Bipolar Check-in #86

So tomorrow I see my pdoc and psychologist. Not ideal to see them both on the same day but it is what it is. I survived the day. Disappointed my high achieving class were so restless but it’s extremely hot today and it was the last period so not sure if that played a role in their mood. It’s currently 31 degrees Celsius in my bedroom which is HOT for inside. I’m sipping on Lipton peach tea but it’s not iced it’s at warm room temperature because I forgot to put them in the fridge. Ah well at least I’m not working tomorrow so it can’t be too bad, right?

Thanks for that. I deal with anxiety pretty bad sometimes. My caregiver went on a plant diet after she had a small stroke. She has talked to me about the benefits of different food. Shes cool, she doesn't push me to become vegan. Just tells me the benefits of different foods.

@raspberrytorte

How do you manage to take seroquel and not gain weight?

@Blueberrybook

It's that way for me as well. When I was in that mixed episode, I was taking, 40 mgs of zyprexa with my other meds. The zyprexa wasn't Dr approved but I was trying to get get some sleep. Have you ever considered foxepin or trazadone for sleep? I took myself off of 40 mgs of doxepin. But it helped when I needed it.

@Blue_Bird

Yes I've been using music as a coping method my whole life. No I don't play an instrument. That's great that you play 3 instruments! Wow you're inspiring me. I always wanted to learn piano. Also guitar. Maybe I'll look into guitar.

Thank you for your compassion about the trauma.

I've lurked here and you are one of my favorite people on here. 😊

Yay for a comfy bed, we spent most of the day under a snuggle blanket in the dark. The sadness is kicking my butt somewhat. Its challenging to allow emotions without fearing them, especially I find with sadness. Tomorrow, we discuss a tweak.

Life is still wonderful, and we look at it from a place of abundance rather than lack.

Have a wonderful day as all those I am privileged to spend time with (most) enter Wednesday.

Stay Awesome!


A pic from our walking trail this morning

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I had that really bad. That was before my psychotic break. My Dr put me on Prozac and a small dose of risperdal. That was a long time ago. I would talk to your gyno about it. It's miserable. I would start feeling better within a couple hours of my period starting. I'm sorry you're going through that.

@Nammu Are you getting that arctic freeze? We are the temps arelike going to below freezing. My battery was completely dead. So I got a new one put in and it's still stalling when it's starting. The mechanic said it needs to be driven every day. My caregiver has been taking it out. But it's going to warm up and we're supposed to get snow. I might not be able to get the snow off my car. I'm going to just drive around my apartments parking lot and go across the street to the big shopping center. It all just socks! I hate winter!

Aww thank you that’s sweet of you to say 😊

Yes I think that’s a great idea about the guitar! I took a guitar class in high school and it was a lot of fun. There’s something about playing an instrument that is so therapeutic and also is exciting because of constantly getting inspired to learn new things. And the feeling you get when you finally learned how to play a song you’re learning or learning a new technique successfully is a super fulfilling feeling 😃

Good morning! I have art group today at 2pm to 3pm. Then a doctor appointment with my primary to discuss my vitamin D levels. Should be a really quick appointment.

When I get home from all of that I’m gonna practice violin

I had some bubble tea last night I ordered, was really good! Also got some buffalo wings

I slept pretty good, 7 hours 20 minutes

Looking forward to the day

Might play some videogames today too. I finally got a new Xbox controller since my last controller broke a few months back. So I can finally play my Xbox again which is nice

Lol. I did gain weight on it. I've been on it for about three years now and gained 50lbs, but stabilized at the chubby weight.

Under a winter storm advisory. Bah humbug I’m so done with winter!

My car is under lots of snow, I haven’t been outside since the in ages. I rescheduled my blood donation to next week. Thankfully the new location is just next door so I won’t have to drive. But next Tuesday and Thursday when we have subzero temps I have art class! Did I mention I’m so done with winter?

I managed to get sleep last night! Bed at midnight as usual then read awhile, and tried to sleep. Couldn’t so watched tv and was able to fall asleep at 3 am woke up at 10. It’s getting better!

My teeth are fine. Cool. Kidneys and eyes are shyt though. Why am I falling apart at age 32.

I went to see my kidney doctor and he said my kidney level is the same but its not getting better and he wants to know the exact cause of my kidney disease. So I have to do a dumb 24 hour urine test and a different kind of blood test before my next appointment.

Then I had my eye doctor apppointment. I had trouble getting the contacts in and they ended up not fitting right so I have to go back in 2 weeks to get fitted for a better pair. They don't want me to irritate my eyes too much and my right eye was red. But the lady helping me was incredibly patient. I kept apolgizing for not getting them in and she was so nice

But the doctor found some cataracts and she was pretty freaked out about it and she was all like "I have never seen this in a 32 year old before." So when I go back in 2 weeks I need to get my eyes dilated so she can figure out if I have a type of cataract I was born with and will stay the same or one I developed that can be "fast growing" and I'll need surgery. Her freaking out was weird.

But I'm only 32.

I didn't go for my bloodwork today for my A1C and cholestrol and vitamin D and stuff. Thats probably all full of shyt too.

I'm already on birth control. I was on Nexplanon for a while (the arm implant) which was actually great--didn't menstruate for almost four years--and then had a psychotic episode and got paranoid when I felt it in my arm in the shower so switched to an IUD which was absolutely horrendous. Horrible cramps, the worst mood swings ever related to my incredibly erratic cycle (I had a three week cycle for almost three months--was hospitalized four times, once involuntarily, in that period by the way--and then no bleeding for six months but crazy PMS symptoms randomly type of deal). So I had that for, I don't know, three years? Just switched back to Nexplanon in Sept. and haven't menstruated since although for a while I could tell I had a bit of a hormonal "cycle" (not a regular one still though) left that feels like it's calmed down a lot by now. I'm told usually it's the other way around where people love their IUDs but have nightmare experiences with the arm implant though.

