[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Uuuggghhh...dealing with an incredibly toxic person who is a family member today. If I could distance myself I would but it would hurt mom too much. I just want some peace. I dislike the feelings of hurt, anger, tension and anxiety when I get around this person. I’ve tried everything I can think of to resolve it and it hasn’t worked. I’m tired of watering weeds.


She is hostile, aggressive, judgmental, unsupportive and generally an unpleasant person. It’s hard to be around... especially the screaming.


On a brighter note..it’s a beautiful day and I got a lot done around the house this morning. I’m looking forward to next week. It gets me closer to seeing M and I have a few fun activities lined up.


Warm wishes to all for a peaceful Sunday.

I’m sorry you stuck with someone like this a miserable , horrible person.

I think I’m just going to start making Voodoo dolls for people and start stabbing them daily

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hubby and I did a lot of prep for tomorrow. We're finally getting a new kitchen counter. I removed everything from the lower cabinets while he did work outdoors. We have to remove everything from the counters last minute. All of this always leads to cleaning/organization projects. Hubby will be home tomorrow because we may have an issue with the dishwasher.


My husband and I are still trying to sell some stuff we didn't donate to Vietnam Vets. He just got good money for an item he posted on Ebay, but the other stuff is too big to ship. I posted about 10 items on local county online Facebook "yard sale" sites, but no bites. Only three "likes" for the 1954 rotary sewing machine. "Likes" aren't sales. We'll see. Some stuff may eventually have to go for free to get rid of it. It's a shame! Many things are brand new never used. Others are vintage working items. We're asking for far less than Ebay or Etsy. Often the easiest way to get rid of stuff for free is to put it at the end of the driveway on sunny days with a big "Free" sign. Anything with any value goes. The two valuable books may go to the library or a used book shop.

Oh I would be so excited to get new counters ! But yes, it’s lots of work for sure.

We live was out in the woods, so no one would ever see anything we put out curbside for free.

We do use Facebook market places a lot and have always had good luck.

I do donate a lot to thrift stores in town.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I am so mad at my mom Today is my 15th anniversary. She called this morning early to wish me happy anniversary, but it was just before a romantic moment with H, kept calling persistently, home phone, cell phone, left message on our super loud answering machine. It woke my daughter and just ruined things. I know she meant well but who calls a person on the morning of their wedding anniversary, a bigger year even like 15, especially when it falls on the weekend?!


Does she even think about these things? It seemed like a checklist item. "Call daughter to wish happy anniversary. Do it first thing because I have church stuff most of the day."


I am so, so, so ANGRY at her!

I’m sorry Mom interfered so much , unless something is is literally on Fire one call and a message would certainly be enough.

Hope you have some plans tonight with just your husband.

Earlier today, I decided to finally call my father to say hello. I hadn't seen or talked to him since my uncle's funeral services 3 1/2 weeks ago. He hadn't called me either. When I reached him, he said he was not doing well at all (mood-wise). He barely said anything, which is not like he used to be when he was a well man in years past. I tried to keep the conversation upbeat and encouraged him to sit in his gazebo.I didn't mention anything about his drinking or meds, or anything like that.. It wasn't long before he felt unable to continue our conversation, so passed the phone to my brother. I hadn't really planned to talk to my brother, since I saw my brother for several hours this past Friday. My brother said he was spending time with Dad because he was concerned about his mental well-being. I'm afraid it is just a matter of time before my father ends up in the psych hospital again, or worse. My sister said as much when I talked to her this past week.

My father is a typical case of a person with a serious mental illness who tries to deny it. I write "tries" because he knows, but doesn't want to accept. I realize that's a contradictory statement. I think you know what I mean. Stigma! He drinks because he is depressed, desperate, and scared. My brother told several doctors at the three hospitals, my father ended up in a couple months ago, that we have a strong family history of bipolar disorder. And yet, my father would only accept an antidepressant and a blood thinner for his leg. And now, he doesn't even take them because of his drinking.

Dad has piles of unpaid bills from his last hospitalizations. We don't know if he doesn't pay them because he's unable to handle such things, or if he refuses because he tries to deny the hospitalizations ever happened. He has sufficient money to pay them. That's not an issue. We know he doesn't want to end up back there, or at least he told my brother that he NEVER wants to go to the "psych hospital" he was initially placed in again. The last two hospitals did try to address his psychiatric issues along with detox (though poorly), but they were officially general hospitals (just with psych wings) and not bona fide psych hospitals. To him there's a difference. It's a real shame, though. The psych hospital he went to is an especially good one with especially comfortable wings in a bucolic environment with peacocks and other animals roaming the grounds.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

My pdoc put me back on 150 mg of Wellbutrin for depression. Ever since I got the flu after my father died, I've fallen to a pretty low state. I got the flu the day after my sister got my son to secretly interrogate my mental state at a dinner we had together. He eventually spilled the beans and told me she had suggested I needed to be hospitalized to him and made him promise not to tell me her thoughts. It was all because I disagreed with her about something related to the estate of my father. She had sworn him to secrecy. And she did not raise any objections with me... it was all through my son.


