[Fuzzybear]

Could someone explain to me how to use the @ function?

I don't much like it but I am not ''good'' at following this fast paced thread at times..... amongst other things.

Thanks

[Sunflower123]

I have good news. I had a free hour long (it was supposed to be 30 minutes) consultation with a therapist who I had an instant rapport with. She told me so many things - among them that she thinks I have complex PTSD based on what I shared with her. I researched it last night and it was like coming home. Such a relief to gain some understanding. I could not afford to see her every week as she wanted so she discounted her hourly rate by $30 so I could. I start tomorrow and I already have homework. I have a good feeling about this and I’m so excited to begin work. Things are looking up.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Could someone explain to me how to use the @ function?

I don't much like it but I am not ''good'' at following this fast paced thread at times..... amongst other things.

Thanks

I made a post about the @ function. For me, the problem is that sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn't

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I went out to breakfast this morning. I got cream cheese, ricotta, and raspberry stuffed French toast and a side of potato’s. It was good but a lot of food. I only ate 2 pieces of the French toast. I think there were 6 pieces total. I came home and I took a 40 minute walk to a shady little gas station. They had bottles of orange Vanilla Coke which I haven’t been able to find anywhere. Then I got my haircut and I got a pretty manly cut. I think I could go without a hat now. So far today has been good. I haven’t taken any Valium yet and my issues seem to come up when I take one. But not taking one doesn’t really seem to be an option either. It’s kinda frustrating. My strange bleeding came back last night and I will be dealing with PMS again in 9 days. I’m worried about returning to work while dealing with complete hell for 10 straights out of every month Like how am I supposed to function?

But at this exact moment I’m doing well and that’s what I should be focusing on. I’m thinking of taking another walk although I don’t really know my way around the neighborhood yet. My mom came with me this morning. I guess I could just try. I’ll have my phone with me.

I just took a half mile walk and I didn’t really know where I was at one point. But I had sort of an idea. So I just kept following my instincts. Then I realized I was being followed. So I hurried on and I passed a landmark that I know means my house is right by. Then the guy got closer and I was just feet from my front lawn and I just let him pass and he said “pardon me” and walked on. I think? he was harmless. It was pretty freaky regardless.

That French toast sounds amazing!! Sorry about the guy you felt was following you. I get freaked out when I'm walking around and someone starts walking the same direction behind me, especially when I used to walk home at night. I always make sure I have my cellphone with me in case I need to call the cops or something. I've never had to but it helps me feel a little safer.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I have good news. I had a free hour long (it was supposed to be 30 minutes) consultation with a therapist who I had an instant rapport with. She told me so many things - among them that she thinks I have complex PTSD based on what I shared with her. I researched it last night and it was like coming home. Such a relief to gain some understanding. I could not afford to see her every week as she wanted so she discounted her hourly rate by $30 so I could. I start tomorrow and I already have homework. I have a good feeling about this and I’m so excited to begin work. Things are looking up.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

That is great news, Jennifer! That's such a great sign that your new therapist helped to make it possible for you to get the help you need, each week. She must obviously really care about her job and her clients.

[Mountaindewed]

Has anyone ever tried to do a water fast where you don’t eat you only drink water for 24 hours?

What about a 24 hour fast in general where you don’t eat or drink anything for 24 hours?

I did the one time eating thing today. OMAD. I ate all my calories for the day from 7:30-8:30AM and I’ve been fasting since.

Has any of this worked for you? I’ve lost 18 pounds since Thanksgiving.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I have good news. I had a free hour long (it was supposed to be 30 minutes) consultation with a therapist who I had an instant rapport with. She told me so many things - among them that she thinks I have complex PTSD based on what I shared with her. I researched it last night and it was like coming home. Such a relief to gain some understanding. I could not afford to see her every week as she wanted so she discounted her hourly rate by $30 so I could. I start tomorrow and I already have homework. I have a good feeling about this and I’m so excited to begin work. Things are looking up.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Thanks Jennifer for sharing this good news

[Mountaindewed]

I’ve only taken one Valium today. And I’ve taken all my meds correctly and I don’t have any urges to take anymore. This behavior is unheard of for me. I was taking 5 Xanax a day right before I switched to Valium. I’m not sure what the difference is. I know I did 52 minutes of walking today. And I did a water fast after 8:30 and I had zero food. Which I’ve never done before. Maybe my strange bleeding last night was a legit period.

