Frustrated with my physical situation. Nothing is working, and things are actually going downhill. A month ago it looked like a pretty straightforward case of pinkeye, but antibiotics haven't worked on it and I've tried allergy meds now too. Then followed a lot of coughing and this morning, a low fever. I look like absolute fright night **** and feel like it too. WHAT IS GOING ON??!! Am I just incredibly unlucky to have a morphing series of problems? Fortunately I have today off. I will be in bed.

And tomorrow I'm supposed to have a job interview. I just want to not look like a freaking monster. (And, you know, not be exhausted.) Afterwards, I'm supposed to go to work. That part's feeling quite unlikely at this point.

And it's going to be record-breaking temps. Fabulous.

Sorry for all the moaning and groaning, I'm just so frustrated.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Frustrated with my physical situation. Nothing is working, and things are actually going downhill. A month ago it looked like a pretty straightforward case of pinkeye, but antibiotics haven't worked on it and I've tried allergy meds now too. Then followed a lot of coughing and this morning, a low fever. I look like absolute fright night **** and feel like it too. WHAT IS GOING ON??!! Am I just incredibly unlucky to have a morphing series of problems? Fortunately I have today off. I will be in bed.

And tomorrow I'm supposed to have a job interview. I just want to not look like a freaking monster. (And, you know, not be exhausted.) Afterwards, I'm supposed to go to work. That part's feeling quite unlikely at this point.

And it's going to be record-breaking temps. Fabulous.

Sorry for all the moaning and groaning, I'm just so frustrated.

I’m sorry you are having ongoing problems with your eye. I would be beyond frustrated as well. I hope it clears up soon. Good luck with your interview tomorrow.

[Sunflower123]

I have a therapy appointment at 3:00 and I don’t want to go. I expected the first meeting last week to be a general question and answer session...kind of getting to know each other. We ended up jumping straight into one of my deepest issues.

I am eternally grateful for the breakthrough but I feel vulnerable and uncomfortable right now about going back. I’ll go. I don’t think my family would let me skip out anyway.

So happy having my daughter home for the summer. Lots of fun stuff planned. The really great part is that she is taking care of her dog while she is here so I slept all night without a dog waking me up between 2-5 am. Heavenly!

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

When I used to work, I used to have many times when I'd repeat again and again "I want to go home!" Well, I've been home for years now. Sometimes I still cry out "I want to go home!", but I am home. I guess I want to go to a place where things were just easier again. But they are tough, and I have to face these challenges. Sometimes I want to just run away, but I know that if I did, I'd be lost. Being totally lost is to me, like being in hell.

I have to remind myself that in between these cries I do have good days, and sometimes very good days. But when I'm stressed, those good days seem to be cloudy in my memory. So if I need to close my eyes and reach out my arms for a caress, I need to do it. I will reach for that caress and keep reaching until it will comfort me. When I'm ready, I can open my eyes and the things may not seem so foggy/cloudy anymore. However, if I never dared open my eyes again, there would only be blackness and nothingness. Not the kind of nothingness that is "free of", but the kind that is total loss and defeat.

[giddykitty]

I made beef stroganoff today and it came out well. I was really anxious about it. That's the good news. Bad news is I burnt the rice and am now having to do it again and I already think I forgot the salt, so added that. Now I gotta go make sure it finishes cooking.
2 more days till I start going off Abilify. I hope I can do it!

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

When I used to work, I used to have many times when I'd repeat again and again "I want to go home!" Well, I've been home for years now. Sometimes I still cry out "I want to go home!", but I am home. I guess I want to go to a place where things were just easier again. But they are tough, and I have to face these challenges. Sometimes I want to just run away, but I know that if I did, I'd be lost. Being totally lost is to me, like being in hell.

I have to remind myself that in between these cries I do have good days, and sometimes very good days. But when I'm stressed, those good days seem to be cloudy in my memory. So if I need to close my eyes and reach out my arms for a caress, I need to do it. I will reach for that caress and keep reaching until it will comfort me. When I'm ready, I can open my eyes and the things may not seem so foggy/cloudy anymore. However, if I never dared open my eyes again, there would only be blackness and nothingness. Not the kind of nothingness that is "free of", but the kind that is total loss and defeat.

I almost went there today, but I reminded myself it wasn't all bad and I accomplished something. I'm sure I'll have to remind myself again.