Just before my father died, my best friend at the time dumped me on an outing we had together when she got a phone call to go be with another friend that day. After that I haven't seen or talked to her again.


I've also stopped going to my Emotions Anonymous meetings and my self care has slipped.


I've had very negative thoughts about almost everything, so I am hoping the Wellbutrin will help me reach a better state. Even if I am lonely there is no reason to make myself sad and upset and worried.


I am isolating at home too.

You have gone through so much emotion mountains and then the flu on top certainly is going to knock you sideways. I hope things begin to settle down and back into a routine soon.

Had you hip finally healed?

Can you go back to your group ? I would think it would be of benefit now especially.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Wow. She couldn't have left a message on the first number she called and left it at that? Im sorry you missed out on your romanic moment.

Thank you. Yes, it was quite annoying. And, on the flipside, we want to have the phone working in case some emergency happens.

But IDK, it's not like I would have flipped out if she wished me happy anniversary early or late or forgotten altogether. It's really not a big deal with me like I must have everyone calling and wishing me a happy anniversary or happy birthday, or my day is ruined.

General rule of thumb: Don't call a married couple to wish them happy anniversary on their anniversary day itself.

[Moose72]

This morning, I woke up because both my straps on the facemask of my CPAP were undone, making massive leaks back and forth as I tried to adjust them in my sleep. I noticed the straps were undone. Suddenly, I took off the mask- the part that was supposed to attach was gone! I got out of bed and shook out the sheets and comforter. I carefully lifted the pillows. Getting more frantic I tried the straps again- I looked under the bed, under the matress, back in the sheets and under the pillow. It was gone! I gave up. I got back in bed and looked online for a few. Sometime later, I realized- there WERE no parts missing. But why wouldn't the straps hook up? I quit.

Well, I think I got 7 hrs of sleep last night. Much better than the 5-6 I've been getting. Without meds at all, I know I need 7 hours a night, so that's my baseline, which means 5-6 isn't really enough for me. I'm afraid it's going to catch up to me sooner or later. I'm still feeling pretty good though.

Oh, and I went out to a local Italian restaurant for lunch with my mom and dad today, so that was nice. It was really good. I'm stuffed.

Hopefully within a week I can move to 1/4 of a tablet of my Rexulti. Then one week of that and off altogether. I'm sure as f*** not telling my pdoc or therapist this week. I'll tell them eventually, but not for a few months, which is when I should have rexulti entirely out of my system.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Earlier today, I decided to finally call my father to say hello. I hadn't seen or talked to him since my uncle's funeral services 3 1/2 weeks ago. He hadn't called me either. When I reached him, he said he was not doing well at all (mood-wise). He barely said anything, which is not like he used to be when he was a well man in years past. I tried to keep the conversation upbeat and encouraged him to sit in his gazebo.I didn't mention anything about his drinking or meds, or anything like that.. It wasn't long before he felt unable to continue our conversation, so passed the phone to my brother. I hadn't really planned to talk to my brother, since I saw my brother for several hours this past Friday. My brother said he was spending time with Dad because he was concerned about his mental well-being. I'm afraid it is just a matter of time before my father ends up in the psych hospital again, or worse. My sister said as much when I talked to her this past week.

My father is a typical case of a person with a serious mental illness who tries to deny it. I write "tries" because he knows, but doesn't want to accept. I realize that's a contradictory statement. I think you know what I mean. Stigma! He drinks because he is depressed, desperate, and scared. My brother told several doctors at the three hospitals, my father ended up in a couple months ago, that we have a strong family history of bipolar disorder. And yet, my father would only accept an antidepressant and a blood thinner for his leg. And now, he doesn't even take them because of his drinking.

Dad has piles of unpaid bills from his last hospitalizations. We don't know if he doesn't pay them because he's unable to handle such things, or if he refuses because he tries to deny the hospitalizations ever happened. He has sufficient money to pay them. That's not an issue. We know he doesn't want to end up back there, or at least he told my brother that he NEVER wants to go to the "psych hospital" he was initially placed in again. The last two hospitals did try to address his psychiatric issues along with detox (though poorly), but they were officially general hospitals (just with psych wings) and not bona fide psych hospitals. To him there's a difference. It's a real shame, though. The psych hospital he went to is an especially good one with especially comfortable wings in a bucolic environment with peacocks and other animals roaming the grounds.