This is good for right now but if a water fast and a lot of walking makes me feel so good, then other problems might come up. Also bleeding while on my injections is a huge red flag something is not right physically. I am very tired right now but I’m not attributing it to anything.

But for right now I’m enjoying feeling good mentally.

[Moose72]

I had my appointment with my OB/GYN this afternoon. It was about my prolactin being a little high and my breasts leaking milk and colostrum. She said that any stimulation makes the body think that there's a baby. She examined me and said my breasts have some scar tissue and she had my last mammogram from 6 months ago and all was well with that. Upshot is she thinks its my psych meds that are doing that! She is going to report the info to my primary doctor and I don't need to see her again any time soon. (I'm supposed to get my IUD out when I turn 50 and HOPEFULLY I will be in Disney World when that happens so I'll have to wait till about the end of September as they're only making appointments 6 months out and no further.

So yeah: it's my psych meds! Of course!

[wildflowerchild25]

I did not do my one thing. I exercised. I made a grave mistake and weighed myself. I have gained weight. A decent amount. I have started counting calories again. I am monitoring my sugar intake. It is tiring.

I have a high urge to self harm. I should cuddle my unicorn but I do not want to alert RS that something is wrong. But the last time I held it in I had a psychotic break. I’m just so ashamed of my behavior. And my emotions. I still feel like I deserve to feel this way, as a penance of sorts for my many transgressions.

I’ve got to be more open in groups. At least to the ideas put forth. Tomorrow is the DBT acronym ACCEPTS. I glanced at the sheet. The other group is readiness. I feel like I am only somewhat ready to change. It’s the shame and feeling that I don’t deserve happiness that’s holding me back.

I’m going to call it a loss on today and get up and try again tomorrow.

feeling okay.

I'll feel even better once I've blocked a certain email address from contacting me. someone else I need out of my life, very toxic

[Lizzie1813]

Update on the book I mentioned…Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess. I’m about 100 pages in, and she keeps plugging her app. I checked it out. It’s $14.99 a month! Bummed because I had high hopes for this book. Glad I didn’t buy it. I borrowed the ebook from my library.

[Lizzie1813]

I’m still anxious after yesterday’s flash flooding scare while I was driving. I’m also dealing with obsessive thoughts about my children’s safety. They are 19 and 22. Praying all day yesterday and last night, I kept repeating my pleas for God to keep them safe. The fear is overwhelming. I don’t have a prescription for anxiety. After I overdosed on klonopin in 2012, my psychiatrist won’t prescribe anything for anxiety. Sometimes I feel like my fear will eat me alive. Some days it’s all-consuming. Does anyone else live with crippling anxiety?

Update: I texted my therapist and told her about the anxiety being so bad that I can’t think straight. She’s always good about responding. I told her I couldn’t focus enough to use coping skills. She reminded me to use cold to hopefully get some relief. I have an ice pack on my neck right now. She suggested I call my psychiatrist to let her know how bad it is. I did, but I’ll be surprised if she prescribes anything.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

feeling okay.

I'll feel even better once I've blocked a certain email address from contacting me. someone else I need out of my life, very toxic

I know exactly what you mean. I've been there.

I'm also feeling okay.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing decently today. I had just planned on staying home but my mom says our beach trip might be rained out. But we have non refundable hotel rooms. So she looked to see if there were any local non chain bookstores around. We found one and I got a couple books. One of them was $30. I guess I should look at prices when I buy things. My mom gave me a kind of tough time about it. Then I got hangry but it wasn’t really visible I just said I was really hungry. so we found a little local restaurant with decent food and good prices. I got a ribeye sandwich and I asked for it with only cheese. When the waiter brought our food to us mine had onions on it. I didn’t make a big deal like some would. I just scrapped off the onions and still gave him a 20% tip. I’m really easy going in real life.

