start posting as suffering eden, the one who wants to scream because there's no way to handle any of this. We all want to help you. So that means urging you to take meds. We all care about you.

(((((eden)))))
bizi

The meds will not help they are hurting me i need to get them out of me i cant have them i cant i spoke to a psychologist here and actually told him most of what was going on he got me to fill out some personality assessment test thing with like 300 questions he said he will see me tomorrow and go over it i am super nervous i dont know what to do i am not sick i need to get out of here it has been 3 weeks i need out i dont know what to do anymore. As soon as i get home i am not taking the meds they are going to hurt me i cant do this i am scared. I also talked to the art therapist who i told quite a bit but i still havent told the doctor anything.

Thinking of you. Don't worry about the test. I've taken it, too. There aren't any right or wrong answers.

I'm sorry the meds are troubling you. *hug*

you are doing so well, eden

my best advice for you right now is to do exactly what they tell you

you'll get out a lot quicker if you just do what they say. i know it's scary, but they are helping you- the doctors, the therapists, the meds, everything is helping you

You're doing great. Keep talking you'll be out soon enough as long as you keep cooperating.

Good job telling some about what is going on. Now it is time to let the doctors know.

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I cant tell the doctors i cant do this anymore i cant keep frocing the meds down my throat i cant i have been worse since i started taking them i felt great before now one minute i am happy as hell then the next i am crying my eyes out i cant stand this they want to up my dose too i cant do this the doctors want to hurt me the angels are going to get hurt i am really scared i cant keep doing this i have ruined everything i am not sick they are going to hurt me i really dont feel good.

I'm sorry you don't feel good, sweetie. Hang in there.

nothing in the entire world could hurt the angels

angels just fly about without a care singing beautifully

no matter what anyone does to them they can't be hurt

i think maybe you should up the dose like they say, and if it's really not working, you should try and get some diffrent meds

maybe it's those meds.. they just arn't the right ones for you