Bipolar check-in #62

otroo · Feb 16, 2022, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@otroo:

So glad that the grief share looks like it will be helpful. That is funny about the no dating rule! It's good you could see the humor in it. You sound like a very sensitive and loving soul when you talk about your wife. I know it's not the same thing but i am divorced and there's this thing that's a symbol of my divorce that comes up in pop culture and at first i was destroyed every time it came up. One day i noticed the symbol came up and i didn't react to it at all. Be patient and gentle and give yourself time to grieve and mourn and one day you will heal, like me.

Thank you I appreciate it my wife was my whole world we got along so good for the last 10 years. I miss her terribly and I am lost without her in my life.

Pinny · Feb 16, 2022, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Oh, honey. I am so sorry about the guilt and shame - but I understand it very well. Please, please try to be gentler with yourself.

Thank you @BethRags

Youre so lovely and so kind to everyone on here

I hope you feel less tired and achy tomorrow!

Pinny · Feb 16, 2022, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by otroo

Thank you I appreciate it my wife was my whole world we got along so good for the last 10 years. I miss her terribly and I am lost without her in my life.

That was lovely and very helpful advice from @whatever2013

Im so sorry @otroo

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@otroo:

Be patient and gentle and give yourself time to grieve and mourn and one day you will heal, like me.

This is very very important

Pinny · Feb 16, 2022, 04:01 PM

I failed at playing for my sports team tonight, probably because Im "anxious and avoidant" but also Im just so tired. Im going to call my doc to get my bloods rechecked just incase there is something off with them.
Im tired, as per usual and I feel a little irritated about things that dont normally irritate me.
Maybe thats a good sign, that I actually can be bothered to be irritated?

I also had a colleague reach out through email to me because she spoke with another colleague about me being unwell and off work. I didnt really appreciate the fact that they were talking about me but I really did appreciate that she reached out and offered her support. She wants to video chat so Im going to have a think over the next few days. I opened up to her in an email about my health but its a bit different talking to someones face. Ill see how I feel. It was so kind of her to offer her support though.

Fuzzybear · Feb 16, 2022, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny

I failed at playing for my sports team tonight, probably because Im "anxious and avoidant" but also Im just so tired. Im going to call my doc to get my bloods rechecked just incase there is something off with them.
Im tired, as per usual and I feel a little irritated about things that dont normally irritate me.
Maybe thats a good sign, that I actually can be bothered to be irritated?

I also had a colleague reach out through email to me because she spoke with another colleague about me being unwell and off work. I didnt really appreciate the fact that they were talking about me but I really did appreciate that she reached out and offered her support. She wants to video chat so Im going to have a think over the next few days. I opened up to her in an email about my health but its a bit different talking to someones face. Ill see how I feel. It was so kind of her to offer her support though.

Have you actually been told you're ''anxious and avoidant''? idk, it doesn't seem like a very helpful term, especially if it's associated in any way with any ''failure'' (real or perceived) (no need to answer me unless you feel comfortable doing so)

I think it is a good sign, that you can be bothered to be irritated!

I'm not sure what to advise about the video chat, I also would find writing to her in an email easier than talking face to face. I agree, it was kind of her to offer her support.

Pinny · Feb 16, 2022, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Have you actually been told you're ''anxious and avoidant''? idk, it doesn't seem like a very helpful term, especially if it's associated in any way with any ''failure'' (real or perceived) (no need to answer me unless you feel comfortable doing so)

I think it is a good sign, that you can be bothered to be irritated!

I'm not sure what to advise about the video chat, I also would find writing to her in an email easier than talking face to face. I agree, it was kind of her to offer her support.

Thanks so much @Fuzzybear for your kind words

Youre always so lovely!

Yes my therapist I had for 3.5 years told me that Im an anxious and avoidant person and that I need to manage that. I think it was meant as an observation and an explanation, not as a criticism. But it frustrates me why Im like this, if that makes sense.

Fuzzybear · 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny

Thanks so much @Fuzzybear for your kind words

Youre always so lovely!

Yes my therapist I had for 3.5 years told me that Im an anxious and avoidant person and that I need to manage that. I think it was meant as an observation and an explanation, not as a criticism. But it frustrates me why Im like this, if that makes sense.

