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#451
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Update: My boss let me off with a warning today instead of firing me! Oh my god... thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! I totally did something that was worthy of being fired.
![]() I'm also about to change bosses, soooo... yikes! Not good first impression! Also, I got my Ritalin prescription today. Will try it out tomorrow morning and see what happens. ![]() |
![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bipolar angel, bizi, Faltering, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#452
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Hope those who are having hard times will get better news.
Went out to breakfast and went shopping at another store. The colors for spring are intense and don't flatter my skin color. I only found a couple of shirts and that was it. Wrote a poem and promoted my FB page a little bit. I'm not much of a promoter but I know I have to do it. Not feeling good now. Guts are going spastic. At least dinner was okay. Not doing too well on the carb counting. I find myself craving sweet stuff a lot. |
![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bipolar angel, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#453
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![]() AmandaBroken
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![]() AmandaBroken, Wander
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#454
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Can you maybe show your hubby this writing, does he understand how serious this is? (((((HUGS))))) bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
![]() AmandaBroken, Wild Coyote
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#455
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im not sure how i am. physically my health is crap at the moment, but idk how i feel mentally exactly. im still depressed but saw my T today and she commented how i looked good, put together and seemed to have more positive energy. which is not how i feel at all. If she had seen me yesterday w greasy hair and wearing yoga pants to work maybe she wouldve had a different opinion? or maybe the lamictal increase is helping some and i just cant see it? idk.
she did ask if i was feeling suicidal, and i said how i just had some ideation but no intentions of actually doing anything. she asked what my thoughts were of, and i was actually mostly honest, which is very unlike me. So i told her <trigger> that i thought about driving into a brick wall at top speed. to which she replied "well that is very graphic" or something like that. to her credit she didnt really react in any obvious way, considering ive never shared these thoughts w her before. but she did write something down which freaked me out a little bc she never takes much notes during our actual sessions. i think she probably thought i was gonna say something benign like i think about going to sleep and not waking up. perhaps that's what i should have said. bc after that she started acted overly concerned and stuff. i may be a fuucking mess, but i am not an emergency... |
![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bipolar angel, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken, bipolar angel
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#456
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I've been withdrawing from most people. Not many of 'em reach out these days anyway. Sometimes I think about how I've done a lot for certain people, but a lot of them don't really bother to ask about me. In the end, it doesn't matter I guess. Maybe distancing myself will keep me out of the chaos, at least I figure. I think about all those times I've been manic and got involved in some situations and with people that ended up only causing me harm and taking advantage of me. I caused myself harm too though. It's still hurtful to think about these situations. Just trying to deal with everything. There's still an emptiness within me.
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![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, Anonymous59125, bipolar angel, Lifeischallenging, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#457
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Quote:
Enough about me, How is the internet addiction going? |
![]() AmandaBroken, bipolar angel, Nammu, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#458
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Update: holy sh_t! I had a meeting with my boss this morning over skype that I totally forgot about. It was at 8:30. I miraculously work up at 8:29 with no alarm! Sooo lucky! (My phone pops up a calendar reminder10 mins before every meeting, and well, I always check my phone first when I wake up.)
Unfortunately, I had bedhead. But I guess it's better than waking up after 8:30. |
![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bizi, Wild Coyote
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#459
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Quote:
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![]() AmandaBroken, Wild Coyote
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#460
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Feeling depressed and anxious. Why can't I get out of the house on a regular basis and get to my appointments and social events? What is my problem? I feel like a real loser.
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![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bizi, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#461
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Quote:
Hang on sweetie. maybe the new med will help. (((((HUGS))))) bizi Do you have a therapist? someone that you can be honest with?
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, Anonymous59125, bipolar angel, Nammu, Wild Coyote
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![]() AmandaBroken, Wild Coyote
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#462
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Higs to everyone struggling right now!
My moods are bouncing back and forth right now. I've missed two days of work. This morning I managed to get myself up, to the gym and to work. I fell down at the gym though, how embarrassing, that didn't do much to help my down mood, I'm already feeling like a loser. Anyway, I'm at work, no I g and thinking is slow but I'm here and will do my best to get through a whole day.
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Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bipolar angel, bizi, Nammu, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken, xRavenx
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#463
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Concentration is ****! I hate being at work right now, I want scream and go home to my bedroom and sleep the day away. I know my husband will be so disappointed if I go home, I need to fight these feelings, I need to be stronger. I'm so tired of this ****!
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Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
![]() AmandaBroken, bipolar angel, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken, scatterbrained04
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#464
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I just want to isolate and sleep... again. Seems endless, this desire to isolate.
