[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Ezrigirl

I have come to terms. Since I am bipolar and a lesbian. I will not be able to get married and have a loving relationship. i will be alone for the rest of my life. I have stopped at the store, and got me a big bottle of vodka. I am going to get drunk.

I hope you can avoid that Bottle, it’s only going to make matters worse.

Right now you might feel there will not be love and marriage in your future but I’m certain that’s just Bipolar lying to you.

Stay safe.

[liveforsummer]

15 days on cymbalta and all it’s doing is making me so tired and fatigued.

Hugs to all 🙂

[Blueberrybook]

Mood has been pretty up and down lately, but it seems to be getting better. H and I had a stomach bug during the 4th and all weekend, so I am also pretty wiped out. Stuff seems to be improving after the iron infusions (just over a month now) though I am still waiting on energy and memory to improve.

I took my daughter to get a haircut, much to her protests, but she had so many split ends and quite long hair. Now her hair looks really cute, nice and straight in the back. My daughter seems to like it too though she definitely did not want to get anything cut off in the beginning. That’s all I did today. Stupid mind jumps back and forth so much, I ended up accomplishing nothing.

Thanks for the hugs, guys! My husband and I waited about 5 hours in the sun in the middle of almost nowhere, in New York state, for roadside assistance to finally get us a tow to a car shop. We're sunburned and the experience was horrible! A complaint about our roadside assistance has been made. We finally found our way to a town called Hudson in New York. The car will be looked at tomorrow at a Midas shop. We are in a hotel there, instead of home. We will likely have to wait all morning for the car to be fixed. I hope it can be fixed! We're hoping it's just the radiator. Luckily, Hudson is not a bad town, but it adds hundreds of dollars to a vacation that wasn't expected.

I may be missing my uncle's funeral as a result of our car breakdown. I emailed my sister asking when it is. I don't even know right now. She did write that she ordered flowers from all of us.

Hubby and I literally have almost empty carry-ons with us at the hotel. The rest is in the car at the shop. We're sleeping in day clothes and hubby has no fresh ones for tomorrow. We were sweating a lot! Luckily, I have one remaining clean pair of undies and pants (he doesn't) and mostly clean blouse. I have my toiletries, but hubby left the toothpaste at the last hotel. Compared to years of ole' I was pretty calm and tolerant, but towards the end of the 5 hours I was far less so. Frantic behavior plus NJ spirit showed its head. I was ready for us to abandon the car and hitch hike.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Thanks for the hugs, guys! My husband and I waited about 5 hours in the sun in the middle of almost nowhere, in New York state, for roadside assistance to finally get us a tow to a car shop. We're sunburned and the experience was horrible! A complaint about our roadside assistance has been made. We finally found our way to a town called Hudson in New York. The car will be looked at tomorrow at a Midas shop. We are in a hotel there, instead of home. We will likely have to wait all morning for the car to be fixed. I hope it can be fixed! We're hoping it's just the radiator. Luckily, Hudson is not a bad town, but it adds hundreds of dollars to a vacation that wasn't expected.

I may be missing my uncle's funeral as a result of our car breakdown. I emailed my sister asking when it is. I don't even know right now. She did write that she ordered flowers from all of us.

Hubby and I literally have almost empty carry-ons with us at the hotel. The rest is in the car at the shop. We're sleeping in day clothes and hubby has no fresh ones for tomorrow. We were sweating a lot! Luckily, I have one remaining clean pair of undies and pants (he doesn't) and mostly clean blouse. I have my toiletries, but hubby left the toothpaste at the last hotel. Compared to years of ole' I was pretty calm and tolerant, but towards the end of the 5 hours I was far less so. Frantic behavior plus NJ spirit showed its head. I was ready for us to abandon the car and hitch hike.

How awful! On top of everything else. I hope your car is repaired pronto and you can get home soon.

[Wander]

Last night I was suddenly energised and motivated so I cleaned my flat. I was still physically sore from my exercise earlier in the day but couldn’t rest. For the first time in ages I had trouble sleeping even with Seroquel. Still, I got almost seven hours so no need to worry. I am hoping this is a sign I’m improving. Up early, done some exercise and now off to the dentist.

It’s my partners birthday today so I will be staying with him tonight. He’s really depressed. I hope I can help even just by being there.

