Bipolar check-in #46

Sunflower123 · May 22, 2020, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Today is my 22nd wedding anniversary. Kind of cool it's my 22nd on the 22nd. That will never happen again. It seems like it will be a comparatively pleasant day. I have only pleasant tasks on my "To Do" list, including arranging the flowers my husband bought me, buying one or two mandavilla to transplant into large pots, cooking something nice for dinner, and eating some of the beautiful cake my husband bought for the occasion. I wanted to make beef kofta kebab on the grill for dinner, but it looks like it will rain at that time. It's sunny at the moment, though.

Yesterday I did a lot of flower planting. We're almost there with all of the gardening. As usual, we've created a lovely little oasis. Very few of our neighbors seem to care as much about their yards. Hubby even bought a lovely bird bath that has a fountain feature. We can't wait until we spy a bird utilizing it.

Attached is a photo of my hubby and me on our wedding day, 22 years ago today. It was in Prague, Czech Republic. We had lots of black and white photos taken.

Congratulations on your anniversary. That’s great! It’s a lovely picture.

I like the idea of your little oasis. I had planned to buy masses of flowers today to plant but alas it’s storming. I love my flowers in the summer.

Victoria'smom · May 22, 2020, 11:43 AM

I'm so mad, overwhelmed, teary, being self destructive sounds like a good idea. WTF is wrong with me? I should be happy Miguel graduated, he's staying home, he found a degree he likes and careers he's excited about, he's taking control of his health. There's no emergency and I'm still on high alert.

Moose72 · May 22, 2020, 02:16 PM

After I picked up N2 at 2, we decided to go to the grocery store which is right in the same shopping plaza as the grocery store. So I went in, gloves and mask, found a cart, but then saw the lines and was like, "NOPE!" I had to pee, too, which was double "NOPE!"! I just walked back to the car empty-carted. I'll have to go early in the morning after I drop off N2, sometime.

Went back to bed after I dropped N2 off and had a different type of dream. I was in a building that was more like a concert venue, but all of us were being herded toward another place in the same building. I could see out the windows but I'd lost my phone and I was trying to ask my friend from judo (real friend) to help me get out of that place. Everywhere we went were blockades even though we made it outside at one point. I also didn't have my wallet.

~Christina · May 22, 2020, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I dunno. Guess I've been struggling some lately. Feeling stressed, and, this evening especially, lonely. I'm ready to go to sleep, even though it's only 9. Been struggling to get up in the morning. I threw abilify into the mix since a couple weeks ago. I'm not really seeing much difference. It usually acts rather fast for me. BUT. There is situational stuff going on. So maybe it's just tough **** and I've just got to plow through. Just under a week till T appointment. So ready for it.

Bleh. Don't mind me.

Iz

is today any better ?

wildflowerchild25 · May 22, 2020, 06:39 PM

Had a couple of bad days this week because of nightmares. I began to have nightmares last night, but I had kind of talked to myself before I went to sleep. So instead of being stuck in them, I woke up fairly quickly and though I was panicked, I calmed down faster than I would have. And it didn’t bother me today. So that’s good.

Tomorrow we are holding a very small funeral for my nana. Less than ten people, per state regulations. So it will only be immediate family. That’s better for me, no large crowd of people I don’t know (after my dad died I just kind of stopped seeing his side of the family).

RS wants to watch a movie but movies still can’t hold my attention. I’m just starting to be able to watch tv on Hulu again. I exclusively watch Seinfeld. I know there are thousands of shows out there but I prefer the known to the unknown. Friends was my jam until they took it off of Netflix. Hopefully soon as the depression continues to abate I’ll be able to get into watching movies again.

wildflowerchild25 · May 22, 2020, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I dunno. Guess I've been struggling some lately. Feeling stressed, and, this evening especially, lonely. I'm ready to go to sleep, even though it's only 9. Been struggling to get up in the morning. I threw abilify into the mix since a couple weeks ago. I'm not really seeing much difference. It usually acts rather fast for me. BUT. There is situational stuff going on. So maybe it's just tough **** and I've just got to plow through. Just under a week till T appointment. So ready for it.

Bleh. Don't mind me.

I hope abilify starts to help soon. You deserve to feel good! I hope your therapist appt goes well next week.

~Christina · May 22, 2020, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Last night was really rough. Yesterday was going really good until my therapy session. I started therapy up again and I don’t know why I was expecting it to go any different. I really like this therapist and she’s helpful but the last 5 minutes of the sessions I always feel left hanging. And she realizes it and she try’s not to let it happen, but it always does happen. I don’t know. There’s just something about her. My last therapist from a different clinic was working out fine but my Pdoc from there was an idiot. At least she never really made me feel ****ed over. Although she wasn’t much of a help. She never made things worse though.

I am technically dealing with PMS right now even if I don’t get my period. So my feelings may be a bit all over the place.

The last 5 or so mins of my T session, my T kind of sums it all up as in X coping skill or X ideas to communicate with people etc whatever All advice he has offered as I shared things during the session, But it helps to spend the last few mins to strip the session down to the high/low points and look at ways to work on X...

