Bipolar Check-in #87

Oh, I misunderstood. Sorry..

No problem!

My appointment with my insurance company went fine. It was way easier to do it virtually. All she did was ask what meds I was on and why I was on them and some breif medical questions. When they do them in person they have me do these math questions and draw a clock, and have me do some physical tests and stuff. I was done this time in about 15 minutes.

So with going to the gas station and getting my haircut and this appointment I did a lot for a Saturday.

I honestly don’t think it’s the type of job that matters , I’d get stressed and overwhelmed working any kind of job and unstable from the stress

I just didnt want to leave people hanging. I meant to mention it the first time but i guess i got distracted. Mostly im distracted by the main characters WIG!!!!!! I mean, she told her therapist she was getting a haircut, but they just put a wig on her so they could keep time jumping. Drives me crazy!

I'll call today a good day. My IV appointment wasn't as lonely as it normally is because I had a short conversation with one of the nurses about her cats. I also got a good amount done today-grocery shopped, went for a walk, put some laundry away, and did some cleaning. I was looking for a dopamine hit all day though so I didn't make the healthiest food/caffeine choices and spent a ridiculous amount of time doom scrolling. I think it's my mind trying to escape the high levels of anxiety I have right now. It's making me really restless to because I don't want to just sit with my thoughts and anxiety. I'm looking forward to sleeping because, hopefully, I'll sleep well enough to have a little escape.

I hope everyone is able to get a good night sleep too!

Ok. That's where I started, but yeah I have a really scattered work history. It's from untreated BP I.

I had a pretty uneventful day. Somebody answered my ad. She wants 4-8 shifts. I'm fine with that. But I'd like to have someone that can advocate for to Dr's appointments.

Good morning. It’s 7:30am now here. I’ve been up since around 3:30am. I slept good while I slept about 5 hours 40 minutes I just woke up way too early as usual. I’ve been organizing my apartment for an hour or so and listening to podcasts and music.

Hey all! Sorry I disappeared again, but it has been really busy. Will try to read through some of the replies, and then maybe catch up more tomorrow. Still really busy, but I also kind of need to start a little chat cuz been feeling lonely again, or rather, afraid to be alone in the future and it's amplified by my mother not responding right away this morning (I'm not really worried about that, except that maybe I'm becoming too much for her... or that it's just early in the day for a weekend. Shrugs)
I need my morning meds and coffee as well!! Can't really function otherwise ha!

Will try to catch up on things after lunch. I've been pretty absorbed in the book I am reading.

My update is as normal: slept well, did pilates, read with the SAD lamp, did a grocery store curbside pickup & put groceries away, folded a load of laundry. I had fun drawing today, did 4 pics. some turned out some not so much (all in the creative corner forum).

I hope everyone has a fantastic Sunday!

I slept until about 8:10 this morning. I take my AM meds around 1AM and go back to sleep for a few hours, so I thought I had my blood pressure med in my AM slot or something. But no I just slept in really late for some reason. I went to bed right before 10 and I slept well.

I feel decent today. Kinda crabby just because of the day of the week. But overall I'm fine. I'm catching up on a TV show today..

I'm thinking of volunteering with the forest preserve. Cleaning up the place or something. Maybe joining one of those "clean up the park." Groups they show all the time on The Today Show. They hand you a bag and you pick up trash for 3 hours or some thing.

An extra 25mg increase in lamictal is like some magic shyt or something.

Oh man. I absolutely could not fall asleep last night and now Ive been up out of bed since 3:30am. It’s going to be a longggggg day. I have papers to grade at work and reports to finish writing. Save me lol

I slept really well. Stayed in bed after I woke up just going over my dreams. Good dreams. It started out as college but morphed into hospital dreams. Good ones though. Playing games and at the end I was getting released. My hearing aids were in the game box but I seemed to hear fine.

So got up late. Not sure I’m up to going to the potluck today. Might skip it. I have about 100 pages in my book I need to finish today. And start my new drawing book.

Had a really hard time getting up this morning for church. Kept going back and forth on whether or not I was going to go. Doing some laundry now and cleaning up a little. Didn't go to my parents today because of the really bad storm that was supposed to come but really didn't, now I am feeling bad because I should have went.

Really got into my book Dragonsbane this afternoon. My ex sent it to me, and I wanted to finish it. It is really good, a book about dragons, witches, spells and knights from the 80s. He had read it many times and its worn out. I am going to mail it back to him when I am done. Rough day today too, haven't gotten an email yet and I'm about to burst into tears. I really hate the way our relationship is now, I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Grateful that I am not depressed or anything, kind of just lost. I wish I had a purpose. I wish I could find a job closeby that I can do, I feel the same way @Blue_Bird does in a lot of ways. Anyway, hope everyone is having a good Sunday!

I got some Bluetooth recording mics for my iPhone for recording myself playing violin, ukulele and keyboard. The audio they produce is really good quality. Much better than the internal mic that is built into the iPhone. So that’ll be helpful for recording myself playing.

