Bipolar check-in #62

10:21 PM

@otroo:

Yes, my mom's program was also run by our church. I felt shy about saying that because people are so touchy about religion. Her program was called "New Beginnings." There was one man who was so overcome, like you, and all he could do was stand in the corner and cry and everybody was okay with it, that's what he needed, and let him be.

Glad you could cry so passionately, crying can be quite cathartic and you're welcome for the concern! You're going to make it, i know you will, Otroo!

Feb 08, 2022, 10:09 PM

@BethRags:

Sorry to hear you are grieving Cindy today. Anniversaries can be hard, especially the first one. Glad to hear you have a plan to cope. Sorry to hear Sidney's health problems persist. Having a sick pet is so very stressful. When my dog was in the hospital for a stomach problem, i also ended up in the hospital with chest pain!

otroo · Feb 08, 2022, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013

My depression and anxiety were mild today. I got my dog outside so i observed my minimum obligation to her. We had privacy in the dog-park. It was overcast and grey with a breeze that kind of ruined the mild temp which just hovered at freezing. I also did a big cleaning chore which i am happy about. Still not able to tolerate any of my activities. Being bored is better than being irritated tho. Not much of a choice.

By this time tomorrow my dog and i should be home safe and sound from her nail trim. I booked our taxi today and it did not go smoothly but the operator seemed to clue in eventually that i was not asking for a taxi immediately, i was booking it for tomorrow. I feel it's best to book well in advance because not all drivers take dogs. I hate talking on the phone!

@otroo:

So sorry for your suffering! I hear the first year after the loss of a loved one is the hardest because you're going thru all the special occasions for the first time without them. My mom lost my dad at 50 and she found a grief support group very helpful, said it "saved" her. She eventually adjusted and came to enjoy a tame life and her independence and took up travelling. Grats on quitting the cigs, that is just huge! Good job! My mom died of COPD after a lifetime of smoking so i'm always happy to hear when someone quits. Good on ya for quitting weed, too, that's a complication nobody needs.

Well thanks again on the heads up on griefshare. My daughter and I are going to go to it. Thanks again

otroo · Feb 08, 2022, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I hope it helps. It did me. You can go through it as often as you want. I had planned to go through again near the year anniversary/holidays (same time of year for me) but partially thanks to the first time by the time I intended to go again I was doing well enough I didn't need it. I still miss him every day but I learned a lot about coping with it healthily.

My daughter and I are going to go to that. Thanks again.

bizi · Feb 08, 2022, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

My soul aches for you. And for Steve. And for her poor husband.

I am, with all my heart, sending you love, courage, and peace.

Well said.

so sorry for cindy and her family.
If you are feeling up to it could you tell me what she is dieing from?
((((((HUGS))))) @christina

bizi

*Beth* · Feb 08, 2022, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@BethRags:

Sorry to hear you are grieving Cindy today. Anniversaries can be hard, especially the first one. Glad to hear you have a plan to cope. Sorry to hear Sidney's health problems persist. Having a sick pet is so very stressful. When my dog was in the hospital for a stomach problem, i also ended up in the hospital with chest pain!

Thank you, Jane. I so appreciate your support. Yes, those first anniversaries do seem to be most difficult. After that, hopefully there's a sense of beginning to move on.

I can well understand how you would become ill when your pup was sick! They're family. Oftentimes closer than family.

Soupe du jour · Feb 09, 2022, 04:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Steve and Cindy’s husband met with the Doctors this morning and it was decided that it was time for palliative care.

Cindy was taken off the ventilator and is being transferred to Hospice. They feel at most a couple days.

Our hearts are broken

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm so sorry to read this, Christina. It's hard to know what else to say, but am sending hugs and wishes for strength.

Soupe du jour · Feb 09, 2022, 04:28 AM

I've been on the verge of explosion for some days now. It's good that I see my psychiatrist today. I asked Hubby to join me because I often sense my pdoc still struggles to figure me out (my baseline). He even indirectly says so and surely wishes for the additional perspective.

Hubby went to a neurologist yesterday. Super nice doctor! I even mentioned how Lyrica has helped my foot pain. She confirmed that as very likely. So much so that she prescribed it for Hubby, who went to her for issues relating to peripheral neuropathy.

I think I finally convinced Hubby to soon start looking at houses. Just to look. Any forward action at all might be a relief.

