[Moose72]

Got the tree decorated finally!

[yellow_fleurs]

My pdoc's office called back and I am scheduled for the end of January. I asked if I needed to do any new patient paperwork and they said not to worry about it. They know me pretty well at this point, so I think they didn't see the point in making me do all that. I mean I was seeing this pdoc weekly for awhile. I am feeling good about this, and I'll have some time to write up what I want to discuss when I visit. It helps that I have more insight into the OCD now and am not completely lost as to what's going on in my brain, so I'll be able to explain all of that.

Feeling a little irritable today, I think too much caffeine plus sugar. However, I have started to eat full breakfasts that include protein and I do think that's helping with my anxiety and focus throughout the day.

Due to the OCD and all the other issues, I have not been as active in my community and what is going on around the world as I normally would be because the news would trigger me into a really bad place and then I would be incapacitated. At that point I felt I was unable to keep up with basic tasks and be a good family member, friend, worker, etc. So I had to kind of focus on that first. I am hoping I am at a point where I can become more aware and involved, and pay attention to what's going on more (it'll be a form of exposure therapy in a way) and still remain functioning mentally. So, that is a plan of mine.

[Victoria'smom]

I need to write to T from now on. Whether she reads it or not is besides the point. Today I didn't say anything important. I'm getting frustrating myself.

Today was a little better (I used some of the tricks my therapist and @whatever2013 mentioned). I had some very overwhelming moments and really wish I could call in tomorrow. At least I will have Saturday off. I don't know how to handle this job. I feel like I'm drowning with every call I get. I gotta get a hold of myself, I'm losing it. I'm doing alright other than that. I just hope to end the year on a good note, not excess worry and stress.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wander

I’ve fallen of a cliff emotionally. My mood has tanked and SI flood me. The needle worked but for some reason (probably psychological stress) I’m drowning. I can’t stop crying. Christmas is always a bad time for me. Bad memories. I broke down talking to the registrar and he has put me on close observations ( I’m IP right now). I’m in a very dangerous head space. I don’t know exactly why now as I felt great after the injection. I did have a couple of very triggering conversations yesterday. Now I’m in trouble. I’m going to stress my family out by being sick for Christmas. But the other option is far worse. I’m feeling too much, too deeply. I can’t cope. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t even think the hospital and staff can stop this rapid decline. Thankfully I’m too exhausted to run away, but I want to. I’m trapped. Words fail. It’s bad, really bad.

I’m sorry Are you feeling any better yet?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Just got the phone call from the clinic, no infection, no cancer, just and ulcer and some spots of concern. I have to follow up with my dr and probably on on a proton pump pill. So whew.

Good news !!!! Yep another pill ... but a much needed one

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Feeling much better since they doubled my Vraylar. It helped that I had a great session with my T yesterday.

Getting everything ready for M to come home Saturday. It’s a good thing as I haven’t gotten but one gift for Christmas (I despise any kind of shopping but online). We’ll go out together Saturday and it will be fun and tolerable.

Recovering nicely from my fall. It’s just a big, bruised goose egg now.

I’ve worn my hair really long for years and I decided to get a short bob today. It feels incredible having that weight gone and weird at the same time. Overall, I’m pleased.

Warm wishes to all for a good night’s rest and a peaceful day tomorrow.

It is always a strange feeling when you wash it for the first time. Your hands run down to wash the rest and then you realize it's gone.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I order a lot of gifts online. I had accumulated a number of unopened boxes and decided to open and wrap them this morning. It was the third one I opened. Inside was a cookbook of a fairly well-known cooking site/publisher. I hadn't ordered a cookbook! I started reading the accompanying cover letter to discover that a recipe I submitted was included. I submit a lot of recipes for contests and online publication. Which one did they publish? It wasn't written on the cover letter, so I started to leaf through. Of all the recipes, it was my husband's rhubarb strudel recipe. He bakes only that and an Easter bread. Otherwise, I'm the sole baker/cook of the house, and they publish HIS recipe! Good grief!


I'm happy for hubby, but yea, a little jealous. At least I can say that my accompanying story likely helped "sell" it.


Hubby is home today through the Christmas holiday. I decorated our front door and dining room wreaths. I may add fresh flowers to the one in the dining room. They still need to go up.

Very cool about the book ! But o think your cookies would have been better !!!

Enjoy having more time with your husband, it’s nice he has time off.

[yellow_fleurs]

Wander I am sorry, I hope you're feeling better.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Feeling much better since they doubled my Vraylar. It helped that I had a great session with my T yesterday.


Getting everything ready for M to come home Saturday. It’s a good thing as I haven’t gotten but one gift for Christmas (I despise any kind of shopping but online). We’ll go out together Saturday and it will be fun and tolerable.