[Mountaindewed]

Today I kept my moods to myself. Even though I had a bad day. So I don’t think anyone noticed I was having a crappy day. But work went fine. I didn’t have any issues at home either. I rarely show my moods anyways. Sometimes I talk a lot at work and then suddenly get quiet. I don’t know if that means anything. Also sometimes I work incredibly fast and I don’t know if that’s a sign of mania or not. I don’t think work gives a flying **** since we are getting things done when I’m like that. So it’s probably not a bad thing if it’s mania if it’s productive mania.

[giddykitty]

My hubby isn't raving about my stroganoff. I'm a little bummed. As I said, I'll have to remind myself at least I did it and I don't think it was bad so...sigh. I will live.

[tecomsin]

Well I had this woman sending me multiple emails today questioning my character and saying I was 'reckless' and and 'poor judgement'. It is all because I did something she was not expecting and she had expected me to somehow get approval from her and another person before I did anything. She said I used information that I only got from her and this other person, but that is not true. I didn't use any sort of private information at all.

When I told her I was going to take a break from emailing until tomorrow so I would be in a better state of mind she wrote back that I was patronizing and not to contact her again.

It was a blessing in my mind because at least the criticism stopped. I think she is off her rocker to be blunt, but it was still bruising to be relentlessly insulted and have my character questioned repeatedly by this person.

It's so hard waiting around for meds to work. Tonight is my first night at 100mg of Lamictal and i could be on the verge of a break-through. Yet for a while this evening i thought i would quit the Lamictal and just tolerate my mild depression and work on withdrawing from Seroquel as it makes me a fatso, haha. I'm back on board with the Lamictal and telling myself to be patient and just hold on another two to four weeks. I've already put four weeks into titrating up. The Lamictal can't work if i don't take it. So hard to be patient!

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone; I hope all are doing well. I have been so busy the past few days. Then again I guess that is standard anymore. I guess this taught me that when the mini boss is gone for a month things head south really quickly and then you have to work in overdrive to accomplish everything you need to get done. It's Friday tomorrow and I still feel like I have a million and one things to get done.

Med wise tomorrow will be the two week marker and he's right I feel stable and happy on this medication and honestly I don't miss the Seroquel. I sleep just fine with a Gummy Melatonin; cat and human sleeping next to me. I feel like I have healthy energy inside me. I'm not Hypo; no side effects. I really do love this medication; odd to think I might be able to function with just a antidepressant; either way I am thrilled with how I have been doing/feeling.

I've had two stressful weeks and I've handled them well; no anxiety; no bad thoughts; just chill levelheadedness. Plus the nurses are saying I seem different in a good way.

Minus a stressful work day; I had a pretty good night. M got to meet my mother's family since they are in for my graduation. That dinner went awesome the family loves him; granted Grandmother was confused about his career.

Hugs to everyone

[Moose72]

Last night was my youngest's choir concert. He's been practicing a song for weeks! Learned the piano part and sang at the same time. He went all out and he got a standing ovation! He wore a white tie and tails with a vest and jacket and pants... Like a skinny young Liberace! It was beyond awesome! I recorded it on my phone (audio). Apparently they're putting the whole concert on Youtube. I hope its decent quality. My ex (N3s dad) couldn't make it because of his wife having car trouble. He said he was "gutted" for missing it. I would be too. No other family members came to see him except me and my daughter. The whole concert was good. The 3 of us went to Dairy Queen after to celebrate.

[~Christina]

Sorry I’m not up to date with what everyone is doing , hugs to anyone needing it.

I’m doing really well with my decreasing my meds. It’s a slow process. I’m being careful.

My husband and I spent most of yesterday landscaping around our house. We got a good rain today , so I’m hopeful that they will grow quickly

I’m still losing the weight since stooping Latuda , which is a huge relief. I hope it continues. I’m certainly not as hungry as I was when I was on it.

Hugs and cookies for everyone

[Gabyunbound]

I was finally able to sleep last night on only 1 klonopin. It was somewhat later than I'm used to, but fell asleep fine.

Seems my symptoms were only a blip, maybe not even a BP blip, I just don't know. I will, however, stay vigilant.

I'm thinking of stopping my French classes. I can't manage them anymore. I may lose some or all of the money I prepaid.

I don't feel like I can talk to my husband right now. I secretly called my psychiatrist. I hope he will call back later, when my husband is not home.

I just keep thinking about running away, but I know that would do more harm than good. I have no one to talk to about this. As said, this would upset my husband. My siblings are under a lot of stress, too, and I wouldn't want to seem to add more or seem self-centered. My therapist is fine, but she gives only superficial help between appointments. I feel only my psychiatrist can help.

Sometimes I think about pushing myself to the French class, but I imagine that as being the most hellish punishment on myself now. The old teacher surely doesn't understand. I imagine him and his wife being perplexed at me.