I’m doing good. But it’s my day off. Looking forward to telling my pdoc I’m stable. I hope my psychologist appointment goes okay. I think it will. Wanting to do my nails today but I probably won’t get around to doing them until tomorrow. It takes an hour to soak both hands off. Once it’s soaked off it’s pretty quick.

Have you ever had the urine test where you have to go at least 12 hours without drinking or eating anything and (try to) pee? I'm convinced it's impossible. They had me try that three times, and nope, that's how you get tears, not pee. Any liquid that goes in me comes out within 90 minutes, if I don't drink for 12 hours 1) I'm gonna feel thirsty af 2) no way am I going to even get a drip out.

No I never did that one. But I had a surgery scheduled for 1PM and I couldn't eat or drink even water after midnight and that really drove me up the wall.

@Blitter2014 - What a beautiful picture! I wish I had such pretty places to hike to around here!

I'm having a pretty good day. I had another night of blissful sleep, 8.5 hr. I took a power walk, showered and then I had to see the rheumatologist. Unfortunately, driving there was so scary because my car started acting up, nearly stalling every time I sat at a traffic light and barely going again once I gave it gas. Thankfully, I made it to the doctor's okay. As it happened, H was across the street at the phlebotomist getting his annual blood draw, and I called him. He left his car for me and drove mine to the mechanic. My appt. went fine, the doctor renewed my script for tizandine and I headed home, stopping at Walmart to get some rolls for H's lunches.

Then I did laundry, read with the SAD lamp, made lunch. I drove H's car to pick up my prescription and finally got down to drawing some. Only 2 pics today as I still want to have some time to read this afternoon, both in the creative corner.

So other than car problems, a pretty good day. The mechanic did call the car needs $600 worth of work, but hopefully that will fix it, fingers-crossed!

@Mountaindewed I had cataract surgery when I was 43, and even that was considered young. I had them for some years before hand but they did grow fast. One of my eye docs said there is some literature that APs can cause cataract growth. On the other hand my youngest sister (never on any type of psych med or any medications at all), who is 41 called me freaked out that she has a cataract affecting her vision but hers is congenital; an eye doc had mentioned it before to her it's only now started to affect her vision. My niece, her daughter was born with congenital cataracts, and the eye doctor told me sister my niece will need cataract surgery by the time she is in her 20s. But cataract surgery has been rather a miracle to me; my vision was horribly nearsighted, I couldn't function at all without glasses or contacts in daily life and now I only need drugstore glasses for reading, and I can drive without any corrective vision at all

I started using my water color set today. This was the first painting I did today. I’m happy with how it came out. I love the background I did on it

That’s interesting to hear, I am not on birth control but I do hear it helps with things like that. I plan on asking my doctor about it at my next physical, thanks for the reminder

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iloveanimals25 @Blueberrybook It's that way for me as well. When I was in that mixed episode, I was taking, 40 mgs of zyprexa with my other meds. The zyprexa wasn't Dr approved but I was trying to get get some sleep. Have you ever considered foxepin or trazadone for sleep? I took myself off of 40 mgs of doxepin. But it helped when I needed it.

I'm already on trazodone. Too much of it leaves me feeling hungover the next day. I used to tolerate 100 mg/night but now just take 50 mg. I've never heard of foxepin. The Seroquel I'm on makes me sleepy too. I take 300 mg at night for sleep and another 50 mg in the daytime for anxiety/panic attacks. I never did gain weight on Seroquel, but I've been fairly active throughout my life. I exercise most days. I did try Ambien once for sleep and ooh boy! NEVER again! It gave me such a huge severe panic attack, I was convinced I was dying and I had to wait hours and hours for it to wear off. But then there are some people on this board who take Ambien and do just fine with it.

@Blue_Bird - I love your painting! I can't take birth control at all. It really messes with my mood in a severe negative way, irritability, water weight gain, fatigue, overly emotional. I tried a few different pills, low estrogen, higher estrogen, middle range. I got on one of them, LoEstrin, maybe it was, it had me feeling and looking exactly as I did when I was 12 weeks pregnant! Because I need birth control, I'm on the non-hormonal IUD (Paragard). But birth control has helped other women on this board. So you never know until you try.

Today was a long day-nothing bad, it's just how my Wed. teaching schedule is. I had another productive evening. I was able to leave work early to get a jump start on what I wanted to work on at home. These last two days, there has not been enough caffeine in the world to have kept me awake though. I'm looking forward to a three day weekend. Hopefully, it will be a mix of rest and productivity. I haven't read in a while-maybe, the weather will be nice enough for me to sit by the pool and read with a soda or something. I haven't been able to walk in over a week, so I'm also hoping I'll be able to get some walks in since I have an IV appointment Saturday.

I’m so tired but I slept well last night. Must be the heat. I want to crawl up into a ball and sleep. But I have to fetch my son in an hour so there’s no point. I saw my psychiatrist and he does not want to see me for another six months. That makes me nervous because the longest stretch I’ve not seen him is three months so I feel six months is a long time. My Psychologist said I do not have depression anxiety or stress according to the test he did. Which makes sense because I feel stable. I see my psychologist again next month may my stability last. I also want to speak to my gp tomorrow about going on ozempic but she’s not working so I have to wait until next week Friday to see her.