MuddyBoots · Feb 09, 2022, 05:42 AM

Well I slept this morning a little bit. Just a wee bit. Weetabix. Baked some cookies last night. Cats are ****in scary ata least last resort mine are. I told my mom not to let me drive for the next month. Code mode showed the growth of the tenth power and it's in my head and I can't get it out. I know I'm hallucinating, I just dont' know when

Mountaindewed · Feb 09, 2022, 11:34 AM

Therapy didn't go as planned. It went very badly. I told her about my nightime coping skill and how it really helps. She said if it helps it helps but that it is a little bit weird. Then I asked her if she thought I was weird. And she said "a little bit." Then that got me very upset and I said thats why I was worried about returning to work. Because I was worried people would think I was weird. She tried explaning what she meant but I had just shut down at that point. She asked if she offended me and I said yes. She apologized and she kept me an extra 8 minutes to make sure I was ok. I left without saying anything. I just felt like I could trust her with this information and not be judged for it. Everyone my own age is the same though.

Blue_Bird · Feb 09, 2022, 11:49 AM

Sorry mountaindewed

that seems really unprofessional for your therapist to say that. I would be upset too.

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Scooter9 · Feb 09, 2022, 02:47 PM

Well, it's official, the Trintellix isn't working at all for me.

The past several weeks have been bad for me with lots of life pressures which significantly raised my anxiety.

Now I get an anxiety attack the moment I wake up and it continues for hours and hours. I might get an hour break around 2pm and then right back to it until I'm knocked out by my evening meds.

I see my pdoc in a couple of weeks. It's the earliest appointment I could get. She only works 2 days a week seeing patients like me and works at a hospital the other days. I'll email her though with an update in case she can do something for me sooner than that.

*Beth* · Feb 09, 2022, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

....
I think I finally convinced Hubby to soon start looking at houses. Just to look. Any forward action at all might be a relief.

Wonderful! In CZ or will you be looking in France, too?

*Beth* · Feb 09, 2022, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Well, it's official, the Trintellix isn't working at all for me.

The past several weeks have been bad for me with lots of life pressures which significantly raised my anxiety.

Now I get an anxiety attack the moment I wake up and it continues for hours and hours. I might get an hour break around 2pm and then right back to it until I'm knocked out by my evening meds.

I see my pdoc in a couple of weeks. It's the earliest appointment I could get. She only works 2 days a week seeing patients like me and works at a hospital the other days. I'll email her though with an update in case she can do something for me sooner than that.

I'm glad you've checked in, and I'm so sorry the Trintellix isn't working. I think it's really good that you'll be emailing your pdoc. Keep us posted!

*Beth* · Feb 09, 2022, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Therapy didn't go as planned. It went very badly. I told her about my nightime coping skill and how it really helps. She said if it helps it helps but that it is a little bit weird. Then I asked her if she thought I was weird. And she said "a little bit." Then that got me very upset and I said thats why I was worried about returning to work. Because I was worried people would think I was weird. She tried explaning what she meant but I had just shut down at that point. She asked if she offended me and I said yes. She apologized and she kept me an extra 8 minutes to make sure I was ok. I left without saying anything. I just felt like I could trust her with this information and not be judged for it. Everyone my own age is the same though.

Geez! I'd be hurt, too. It's good that you were honest and told her she offended you.

*Beth* · Feb 09, 2022, 03:33 PM

Crazy morning. Phone ringing with stupid stuff, book business customer inquiries that needed to be answered, I slept really well (finally), but awoke late. I'm feeling stressed, when I don't need to be.

The most frustrating thing is that the pharmacist wants a consultation with my pdoc, because she prescribed Doxepin and I'm already on Zoloft. The concern is serotonin syndrome. The Doxepin dose is very low, since it's for sleep only. Pdoc already discussed serotonin syndrome with me. I appreciate the pharmacist's concern, it's just that now I have had the hassle of calling my pdoc's nurse and getting through to her, rather than leaving a voice mail, which is what I had to do. Then she has to consult with the pdoc, get back to the pharmacy, on and on. I doubt I'll have the Doxepin until tomorrow. It's annoying. Seems like oftentimes it's such a major hassle to get psych meds. Shouldn't be that way, imo.

The temperatures between Thursday and Monday are predicted to be record-breaking high. Such sudden heat makes me feel yucky. Lol, I can get really worked up about the weather.

Sorry for all the silly complaints. I'm feeling crabby and trying to (once again) calm myself

Christina, if you see this- please check in and let us know how you're doing

Mountaindewed · Feb 09, 2022, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Geez! I'd be hurt, too. It's good that you were honest and told her she offended you.

I talked with my mom about it and she said it was not nice of her but people at work will not know the info I share with her. I did take her advice though. She wanted me to get some hard candy. I do still like this therapist and I feel like she is still working out but she is very judgemental at times. She did seem very apologetic and I could tell she felt bad and she made sure I was ok before she let me leave her office. I feel like she's an airhead with word vomit more then anything.

But I don't know. Maybe I'm just making too many excuses for her.

Feb 09, 2022, 05:26 PM

I DID IT!!! I got my dogs nails trimmed! It went okay! About what i expected. The cab driver there was a bit unpleasant, nagging me to keep my dog on the floor. He was also slow and unsure of the route. But we got there. I had to wait for the exact appointment time. The groomer was a very pleasant and pretty young lady tho and she said my dog did well except for a bit of pulling on one paw.

