Had a nice chat with my friend and now I have a migraine. Situational depression is bogging me down. Unsure if I'm reading things right and needed several opinions of people I can trust to tell me if I was planted in reality. Thought I had lost the plot but they say I'm fine. Stable...little depressed and hoping tomorrow with provide me with more certainty.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Had a nice chat with my friend and now I have a migraine. Situational depression is bogging me down. Unsure if I'm reading things right and needed several opinions of people I can trust to tell me if I was planted in reality. Thought I had lost the plot but they say I'm fine. Stable...little depressed and hoping tomorrow with provide me with more certainty.

I hope you have more clarity tomorrow.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
friends can be so helpful

Originally Posted by bizi

I hope you have more clarity tomorrow.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
friends can be so helpful

Thanks Bizi. I really hate that I cannot trust any of my interpretations and need outside help more often than I feel comfortable....but at least I do have the help and it's very comforting when I'm so unsure. (((Hugs)))

[jtassar93]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I've heard full on music in places with broken stereo systems! If the voices are real: rule out the people with you in the house. Sometimes they are real. Otherwise it's probably your brain doing that.

I've experienced music too. It's much nicer than the other voices.
That's a good tip, thank you!

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( ElsaMars ))))))

Love, Clarity, Peace, Comfort, Joy

Extra Peace tonight.


WC

[xRavenx]

Work is getting me down. The pressure in the environment is only getting worse. I feel I go above and beyond, but it's never good enough. I went from having a lot of energy just a few weeks ago to having none. Over the few days, I began to feel increasingly depressed. Especially over the weekend, yesterday, and today. I feel like crying, and it is not typical of me to cry. My anxiety is very high. I'm hoping it doesn't continue to get worse. I feel so slowed down, gloomy, very irritable and quick to snap when family gets on my case, unappreciated by friends when I try to be there for them....there's no use.

I'm angry at a lot of people in my life, yet too tired to do anything about the situations around me. I also think way too much about the past and don't really know where I'm going in life anymore or if things will ever get better. The past few years have been full of loss. I am thankful for what I have, but still feel empty. I don't really know if there's any solution. I'm just venting.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Work is getting me down. The pressure in the environment is only getting worse. I feel I go above and beyond, but it's never good enough. I went from having a lot of energy just a few weeks ago to having none. Over the few days, I began to feel increasingly depressed. Especially over the weekend, yesterday, and today. I feel like crying, and it is not typical of me to cry. My anxiety is very high. I'm hoping it doesn't continue to get worse. I feel so slowed down, gloomy, very irritable and quick to snap when family gets on my case, unappreciated by friends when I try to be there for them....there's no use.

I'm angry at a lot of people in my life, yet too tired to do anything about the situations around me. I also think way too much about the past and don't really know where I'm going in life anymore or if things will ever get better. The past few years have been full of loss. I am thankful for what I have, but still feel empty. I don't really know if there's any solution. I'm just venting.

Sorry to hear you feel yourself slipping down and under too much pressure with high anxiety. Bad combination. Has anything triggered this shift? The anger at people in your life and the past? Can you see a way to pull yourself out or is this a mood shift that needs a med change? When do you see your pdoc next?

Really hope you bounce back quick. x

struggling with stuff
mainly paronoya, horrible memories, and feelings of abandonment

oh and the ever present imsomnia

I wish i didn't own this body

I finally broke from all the chaos. It's been building up little by little and getting a bit more odd by the day....but I thought I had a handle on it until tonight. I feel like giving up....throwing in the towel. I'll never get "it". I will never understand or fit out in this world. There is no place for me on this blue rock. Dreaming of the moment when my atoms can reconnect with the universe which is my real home. I need off this rock now!

I can't understand what appears to be very simplistic text. I can't trust my interpretation on anything. I get it all wrong all the time. I was a mistake and snuck myself in....catching everyone off guard. Now I'm perpetually stuck feeling I don't belong here....some mistake was made. I never should have been born...it was an accident and a mistake and I'm missing key components which make a person valuable or functional on earth.

I keep kidding myself thinking I can get better despite what I have. It's ridiculous. I take 2 steps forward then 10 back. I get sure that I see things in a normal way and then the truth is revealed and I see nothing of value to anyone but me. What a fool I was...actually thinking I could support others and do some good. I'm a mess with nothing positive to give or add.

Every plan I develop to help fix my issues blows up in my face. Therapists always say something unhelpful or inaccurate. I often wonder if they are actually listening. Feeling no hope on that front.

I'm having horrible med issues and just want to flush them down the toilet and never look at another pill again. False hope that makes me feel like I'm on my death bed. It feels like nobody can understand the pain and problems meds cause me....people just get angry at me for not talking them because for them it's simple. How can't they understand that it's not so simple for me?