Update: I again cancelled my French class. I did not indicate permanent cancellation, though. I guess if they would like to drop me as a student, I understand.

Yesterday I drove to the hospital where my dad is. It was stressful. I had never driven there from my home. Only my childhood home. I had a GPS, but at some points I didn't trust it and felt lost. I did make it there. That place is horrible! It doesn't compare to the hospital he was briefly in a few weeks back. The place he is in is the same place I hold responsible for my nephew's passing.

I brought my dad slip on shoes, but soon after I handed the bag to the nurse she said there was only one shoe. I don't know where the other was. I also realized I didn't have my pocketbook or wallet. I accidentally left them home. I did have my phone and keys.

[Blueberrybook]

OMG, this would only have to happen to me. So, if you can believe it, my capsule endoscopy test had not much to offer but some extra unexpected anxiety. The doctor called me late yesterday afternoon. The pillcam stayed in my stomach the entire 7.5 hr. of filming, indicative of slow gastric emptying (doc thinks Seroquel is the likely culprit or gabapentin though he seemed to think it was the Seroquel if this was the case in my situation, could be damage to a gastric nerve during the ulcer repair, other causes exist too though I can cross diabetes off the list). To be sure the capsule exited my system and did not get stuck in the small intestine or stomach and need surgical removal, I had to get an X-ray (as I hadn't seen it in my stool, which is common for this procedure). Of course, it would be horrible pouring rain with tons of schools closed though my daughter's school was open. The roads here were fine, but I did notice the teacher parking lot seemed quite empty when I dropped my daughter off at 7:55 (first bell at 8, so I'm assuming the teachers need to be in by 8 AM). I know a lot of them do commute. One of my daughter's old 1st grade teachers told me she commuted nearly an hour from north of Houston.

I had to negotiate some high water along the way to the hospital near my GI doc's office, where I had to get the X-ray done because of the insurance, a 45 minute drive usually (and so couldn't use a closer place). There was one really scary point of high water in the road with a police officer helping to direct and give instructions based on your destination. I wouldn't have gone, but the doctor really seemed to feel it was urgent to get the X-ray pronto and not wait until Monday, and frankly, I needed it done fast in order to calm my nerves and stop Googling stuff and panicking myself even more. Tech at the hospital saw no capsule, and the GI doc's assistant called me to confirm that after the X-rays were read by a radiologist, no pillcam capsule remains in my digestive system. Thank God. That was a worry I definitely did not need!

I'm so unwell. I feel like I am going to die. I emailed my husband that with an apology.

[Victoria'smom]

BirdDancer it's time to think about going to the hospital. I'm sorry your going through this.

What's wrong BirdDancer?

[lightly toasted]

I've had a pretty crap week, (C-PTSD stuff) so I've not kept up with the posts. I'm looking forward to spending Sunday afternoon catching up. Just wanted to say, it's been a rough week, but I'm here and I'm okay.

[Daonnachd]

Hey, all. I haven't been keeping up. Sorry.

I went for a walk this morning, so I should be feeling good, right? Well, I'm not. I don't even feel it's worth your time to read this.


I'm two weeks from my next ECT and not doing well. In fact, I want to purge all of my hobby stuff. It's as if throwing it all out would cure me of how I'm feeling. Any wisdom regarding this? I have stuff I've sculpted, drawn, painted. How do I drag myself out of this?

[Wander]

Been pretty low the last few days. I could just be exhausted with a flare-up of Fibromyalgia so I am not panicking yet. Haven't done much except short walks and food shopping. Apart from that I have listened to music and watched TV, with a bit of housework in there. I am coping. The PTSD is still causing pain but it's not as bad as it was a week ago. Hip injury keeps flaring up as I find it difficult to not trigger it. It will take months to heal completely. Not much to report really.

Hope everyone is at least hanging in there and better times are ahead.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Hey, all. I haven't been keeping up. Sorry.

I went for a walk this morning, so I should be feeling good, right? Well, I'm not. I don't even feel it's worth your time to read this.


I'm two weeks from my next ECT and not doing well. In fact, I want to purge all of my hobby stuff. It's as if throwing it all out would cure me of how I'm feeling. Any wisdom regarding this? I have stuff I've sculpted, drawn, painted. How do I drag myself out of this?

I’m sorry I don’t have any advice but I’m thinking of you and sending hugs and supportive vibes. Please don’t throw out your hobby items. It sounds like really nice stuff and you may regret it when you feel better. I hope it happens soon.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I'm so unwell. I feel like I am going to die. I emailed my husband that with an apology.

Please take good care of yourself. Thinking of you.