Sometimes we have to ask for what we need even if we aren't really sure what that even is.

Maybe start your next session saying , I always feel kinda lost or ______ towards the end of our sessions, can we find a way to talk about specific things or ways of coping..

~Christina · May 22, 2020, 06:50 PM

Bird Dancer .. Happy Anniversary

Such a lovely picture. Im glad your having a good day

~Christina · May 22, 2020, 07:09 PM

My Daughter gave me a gift card from Amazon for Mothers Day.. Well I spend forever looking and adding things to my list, I can spend days and days deciding what to get.. Well I was looking at rings. I have wanted a right hand right. I found lots of pretty rings. I have always wanted a Spinner ring.. Anyway I found a beautiful ring by PZ Pas creation. Many to choose from, I finally decided on one.

You know how pictures of products especially jewelry look so beautiful in pictures because they have amazing lighting ? But real life they just arent that " Wow" Well it arrived yesterday, It just as beautiful in real life as in the pictures !!! The rose gold bands spin so smoothly.. As a person that deals with anxiety and especially now. It will be a great distraction...

Hope everyone has a wonderful night

wildflowerchild25 · May 22, 2020, 07:19 PM

Glad you were able to get something nice for yourself Christina!

falcon09 · May 22, 2020, 07:43 PM

Any tips on dealing with Akathisia?

wildflowerchild25 · May 22, 2020, 07:49 PM

Is the haldol new to you falcon? I had akathisia when I first started it but it went away in a couple of months. But if you’ve been taking it a long time that can also cause it. Sometimes your dr can give you cogentin or propranolol to help.

Victoria'smom · May 22, 2020, 09:10 PM

Starting to get really paranoid again

~Christina · May 23, 2020, 01:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

Any tips on dealing with Akathisia?

Hot Showers and a medication called Cogentin.. I feel for you

Akathesia is to me like hell on earth

~Christina · May 23, 2020, 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Starting to get really paranoid again

Do you have any idea why???

May 23, 2020, 06:21 AM

glad it's the weekend.

had a really tough week with anxiety and flashbacks. I hope I can relax for a little while

Moose72 · May 23, 2020, 06:46 AM

I just bought a book from Amazon. It's a new release by one of my favorite authors. But I accidentally bought the kindle version! I do have kindle on my phone so it works. But- kindle uses a lot of battery. But whenever I'm waiting for N3 to get out of work I'll have something to read. This is the first book that Ive bought on kindle. Someone gifted me a keto recipe book, but that's not reading for fun.

falcon09 · May 23, 2020, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Is the haldol new to you falcon? I had akathisia when I first started it but it went away in a couple of months. But if you’ve been taking it a long time that can also cause it. Sometimes your dr can give you cogentin or propranolol to help.

I've been on it for a while, maybe 8 months.

Gabyunbound · May 23, 2020, 09:35 AM

About 6 months or so ago, after days of little sleep and being very hyper, I had a long and terrifying hallucination. I was woken up by it. It's a long story. But my pdoc said it was BP and upped my Abilify (I'm now on the highest therapeutic dose) and that helped a great deal.

Then last night, I woke up to another hallucination. A woman's voice said "Psssst" and then said what was said on a commercial on TV just before it was said (I keep my TV on at night, but the voice was clearly in my room, not on the TV). OMG it was terrifying. I really thought someone was there. But I kept telling myself that last time no one was there, so this time there wasn't either. Luckily, it was also far shorter and less elaborate than what happened last time.

At least this time, I don't think it has to do with BP. I haven't had any symptoms and I think it's stress and anxiety, which I have had more of recently.

Has anyone been woken up by such hallucinations? And has your pdoc told you that it's a as a result of BP or some sort of sleep disorder/issue, due to stress/anxiety?

I hope it doesn't happen again, it's just so scary!

Moose72 · May 23, 2020, 10:10 AM

@Gabyunbound Maybe its hypnopompic hallucinations if it happens when youre waking up (or the one where youre falling asleep)- somebody here knows better than I do. I think it can happen more if you've had little sleep.

bpcyclist · May 23, 2020, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tucson

Keep in mind that everyone including their neighbor is writing a book. They have stars in ther eyes, thinking their book will be published and sold on Amazon. At least nowadays I am sure most of it is crap. This goes beyond writing skill level. They believe for some reason their story will be unique enough and of interest to the public at large. There is blogging for this. Everyone wants to feel special. Everyone is already specal. They do not need to attempt to publsh a book to prove this. But then they may be writing their book for other reasons beneficial to them.

Anyway, I am having a bad day. I am still sick. There are times it gets more difficult to breathe. I have now called off three times on my part time job. I think I am now placing ny job at risk. I cannot afford to lose it. I hope to find out today if I have COVID-19.

I hear you, Tucson. I hear you...

bpcyclist · May 23, 2020, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hi bpcyclist! I have been excited for you that you have completed such an important book. I'm sorry that you're struggling to get the proper attention for it. You may recall that I have been working on a book of my own for a while. If/when I ever finish it, I'll have to struggle with the same challenges you describe.

