Bipolar Check-in #86

I meant doxepin, it's an old school anti depressant. Kinda like trazadone. I can't take ambien either. It makes me feel drunk and causes horrible rebound anxiety. Yeah, I know it helps a lot of people.

This forum is doing weird stuff tonight. I'm just going to get off for now.

Ambien doesn't make me tired. It just makes me hallucinate.

@Blueberrybook

I can't take hormonal birth control either. I've tried numerous different kinds, and they all make me PMS, like it's the week before my period ALL MONTH!!! It's awful. Leaving my hormones alone to do their thing! That's why whenever my therapist blames something on my hormones and says maybe I just need to go on hormones (like estrogen or some shyt) I'm like HELL NO. Lol.

I'm fasting for my blood work and its really hard. I ate a snack at 11:50 and I think I only need to wait another 1.5 hours until the bloodwork. Then maybe I'll get some pancakes. I'm about to get my 4th bottle of water.

Good morning, I slept good. Slept for 11 hours 15 minutes. It’s a rainy winter day today. I’m just staying in today. Gonna do some painting and practice violin and get on the treadmill.

I had my appointment with my doctor yesterday. We reviewed my vitamin D results. He wants me to keep taking the vitamin D supplement then we’ll review them again in the fall. I have to set up an appointment with him for a physical for around June or July.

Anyway , yeah mood is good. I’m really happy I started water color painting. It’s so much fun. I actually prefer it to drawing and acrylic painting. So I’m excited to keep working with it and learning more. I’m still gonna draw but I’m gonna focus mainly on water color painting.

About to make my first coffee of the day! Hope you’re all doing well

im sooo tired and idk why bc i slept well. im drinking coffee at work (thank god its free here) and waiting on this day to end.

Hugs I hope everything is okay

I hate hate hate fasting things. I had to do a really long one for something one time. It sucks. Hope you enjoy your pancakes

5 appointments plus labs is too much in one week. I just have to get through therapy in a bit and then I'm done. The lab went fine. I actually wasn't hungry afterwards. I just got a drink from Starbucks. It was like now that I was allowed to eat I all of a sudden wasn't. So I'll have to explain to my therapist that I've only had crackers and Sunchips since yesterday afternoon. If she asks.

Blah. I want to sleep all day.

I hate fasting. I get a separate appt for it now, because my dr was always like, why are you so down? Um, cuz im starving and i havent had my COFFEE!!!

Just got a reprieve on my apartment cleanup. The maintenance is now scheduled for wednesday, as it will be effing freezing on monday. So a new week. To be completely stressed out thru. Okay quit complaining. I took an extra 10 mg (over usual 40 mg) of my beta blocker, hopefully that will keep me going. I already feel better, but its hard to say if that is the new due date or the med taking effect.

It's just past noon and I already called the emergency line 4 times. I couldn't stay in the house. My mom took the day off, her (I guess?) boyfriend is over, she's being a passive aggressive bytch about us, yeah. I met up with someone from the team who bought me a coffee though which was a greatly appreciated gesture. The roads are slushy but manageable. We got about 3" and it's raining now.

I'm going to try and be out of the house all fking day. I got a gift card for complaining about my last therapist to DHHS though and saying "yup, my case manager and I have been working on finding housing for for-frigin-ever, but there's like an 8 year waiting list for subsidized housing and 'affordable' housing rent itself is about $300 more than what I get from SSI/SSDI so no way am I going to not have SI/HI for a lonnggg time, it's not HER fault my living arrangement is harder to sleep in than a busy ER hallway," so maybe I'll head over to Walmart. I need toothpaste.

I had a busy day for my stupid CMHC yesterday though. I had a review of them with DHHS, a pdoc appointment, a therapy appointment, and of course the morning med management visit. I have to pee. Hugs to all

Oh last night was horrible. When I took my meds at midnight I thought I saw one fall out of my hand and roll under the chest of drawers. But I couldn’t see anything. So I went to bed. At 3 am I’m still tossing and turning. Got up to watch tv. Decided that I had dropped a pill and it was my ambien. Took a different one and was soon asleep by 4, woke up at 10! But my head is so weird, like it’s filled with helium.

On the plus slide we didn’t get as much snow yesterday as they claimed but tomorrow we get more! Today is a cold advisory. Then next week is super cold. I admit it , I’m a fair weather person. I don’t like the winter. But when I lived in Texas I didn’t like the summer. Guess I need to move to Hawaii, anyone have a million bucks to lend me?

I’m so worried about HUD.

My neighbor sold me all this luscious upholstered furniture for squat. It's spotless grey faux suede and sooooooooooo comfy. We were able to bring up the chair ourselves. I don't want to do anything, i just want to sit in a stupor of pleasure in this extraordinarily comfortable chair. I even rigged an ottoman from the chaise-lounge-platform that goes with the sofa (which is coming later today).

It's heavenly! I can't get anything done, i just want to sit, and lounge in the chair/ottoman forever. So glad to be getting rid of my worn-out red leather sofa. The color was so shrieking it overpowered the room. The "new" furniture is a nice, subtle, grey faux suede. Can't wait til my sofa/chaise comes!

Sleep is still sshhiitt but have a phone appointment with my doctor at 4:00pm to discuss valerian root, melatonin, or other natural supplements. Will NOT take more pills. Want to take LESS pills, not more. The advantage of being up 21 hours a day is that i get a lot done.