But my bleeding was so bad last night and really painful. It says online (I mean there was a lot of blood that’s why I googled it. I was really freaking out) that when this stuff happens to trans men a hysterectomy is a necessity. I’m just worried I have something going on now that needs immediate attention. But I don’t have a doctor yet. And I don’t have a fever. So I’ve just been ignoring it.

It does feel like I have a UTI though. I feel a bit washed up and tired. But I’ve also cut way back on my Valium so maybe I’m just feeling the affects of that.

I didn’t realize until my mom just told me that we leave for our trip on Tuesday. That shows how excited I am about this vacation. I like this town in general and I’ve gone every summer since 2016 (except last year) but I am nervous about seeing family I haven’t seen in awhile and also my old transference therapist vacations in this town. I think she usually goes the week before Labor Day. But I have no idea because I usually go Labor Day weekend and I’m going at a different time this year. It would be incredibly awkward to run into her but if we do run into each other and she ignores me it could bum me out as well.

[Lizzie1813]

I just borrowed “The Woman in the Window” from my library. It’s a suspense novel. I usually read romance these days so I’m excited to return to the genre I enjoyed a million years ago in college. The protagonist loves Hitchcock films and is an agoraphobic who spies on her neighbors with her Nikon. Hoping that reading helps me forget my worries for awhile.

Is anyone else a lover of books? What are you reading right now?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

... Does anyone else live with crippling anxiety?...

Absolutely, yes. Anxiety and panic. The worrying becomes a poison in my mind and body. The episode of anxiety I've been going through since late May was intolerable. I basically had a break-down. My pdoc prescribed perphenazine (AP). I'm at a high dose and it is helping with the anxiety. I urge you to speak with your pdoc and explain to her that you really need help.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I just borrowed “The Woman in the Window” from my library. It’s a suspense novel. I usually read romance these days so I’m excited to return to the genre I enjoyed a million years ago in college. The protagonist loves Hitchcock films and is an agoraphobic who spies on her neighbors with her Nikon. Hoping that reading helps me forget my worries for awhile.

Is anyone else a lover of books? What are you reading right now?

Yes, books are a very big part of my life. Right now I'm reading "Land Girls", about women who took over farming duties during WWII.

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Absolutely, yes. Anxiety and panic. The worrying becomes a poison in my mind and body. The episode of anxiety I've been going through since late May was intolerable. I basically had a break-down. My pdoc prescribed perphenazine (AP). I'm at a high dose and it is helping with the anxiety. I urge you to speak with your pdoc and explain to her that you really need help.

Thank you for sharing and for letting me know I’m not alone in this. I’m glad the perphenazine is helping you. I left a message for my pdoc. She’s out of the office on Fridays, and I don’t know if she’ll have time to do anything today. The weekend is looming for me.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I’m still anxious after yesterday’s flash flooding scare while I was driving. I’m also dealing with obsessive thoughts about my children’s safety. They are 19 and 22. Praying all day yesterday and last night, I kept repeating my pleas for God to keep them safe. The fear is overwhelming. I don’t have a prescription for anxiety. After I overdosed on klonopin in 2012, my psychiatrist won’t prescribe anything for anxiety. Sometimes I feel like my fear will eat me alive. Some days it’s all-consuming. Does anyone else live with crippling anxiety?

Update: I texted my therapist and told her about the anxiety being so bad that I can’t think straight. She’s always good about responding. I told her I couldn’t focus enough to use coping skills. She reminded me to use cold to hopefully get some relief. I have an ice pack on my neck right now. She suggested I call my psychiatrist to let her know how bad it is. I did, but I’ll be surprised if she prescribes anything.

Yeah I get bad anxiety and my Pdoc is kind of irresponsible with benzos and he has me on 15 milligrams of Valium a day. He put me on the Valium after I told him I was completely out of control with my Xanax. He’s a pretty big idiot. I’ve just been taking one for the past 2 days. I’m hoping to cut down permanently for the most part because that stuff is real bad even if it works.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I just borrowed “The Woman in the Window” from my library. It’s a suspense novel. I usually read romance these days so I’m excited to return to the genre I enjoyed a million years ago in college. The protagonist loves Hitchcock films and is an agoraphobic who spies on her neighbors with her Nikon. Hoping that reading helps me forget my worries for awhile.

