[Victoria'smom]

You are mutilating YOURSELF over the stupidity of thinking you even have to buy a ton of gifts for everyone !!!
It was a gift for my family. One that would have been really good for us but due to my stupidity cost us about $140 more than it was supposed to I feel like a complete ****ing up. It wasn't really about Christmas. It's about me spending money and ****ing up so badly. How I just caused us to loose over $100. I got those things for us. It was half price and I would have bought it at half price even if I had to borrow money. The thing is I didn't do the code right. . . I It would have been very very good for us.

[B] You just can’t afford it F^#^ people if they can’t understand gifts are not needed for them , buy for kids ? [\B] I’m only getting things 50% off or more. I only have 7 more people to shop

You constantly run out of money to even feed your family every month I'm not a good money manager. It's my fault we're constantly running out of money. I get enough.Especially because I do stupid stuff like that.

yet you are focusing on a stupid holiday ???? I know it's stupid but this holiday means a lot to me.

L, please get your priorities right I'm really really trying to distract myself. I don't really know how to get my priorities straight.

Stop making your life and body a bloody mess. It’s always a mess nothing productive helps at least I feel better for 2-5 min. I’m not injuring anything important even though I so want to.

Don’t you need a car running , gas and insurance know I need a car. I'm spending my car money. We have to find a car before we can sell/scrap our car. So it doesn't cost our plate changed. Honestly it’s looking like the earliest we can get a vehicle is late February.


Plus food on your table more that material gifts likely forgotten and discarded in days or weeks by your family ??? I If your parents can spend a thousand on gifts that’s great , obviously they can afford it … It still means I have to get them something.

You need basic supplies and food for your family first. I’m trying, I really am.

I just can’t wrap my head around your priorities. It’s mostly distraction.

Keep your self harm clean unless you want a infection that will cost money to heal that you don’t have. I’m going to try to take care of it but honestly I want to add to it.

Sorry if I was too blunt but it’s all truth you just can’t see it. I don't mind your bluntness.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

i don't mind your bluntness. I know I need a car. I'm spending my car money. We have to find a car before we can sell/scrap our car. So it doesn't cost our plate changed. I know it's stupid but this holiday means a lot to me. I'm not a good money manager. It's my fault we're constantly running out of money. Especially because I do stupid stuff like that. I got those things for us. It was half price and I would have bought it at half price even if I had to borrow money. The thing is I didn't do the code right. It wasn't really about Christmas. It's about me spending money and ****ing up so badly. How I just caused us to loose over $100. I feel like a complete ****ing up.


I'm really really trying to distract myself. I'm so dumb. I don't really know how to get my priorities straight. I'm sinking all the time. I just give up sometimes.

Call and see if you can cancel the order. Most every retailer will cancel within a day or so , research that.. might be a pain but 100.00 is huge.

Can you and your husband not sit down and make a budget? Together?

My husband and I “ feed the pig” before we do anything with our money, we put 10-20%in our savings acct , we pay all our bills right off the bat, everything even if it’s not due yet.

We have a cushion that way if car repairs are needed or unexpected medical or whatever comes up we aren’t screwed big time.

We take the rest and split up what I need for the month food wize , I have bought myself grocery store cards so each week I’ll have X to buy groceries. I buy 75% on what is on sale , and I never throw food out , we have potluck dinner once a week with all the leftover bits.

We load a Walmart card for gas for the month

I never shop without a list , I plan out my meals , I refuse to buy anything other than what’s on my list.

I hope you can find a way to manage your money so you don’t wind up broke 10 days into each month.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

i don't mind your bluntness. I know I need a car. I'm spending my car money. We have to find a car before we can sell/scrap our car. So it doesn't cost our plate changed. I know it's stupid but this holiday means a lot to me. I'm not a good money manager. It's my fault we're constantly running out of money. Especially because I do stupid stuff like that. I got those things for us. It was half price and I would have bought it at half price even if I had to borrow money. The thing is I didn't do the code right. It wasn't really about Christmas. It's about me spending money and ****ing up so badly. How I just caused us to loose over $100. I feel like a complete ****ing up.

I'm really really trying to distract myself. I'm so dumb. I don't really know how to get my priorities straight. I'm sinking all the time. I just give up sometimes.