Are you still talking to the same therapist Pinny?

(I'm sorry, I am unsure how to engage the mention feature, so hoping you see this!)

HALLIEBETH87 · Feb 16, 2022, 07:06 PM

Thanks guys. I have gotten two assignments done today and am starting on another. I set up an appt to meet with the student success coach tomorrow before class. I cant wait to see my psyd friday. im an anxious stressed out hot mess express.

Fuzzybear · Feb 16, 2022, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Oh, honey. I am so sorry about the guilt and shame - but I understand it very well. Please, please try to be gentler with yourself.

Thank you for always being so kind and supportive to all

BethRags

Fuzzybear · Feb 16, 2022, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny

I think Im still doing a bit better. My sleep is still off, Im sleeping way too much. But I dont feel as rubbish. Im back home, away from my fiance (we're currently looking for a new house but living in different cities because of work). Im too ashamed to tell everyone that Im off work because of a relapse so I just stay home. Its so stupid. I wish I wasnt so plagued with guilt and shame about my illness

I suck with words sometimes... like right now. I can relate to being plagued with guilt and shame about my illness. Feeling that way is so painful

wildflowerchild25 · Feb 16, 2022, 08:05 PM

Pdoc said “take your PRNs and ride it out”. I get it, I do, but the PRNs are not helping even in the slightest. I can’t take the extra seroquel during the day, it makes me slur my words and makes it dangerous to drive. Xanax didn’t even touch it today. I rather frantically paced the gym today during class twisting my stress ball in my hands. One of the students told me I looked like I was freaking out. I just blamed it on my back which makes it impossible to sit on the stage without pain, which is true.

I used my stress ball incessantly which didn’t help but at least wasn’t as obvious as pacing the tiny room. I even held the ice pack I brought from home. When I got home I laid my support object on my chest and turned on rain sounds.

My head is telling me to do such bad things. It really is becoming appealing at this point. My pdoc said to call her if it doesn’t resolve by tomorrow. I’m still holding out hope, maybe one more night’s sleep will help. I don’t see what she could possibly do though. I think it would be worse to be off work or stuck IP. But I tell you this, if I didn’t HAVE to go to work tomorrow in order to get paid for the holiday I absolutely would not.

Feb 16, 2022, 09:20 PM

I went in my ZOOM support group today and did very well. I spoke several times and was brief and relevant and made sense. I stuck to my own lived experience as we are instructed.

My new online pen-pal is offline to deal with their mental health so that's disappointing but at least they let me know which was very thoughtful.

Still can't tolerate any of my activities and just spent the day relaxing quietly.

Hugs to all who struggle.

~Christina · Feb 16, 2022, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

First off, it is so good to hear from you. That A1C is terrific! Exciting! The fall isn't, though. Thank the Universe you weren't seriously injured (I hope). I hope you get some decent sleep tonight so your body can recup.

I can sure understand why you're crying every day. Steve's been gone for quite a while, plus you're in your big, empty house. That's really challenging. David and I don't even live together, but I would be a mess if I didn't see him for such a length of time. It is a very good thing that you'll see Richard tomorrow.

I am so, so sorry about Cindy's passing. I hope and pray that all of you have some peace that will bring comfort.

I'm sending love

Thank you Beth

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~Christina · Feb 16, 2022, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

So sorry about Cindy.

Do take care of yourself

do you need me to tell those dogs to take better care with you? I can have Sir give them a talking to about making sure you don’t go falling any more!

Glad you see Richard tomorrow and now there’s an end date for Steve.

Yaaaassssssss Sir needs to get after them ! Hehe

Yes Seeing Richard helped thankfully

Hope your doing well. I saw you had car troubles. I hate that stuff ! Glad it’s fixed

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~Christina · Feb 16, 2022, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

I did my book business work, which went well. Then I spent 3 freakin' hours (I'm ashamed to say) trying to find a photograph I want to show to a friend of mine of some vintage shoes . By the end of the 3 hours (I never did find the picture) I had a headache and felt physically icky. Such an idiotic thing to do. Then I felt really annoyed with myself, but I did catch myself beating the crap out of me. So I'm working on letting that go.