I know something about gaining recognition and attention. It's "Who you know!" [I won't add the second part ending in "blow".] Yes, networking is crucial. Who have you been in contact with in regards to your book? Who do you know? Who, other than the agents/publishers, have you talked with about your book? Do you have anyone's name to name drop? Wouldn't it be lovely to get a good name and review quote for your book back cover or cover sleeves?

I wonder if any of the following people could be "that person"? Even if you first start by asking THEM a question about their work, it can lead to you sharing about yours and maybe getting a plug, of sorts.

Pete Earley (journalist, writer, speaker, activist) who wrote a great book called "Crazy: A Father's Journey through America's Mental Health Chaos". See Pete Earley - Bestselling Author and Mental Health Advocate

Bryan Stevenson (lawyer, writer, social justice activist, clinical professor at NYU School of Law, founder/executive director of Equal Justice Initiative). Or anyone from Equal Justice Initiative or a similar organization.

Someone high up at NAMI. Have you ever attended a major NAMI event? I wonder if they would consider letting you give a talk about the content of your book?

Someone high up at DBSA. Ditto as above regarding NAMI.

One of the main writers for Bp Magazine (bpHope.com | Hope & Harmony for People with Bipolar). I'm thinking someone like a Melody Moezzi, who is a lawyer, has bipolar 1, experience at hospitals which she wrote about in her book "Haldol and Hyacinths". Maybe Julie Fast (Julie A. Fast) also has bp and is a well published writer. I briefly met both.

Andy Behrman, man with bipolar 1 with psych hospital experiences, and writer of "Electroboy". I briefly met him at one of his book readings.

Dr. James Phelps (Contact PsychEducation - PsychEducation), a well-known psychiatrist and writer of issues relating to bipolar disorder. His website focuses on bp2, but his knowledge and experience go beyond that. I've had brief correspondence with him because he liked my question.

John McManamy, writer of several books on bipolar disorder, man with bipolar disorder, was a very popular blogger. He used to go to the same DBSA meeting as me.

One of the bloggers mentioned at The 10 best bipolar blogs

DocJohn here at PC. I've read many great articles here at PC. Wouldn't it be great to write one, too, or an excerpt from your book, if DocJohn would allow that. The PC articles often pop up on page 1 of various searches. I'm not sure how well known DocJohn is in the psych industry, and if he'd read or like your book, but who knows.

A prestigious professor at a local university?

A journalist working at your local newspaper or TV station?

Another expert in the field of the topic you address in your book? A celebrity that is passionate about the topic?

Not every person above would be responsive, but some might, especially if you write something that would really catch their attention. One never knows unless they try.

Have you considered starting a blog as a means of attracting recognition for your writing? You get to network that way, too. If you get to know top bipolar bloggers, you may even be able to have a guest post published on their blog. Then you can add that bragging point. Top bloggers have tens of thousands of followers, can sell their books online, earn ad income, etc. You'd better believe that some of these top bloggers know influential people.

It is sad that many wonderful and educational books remain unpublished, when superficial celebrity junk tops the NY Time's Best Sellers list.

OMG, BirdDancer. Thanks so very much for all this helpful information. I have heard of one or two of these people. But have not contacted any of them. I do have on publisher maybe interested, but we shall see.

I will fire off a note or two to one or two of these folks.

Thanks again--

me

bpcyclist · May 23, 2020, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Today is my 22nd wedding anniversary. Kind of cool it's my 22nd on the 22nd. That will never happen again. It seems like it will be a comparatively pleasant day. I have only pleasant tasks on my "To Do" list, including arranging the flowers my husband bought me, buying one or two mandavilla to transplant into large pots, cooking something nice for dinner, and eating some of the beautiful cake my husband bought for the occasion. I wanted to make beef kofta kebab on the grill for dinner, but it looks like it will rain at that time. It's sunny at the moment, though.

Yesterday I did a lot of flower planting. We're almost there with all of the gardening. As usual, we've created a lovely little oasis. Very few of our neighbors seem to care as much about their yards. Hubby even bought a lovely bird bath that has a fountain feature. We can't wait until we spy a bird utilizing it.

Attached is a photo of my hubby and me on our wedding day, 22 years ago today. It was in Prague, Czech Republic. We had lots of black and white photos taken.

Fantastic photo!!!!!!!1

bpcyclist · May 23, 2020, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Had a couple of bad days this week because of nightmares. I began to have nightmares last night, but I had kind of talked to myself before I went to sleep. So instead of being stuck in them, I woke up fairly quickly and though I was panicked, I calmed down faster than I would have. And it didn’t bother me today. So that’s good.

Tomorrow we are holding a very small funeral for my nana. Less than ten people, per state regulations. So it will only be immediate family. That’s better for me, no large crowd of people I don’t know (after my dad died I just kind of stopped seeing his side of the family).

RS wants to watch a movie but movies still can’t hold my attention. I’m just starting to be able to watch tv on Hulu again. I exclusively watch Seinfeld. I know there are thousands of shows out there but I prefer the known to the unknown. Friends was my jam until they took it off of Netflix. Hopefully soon as the depression continues to abate I’ll be able to get into watching movies again.

I hope the service is not too difficult for you and everyone else...