Bipolar check in #45

Thank you! I was able to go to sleep and woke up feeling good

Hi Blue_Bird. I'm glad you got some sleep last night and feel better.

I looked it up, and perphenazine has been on the market since 1954. I would hope that if there were any especially concerning dangers that it would be no longer used, 64 years later.

I do understand your anxiety, though. Every new medication brings with it uncertainty. I'd think that if you have any special physical issues that might make taking an antipsychotic like perphenazine risky, that your doctor would have taken that into consideration. I suggest not taking any drug that isn't prescribed with it (like an illegal drug). I'm sure you don't. Definitely update your psychiatrist if you have concerns or side effects. Hugs

I am so sorry you are dealing with zoster--it can really hurt. I had it in 2012. I sincerely hope you get through this without too much pain or any post-herpettic neuralgia.

Strength and hugs!!!!

My care manager dropped off a mask for me yesterday since I didn't have one yet and the executive order went into effect last night (the one I ordered is on it's way). So I'm thankful for that. At least I'll be able to do my grocery shopping.

Last night was kind of rough, and I think the med was making my heart race a bit but it was just even worse when combined with a bad panic attack. As I said though, I was able to fall asleep, and sleep peacefully. Feel good today. On Monday the dose will be increased. I feel less fear now knowing that I didn't have any adverse reactions to it so tonight shouldn't be bad like last night.

Not a whole lot going on today, might do some reading later. Have to go out to buy a couple food items tomorrow at Family Dollar. I'll do my shopping at the grocery store on the 2nd when my foodstamps come in.

It was snowing earlier, which was cool. Now it's raining. It's supposed to be a gloomy weekend. Monday is supposed to be sunny though.

Back to a bad sleep place again. Growing exhausted, but then, very restless when I do finally fall asleep. Just up and down and up and down. Never really in the middle anymore. Always dealing with some psychosis, which does not seem like illness to me at all, but seems like reality. Ugh.

Now, my normally incredibly reliable pdoc's assistant has not gotten back to me after two emails. I wonder if she is on furlough or something. I need to talk to him. Guess I will call on Monday and see if someone picks up. That's two days, I think. I can make it.


Still there are some flowers blooming here. Maybe I should go out and look at some of them. That always makes me calm and happy



Hugs and love to all!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm really worried about my mom. She was coughing a lot when I saw her today, but she thought nothing of it...? It is concerning for obvious reasons, and also because she in general does not take good care of herself. I wish she took this situation seriously and STOPPED going out all the time. I am afraid it may be too late though.

She and my dad have not taken this situation seriously. They're both like, "I don't wanna be stuck at home." Well, do you think ANYBODY wants to be stuck at home 24/7? If they are not already part of the reason this is spreading, then they will be when they catch it. They are being very selfish and ignorant by going out multiple times a day everyday. (Yes, literally THAT often.)

Unfortunately, I had to leave my parents' house early because of my mom's coughing. Not worth the risk of staying, as much as I love her. It may be too late for her -- who knows yet -- but I am not going to let it be too late for me if I can help it.

Hi Wild Coyote. I'm so sorry to hear you have shingles! My great aunt suffered a lot when she got it, so I can sort of understand the pain. I am assume you have a medication for it, for temporarily. My husband got it, but he was a lucky ducky because he was taking the same medication prescribed for shingles for something else, when he got it, so it was mild.

Hugs

@Blue_Bird: Happy to hear that you made it thru the night okay and have more confidence about tonight. As @BirdDancer said all new meds come with uncertainty. I sure know that.

@bpcyclist: Sorry your sleep is so wonky. It's hard to have a pleasant day when sleep-deprived. But your plan to go out and look at the flowers is a good one. Wish i could do that here. I think you're weather is similar to Vancouver's and i remember how breathtakingly beautiful the Spring was there -- flowers every where i looked! No flowers here but i was able to study a Robin-Red-Breast when i went out with my dog. It had a bright yellow beak. Amazing that a package that small has everything needed to be a living being and such an ingenious design as well!

I feel so hopeless. I do not think it’s worth it.

Life is worth it, Mountaindewed. I'm sorry you're feeling hopeless right now. That will change. I know while we are feeling depressed it seems like it will be forever, but our moods do eventually shift upwards again. The patience needed can suck, but again, it's worth it. Please contact your psychiatrist and therapist to let them know how you are feeling. Please keep coming here for support.

The attached little buggers will be here soon. Attaching this photo for you.

My dad called and got political with me being very negative. He's 72 almost 73. He has multiple medical issues. Its scary because I dont know if ill ever see him again since he cant travel and my car is not up to it.

Ive been in bed. I am watching tv. I dont know when but i need to go to the grocery store for milk at least.

Still feeling sort of depressed. Slept a lot. Its 50 and sunny out.