Recovering nicely from my fall. It’s just a big, bruised goose egg now.


I’ve worn my hair really long for years and I decided to get a short bob today. It feels incredible having that weight gone and weird at the same time. Overall, I’m pleased.


Warm wishes to all for a good night’s rest and a peaceful day tomorrow.

Glad your feeling better and have many things planned out

New hair styles can always give us a boost.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Got the tree decorated finally!

I bet it’s beautiful !

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

My pdoc's office called back and I am scheduled for the end of January. I asked if I needed to do any new patient paperwork and they said not to worry about it. They know me pretty well at this point, so I think they didn't see the point in making me do all that. I mean I was seeing this pdoc weekly for awhile. I am feeling good about this, and I'll have some time to write up what I want to discuss when I visit. It helps that I have more insight into the OCD now and am not completely lost as to what's going on in my brain, so I'll be able to explain all of that.


Feeling a little irritable today, I think too much caffeine plus sugar. However, I have started to eat full breakfasts that include protein and I do think that's helping with my anxiety and focus throughout the day.


Due to the OCD and all the other issues, I have not been as active in my community and what is going on around the world as I normally would be because the news would trigger me into a really bad place and then I would be incapacitated. At that point I felt I was unable to keep up with basic tasks and be a good family member, friend, worker, etc. So I had to kind of focus on that first. I am hoping I am at a point where I can become more aware and involved, and pay attention to what's going on more (it'll be a form of exposure therapy in a way) and still remain functioning mentally. So, that is a plan of mine.

So glad you have an appt set up , one less thing to worry about !

You have good insight and can make good choices to get back on track

[Nammu]

My oldest sister came over today. I made my shrimp pasta lunch and she did dishes. She ended up deep cleaning the sink. I've never seen it so white! She's a little Dynamo once she gets going on cleaning she can't stop. Was nice to have her over tho.

[~Christina]

Busy day .. had to go get the mail stopped. Then on to Hellmart to get tires rotated and balanced. Well I couldn’t find the original receipts of buying the tires, we always buy the lifetime rotate, balance ... guy was looking it up and wasn’t finding it .... I think I might have flirted a bit ?! Anyway I didn’t have to pay 48.00 so it’s all goooooood LOL

Picked up my meds and grabbed some snacks for the drive and just threw wings in my Airfryer

I might over serve myself some Xanax tonight , I really need at least 6 hours I’d prefer 12 but I’ll take any I can get.

My pain is terrible today. I insisted my husband stay home and work on his back it’s been out since Saturday !! He’s in awful pain. If it doesn’t work it’s self out, I’ll have to load and unload everything and all the driving. Sigh

Anyone else have a Airfryer and love it ?!!

[yellow_fleurs]

Christina, glad you didn't have to pay for the tire rotation! I hope you get some rest tonight. I am really sorry you are having terrible pain. I wish there was more we could do to help. I am sending lots of compassion.

[Nammu]

My sister has an air fryer, she loves it. Yeah do treat yourself to a X tonight. You need all the sleep you can get.

[Blue_Bird]

Things have been strange lately. Severe depression but also with bursts of energy and laughing/euphoria. I feel like reality is slipping away. Keep thinking my meds are poisoning me and feeling like my brain is melting/falling apart. I called my therapist and made an appointment for Monday. I'm just doing everything I can to avoid going to the hospital, I haven't been there in 3 years and don't want to have to go again.

[Pookyl]

It’s been a big 24hrs for our household. My son graduated yesterday from his first degree. DH and I had to hire a car and we drove with our daughter 2hrs to my son’s university.
After the ceremony we had a celebratory lunch and my husband took me clothes shopping. Then he later took me out for dinner prior to returning the hire car.

I was so anxious all day that I was close to panic. Despite taking Valium and doing all the right things it felt like I was drowning in the waves of anxiety. Of course I felt fine when I was finally home and in my pj’s.
I’m being taught to treat anxiety like waves that I’m meant to bob up and down in. The problem is the waves feel so big and chaotic that I keep visualising that I’m drowning. I know anxiety can’t kill me but still....

[Wander]

Things are bad. Really bad. I’m not going to be discharged by Christmas as Christmas is a major trigger. I’m barely managing not getting locked up. I’m so emotional. Finally I’ve told my Mum why Christmas is bad (I was abused every Christmas growing up). She was upset but supportive. I know she blames herself so I don’t want to add to that burden.

Why it has all hit me after having that injection and conversion with my T is uncertain. I think talking about it was the trigger, but it had to be talked about as the flashbacks were bad. I have strong SI but would never in my right mind do this to my loved ones at Christmas.
I can’t stop crying. I feel overwhelmed. The nurses are being very supportive but my pdoc never shows up, and he knows how much it does my head in when he promises to show but doesn’t. He’s lost my trust again.

