Bipolar check-in #62

I must agree about CBT. No help to me whatsoever. I resisted DBT for a long time as well. I softened this summer when I Was in IOP this summer but I still just mostly use the distress tolerance skills. I liked the program I was in because DBT was sprinkled in, it wasn’t the full intensive course. That did nothing for me. I need talk therapy above all. But different types of therapy work for different people so I can see how a DBT course might be helpful to some. I just don’t think it addresses the root of the flawed behavior and thought patterns which is what I need.

@whatever2013
Jane, I’m with you, I think the unseasonably warm and sunny weather this week has amped me up a bit. I could not sleep at all last night. I can tell I’m not going to sleep tonight either so I already took the PRN seroquel and hopefully it will work without making it too difficult to wake.

I felt bad for my student today. I could barely get one coherent sentence out of her. I don’t know if this is true for anyone else here but I can tell pretty immediately if someone is manic and/or psychotic by their eyes. Hers were really scary today. Mind do it too, I just don’t notice when I’m in the thick of it. When I came out of the hospital last may I looked at a selfie I’d taken right before I went in and saw how wild my eyes looked! I looked out of my mind.

Tomorrow and Saturday are supposed to be nearly 60 degrees and mostly sunny. We’re taking a day trip on Saturday down to cape may, which is the very bottom tip of NJ. It will be chillier down there but I don’t care, I’ve got to get tf out of the house and so does my son. RS is always up for going out, he gets very antsy sitting around all day. It should be fun, there’s lots to do in cape may even in the winter.

Feeling quiet. Did sleep alright last night after a run of bad nights. Not much to report.

I have to go to the library tomorrow to return some books. My agoraphobia has been so bad these past several months. It's basically been bad since COVID started. I had issues with it before that but it's only gotten worse since then. I'm trying to work on it.

Have plans to hang out with a friend on Saturday which requires walking to his house so that will get me out a bit. And social interaction. I desperately need social interaction. I haven't spent any time with anyone since Christmas. I'm an introvert and even I'm getting lonely at this point. My sister is hopefully coming over Sunday too.

I decided I'm going to learn how to bake bread. First with using a bread maker and then eventually learn how to make it by hand. Last time I was at the grocery store they barely had any bread. So I think it would be good to learn to bake my own in case I ever can't find it. I have always wanted to learn how to anyway so it will be fun. And honestly fresh baked bread is way better than the pre sliced loaves from the store anyway. I'll definitely post pics when I do. My sister let me borrow her bread maker. She's going to help me use it sometime next month. I think we're going to make an Italian herb loaf. Eventually I'll buy my own bread maker because I can see myself wanting to make different kinds of bread frequently.

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I got an appointment for Tuesday afternoon! They had to move some people around and I'm grateful that they did that for me.

On other news, we received our new stove and had it installed yesterday. It's a gas range with 2 ovens.

Our old stove had been giving us problems for several years and most of the burners had stopped working. It was electric.

So now I'm reading up on how to use and clean the new one. Cooking with gas will be so nice now.

Also, at work, I went for training in December and I need to take an exam but I put my new skills to use several times already. It's stressful but the work improves patient care, which is the whole reason I'm working at a hospital, so it's a good kind of stress I think.

I found out why i was so energized yesterday morning. I forgot my meds the night before. This morning was wretched as per usual. So no Spring hypomania for me yet.

My province (Ontario) has declared a state of emergency due to unrest over COVID mandates. Don't know why i watch the news, it's all bad.

I went in my ZOOM support group and lasted the full 90 minutes. I just listened. It was a little event in my otherwise empty day.

Feeling down.

Heard a fun joke on Facebook: There are five reasons why i am lazy.

1.

Im feeling a bit better still. Not quite so down and not so many suicidal thoughts. I cried quite a lot today but I think it was just an emotional day having to deal with and think about work stuff.
This is definite progress. Im hoping the meds keep working more with an increased dose but I just have to be patient. The insomnia isnt ideal but last time it only lasted a week or so.