Something is amiss with me today. Distractibility is causing me to make mistakes and scream. I'm on a wee bit of a rampage. I'll retreat a bit.

Hugs and love to all who are in pain ....

I just talked with N1 and N2. Theyre doing fine.

Got the tv on but theyre just playing westerns and thats not my thing. I should go cook something. Cleaned my cpap too.

My husband is so exhausted from a constant cough, but its productive and that is a good sign.

My Pain just refuses to drop at all.. hurts to breath.. I am soooooooooo over this shyt

Hope everyone is having a good day

Unhappiness washed over me today. I haven't done any work on my home in a few days. I might not be able to do any more. I'm trying to accept that even if i can't, things are still better.

Also been withdrawing from Coke Zero. It's been grim. I can't justify going to the grocery store for it tho. It's not like it's an "essential." The physical cravings have been easy but the emotional ones have been irritating. Today i had one like a tidal wave. Not even sure if i'll be able to do it. It's been three days.

It will be worth it when you are through all the sh**, MD. Hand in there with this. You can do it. This is all in the pursuit of a much bigger goal.

I don't feel right after sleeping so much. I legit have a difficult time thinking straight. It takes me like 10 seconds to type a single sentence out, and even then, I'm confused after typing it.

I'm just really anxious for no reason. Just anxious that someone is following me and going to break in when I least expect it. I feel like I'm being spied on by someone w/ cameras and microphones outside my apartment.

I hope that these feelings are just artifacts of sleeping too much, but I'm very nervous.

I'm so sorry you have shingles, WC. First your fall and now this. I'm hoping for a speedy recovery for you.

I don’t feel good physically. I took 15 milligrams of melatonin and a Xanax last night and then I also doubled up on my visteral during the day yesterday. Now I feel really groggy and like I’m going to throw up. I sent an email to my therapist last night saying it’s not her fault and whatever happens not to blame herself and stuff like that. She sent me a nice email back and then at the end gave me that whole “talk”

At least my anxiety is numb right now

Hey Blue,

I think it's great you've tried to see your family while honoring your own decisions to remain safe.

I am sorry your parents put themselves at more risk than seems necessary. I know how much you love them and also know you are deeply concerned.

I am sorry you and your parents hold different priorities around COVID.

I am very impressed you continue to honor your own decisions .

Gonna get out on the bike?

Love ya!

I can relate to some of the above although not in the same... circumstances.

My parents put themselves (and me) at more risk than seemed necessary.

And one of them ignored life threatening symptoms (physical) for months.

Respect to all

HI BirdDancer,

Thank you!

I was prescribed medication and had a rather sever allergic reaction. Another med was under consideration; however the molecular structure was so very similar, I was advised that trying it might also be a serious problem (especially when most of us do not want to end up in the ER).

In the end, the choice was mine and I chose to go without systemic treatment.

There are topicals which can be helpful. Just a couple of them:

Biofreeze, lidocaine (4% available OTC and 5% and higher avail by prescription), calamine lotion and a few others.

There are some topical antivirals which can be used and tend to help the lesions to heal. This is not an option to me due to my allergies.

Thank you, BirdDancer, Your well wishes mean a lot to me.
I deeply appreciate everyone's well wishes.

I'm having a good day. Woke up, took a shower, did laundry, went to the store, took a walk in the beautiful weather. It was nice taking a walk because I hadn't been outside of my apartment in 17 days.

Doing well on the trilafon so far, tomorrow the dose will be increased. Right now I have a frozen pizza in the oven and am waiting for that to bake so I can have lunch. Going to start taking walks everyday.

Hope everyone is doing okay

Finally fell asleep at about 3 in the morning and was able to sleep until 10, or so, so, that is good. Almost done editing book and so, pulled out my novel, which is finished, but has not been looked at in months, due to illness. Got a fair amount done on the edit of that and am mostly pleased with it. it was a lot of work to write that book. It's about a guy with an ill-defined, undiagnosed mental illness that causes visions, all of which come true, most of them, potentially disastrous. It is based on my own life experience. He develops some cool superpowers and becomes an unconventional sort of superhero. It is called Serotonin Man.

Writing is very good for me and for my illness. So, it is very good that I have enough ability to do that work.


On the other hand, I need to get out and exercise, but I am too paranoid and afraid to leave my apartment. Embarrassing, but true. Just can't leave because these people will enter my apartment and go through my stuff. I just can't have that. But I really, really need to exercise and besides, it is gorgeous today and all the flowers are blooming. I know I would feel better if I could just do it, but my paranoia has me paralyzed again, hunkered down for days like some kind of creation of Hunter S. Thompson.


So, I might try to get the courage. Maybe, if the neighbor/spy people are quiet and not bothering me too much, I might be able to remain fairly under control and do it. I will try, it's all I can do.

Love and peace and hugs to all!!!!!!!!!!