I also got some new coloring books today which I’m excited about. I love coloring. I find it a very calming mindful activity.

Anyway I’m feeling pretty good. Mood is good, stable. No anxiety today.

It’s a rainy day here in upstate NY. I’m enjoying relaxing with my cats and watching Game of Thrones with some coffee. ☕️

Someone in a gaming forum websiteI’m on requested a Mickey Mouse drawing from me in my art thread there so I’m gonna start working on that today

Did my pill container and drawings. One from each book. The first in the 15 artist turned out well,…the chocolate kiss. No walk today as it’s Sunday and I don’t go out on Sundays. I’m glad blue bird and blueberry got me into drawing. It calms me. Focusing on doing the drawing is very centering. Have about 50 pages to go as I got distracted by the tv and watching the croods then death wish. My day was good though.

I've had a lot of down time today. I decided to go to Mass this evening (I usually go in the morning) because I was struggling to wake up. So, I had a lazy morning, went for a walk, did some cooking, ran an errand, and rested a bit/read Harry Potter. I'll be leaving for Mass soon. My walk triggered my POTs symptoms but I think I'll still be able to make it through Mass. I'm taking some electrolytes with me, just in case.

I've been thinking about my mood and realized I've been mildly hypersexual for about a week now. This makes me nervous because that was the start of my mood shifting back in December. Adding the fear of being possessed that came over me the other night and struggling to sit still recently has me wondering if my mood is thinking about shifting. Maybe, it's the seasonal changes? I always get majorly depressed in the fall so maybe I'll be manic in the spring?

I just woke up from a 4 hour nap. Idk why I slept so long. I woke up late this morning. The hair stylist yesterday mentioned one of the other stylist being out with covid. But I feel fine. I think I need to take a look at my meds.

So glad you’re getting into drawing and finding it enjoyable!

I no longer wonder-I'm definitely manic. The question is, will it right itself on its own or will I be messaging my pdoc this week asking him what to do? My mood seems to be off every few months and it's SO frustrating. I hope it doesn't impact work to much. I have a pretty boring week because both subjects I teach are doing independent and group work. It's hard to know if that will be a good or bad combo with manic symptoms.

Right now, I'm the type of manic that I feel makes me a better person because it squashes most (all?) of the social anxiety I have and makes me a more confident driver. Although, it does put me at risk for saying something stupid since I get more bold and it's hard to not talk a ton in general.

Manic me doesn't want to sleep because it wants to do all the things and is enjoying my manic buzz, but I do truly hope I sleep. I'm about to go take my 12.5 mg of seroquel right now.

I am a little manic too @June08 - sometimes I feel scared of being possessed myself - I honestly feel it was the devil that took me over last year during that episode. It felt demonic and I definitely was NOT myself. I battle with a lot of things. My ex finally emailed me, and it's the only reason I am going to be able to sleep. It is almost like a dopamine hit, and it's my addictions flaring up again. I had been a bit hypersexual too, and immediately felt guilty like I was going to be punished.

So many emotions I am feeling. I was bawling like a baby earlier. This has got to stop. My whole life is upside down in this purposeless void. I have so much to be grateful for and I can't see it because I am hyper focused on this one thing. Acknowledging it helps a lot. I just wish there was some way through it.

The good news is that I sleep good at night - if that was disturbed too, then I would definitely need to worry.

Today is my 10th year anniversary of being out of the hospital. Not that I haven't had plenty of close calls and 4 weeks in zoom IOP in 2020. Lol. But yeah today is a big day. Its also my 5th year of my medical transition which is a big milestone for trans folks.

I tried leaving my house but I didn't have the energy. It wasn't an anxiety thing. I did get to one store. I just had a lack of energy. I think Sundays and Mondays are my lack of energy days and then the rest of the week is fine.

I did get some stuff done in the house this morning and I worked out

Tommorow is the day I get my eyes dilated. I hope she isn't all like "hmmm I need to put it off for a 4th week." Considering thats all I'm going in for this time I doubt that will happen. Hopefully.

Not going so great -- I feel like i'm up and down a lot these days. I hope it straightens out. I just feel very good, then on edge, then sad, then ok.... and repeat. It's nothing really in my life other than normal stresses. I don't know really.

Will try to catch up after lunch...I took a long power walk this morning, showered, had breakfast, read with the SAD lamp, pretty good concentration. I drew 3 pictures but ugh, nothing turned out right (all in the creative corner forum). I'm a bit tired today; I went to bed later than normal because I told H I had ribs I wanted him to grill for dinner. He's like, okay, that's fine. Then, what does he decide to start doing at 5 PM? Get on the roof and cut the branches of the neighbors tree hanging over our roof, and of course it wasn't as quick as he'd thought it would be, which was no surpirse there, that happens with nearly all of his projects. So dinner ended up quite late. Maybe I'll try for a nap after lunch.