Still trying to find the insulin dose that will stabilize Sidney's blood glucose. She is so patient while I poke her poor little ear tips for blood to get a reading. There is nothing for me to do but be patient (I can learn from her!) until we get to a dose that works to even out her numbers. It will happen, but I feel sick to keep having to poke her, and I'm lousy at waiting for things.

I'm just angry with myself tonight. Just frustrated all over the place. I'm going to take some good, deep breaths and take a little walk to pick up my mail. Then I'll turn all the lights off and watch Victoria.

I hope everyone is having or will have a restful sleep tonight.

Hugs

Oh Beth I’m sorry it’s been such a hard day. Here’s hoping you sleep well tonight

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tentoedsloth · Feb 16, 2022, 10:21 PM

Today I came back to this group after almost 7 years' absence. I want to know some people I don't have to pretend around. It's been up and down, these past years, but today was slightly up from neutral, despite waking up way too early. Maybe it's because I spent a lot of time, maybe an hour total, working on a detailed daily schedule. That's supposed to help--maybe not something THIS detailed, but having a daily routine.

I'll try to be a better group member in the future. I've lived in the same place for over 4 years now so maybe I'm more stable. I'm taking mirtazapine for sleep assistance and whatever other benefits it may provide, instead of amitriptyline, along with lamotrigine. I tried going off them all recently and that worked great for a few months, then I was back in the ditch. So I'm working on accepting that yep, I have bipolar disorder, maybe for life, and looking for things that will help me live with it.

It's getting very late so I'll go make one comment to someone then go get ready for bed. If I can't sleep I'll come back and do more.

Good night to everyone, and I hope tomorrow is a good day for us all.

~Christina · Feb 16, 2022, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny

I think Im still doing a bit better. My sleep is still off, Im sleeping way too much. But I dont feel as rubbish. Im back home, away from my fiance (we're currently looking for a new house but living in different cities because of work). Im too ashamed to tell everyone that Im off work because of a relapse so I just stay home. Its so stupid. I wish I wasnt so plagued with guilt and shame about my illness

Try not to be hard on yourself

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~Christina · Feb 16, 2022, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi

@~Christina
I sympathize with you worrying about Steve.

How long has he been gone and forgive me is

cindy his sister and what happened to her,
what did she die from?
I am sorry that you fell....hope you are able to sleep.
when Jeff is gone
I sometimes leave the nite light on by the bed.
10 days is a long way to be away from you.
Do you get to talk to him daily?
you miss him so much and I can see me crying

if I were in that predicament.
I am glad that you see richard tomorrow.
hugs

(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Hey Bizi.

His sister had a aneurysm on January 24th catastrophic damage to right frontal lobe. She was moved to Hospice February 7th and passed away Monday.

Steve’s been gone since January 29th. I. total he will be gone just a couple days shy of a month. We have nasty storms coming Tomorrow. Ugh ! Hate them.

I’m sore today but it’s not horrible.

Hope your doing okay

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Nammu · Feb 16, 2022, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tentoedsloth

Today I came back to this group after almost 7 years' absence. I want to know some people I don't have to pretend around. It's been up and down, these past years, but today was slightly up from neutral, despite waking up way too early. Maybe it's because I spent a lot of time, maybe an hour total, working on a detailed daily schedule. That's supposed to help--maybe not something THIS detailed, but having a daily routine.

I'll try to be a better group member in the future. I've lived in the same place for over 4 years now so maybe I'm more stable. I'm taking mirtazapine for sleep assistance and whatever other benefits it may provide, instead of amitriptyline, along with lamotrigine. I tried going off them all recently and that worked great for a few months, then I was back in the ditch. So I'm working on accepting that yep, I have bipolar disorder, maybe for life, and looking for things that will help me live with it.

It's getting very late so I'll go make one comment to someone then go get ready for bed. If I can't sleep I'll come back and do more.

Good night to everyone, and I hope tomorrow is a good day for us all.