The cab driver home was fine. I forgot they have an app for phones now which shows the cab on a map as it approaches on it's route to pick you up. It helps manage anxiety. An automated call and text confirmed my booking earlier in the day so that helped manage anxiety too, knowing everything was on plan.

So that's over and i must say, i must love my dog a lot to go thru this! Her next appointment is in four weeks and hopefully the crisis in the city downtown will have passed and i will be able to take her to her regular spot on the bus which is a lot easier and far less expensive.

Aces! I just can't believe it's O-V-E-R!!! YAY! JANE GETS THINGS DONE!!!

@Scooter9:

So sorry to hear of your extreme anxiety! Anxiety is so painful. Sounds like you're enduring unreasonably long hours of it. I hope you get some relief soon!

@BethRags:

Sorry you're having hassles getting your meds. I've sure sung that song before!

Nammu · Feb 09, 2022, 05:34 PM

Good for you Jane! I get anxious with taxis, Uber and Leif too. I was beyond ecstatic when I had finally saved up enough to get a car again. But now it’s making a grinding scary noise. I put off calling today but I’ll have to do it tomorrow. I hate phones, wish I could text or email.

*Beth* · Feb 09, 2022, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I DID IT!!! I got my dogs nails trimmed! It went okay! About what i expected. The cab driver there was a bit unpleasant, nagging me to keep my dog on the floor. He was also slow and unsure of the route. But we got there. I had to wait for the exact appointment time. The groomer was a very pleasant and pretty young lady tho and she said my dog did well except for a bit of pulling on one paw.

The cab driver home was fine. I forgot they have an app for phones now which shows the cab on a map as it approaches on it's route to pick you up. It helps manage anxiety. An automated call and text confirmed my booking earlier in the day so that helped manage anxiety too, knowing everything was on plan.

So that's over and i must say, i must love my dog a lot to go thru this! Her next appointment is in four weeks and hopefully the crisis in the city downtown will have passed and i will be able to take her to her regular spot on the bus which is a lot easier and far less expensive.

Aces! I just can't believe it's O-V-E-R!!! YAY! JANE GETS THINGS DONE!!!

@Scooter9:

So sorry to hear of your extreme anxiety! Anxiety is so painful. Sounds like you're enduring unreasonably long hours of it. I hope you get some relief soon!

@BethRags:

Sorry you're having hassles getting your meds. I've sure sung that song before!

Good for you, Jane! I know what a feeling of relief it is when we successfully care for our pets.

What is the crisis in the city?

*Beth* · Feb 09, 2022, 06:12 PM

I'm incredibly fortunate that my pdoc's nurse is an angel. She listens well, is warm and friendly, and she's efficient. She reviewed my records and contacted the pharmacy right away. So I'll have the Doxepin tonight.

Pinny · Feb 09, 2022, 06:20 PM

I hope it works @BethRags !

I’m struggling with trying to reason with my suicidal thoughts. I’ve been managing by doing some of the things I’ve been taught in therapy but I just can’t see a way out. It’s horrible.
I know I’ve been here before but it just doesn’t seem possible that there’s any other outcome.
It’s such ********

otroo · Feb 09, 2022, 06:52 PM

I am still depressed. When my wife died the only thing I left the house for was for coffee. I started making myself get out of the house and I have been going to my parents pretty much everyday and that has been working for me.
I went to a local CR last Friday and all I did was cry every time I opened my mouth to say something. I honestly felt better after all my crying. I have not had a good cry for quit some time it was like I was emotionally numb. I have been crying a lot more this week I noticed but it's ok.
I have been watching videos on greiving from that Grief Share that's you all showed me it does seam to be a good program so I am going to register for it. I just need to figure out what days to go

Fuzzybear · Feb 09, 2022, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny

I hope it works @BethRags !

I’m struggling with trying to reason with my suicidal thoughts. I’ve been managing by doing some of the things I’ve been taught in therapy but I just can’t see a way out. It’s horrible.
I know I’ve been here before but it just doesn’t seem possible that there’s any other outcome.
It’s such ********

Suicidal thoughts and reasoning with them. I am not ''good at'' this.

I agree, it's absolute ************

*Beth* · Feb 09, 2022, 08:09 PM

I was scrolling through the feline diabetes group I belong to, posted a suggestion for a new member (suggested that she contact an admin, since her question seemed really important), and the admin admonished me for my suggestion. I was very embarrassed and also angry. I'll get over it, I'm just burning a bit right now.

Our mask mandate ends on Tuesday. Apparently that means masks will no longer be required in retail businesses. They will still be required in medical settings, however. (I will be surprised if the mandate doesn't return.)

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Bipolar check-in #62

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