Going for a walk anyway (forcing myself). Hugs all around, ![]() WC |
![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bipolar angel, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken, bizi
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#465
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Strange how during the day i speed up, then in the morning i just don't want to get up. Been like this for a couple weeks now. First stop, McDonalds $1 coffee. Maybe i'll hop on the train, since i got a weekly pass. And getting Velveeta mac and cheese on the way home with my stamps. Aside from this, my life is in a clear downward spiral. I just don't have the energy or care to do anything about it. |
![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bipolar angel, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#466
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The flu has broken; I'm feeling better after yesterday's fever and chills.
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>< |
![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bipolar angel, Nammu, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#467
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Rough start to the morning today. Only took half my gabapentin last night. Going to run out before I see pdoc, but still can't bring myself to call pdoc for a refill. It's so stupid that I can't. Combination of anxiety and not wanting to talk because I am not well. Was very anxious/panicky/jittery this morning. Depression is more just a feeling of nothing/emptiness. |
![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bipolar angel, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#468
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Still here.
Last edited by Naynay99; Mar 30, 2017 at 03:09 PM. |
![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bipolar angel, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#469
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Glad that you're feeling better, Vertigo. And hugs to those who are having a hard time.
Slow day today. Went out of town to an outlet mall. Bought a few new tops and a skirt. Tried writing a blog post to my Web site but got bogged down. I had a bit of anxiety at 1 PM so I took my afternoon meds early. Tried to nap but couldn't. Thankfully the kids are making dinner tonight. It smells good. We're having pulled pork and potato salad. Other than the anxiety my mood has been stable. Maybe pick up more meds tomorrow. |
![]() AmandaBroken, Wild Coyote
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![]() AmandaBroken, bipolar angel
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#470
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I seem to have calmed down as the day went along, thank goodness....tomorrow is a new day and I have a ton of work to catch up on so I hope I'm more productive than today
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
![]() AmandaBroken, Wild Coyote
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![]() AmandaBroken, bipolar angel
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#471
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I woke up hopeful today as I do everyday and think I'm going to accomplish my to do list, get out of the house and be productive. As I realize that I will fail AGAIN I sink further and further into my depression.
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![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, Anonymous59125, bipolar angel, bizi, Naynay99, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#472
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I feel really stupid. And weak. And broken.
I just watched a sad movie on tv (ordinary people) and it made me cry. Earlier today I almost burst into tears at the bank as a teller was trying to help me figure out how to deposit my rent into my landlords new acct. I feel like I can't do anything right. My coworker texted me to see if i was gonna be out again and if I needed her to do anything, and To say that she missed me. Which is nice to hear. That somebody actually noticed I wasn't there. I haven't seen or talked to my best friend in weeks. I texted and called her a few times to see if she wanted to do something but she is always busy with work, so i have sort of given up. She has no idea how ****eed up I have been. I wanted to go to a support group meeting tonite but I didn't wake up from a nap in time which sucks bc I think i needed it today. My parents are coming up to stay with me in 2 weeks so somehow I have to find the energy and motivation to actually clean and organize this disaster. Seems like it would be easier to just move. I just feel so alone and pathetic. And i feel physically like my body is slowly self destructing itself or something. I'm just so tired of all of it already. |
![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, Anonymous59125, bipolar angel, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#473
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I'm going through lots of stuff....I can't even begin. It will get better in time, perhaps so much better I'm in tears just thinking about it, but I'm so angry, betrayed and hurt....physical and mental torment of the abuse I've been subjected to is flooding and ungulfing me in such a mix of emotions I cannot say. My son went to school today, this is huge. Bittersweet seems to be an ongoing theme for my life.
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![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bipolar angel, Naynay99, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wander, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#474
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Quote:
bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
![]() AmandaBroken, Wild Coyote
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![]() AmandaBroken
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#475
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Sorry for the late check in guys. I just got some news about my appointment. I have to move it. I would've had to anyways or call out of work. But the problem with this is I am out on my dose. I only have 4 pills left. 2 pills a day. I am on 900 mg of lithium. I'm hoping I can get monday as I have that day off. The physical therapy is going well. I have a session with that tomorrow. I'm looking at colleges and making some big moves there. One college I want to go to does not post their prospectus over seas. I have enough info on this college anyways. As for getting a car, I am still lost on that one. I'm thinking I will apply for one as I plan on getting a gym membership. Well, I'll post again soon hopefully.
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![]() AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, Anonymous59125, bipolar angel, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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![]() AmandaBroken
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