I can only call my dad because I can't afford to go see him and he's getting too old and sick to fly or drive that distance too. He's also an alcoholic but I dont know if he's bipolar. I think you might be right that your dad's denying his psych hospitalization. My dad would too i believe.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Earlier today, I decided to finally call my father to say hello. I hadn't seen or talked to him since my uncle's funeral services 3 1/2 weeks ago. He hadn't called me either. When I reached him, he said he was not doing well at all (mood-wise). He barely said anything, which is not like he used to be when he was a well man in years past. I tried to keep the conversation upbeat and encouraged him to sit in his gazebo.I didn't mention anything about his drinking or meds, or anything like that.. It wasn't long before he felt unable to continue our conversation, so passed the phone to my brother. I hadn't really planned to talk to my brother, since I saw my brother for several hours this past Friday. My brother said he was spending time with Dad because he was concerned about his mental well-being. I'm afraid it is just a matter of time before my father ends up in the psych hospital again, or worse. My sister said as much when I talked to her this past week.

My father is a typical case of a person with a serious mental illness who tries to deny it. I write "tries" because he knows, but doesn't want to accept. I realize that's a contradictory statement. I think you know what I mean. Stigma! He drinks because he is depressed, desperate, and scared. My brother told several doctors at the three hospitals, my father ended up in a couple months ago, that we have a strong family history of bipolar disorder. And yet, my father would only accept an antidepressant and a blood thinner for his leg. And now, he doesn't even take them because of his drinking.

Dad has piles of unpaid bills from his last hospitalizations. We don't know if he doesn't pay them because he's unable to handle such things, or if he refuses because he tries to deny the hospitalizations ever happened. He has sufficient money to pay them. That's not an issue. We know he doesn't want to end up back there, or at least he told my brother that he NEVER wants to go to the "psych hospital" he was initially placed in again. The last two hospitals did try to address his psychiatric issues along with detox (though poorly), but they were officially general hospitals (just with psych wings) and not bona fide psych hospitals. To him there's a difference. It's a real shame, though. The psych hospital he went to is an especially good one with especially comfortable wings in a bucolic environment with peacocks and other animals roaming the grounds.

Oh goodness,

Personally i have no expiration of a parent living life in a mess like you do.

You are a very strong woman to keep yourself well and try to help your father that sadly just doesn’t want to help himself.

I really admire you

[Wander]

My partner has been staying at my place the last few days. It has been great to have his company. Being alone for days on end is not good for me. My partner is struggling with depression so I have kept my issues to myself. This is ok. Talking wouldn’t really help anyway. We haven’t done much at all. Relaxing has been nice.

Still, I feel lost. The Fibromyalgia restricts me as I get so exhausted and cannot plan to be at big events. I have to see how I am on the day. This makes going back to work questionable. It made me pull out of university last week.

This leaves me with no future plans. All I can do right now is focus on getting my mental and physical health as good as possible and go from there. I feel so vulnerable from the PTSD and life beating me down in general. I’m scared and overwhelmed, but I won’t stop fighting and enjoying life when I can.

[LadyShadow]

Another stressful day. Went through 6000 emails on my Gmail account that gave me a pounding headache. I am in good spirits though, I joined Writer's Work today and am on my way to launching my freelance writing career. Exciting times!

[yellow_fleurs]

Quite a busy weekend, but I did it, I am all moved into my new place. I like it and am excited about it. After all that I was grabbing some supplies and ran out of gas and had to wait quite awhile for AAA to come, but it was my fault for letting my tank run low. I already briefly met a couple of my new neighbors and they seem friendly. It's going to be a busy week and I will be starting it off tired from the move so I should get some sleep. Hope everyone has a good night!

[~Christina]

Anyone on Humira shots ?

[wildflowerchild25]

Had a bizarre dream.

Possible trigger:

Basically for ok what I remember I made my old boss angry somehow and he took me hostage with a gun. He was just about to shoot me and all I did was close my eyes and breathe, knowing I was about to die. Then the police came out of nowhere and took him down. Then I woke up.

I didn’t feel scared in the dream, just at peace with what was about to happen. It was odd.

I had another dream about RS over the weekend about him leaving me. We weren’t living together and he wouldn’t text me back or answer my phone calls, so I couldn’t figure out whether he had broken up with me or not. That made me sad but it further proves that these dreams are based on being scared to lose RS. Hopefully as we move forward in our relationship this fear will eventually ease.

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Had a bizarre dream.

Possible trigger:

Basically for ok what I remember I made my old boss angry somehow and he took me hostage with a gun. He was just about to shoot me and all I did was close my eyes and breathe, knowing I was about to die. Then the police came out of nowhere and took him down. Then I woke up.

I didn’t feel scared in the dream, just at peace with what was about to happen. It was odd.