Originally Posted by Ezrigirl

I have come to terms. Since I am bipolar and a lesbian. I will not be able to get married and have a loving relationship. i will be alone for the rest of my life. I have stopped at the store, and got me a big bottle of vodka. I am going to get drunk.

I do not think your fears need be true, at all. Having bipolar disorder definitely need not stop you from finding love. As for being a lesbian, this is 2019. Opportunities to find same sex love are greater than ever. I'm not a lesbian, but I know that there are many places to meet others who wish same sex romance and eventual marriage. I can't speak for all towns in all states or countries, but in my part of the country, same sex relationships are not uncommon at all, and are mostly quite accepted.

[sadveiledbride]

Feeling like **** on this Monday evening.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

15 days on cymbalta and all it’s doing is making me so tired and fatigued.


Hugs to all

My husband took it about 5-6 years ago and he complained about fatigue in the beginning, it must have resolved as I’m sure he would have dumped it.

Hope your body adjusts soon, being tired all the time in its self is depressing

[~Christina]

Oh how dreadful

I hope they can quickly fix your car in the morning, and your on your way home. I’m glad your sister took care of flowers, at least one thing you didn’t have to handle.

5 hours in the sun, I just can’t imagine. I absolutely can not handle the heat.

I’m so glad you are not letting that company off the hook. Decent Customer service is so hard to find these days.

Hope you can make it so you can go to the funeral, hows your Dad holding up ?

Safe travels

I’m eating a crumpet (English muffin) right now. I hate crumpets. But it’s the only free food available at work right now and I get dizzy when I don’t eat. And no amount of butter or anything is going to make me like them!

I guess I shouldn’t complain about free food, but it sucks that I forgot to bring something today. I don’t even have lunch or a credit card!! So it looks like I’ll be having crumpets for lunch too. Ugh... Godda.mn crumpets... lol.

Otherwise doing ok. I was hearing things this morning, but they lasted all of 30 seconds, so I think I’m ok. I just wish I weren't at work today. I’d rather be sleeping right about now. Zzz... But alas, I am being paid to do a job, so I gotta drag myself to work to do it.

[Ezrigirl]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I guess I shouldn’t complain about free food, ...

You can always become a Sams Club member. They give away free food, and it becomes a problem when there are so many senior citizens grouping around for free food. They are like pigs at a farm, and for some strange reason, can take 10 minutes to eat one finger food. Looking for a opening to get around them, I am thinking, please, just move to Florida.

Originally Posted by Ezrigirl

You can always become a Sams Club member. They give away free food, and it becomes a problem when there are so many senior citizens grouping around for free food. They are like pigs at a farm, and for some strange reason, can take 10 minutes to eat one finger food. Looking for a opening to get around them, I am thinking, please, just move to Florida.

Thanks for the info

I can afford food. I just haven’t gone grocery shopping in a while and forgot to bring food altogether. I also left my credit card on the kitchen table because I had used it yesterday to buy something online.

I also don’t work near a sams club.

My memory sucks between having ADHD and meds like lamictal. I'm so forgetful.

[Nevvy]

Sooooo, I dunno.

My memory is so bad right now, and my pdoc just raised my lithium dose because we think it's contributing to my weird mixes the past year or so. So that's cool, I don't it as an extra pill, but it is in reality? I'm not enthusiastic really.

My broken brain has to somehow get through a chain of job interviews tomorrow, not in my native language. Not looking forward to it because I panic and lose my train of thought and my language level crashes. I wanted to try propranolol but my team doesn't like the idea... I don't know how I can do this.

But in other news, I bought an airfryer and it's awesome.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh how dreadful

I hope they can quickly fix your car in the morning, and your on your way home. I’m glad your sister took care of flowers, at least one thing you didn’t have to handle.

5 hours in the sun, I just can’t imagine. I absolutely can not handle the heat.

I’m so glad you are not letting that company off the hook. Decent Customer service is so hard to find these days.

Hope you can make it so you can go to the funeral, hows your Dad holding up ?

Safe travels

Thanks, Christina 😊

We got a good night's sleep at the hotel. It's a nice one. We're still waiting to hear from the car shop. I hope it's only the radiator.

My sister said my uncle's service is on Thursday and the funeral on Friday, so I will make it. I don't know if I will go to both. Such family get-togethers are always very stressful, though I know they're necessary. Even though I was estranged from my uncle, I still feel quite sad about his passing. I think Dad is OK. I will call him daily for a while. I just hope he doesn't start drinking again. That could be his end.