I’m allowed out for a few hours with my Mum as they know I would never run with her there as cause her that distress. At least while still in my right mind. I’m scared I’m going to snap soon tough. I’m scared.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Things have been strange lately. Severe depression but also with bursts of energy and laughing/euphoria. I feel like reality is slipping away. Keep thinking my meds are poisoning me and feeling like my brain is melting/falling apart. I called my therapist and made an appointment for Monday. I'm just doing everything I can to avoid going to the hospital, I haven't been there in 3 years and don't want to have to go again.

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a tough day. I’m glad you have an appt on Monday ! How do you plan to manage until then ?!? How can I help ?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

It’s been a big 24hrs for our household. My son graduated yesterday from his first degree. DH and I had to hire a car and we drove with our daughter 2hrs to my son’s university.

After the ceremony we had a celebratory lunch and my husband took me clothes shopping. Then he later took me out for dinner prior to returning the hire car.


I was so anxious all day that I was close to panic. Despite taking Valium and doing all the right things it felt like I was drowning in the waves of anxiety. Of course I felt fine when I was finally home and in my pj’s.

I’m being taught to treat anxiety like waves that I’m meant to bob up and down in. The problem is the waves feel so big and chaotic that I keep visualising that I’m drowning. I know anxiety can’t kill me but still....

Congratulations for your Son !!

Did you find anything nice when you were shopping ??

Anxiety is really about riding the waves, white knuckle at times. I hope your Valium starts to give you assistance to calm the anxiety more

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Congratulations for your Son !!

Did you find anything nice when you were shopping ??

Anxiety is really about riding the waves, white knuckle at times. I hope your Valium starts to give you assistance to calm the anxiety more

Yes, I found a couple of cute tops, denim shorts (bib overalls) and a nice little dress. They will also still look nice even if I manage to lose weight.

It’s riding the waves that I struggle with. Maybe I need a different analogy. In real I’ve almost drowned in the ocean a couple of times. So in real life I’m scared of waves. I think I need to imagine riding a different type of waves - any suggestions??

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a tough day. I’m glad you have an appt on Monday ! How do you plan to manage until then ?!? How can I help ?

Just by replying and being a friend you're helping me. thank you I appreciate your kindness.

I'm basically doing everything I can, distractions, relaxation techniques, etc . It's hard when an altered sense of reality takes over me though. Right now I'm listening to music and just made a Christmas card to mail out to a friend. I have my cats relaxing with me. One is on me right now purring and snuggling

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wander

Things are bad. Really bad. I’m not going to be discharged by Christmas as Christmas is a major trigger. I’m barely managing not getting locked up. I’m so emotional. Finally I’ve told my Mum why Christmas is bad (I was abused every Christmas growing up). She was upset but supportive. I know she blames herself so I don’t want to add to that burden.


Why it has all hit me after having that injection and conversion with my T is uncertain. I think talking about it was the trigger, but it had to be talked about as the flashbacks were bad. I have strong SI but would never in my right mind do this to my loved ones at Christmas.

I can’t stop crying. I feel overwhelmed. The nurses are being very supportive but my pdoc never shows up, and he knows how much it does my head in when he promises to show but doesn’t. He’s lost my trust again.


I’m allowed out for a few hours with my Mum as they know I would never run with her there as cause her that distress. At least while still in my right mind. I’m scared I’m going to snap soon tough. I’m scared.

I’m sorry things have taken a turn , again. There’s a few things you might not realize.

You recently had to get off Haldol because it causes vision problems... but The Haldol and your deciding to just get help was what allowed your mind to quiet. Now no Haldol? Of course your going to backslide and the world is going to tilt again.

What medication is being tried now? and yes “ tried “ is really what treating bipolar is all about ... “trying” meds to see if they fit or not

Your parents are always a trigger so lately your allowing them to be around you a lot more than when you are just in your home. Why even see them right now ? Especially right now?? How can that help you feel better/more stable??

I’m sorry your Pdoc isn’t showing when he says..defiantly ask him why he’s not showing.

If Christmas is a trigger for you then you are in the best place you can be.

You are in a safe place , safe place.

Take in a deep slow breath..

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Yes, I found a couple of cute tops, denim shorts (bib overalls) and a nice little dress. They will also still look nice even if I manage to lose weight.


It’s riding the waves that I struggle with. Maybe I need a different analogy. In real I’ve almost drowned in the ocean a couple of times. So in real life I’m scared of waves. I think I need to imagine riding a different type of waves - any suggestions??

Glad you found some cute stuff

Ok waves are out. .....

How about the winds ? Like how birds coast in the air?!! downdrafts happen but the birds swing back up and hover/coast.

I’d use roller coasters analogy going up and down but they terrify me lol