I had another dream about RS over the weekend about him leaving me. We weren’t living together and he wouldn’t text me back or answer my phone calls, so I couldn’t figure out whether he had broken up with me or not. That made me sad but it further proves that these dreams are based on being scared to lose RS. Hopefully as we move forward in our relationship this fear will eventually ease.

What makes you worried that you'll lose him? Did something bad happen recently?

[fern46]

I had disturbing dream last night that I couldn't shake when I woke up. My mind kept thinking 'what if it is true?' even though I was also thinking that there was no rational way for the dream to be true. I don't like it when my mind battles itself like this. I don't like it when delusional thoughts find their way in even for a moment. It makes me fearful they will increase in frequency and I won't be able to realize they are delusions like when my episode occurred last year. My episode felt like I was stuck inside of a dream state that I couldn't break out of. I never want to feel that way again and last night felt a little bit like that for a few moments. I'm triggered.

I haven't remembered my dreams in months. All of a sudden I have been having vivid dreams for the past few days. I'd really like it to stop. I plan to do a better job setting my intention before I fall asleep tonight. I am hopeful that will help.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hi, all.

I’m sitting at the pharmacy waiting for my refills. I guess it’s better than standing, since these things normally take an hour.

Shooting had us rattled a little. I don’t know how much more this city will take.

Otherwise we’re just puttering along.

Love and hugs to everyone.

[Scooter9]

I spent the day out in a park with friends yesterday. I have known these friends for over 15 years and there was lots of conversation and food and it was a great day.

But I didn't enjoy it. It's like everything was gray colored. And I feel really guilty about feeling that way.

I should be enjoying things like this but I'm depressed and these activities are just not helping me get out of this low I'm in.

I'm just on my 4th day on 450 of Wellbutrin so no changes yet. Here's hoping it works this time. There are just a few weeks of summer left and it would be nice to see the beautiful days for what they are.

[Daonnachd]

I'm going to see my pdoc this afternoon. That means a slightly shorter day of work. It also means no ride today as her office is an hour away. Getting there and back will chew up all my time.

Therapy today. Not sure if I should tell her I stopped my meds again. I'm afraid she'll tell my pdoc. I don't see what good would come out of telling her, but I do try to be honest with these people when I think they're on my side (my pdoc is definitely NOT on my side, not sure about my therapist yet). I'm doing well despite not sleeping well last night. I slept outside and there was a lot going on with coyotes after midnight.

[Jedi67]

Originally Posted by fern46

I had disturbing dream last night that I couldn't shake when I woke up. My mind kept thinking 'what if it is true?' even though I was also thinking that there was no rational way for the dream to be true. I don't like it when my mind battles itself like this. I don't like it when delusional thoughts find their way in even for a moment. It makes me fearful they will increase in frequency and I won't be able to realize they are delusions like when my episode occurred last year. My episode felt like I was stuck inside of a dream state that I couldn't break out of. I never want to feel that way again and last night felt a little bit like that for a few moments. I'm triggered.

I haven't remembered my dreams in months. All of a sudden I have been having vivid dreams for the past few days. I'd really like it to stop. I plan to do a better job setting my intention before I fall asleep tonight. I am hopeful that will help.

sorry to hear about your dream. they can become so vivid and they stay with you the whole day. that's why I had to go off of the Mirtazapine. way too many vivid dreams that would keep me up in the middle of the night. hope you get some quiet rest!

[Jedi67]

didn't sleep as well as I wanted to. broken sleep. some morning anxiety and feeling sluggish. no klonopin though since I have driving to do today. afterwards I'm go to watch a movie and relax. making some grilled pork cutlets later for the Mrs. hope everyone is well.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Jedi67

sorry to hear about your dream. they can become so vivid and they stay with you the whole day. that's why I had to go off of the Mirtazapine. way too many vivid dreams that would keep me up in the middle of the night. hope you get some quiet rest!

Thanks Jedi. I was highly delusional when I was sick and I get nervous any time the tiniest delusion crosses my mind. I felt like my dream world and my waking world were one and the same and this kinda felt like that. I told my husband all about it and asked him to keep an extra watchful eye on me. He was glad I told him, but he thinks it is just a normal reaction to a nightmare that feels real.

I'm not having racing thoughts or trouble focusing. I'm not having any additional delusions. My energy is normal and I'm sleeping 8 or or 9 hours a night.

I think I'm ok. I just want to be as vigilant as possible. I've never had a relapse, so I don't really know what to be on the lookout for in terms of warning signs for me.

[Nammu]

Not been sleeping well at all. Keep waking up all though the night. So no dreams, I miss my dreams. Getting irritatable. My daughter called yesterday morning that she was coming over today. I'm hoping she feeds the kids first as we don't have kid friendly foods. Texted her at 3:30 am to tell her not to come early as both of us were still up and not sleeping yet. Think the Ambien has pooped out. It's a different brand and doesn't work at all.