[bizi]

Dear Elsa,
I hope you know and can feel the love here.
You are a valued member of our community.
know that!
I am sorry that you are having such doubts with your medical team and meds.
What are you taking and what is going on with them.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I finally broke from all the chaos. It's been building up little by little and getting a bit more odd by the day....but I thought I had a handle on it until tonight. I feel like giving up....throwing in the towel. I'll never get "it". I will never understand or fit out in this world. There is no place for me on this blue rock. Dreaming of the moment when my atoms can reconnect with the universe which is my real home. I need off this rock now!

I can't understand what appears to be very simplistic text. I can't trust my interpretation on anything. I get it all wrong all the time. I was a mistake and snuck myself in....catching everyone off guard. Now I'm perpetually stuck feeling I don't belong here....some mistake was made. I never should have been born...it was an accident and a mistake and I'm missing key components which make a person valuable or functional on earth.

I keep kidding myself thinking I can get better despite what I have. It's ridiculous. I take 2 steps forward then 10 back. I get sure that I see things in a normal way and then the truth is revealed and I see nothing of value to anyone but me. What a fool I was...actually thinking I could support others and do some good. I'm a mess with nothing positive to give or add.

Every plan I develop to help fix my issues blows up in my face. Therapists always say something unhelpful or inaccurate. I often wonder if they are actually listening. Feeling no hope on that front.

I'm having horrible med issues and just want to flush them down the toilet and never look at another pill again. False hope that makes me feel like I'm on my death bed. It feels like nobody can understand the pain and problems meds cause me....people just get angry at me for not talking them because for them it's simple. How can't they understand that it's not so simple for me?

Dear Elsa,

I am sorry you are feeling such distress.
You are very valuable to all of us!
You contribute so much to this community and to the world.

I do understand you feelings, at least to some degree.
I have, too, been feeling very down and could have written a similar post this morning.

((((((( ElsaMars ))))))

How can we help you?
We love you!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Work is getting me down. The pressure in the environment is only getting worse. I feel I go above and beyond, but it's never good enough. I went from having a lot of energy just a few weeks ago to having none. Over the few days, I began to feel increasingly depressed. Especially over the weekend, yesterday, and today. I feel like crying, and it is not typical of me to cry. My anxiety is very high. I'm hoping it doesn't continue to get worse. I feel so slowed down, gloomy, very irritable and quick to snap when family gets on my case, unappreciated by friends when I try to be there for them....there's no use.

I'm angry at a lot of people in my life, yet too tired to do anything about the situations around me. I also think way too much about the past and don't really know where I'm going in life anymore or if things will ever get better. The past few years have been full of loss. I am thankful for what I have, but still feel empty. I don't really know if there's any solution. I'm just venting.

(((((( xRavenx ))))))

Sounds like a very trying time.
Hopefully, some time will help to sort things out?

What can we do to help?

You are loved!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

struggling with stuff
mainly paronoya, horrible memories, and feelings of abandonment

oh and the ever present imsomnia

I wish i didn't own this body

(((((( shattered sanity ))))))

Peace, Love, Comfort, Joy -- to you!

I hope you have a better day today.

WC

[Standup2me]

Blah, blah, blah
Too much darkness in winter
18 hours of darkness
blah

[Moose72]

I want a Nap but people are coming over in 20 mins for 2 hours. Study. Meh

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Dear Elsa,

I am sorry you are feeling such distress.
You are very valuable to all of us!
You contribute so much to this community and to the world.

I do understand you feelings, at least to some degree.
I have, too, been feeling very down and could have written a similar post this morning.

((((((( ElsaMars ))))))

How can we help you?
We love you!


WC

Your post and Bizis made me cry. Thank you to you both for your kindness. I was already crying but you made me cry grateful tears which are different and better so thank you.

You can help me by just staying who you are. Listening when I need to vent. Not attacking me when I see things in a way most others do not. Allowing me to be my honest self.

I wish you could promise nobody would attack me but that is not in anyone's power. I'm certain they are waiting for me out there. Waiting for the day I start living so they can do it all over again. My only sanctuary is my house. With my dogs and cameras and heavy items I can use to defend myself. They won't come in here unless I'm alone ....so I just make sure I never am. I can't go on like this forever. Piss or get off the pot as the saying goes.

When my atoms reconnect with the universe I will be fine and where I'm suppose to be. Whatever my purpose and job is up there, I know I will do it well. I can't do anything with this mortal body and mind. I need to be free if it's chains of torture and slavery.