It's very self-defeating to call yourself "dumb." I have been here awhile now and I truly do not consider you "dumb" at all.
Please take good care!

WC

[Victoria'smom]

I edited my response to ~Christina. We do have a budget it's about -$300 a month. All of our bills are always paid on time. I just really have to plan for Christmas next year. Food wise it's my mountain dew and safe foods that break the budget ($75 a week it's only 3 of us). I really need to start saving our income gets cut . We have to get positive first.

My husband is in a back and forth email with them because they don't actually have a number. They said they'll help but it's Sunday. If they cancel it all we won't be able to get the sale but that's better then spending $140 we don't have.

I do feel dumb. I know I'm not but it feels that way.

I need to figure out budgeting because I loose 24% in the next two years.

[Guiness187055]

A good way to help control spending is to buy gift cards for Walmart,grocery stores, gas stations when you have extra money. That way you can only spend on essentials.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

A good way to help control spending is to buy gift cards for Walmart,grocery stores, gas stations when you have extra money. That way you can only spend on essentials.

Exactly !!!!

[Victoria'smom]

They're refunding the difference.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

They're refunding the difference.

Yea!

[liveforsummer]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

They're refunding the difference.

Great!
Lots of great advice given

[MickeyCheeky]

((((Miguel'smom)))) Remember we're here for you. I'm sorry I can't give a lot of advice.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

They're refunding the difference.

Fan-freaking-tastic!!!!!!

[Victoria'smom]

I should be happy and I am in a way. My chest feels so tight and empty. It feels hard to breathe. We're not spending a lot on food because we're not driving around and thanksgiving left overs.

I shut down Miguel talking about what is considered Suicidal Idealization this morning. He's still learning when it is appropriate and getting into the car with his grandparents is not the time. So I have to sit down with him and talk tonight.

I think my husband realize now that I'm a lot less well then I seem. I don't know how he's doing. I have to sit down with him and talk about money, Christmas and how he's really.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I should be happy and I am in a way. My chest feels so tight and empty. It feels hard to breathe. We're not spending a lot on food because we're not driving around and thanksgiving left overs.


I shut down Miguel talking about what is considered Suicidal Idealization this morning. He's still learning when it is appropriate and getting into the car with his grandparents is not the time. So I have to sit down with him and talk tonight.


I think my husband realize now that I'm a lot less well then I seem. I don't know how he's doing. I have to sit down with him and talk about money, Christmas and how he's really.

All the talks will add up and make a real difference. Good for you !

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

All the talks will add up and make a real difference. Good for you !

I am glad you've been able to get a refund!

I am sorry Miguel is feeling so down and hopeless.

I hope the talks help. It's always worth trying to open up more communication.

it can be difficult sometimes for those around us to fully realize how much we do struggle on a daily basis. I hope your husband will be supportive to you.


WC

[Victoria'smom]

Well no one talked maybe tomorrow.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Well no one talked maybe tomorrow.

One day at a time. You are obviously struggling too! Talking does help but sometimes it is best to wait for the right moment (so long as you don't put it off too long). You are doing the best you can.

[Victoria'smom]

I actually went to the store today I got wrapping paper, mailing paper, and food. This is a big deal for me, especially lately. I may shower tonight. My sister may screw us and my nephew over because she refuses to put that he’s homeless because that will make her look bad. HE’S ****IN HOMELESS you are a bad person deal!

Possible trigger:

I’m healing and the pain from it helps ground me. I’m embarrassed not for doing it or my feelings. I will not undress in front of my husband. I cover it with a shirt when he’s helping me dress. I don’t want his pity. I’ve thought of covering it with a bandage but it’s not that bad. It’ll make it look much worse. I don’t know I want to add to it.

I see pdoc Tuesday if I can get a ride. I have no idea what to tell her. I need something short and sweet. So I can blurt it out when I first walk in I'm thinking

Possible trigger:

"I'm doing better. I'm not suicidal and I don't think I should cut my tattoo out. I did cut and do want to cut from my elbow to my wrist superficially but I wont because I have no long sleeve shirts."

[BeyondtheRainbow]

That sounds about right. Let her know the big stuff and go from there.