Getting along well with people, and more and more convinced that that episode of bad behavior was due to benzo deprivation. Having many laughs with people, and getting things done. Reacting well in-the-moment. Saying "no" with ease and grace. Really doing well, except for fatigue washing over me unpredictably. There's nothing to do tho. I can't nap. A rest (sensory deprivation period) is helpful tho.

Really loving my friends. They are a swell bunch!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I'll attend a building social created by our own resident dynamo graphic designer. It should be marvy!

Therapy went fine. I yakked up my Starbucks drink in the bathroom before our session though.

I'm at home now lying down. My sister and bil are dropping the kids off tommorow. I guess they want to celebrate Valentines Day.

I don't plan on it but I might take a long nap this afternoon.

My uncle and aunt were suprised by my cataracts. My uncle said he thought he was young to get them at 55 and my aunt joked and said I should try brushing my eyes since my teeth are fine.

I haven't read all the posts yet, so I'll go back and do that after lunch to catch up. Just a quick update here:

I slept wonderfully again last night, a blissful 8.5 hr. Sleep helps my bipolar so much, I am so grateful for every night that I have good sleep. I did a gentle pilates video and practiced holding the plank position. All my plank practice has resulted in I can now do an actual honest-to-god real pushup again. Just one for now, but hey, I don't think I have been able to do a pushup in 10-15 years!

Read with the SAD lamp and finished my library book which seemed to slog in places so I'm ready to move on to a new book. The mechanic had the car fixed, so H and I drove over to pick it up. Thank God it was fixable. It's a 20 yr. old car, and every time I have to take it to the mechanic I'm just waiting to hear the words "It can't be fixed." Buying a good used car is more expensive than ever these days, and our budget would take a nice hit when we need to buy another car. I drew some, 4 pics in the Creative Corner forum. Some turned out better than others but I made good progress on drawing sharks; I posted my first shark attempt along with my drawing today, and today's drawing definitely looks a lot better.

Time to get lunch ready before my daughter has her next class. I'll come back and catch up on the posts later!

@JaneOnceMore How did your phone appt. with your doc go? It's amazing what skipping a small dose of a med can do. With a benzo, I'd believe it for sure especially if you missed it as stressed out as you have been and so sleep deprived.

@Blue_Bird It's awesome that you like watercolor so much! I mucked around some with oil pastels and decided I like drawing and shading or coloring with colored pencils much more than working with pastels. Maybe at some point I'll do some pastel work, but right now drawing makes me happiest How did you art class go? Or was that where you did the watercolor pumpkin? And I do like the background on that painting!

@Nammu Sorry about the night you had. I've done that number with ignoring a dropped pill and it'd turn out to be something I really needed to take to get a solid night's sleep.

My lab work came back. I have high cholestrol, am prediabetic, and I have low vitamin D. What a shyt show. I have a lot of work to do to better my situation.

I did the water color painting at home as I was feeling too anxious to go to art group yesterday. Thank you

Sorry you’re dealing with all that. I have similar issues at the moment. High cholesterol, low vitamin d, and on the edge of being prediabetic. So I’m trying to overhaul my lifestyle/eating habits and exercising more. I have faith that we can both improve these things though

My biggest fear is diabetes as it runs in my family, so as soon as I learned I was on the edge of prediabetes it scared the hell out of me and now I’m finally determined to fix things

I'm tired, I woke up at 7 to my neighbor's having a screaming match by the time they were done the people fixing the basement door were here. So I basically had a panic attack for 3 hours this morning. Then I had therapy. That went well but she was reminded I'm crazy as well spoken and calm as I am my dedication to avoid things that cause bizarre thoughts causes trouble. Then I took a two hour ride to get my dogs meds. Filled out two scholarships and now I'm just tired.

I have high cholesterol as well. I didn't for the longest time, but I did for the past 2 times I had bloodwork done. I haven't been able to get the cholesterol down since a stint on Zyprexa. I did have high triglycerides too but taking fish oil daily brought the triglycerides back into the normal range. So far, I haven't been put on a statin, the doctor says to watch my diet, but my diet honestly isn't that bad and I can't exercise more than I already do. My vitamin D levels are OK though, but I do take a multi-vitamin. Thankfully, my A1C levels were fine last time they were checked.

I’m waiting on a Telehealth phone call. My pdoc reckons I’m a good candidate for ozempic. My psychologist reckons there isn’t enough supply and I should go for something like Wegovy. I’ll see what the gp has to offer.

I really hope this posts right side up but here’s a water color painting I did tonight by following a tutorial I found online

Edit of course it posted it sideways lol

Im so sleepy this week. im getting used to work 40 hours a week plus full time school. between practicum and my day job its 40 hours a week sometimes more. tomorrow is valentines day and i have some stuff for the hubby. ear pods, chocolate peanits and hershey kisses.

I’ve high cholesterol too but just the triglycerides and the good cholesterol are high. The good cholesterol I credit a decent diet and for much of my life I was a vegetarian and an avid walker. The triglycerides are high both from APs and family history. Psych meds also resulted in a chronic kidney disease. Otherwise my physical health is pretty good except for my back which is the result of avid walking and physical activity with one leg shorter than the other. Over the years though I’ve gotten the bad cholesterol as high too on certain APs and ADs, but when I quit the meds it went down. I used to take a daily vitamin and vitamin D but the need for those stopped so I stopped taking them. I used to take omega supplements too but after my stomach issues I couldn’t take them anymore. The only supplement I take now is a weekly iron pill. I only see my PCP once a year for my wellness visit and blood work. I am overweight and he’d like to see me lose the weight but not being able to walk anymore really limits me. I haven’t gotten sick in years except once in 2022 with covid. I do get all my shots though.