Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

N3 bought a harpsichord! It needs work. My mom knows someone who knows about them.

Today is going well so far. Slept in a bit and had a slow morning before my IV appointment. The appointment went well-the nurse I had was very good at what she does. They always take my blood pressure before and after the IV and it was low. Afterwards, it was 94/60. I had a feeling it would be low because I have been more light headed lately. Even though the IV (weirdly) doesn't tend to help with my blood pressure when it's low, I still feel better than I did before it. The IV sadly just didn't help with the light headedness but, hopefully, compression socks will.

I was able to get a walk in for the first time in a few days so that was nice. And, I have more mental stamina today than I've had in a few days. Today, I still need to finish cleaning my bathroom and put some laundry away. But, it's only 4:45 pm so I have plenty of time yet. Oh, and I still need to do my vertigo exercises. Right now, I'm taking a break because I got light headed cleaning my bathroom.

Wishing everyone a nice rest of their day and a good night's sleep!

I’ve had an off day. Couldn’t sleep last night so around 1-1:30 I took seroquel. Unfortunately it took awhile to fall asleep, then I was up early. But the seroquel makes me very tired for a loonngg time I went back to bed and got up after 1pm. But it’s not been until now, 7pm that the seroquel is out of my system. Never got dressed today and didn’t dare try to draw. Read off and on but mostly just stared at the tv with the sound off.

This weekend has been great so far. Had several phone calls and watched some good movies. Watched "The Muppet Movie" today, it was a lot of fun, I felt like a kid again. Asked him to send me "Fraggle Rock" so I could reminisce with them.

Things are getting better, I will go to church and see my parents tomorrow, so that should be good. Learning not to be so dramatic about things and taking things for what they are. Been sleeping a lot lately too, and I don't know why. Took forever for me to get up this morning.

I sympathize with you @Blue_Bird - I stopped the Lithium last year and had a really bad manic episode, I wouldn't want you to digress from any of your progress. Just be careful. At least talk to your psychiatrist before doing anything.

Watching Svengoolie tonight - they are showing a movie about "rats" and it's freaking me out, lol. Not one of his best. But it is always fun to see the wacky antics and jokes from the characters on the show.

Hope everyone has a great sleep tonight!

I feel kinda blah tonight. Maybe its the prestiq. Idk.

@Blueberrybook

Our daughter is 13. I DREAD when she begins learning how to drive in a couple of years! The thought is TERRIFYING.

@LadyShadow

Thanks.

Yeah. Um. This weight gain situation has become unacceptable. Psychiatrist and I are going to have a little chat at my appointment in a couple of weeks. I know it's because of seroquel. I'm thinking about seeing my GP too.... though I don't know what she could do. I'm not taking any of those weird injectables and Medicare doesn't cover them anyway. And phentermine just made me depressed and didn't work.

@Blue_Bird

Ah, you're hardly on any meds. I'm a damn walking pharmacy. I'm on so many meds it's embarrassing. 😳 I'm sure my internal organs, especially my liver, are REAL happy with me right now.

Some background, my family tends to use the few things I say and do against me. They hold on to things and fire them back at me when it's most hurtful to me. All of them have done it over the years. It's especially hurtful when my kids do it, and when they do it, they're really effective.

Just recently one of my kids said I often play the victim.

He and my wife said, separately, that I seem to have a problem with them.

They also said things are going great these days, I seem to be much better. I revealed they think that because I've been silent and hiding 90% of what's actually happening and it's evidence that they only want silence and appropriate behavior.

So I finally came out and said it - if I'm such a problem, I won't stay where I'm not wanted. Tell me to go and I'll leave.

You'd think that would result in a discussion, right? Not 10 minutes later, she's fast asleep. That's really telling.

At starbucks waiting for church choir rehearsal. I actually bought a coffee but forgot to ask for decaf! Dunno about the Klonopin-coffee mix! Caleb is up but he just replied “ssshhhh. I haven’t had my coffee yet”. He doesn’t drink coffee!

Good morning, I slept pretty good. Almost 8 hours. Till Mustachio kept biting my nose and fingers to wake me up. I love her but she drives me crazy sometimes with the waking me up everyday when I could still be sleeping lol

Not much planned today other than practice violin. Just a chill day. I was planning on taking some walks outside but I can’t find the motivation today. I just want to hang out at home and relax. Tomorrow I have to take a walk anyway cause I need to pick up my meds from the pharmacy so I have to walk part of the way to the bus. Tuesday I’ll have to walk to the store and Wednesday I’ll have to walk to my therapy appointment. So I’ll be getting plenty of walks during the week.

Making peanut butter cookies later

It’s just a lazy Sunday for me I guess. Gonna watch some anime. It’s only 10:30am so too early to practice violin cause I don’t want to wake my neighbors up. I’ll practice around 2pm.

The prestiq or whatever is kicking my *** physically today. I thought I was going to need a new phone but I think mine dried out. Not sure about my headphones. But I keep getting this weird spazing feeling in my head and I feel like my eyeballs are gonna fall out of my head. My stomach and head are just weird today. My blood pressure has been 130 something/90 something all morning.

