[Flutterby11]

i cant take this anymore one minute i am all confident/full of energy then the next i am crying and i want to hurt myself. i dont know how i am feeling from one hour to the next and it is tiring i know i am very stressed but i dont know what to do anymore my pdoc said they couldnt help so that is not an option i am trying really hard but nothing is making it stop i want to scream all the time and it hurts and i want to go somewhere and i am sorry i dont know how to explain it i am just a mess right now. what do i do?
Pdoc is not an option.
hospital is also not an option.

[franz kafka]

If you're current pdoc isn't an option, what about seeking a second opinion? It sounds sort of unprofessional that they told you they can't help. There are countless meds in countless combinations. Something might work.

[bioChE]

I agree that a second opinion is warranted. Often when one doc runs into a brick wall, another can help.

[Wild Coyote]

I think it's possible you and your pdoc got your wires crossed.

Call your pdoc and explain exactly what's happening.
You must be open to meds ( and med changes) in order to allow the pdoc to help.

You have been writing posts about quitting both meds and your pdoc.
You pdoc truly cannot help you in that case.

Why is a hospital not an option?

Call your pdoc.

Be safe.

WC

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. It seems like you will need to reach out to somebody to get some relief. If you current pdoc isn't helpful, could you reach out to another? I had to go through several psychiatrists before I found the one who really helps me and who I've been with for years. I'm worried about you. Please take care of yourself.

[IntentOnHealing]

I am so sorry to hear this! It sounds awful. I wish I could hug you. What has your therapist said about this? Since your dx is not listed, it's hard to know how to respond.

There are many different things that can increase and/or mimic your bipolar symptoms. Some common comorbid conditions that frequently occur with bipolar can possibly cause your feelings to go up and down like you're experiencing even aside from bipolar.

Of course, I would never attempt to diagnose you, but it can help to keep other/additional diagnoses in mind especially when you're suffering so much.

For example, I have a comorbid anxiety issue that at times propels me into a frenzy that I have mistaken for early mania.

I don't know for sure if that's even what you're dealing with...a comorbid condition. Just a thought.

Sending love your way and hoping you can get in with your therapist.

[Flutterby11]

I did tell my pdoc everything they didn't even say anything about changing meds they just said they couldn't help. The problem I have with seeing a new one is quite simply the cost. I can't afford one right now like at all (current pdoc is almost free) as for my T I haven't spoken to them about all this yet and I have been diagnosed with bipolar 1, OCD, panic disorder and BPD

[Wild Coyote]

Give some thought about what you are willing to do in cooperation with a pdoc and/or a therapist. You had very strongly written posts about stopping your pdoc and all meds.

Are you wanting help now?
If so, make sure your care team (pdoc and therapist) clearly know you want help.

When do you see your therapist?


WC

[jacky8807]

yeah I'm going to guess you let it out that you didn't want anything to do with the meds. i have done the same I'm not judging you. but if that's the case then a pdoc will tell you he can't help you because basically they do med management
you also mention BPD which can lead to the rapid cycling of moods you describe. hopefully you have a good therapist?
keep safe!

[Flutterby11]

Not being rude here but that is not what happened I didn't actually tell them about the meds part I told them I was really scared and why and all of that stuff but not the meds thing because I didn't think that part was any of their business so to be clear as far as my pdoc knows I never refused meds. I am still undecided about if I want meds or not but I haven't told anyone that. I am supposed to see my T soon.

[jacky8807]

ok I apologize. just trying to understand the situation which is needed to try and give you the help you are,asking for.i just don t get why when you went in and told the pdoc you are paranoid and he just said " can t help you sorry" maybe the background to that conversation may be helpful
you said pdoc is not an option. hospital is not an option .
what do YOU think would help you

[Nammu]

If pdoc and hospital are not options what about IOP with a focus on DBT?

[gina_re]

I've had similar issues with my pdoc. I keep feeling so up and down and she's just like, "I don't what else we can do" and it's frustrating af! It's like, fix me! You went to med school, give me something else, just do something! And in the meantime you have to suffer. I'm glad that you are at least still trying and that you are contact with your t. I'm hopeful that can at least help somewhat. But don't give up on yourself. It's always so hard to see, but it does get better if you keep trying. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Please take care of yourself.