[Victoria'smom]

Sisters being stupid. She going to cost my nephews school.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm just done. I'm safe (honestly don't want to be but am) just done.

[Victoria'smom]

The USPS or the office lost 3 Christmas presents! I'm so mad and I don't know who to believe. The office said it was never delivered and USPS said it was delivered yesterday at 10 am. I'm ready to spit fire.

Wait at least one more day before worrying too much. They OFTEN show a package delivered before it actually is. I say this from considerable experience with ebay. Usually the package will show up a day or two after its stated "delivery".

Hope that helps some.

[Victoria'smom]

The office had it but were lying to us because it had our address but not our names.

[Victoria'smom]

Maybe it's situational? I don't want my medication adjusted. I'm scared. I just need a good T. I know I'm safe but I don't feel I am. I'm flipping out but only inside. I don't want to up my lamictal or Zyprexa. I like that I only see her every 3-4 months. My head is spinning. It's loud. I'm chickening out. So is my husband. He was suppose to call for a ride for Tuesday and never did. I don't want to go. I'm so scared right now. I'm not going to move from this seat.

I'm thinking about starting a mood/thought chart and highlighting the "bad" things. Last time I did that in FL I almost got sent to IOP and told I'm a suicide risk. When it wasn't that bad at all for me. I know if I ever go back to a T S/He they need to know I'm a suicide risk and that I have odd thoughts from the get go.

I'm not going to be healed by Tuesday. What if she wants to see it? How do I tell her about me without telling on my husband? He's coming to the session with me. Am I under medicated? I know I can't add to it because that will look bad. I'm thinking of taking another Zyprexa. I wish I didn't have to go out Monday or Tuesday. I'm going to feel like I'm telling on Miguel Monday. Then tell on my husband Tuesday. This is insane. I know we need help but I also want to keep everything to ourselves. I'm sure if we would just try things would be different. I know T thought that. Maybe drugs aren't the answer. I need more time. Maybe I can stay at the same dosage and actually ****in try.

Then I think

Possible trigger:

I took a razor to my own skin. I don't feel it was a bad thing. In-fact quite the opposite.

I took a Zyprexa.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Maybe it's situational? I don't want my medication adjusted. I'm scared. I just need a good T. I know I'm safe but I don't feel I am. I'm flipping out but only inside. I don't want to up my lamictal or Zyprexa. I like that I only see her every 3-4 months. My head is spinning. It's loud. I'm chickening out. So is my husband. He was suppose to call for a ride for Tuesday and never did. I don't want to go. I'm so scared right now. I'm not going to move from this seat.


I'm thinking about starting a mood/thought chart and highlighting the "bad" things. Last time I did that in FL I almost got sent to IOP and told I'm a suicide risk. When it wasn't that bad at all for me. I know if I ever go back to a T S/He they need to know I'm a suicide risk and that I have odd thoughts from the get go.


I'm not going to be healed by Tuesday. What if she wants to see it? How do I tell her about me without telling on my husband? He's coming to the session with me. Am I under medicated? I know I can't add to it because that will look bad. I'm thinking of taking another Zyprexa. I wish I didn't have to go out Monday or Tuesday. I'm going to feel like I'm telling on Miguel Monday. Then tell on my husband Tuesday. This is insane. I know we need help but I also want to keep everything to ourselves. I'm sure if we would just try things would be different. I know T thought that. Maybe drugs aren't the answer. I need more time. Maybe I can stay at the same dosage and actually ****in try.


Then I think

Possible trigger:

I took a razor to my own skin. I don't feel it was a bad thing. In-fact quite the opposite.

I took a Zyprexa.

Altho I think it’s ok your husband is in with you I think it’s unhealthy for you, you aren’t able to really explain your struggle which he is part of.

Based on the years I have know you when you get this “ way” you only get worse. You start lacking insight into where your at mentally and keeping yourself safe. Your self harming is a heads up.

I’m sorry your struggling like this I think you really need this appt alone , maybe just getting it out of your head fully will ease your distress. Does your husband have an appt coming up ?? Maybe let him go in alone also. Some thoughts need to not be shared with a spouse especially if they are part of your distress.

I would not want my husband to come with me to Pdoc it T , I love him to bits but he does not need to know what all goes on in my head

Stop cutting and keep them clean

Stay safe