I ended up taking two separate 10 min walks outside. I’m using the games Pikmin Bloom to motivate myself to walk and also Pokemon Go.

Now am dissociating a bit. Hoping to snap myself out of it though. I might get on the treadmill later. If I stop dissociating first. Then take a shower. Still gotta practice violin too.

I've read all the posts but have to catch up on replies later.

I slept about 7 hr, could have been better, but definitely could have been worse. I did pilates this morning, but my wrist hasn't completely healed, so I'll have to go back to walking for exercise for the time being. I had a grocery pickup, put that away, read with the SAD lamp, spent time with H. Drawing was frustrating; nothing really wanted to turn out. I drew a couple of cat pictures (in the creative corner).

I hope everyone enjoys their Sunday!

Good morning

I slept really deep last night, 9 blissful hours. Kept dreaming of sailors white bell bottoms. Just the bottom bell part. Getting dirty then being clean again. Like a Weird mime. But mostly I was out. I feel so rested today.

Blueberry I like the cat you posted here. The ears could used some work but the rest is terrific. I’m going though a rough patch with my drawing. It got so bad that I’m reluctant to get back to it.

I slept almost 8 hours! Wow!

So after what happened last night, life carries on. I expected as much - or little.

My offer stands though even if they never act on it.

I'm glad I finally opened the door. If they don't want to respect me as a person, which they haven't been doing for many years now, and see me as the problem, I'll go. I'd rather be alone than miserable, managed, and erased.

Had an amazing time in church this morning. I cried a lot and prayed for my friends and family and especially my relationship or lack thereof. Went home to realize I left my wallet and then had to turn around a second time because I STILL left the wallet - I don't know where my head was at, but I finally made it to my parent's house today.

Took a little nap on the couch, and I'm up now. No email today, but I am hoping for a phone call later, but I don't know how likely that will happen. Feeling pretty good, but really tired. Getting up at 7:30am is usually tough on Sunday mornings.

Enjoying time with my mom and dad today - I hope everyone is having a great Sunday!

Happy Sunday to you all!

It’s Monday morning here and I’m just getting through a cup of coffee.

Monday used to be the best day on my teaching timetable now it’s one of my heaviest teaching 4 on. At least we’ve got it broken up by an assembly for Year 8s so that helps.

Very chilly this morning. Oh hello autumn I wondered where you were!

Ughh. just found out Jiggly Caliente died. And I never cry. Its practically impossible given the hormones I'm on. But I'm trying to get myself together before my mom comes home. The last time I cride was when The Vivenne died.

I've been deeply sleeping all day. No idea why.

And shes home

Needs work but here it is! N3’s new harpsichord!

I forgot that Fertility Friend said my period was supposed to start today. Now it’s saying tomorrow. I do feel crampy.

Been struggling with a flood of SI today. May be a tad hypomanic or mixed again (this time, it would be my fault because I had a ridiculous amount of caffeine yesterday). I'm trying to decide if I have it in me to go to Mass this evening. I'd probably just be stuck with a flood of SI while there. My faith does help me stay alive when suicidal, but prayer doesn't actually tend to help me in the moment-it often makes things worse for some reason. Mass is in just under three hours, so I have a tiny bit of time to decide.

In my restlessness today, I went and bought myself a new water bottle. I bought a style that will allow me to get rid of some other ones so I can declutter a bit since the studio I will be moving to soon does not have a ton of cabinet space. And, I'll need those cabinets for both my food and my kitchen stuff. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about my restlessness/inability to focus now. I've already went on a drive and on a walk.

I hope you feel better @June08 - I hope you do decide to go to mass. I went this morning and felt a flood of emotion that I cried. Being able to receive the Eucharist now is such a remarkable feeling, I have a whole new appreciation for it.

In times when I have felt SI, I have turned to my faith. It is a struggle because sometimes it can get mixed up with mania, but I have learned that reaching for something outside myself to soothe my battered soul works wonders in times of stress like that. I do hope it helps you some @June08

Today was a good day - I am home waiting for a phone call, but if it doesn't happen I will be calling my best friend to watch some movies. I am learning to throw away this "all or nothing" attitude that I have toward things, that's usually to my detriment.

I hope everyone is having a relaxing Sunday!

i saw a country music concert last night and molly tuttle opened for brooks and dunn. shes a great bluegrass band. went to a kids bday party today. just got home frm coffee shop i walked to. it was nice. now im washing some clothes im gonna give away. theyre 3 sizes too big for me. ive lost 70lbs and it wasnt easy but now i have to get new clothes

Wow! Congrats!

I've been so tired today. I tried napping but no go. I have read everyone's posts but don't have the energy to respond, my mood's okay, I'm just wiped out and sends HUGS to those of you going through difficulties. I really hope my energy picks up tomorrow especially as I have an early pdoc appt.

Just secured a photographer for our elopement!!!

And they video record us saying our vows so family who aren't there can watch us say "I do" afterwards.

Too much excitement and I've still got 2 classes left to teach for the day but all my mind is on is the WEDDING!