Is anyone else a lover of books? What are you reading right now?

I love reading!! I just finished a vampire type series, and also The Science of Getting Started: How to Beat Procrastination, Summon Productivity, and Stop Self-Sabotage by Peter Hollins. The next book I'm planning to read is Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig. It's about mental health and how being connected 24/7 to like smart phones, internet, affects us

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I just borrowed “The Woman in the Window” from my library. It’s a suspense novel. I usually read romance these days so I’m excited to return to the genre I enjoyed a million years ago in college. The protagonist loves Hitchcock films and is an agoraphobic who spies on her neighbors with her Nikon. Hoping that reading helps me forget my worries for awhile.

Is anyone else a lover of books? What are you reading right now?

I just discovered a new bookstore today. I got a couple nonfiction books that look interesting. I used to read a ton from the time I was 7 until I was 23 but I haven’t been reading too much for the past 5 years. Although since November of last year I’ve read 19 books because there was a reason I wasn’t able to focus on reading for so many years. And the reason got fixed. But I haven’t read a book since March. I have a shelf full of them that I need to read though.

[Mountaindewed]

I just did an at home UTI Kit. It showed up purple in one part. No color on another part. So I’m not sure what’s up but I called my doctor from my old state. I don’t want to be on vacation and end up in the hospital because of a kidney infection. So it’s best to get this taken care of now. But it for sure feels like I have an infection of some sort. I just don’t have any energy.

My nurse called back and they want me to do a urine test at the office. But they are out of state. So she’s going to see if I can either do one here or just get a prescription for an antibiotic.

I just have to take care of everything before my vacation. But I mean if there’s something that can get me out of the trip…. Although I’ve made far too many excuses already these last 15 months to avoid seeing my family.

Edit: I just got a prescription sent to the pharmacy for a 3 day antibiotic. Hopefully that takes care of that issue. I’ll figure out the bleeding stuff when I get home.

[wildflowerchild25]

@Lizzie1813

I have experienced panic and anxiety and catastrophic thoughts as well. I began getting panic attacks way back in February. It escalated to the point of a complete paranoid break from reality.

I’m in a program now. I’ve learned a couple of things. First of all, the cold is a good tactic. Also, to go even further, sticking your face in a sink full of cold water can also help you “snap out” of it.

I also write positive affirmations of sorts. Just write over and over again that it is ok, no reason to panic, we’re all safe, whatever you think you need to hear at the moment.

Also, my therapist recommended a comfort object. I found a soft weighted stuffed unicorn at the store. I spray her with a nice perfume because scents help me get grounded as well.

[wildflowerchild25]

I started out super upset this morning. Just feeling like crap all around. I felt even worse because I KNOW I’m bringing this on myself on purpose to punish myself. I need to do my affirmations.

However, I received good news. My disability claim was finally approved by the examiner company! So that motivated me to hop right on my benefits website to submit a claim to hopefully get paid. I also got onto my health insurance account and paid my outstanding balance to the tune of $812. That upsets me because I already have $4500 in medical bills AND I found out my out of pocket maximum is $10,000 not $6000. So I’m probably going to end up owing $10,000 when all is said and done. At least when I get married in October I can switch to RS’s health insurance which is way better than mine.

I also contacted an officiant but I couldn’t bring myself to contact a photographer. Wedding photographers are super expensive. I’m hoping I’ll get by with less as we’re having a microwedding with only a brief reception lunch.

I’m deciding what to do for dinner. I was going to make hamburgers but I just don’t want to cook. We were going to go to the diner yesterday but my son whined and complained and bugged the **** out of me so I said screw it. I also told him though that I’m not going to give in to his whining anymore. It’s purely manipulative. I let it go for most of his childhood because I wasn’t in a good headspace but I’m over it! There’s no reason at 10 years old he should still be whining when he doesn’t get what he wants. I’m just going to totally ignore him when he’s whining. I will tell him I will speak to him when he can speak in an appropriate tone.