Welcome back tentoedsloth

~Christina · Feb 16, 2022, 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny

I failed at playing for my sports team tonight, probably because Im "anxious and avoidant" but also Im just so tired. Im going to call my doc to get my bloods rechecked just incase there is something off with them.
Im tired, as per usual and I feel a little irritated about things that dont normally irritate me.
Maybe thats a good sign, that I actually can be bothered to be irritated?

I also had a colleague reach out through email to me because she spoke with another colleague about me being unwell and off work. I didnt really appreciate the fact that they were talking about me but I really did appreciate that she reached out and offered her support. She wants to video chat so Im going to have a think over the next few days. I opened up to her in an email about my health but its a bit different talking to someones face. Ill see how I feel. It was so kind of her to offer her support though.

Getting blood work to see if anything physical is off.

Nows a time to be very kind to yourself. If you don’t want to chat then just don’t! You don’t owe anyone anything. I think I’d be upset they were talking about you

Hang in there

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~Christina · Feb 16, 2022, 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Pdoc said “take your PRNs and ride it out”. I get it, I do, but the PRNs are not helping even in the slightest. I can’t take the extra seroquel during the day, it makes me slur my words and makes it dangerous to drive. Xanax didn’t even touch it today. I rather frantically paced the gym today during class twisting my stress ball in my hands. One of the students told me I looked like I was freaking out. I just blamed it on my back which makes it impossible to sit on the stage without pain, which is true.

I used my stress ball incessantly which didn’t help but at least wasn’t as obvious as pacing the tiny room. I even held the ice pack I brought from home. When I got home I laid my support object on my chest and turned on rain sounds.

My head is telling me to do such bad things. It really is becoming appealing at this point. My pdoc said to call her if it doesn’t resolve by tomorrow. I’m still holding out hope, maybe one more night’s sleep will help. I don’t see what she could possibly do though. I think it would be worse to be off work or stuck IP. But I tell you this, if I didn’t HAVE to go to work tomorrow in order to get paid for the holiday I absolutely would not.

Oh hun I’m so sorry things are so bad right now

I hope you are able to get a good nights sleep. Sleep always helps. I’m here if you need me.

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~Christina · Feb 16, 2022, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I went in my ZOOM support group today and did very well. I spoke several times and was brief and relevant and made sense. I stuck to my own lived experience as we are instructed.

My new online pen-pal is offline to deal with their mental health so that's disappointing but at least they let me know which was very thoughtful.

Still can't tolerate any of my activities and just spent the day relaxing quietly.

Hugs to all who struggle.

Good for you on the group Zoom support group participation ! I had to do T sessions for a while on Zoom and I pretty much froze up.. I can laugh now.

Hopefully you’re pen pal will be back online soon

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~Christina · Feb 16, 2022, 10:58 PM

Saw Richard today and it helped but I can’t seem to really slow the catastrophe thinking down. Ugh this so sucks. Next session we are working on those more in depth. I have a constant fear something will happen to him.

It appears that Cindy’s funeral will be on the 26th.

I’m just so ready for Steve to come home.

We have nasty storms coming tomorrow. Straight line winds 60+ mph and chance of tornadoes.

This kind of crap usually waits til April. It was 68 today ! So warm enough.

Tomorrow I don’t have to go anywhere thankfully.

Hugs to anyone in need

This is Gus right now. He never leaves my lap. Super spoiled lol Bipolar check-in #62

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Nammu · Feb 16, 2022, 11:34 PM

Awww 😊 what a cute guy.

bizi · Feb 16, 2022, 11:51 PM

@~Christina

I am glad that you have richard in your life.
sorry for your storm coming. we have gusts up to 30mph
and rain predicted for the day tomorrow.100%.

but not a lot so that is good.
of course I am still working.worked and will continue
to work saturdays until I am caught up.
I had covid last month and stayed isolated 2 weeks

of work to reschedule.
I don't think that the test was accurate though.

I think it was sinuses acting up with a nasty cough.

that was it.I slept a lot. delsom was great cough syrup.

Until the prescription stuff came in. He called me in an antibiotic
and an inhaler which I did not pick up because I was not that bad.

Just a cough. Thank goodness.
How are you feeling after your fall.
So sorry you fell.
lots of love bizi

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