[wildflowerchild25]

I had a horrible night last night. Yesterday I was bored so I slept literally all day (from 9:30 until 3:45). So of course I couldn’t sleep at night. Then when I finally fell asleep around 12:30a I had a horrible nightmare that RS was in bed with me having a seizure right next to me. It seemed so real that I grabbed him and accidentally punched him to wake him out of the seizure. Then I woke all the way up and realized he was ok but my heart was racing and I couldn’t go back to sleep. He rubbed my arm for a few minutes until I relaxed my grip on him and then went back to sleep. I finally fell asleep again but it was not a good sleep, lots of tossing and turning. Plus I had drank so much water that I had to get up like five times to use the bathroom. So an all around horrible night.

So instead of sleeping today (even though I’m dead tired) I’m going to clean and then go down to my sister in law’s house and have lunch with her. That way hopefully I get some good sleep tonight. We are going to the water park tomorrow so I want to be fresh and awake. I’m going to make sure to wear lots of sunscreen so I don’t get horribly burned like I did at the beach. Don’t want another infection! That was awful.

I considered applying for a general education teaching job but I don’t think I will. I won’t be happy in general education. I just want to make more money. I won’t graduate from my master’s program until December of 2020. So I’ll have to be poor until then. That upsets me. But I did it in college so I guess I can do it now.

This is day four with no smoking and I’m chugging along. Some cravings yesterday but I talked myself out of them.

[Ezrigirl]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Thanks for the info

@bluebicycle I wish we were friends

[Cornucopia]

Increased my dose of lamictal today.
Had a session with my new T. Only seen her five or maybe six times, but we are really getting places.

She suggested group-therapy for couples, starting in the fall and lasting a year, in addition to my sessions with her. I think we will say yes to that.

Still learning to control this roller-coaster, it’s getting harder than it used to- feeling the impact is stronger. Along the road I am also getting more tools, so it kinda balances out. But it’s like after the mania with psychosis something changed.

Oh well, in a pretty good place, just need to eat heathier, I gained a bit during my depressive hibernation period.

[Ezrigirl]

I am going to be with my best friend tonight, a bottle of vodka.

[Moose72]

I see my case manager tomorrow morning. She says she hasn't heard from me in a while. Hmm. I guess not.

Listening to the CD I got yesterday through Amazon. Its one I used to have but lost. Now I have it again.

[sadveiledbride]

Feeling okay today but irritated.

[Blue_Bird]

I've been struggling with my ED today. But aside from that I'm doing well, despite being completely exhausted most of the day. I did my nails and they came out really cute. Got some decaf coffee since I'm trying to cut back on caffeine

[Wander]

Seeing my T and pdoc today. I’m in trouble. High anxiety plus other symptoms have me spiralling into oblivion. So much going on. I was getting better and I ****ed up, though this result is not all my fault. Rehearsing what to say. I’m guessing IP will be strongly encouraged. I can no longer go on like this. Unfortunately I have heaps on in the next week. Appointments and such. Maybe I can push it back. Maybe I can stand strong and stay out of hospital. I can’t think clearly enough to know what’s best.

[Victoria'smom]

So I put a fundraiser on facebook for the suicidal prevention hotline for my birthday. Later I got a frantic call from my mom asking what THAT was about and if she needs to come down. It was such a mess. I spent a while trying to explain to her that it's just a fundraiser. Then I put it on FB that it's just a fundraiser. I left my current feelings out of it because that would have mucked everything up more. It's nice to know they care. It's the first time they've initiated are you okay? instead of just expecting me to be okay. They know I have BP and take medication for it. They finally accept that part.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Ezrigirl

I am going to be with my best friend tonight, a bottle of vodka.

Hi Ezrigirl,

I am glad you have found PC and are posting with us here.

I need to share with you the fact that I find this type of post very unhealthy and quite triggering. While I cannot speak for anyone but myself, it may help you to realize that many here are trying to stay sober and/or have a traumatic background involving alcohol.

I am truly very sorry for your pain and suffering.

I hope you are interested in learning some healthier coping skills. If you are interested in a list of healthier coping skills, just ask. I am sure we'd all be happy to share our own varied methods of coping.

I hope you will stay here with us!

Thanks so much for your understanding!