[fishin fool]

Feeling very sad today. I have not been this down in quite a while

[Unrigged64072835]

Calm before the storm....tomorrow I'll be Christmas shopping online, wrapping up the remainder of the gifts. (Pun not intended)

I slept a bit. Waiting on my daughter to come home from the doc. She had an ingrown toenail that was getting pretty bad. I didn't do much else. I might make dinner. I don't know yet. Depends on how hungry everybody is.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Went to group and individual therapy today, was okay. My therapist is Hell bent on socializing me, and frankly idk how to socialize or well initiate socializing, it just doesn't come natural to me at all. She gave me homework for socializing and I don't want to do it, I'm too scared to do it. She wants me to find social forums for my special interests here in Michigan preferably locally near me. I don't know how I feel about it, it scares me not knowing how to be social, and not knowing how to initiate this stuff. I guess it doesn't hurt to at least look for social groups on say facebook for my interests it may not be local, but stuff so can join and maybe connect with someone. So yeah, that is what part of my session was about.

[CloserToTheMid]

Hey. For most of the year this is the difficult time of the day - 3-6 (hypo-mania and mixed state). My seroquel wears off. My strategy is in place. Which is to say and interact as little as possible until until the after-work dose kicks in. FYI, I've tried several strategies with Seroquel and Seroquel XR. There's always a gap of a couple of hours because I can't take it at work. It sometimes intoxicates me a bit.

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

Went to group and individual therapy today, was okay. My therapist is Hell bent on socializing me, and frankly idk how to socialize or well initiate socializing, it just doesn't come natural to me at all. She gave me homework for socializing and I don't want to do it, I'm too scared to do it. She wants me to find social forums for my special interests here in Michigan preferably locally near me. I don't know how I feel about it, it scares me not knowing how to be social, and not knowing how to initiate this stuff. I guess it doesn't hurt to at least look for social groups on say facebook for my interests it may not be local, but stuff so can join and maybe connect with someone. So yeah, that is what part of my session was about.

I'm not comfortable socializing much either, so I can relate on that level. I mean, I can force myself to socialize and people seem to like me because I appear to be outgoing, but secretly inside I don't like it. I'm one of those introverted people.

This is just my opinion (and others are free to disagree), but if you're introverted and don't care to socialize, then don't let your therapist pressure you into doing something that isn't you. Plenty of people are introverts and are comfortable being that way.

If you do want to socialize more, then I don't really have any advice except that you should take as small steps as you feel comfortable with. It might be easier to make friends in a BP support group or your group therapy? (I'm not sure if friendships are allowed in group therapy, but if they aren't, you could always switch groups if needed.)

[Coconutzo]

My brain is spinning like crazy. I have no patience with myself. And my short comings. Time is too fast and too slow. Three hours feels like days. I'm dehydrated and frustrated.
I would like a glass of wine and some good old fashioned rough sex.
Instead I'll work and spin.
I feel a little paranoid.

[Faltering]

Back to square one. No meds, no psychiatrist in the midst of a mixed episode.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

(((((( xRavenx ))))))

Sounds like a very trying time.
Hopefully, some time will help to sort things out?

What can we do to help?

You are loved!


WC

Thank you, WC (((HUGS)))

It's helpful having here to simply share and have an outlet. Everyone is so supportive here, and I appreciate that. Yes, it has been an especially difficult time. I'm feeling more and more depressed and anxious, but I'm thinking about calling my pdoc if things don't get better in the next few days. I see my therapist on Monday so I'm hoping maybe she can help me figure out why I'm feeling so "off." I bet it's a combination of things and a lot of life changes. I've been thinking about my best friend a lot lately too who died of cancer around this time of year last year. Therapy is so expensive for me, but she is the best T I've had yet. Plus I don't do well with the shorter days and lack of sunlight....so seasonal depression may be playing a role in how I've been feeling.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Wander

Sorry to hear you feel yourself slipping down and under too much pressure with high anxiety. Bad combination. Has anything triggered this shift? The anger at people in your life and the past? Can you see a way to pull yourself out or is this a mood shift that needs a med change? When do you see your pdoc next?

Really hope you bounce back quick. x

Thank you. (((Hugs))) Sorry it took me a little while to reply. My boss added extra responsibilities to my job. My days and hours are so long. My depression is wearing me down, so every task feels like it takes so much effort. I feel my mental health issues also contributed to the recent end of my relationship, which sometimes makes me feel like a failure and that I can no longer sustain relationships. I'm missing the way things used to be when I was happy in a relationship years back, and I miss my best friend who died last year. It's as if I want to be all alone, but too much time alone isn't good for me.

As far as friends go, my friend got mad at me for not being able to be there for her. Her reaction was extreme. I just feel like I can't keep up with people or things the way I used to. I'm angry at myself for not being able to keep up, but I also get angry when others ask too much from me. I'm more likely to take that anger inward though, although I do eventually explode when it builds over a period of time. I am glad I have my therapy appointment Monday, but my pdoc appointment isn't for another 3 weeks, so I am hoping when I call the office that she can squeeze me in sometime sooner.