[Flutterby11]

I honestly don't know what would help me other than sui right now I don't really have faith in anything. I am already doing DBT and my hospital doesn't do IOP only IP

[gina_re]

PM me if you need to

[Gabyunbound]

I agree that maybe the rapid cycling part of what you've talked about could be the BPD part of your diagnosis. I say this because my understanding is that pdocs sometimes treat people with that diagnosis less than ideally and -related to your dilemma- don't think that meds will help with it, only therapy, specifically DBT.

Now obviously that hasn't helped enough, there's no doubt about that. If there's any way you can find a pdoc with a sliding scale (and one who would take all of your diagnoses seriously) than I would do everything possible to find one. Not that you haven't, but who knows maybe there's one out there who you can afford and who will truly help you.

I'm so sorry you're in the position you're in. There are alternatives to sui and professionals out there who would want to help you and know how. You have a bad apple, but there are good ones out there.

I assume your T cares about you, and certainly a lot of people here care about you, support you, and want to keep you around.

Please be safe. It's worth it to stick around.

[IntentOnHealing]

Very much in agreement with those who are pointing out how the BPD diagnosis can exacerbate EVERYTHING else you are experiencing, honey--the cycling, the anxiety, all of it--and vice versa.

Also agree that this seems all the MORE reason for your pdoc to pay attention to your calls and requests for appointments and assistance. I am seriously and literally smh.

And I am SO sorry for your suffering. Can't tell you enough how I wish I could climb right through the internet and help.

I too have a cost issue with getting help and all I can say about that (besides the fact that it is just morally WRONG) is hang in there, hang in there, hang in there.

WE ARE HERE FOR YOU, SWEETIE--

[Flutterby11]

i talked to my T i told them most of everything but we didnt get around to talking much about the suicidal stuff. i am just so frustrated and tired and sick of everything my eating issues are now coming out again too and i cant take it all i am trying so very hard to hang on but i dont know how much longer i can be hanging over this cliff edge. thank you all for your support it means a lot.

[Wander]

Are you able to have contact with your T in between sessions? If so, can you call/text/email them at let them know about your SI? That is very serious and needs immediate attention.

You are doing so well just by keeping breathing everyday. Hang in there. It has to get better.

[Flutterby11]

no i dont have contact outside of sessions. my mental health worker has left as well so i have no one i can contact.

[DelusionsDaily]

Unfortunately your pdoc was right that he cant help if you're not willing to take meds because for the majority that's all they do, a few do therapy as well but those are pretty limited anymore, atleast that I've seen. Understand I'm not pushing one way or the other on the med thing but understand that his being able help lies in your willingness to take meds. Given you have a T, I would assume the above is true about pdoc(strictly dx'ing and meds). If you make the decision to try meds he might be willing to help again, but that's if and when that decision is made.

[Flutterby11]

Originally Posted by DelusionsDaily

Unfortunately your pdoc was right that he cant help if you're not willing to take meds because for the majority that's all they do, a few do therapy as well but those are pretty limited anymore, atleast that I've seen. Understand I'm not pushing one way or the other on the med thing but understand that his being able help lies in your willingness to take meds. Given you have a T, I would assume the above is true about pdoc(strictly dx'ing and meds). If you make the decision to try meds he might be willing to help again, but that's if and when that decision is made.

Ok as far as pdoc knows i have NEVER refused meds they didnt even suggest a med change they do NOT know about my recent thoughts about going off meds only people on here know about those i didnt even tell my T i was having those feelings. so that is not the reason pdoc said they couldnt help me.

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by DelusionsDaily

Unfortunately your pdoc was right that he cant help if you're not willing to take meds because for the majority that's all they do, a few do therapy as well but those are pretty limited anymore, atleast that I've seen. Understand I'm not pushing one way or the other on the med thing but understand that his being able help lies in your willingness to take meds. Given you have a T, I would assume the above is true about pdoc(strictly dx'ing and meds). If you make the decision to try meds he might be willing to help again, but that's if and when that decision is made.

I take it you didn't real the whole thread lol

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by Flutterby11

no i dont have contact outside of sessions. my mental health worker has left as well so i have no one i can contact.

what happened to your mental health worker?

[Flutterby11]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

what happened to your mental health worker?

they are going on leave for 6 weeks and not coming back after because they have another job. they also cant even be bothered to find me a new worker they are just telling me to leave and that i have to find a new pdoc and everything my "care" team has pretty much dumped me. but i am kind of tempted to go solo i cant be bothered starting again and i just want to curl up into a ball and disappear. i dont know what to do i also feel very strange today but anyway i have basically been ditched by my pdoc and mental health worker