Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

I managed to get back to sleep till 6!

I slept pretty good last night. No falling dreams.

I have an eye appointment this afternoon. So I should probably work on my drawings now before getting my eyes dilated. Today is gloomy, so sun and possibly snow tonight. But then we warm up to thunderstorms.

Oh my goodness, @Blue_Bird I am terrified of getting stuff on an elevator! In college, I had a class on the 4th floor of a building and I was so scard of the old dilapidated elevator that I climbed 4 flights every class day!

Got my ear pierced! It looks great! I’ll get someone to take a pic and I’ll post it. I got an industrial in my other ear a year ago and it’s completely healed. I got matching gems. It’s a gift from my kids and my sister!

Edit:?it’s a helix piercing in my right ear. Industrial is in my left ear!

Just plodding along on Wednesday morning here. I teach 4 on today and I start with my tricky class so I can get them out the way. Not expecting an easy day today. I have to teach budgets. Fortunately the other teacher spoke me through it and gave me a model answer so that’s good

ADDED haldol wish me luck

One thing I remember about when I was on haldol is don’t get overheated either through exercise or hot weather.

I used to be afraid of escalators! In my 40’s not as a kid! I kept thinking I’d fall after a misstep!

I'm still afraid of them. I fell down one when I was a child my dad caught me.

Wow! That’s must’ve been so scary!

When N3 was about 4 we were riding the down escalator in JCPenney and he had his hand on the hand rail and he followed it down and got his fingers stuck inside where the railing goes into the floor! A manager had to be called and she must’ve thought we would sue them but N3s fingers had deep dents in them but no cuts or broken bones.

My 6 year old son absolutely doesn't like escalators at all

School talk I'm still having some psychotic symptoms so haldol PRN. He says we're running out of meds and I only have old antipsychotic and clozipine left but he'll tell me when we get to that point.

School talk



I'm not manic I just have no one that is happy about this to share with. I talk to my therapist Thursday and I think she'll be pissed. She wants me to destress. I'm alone and SI but I will keep typing and stay busy. I can't H is having a bad day too. He lost his phone and has to replace it but He has a couple authenticators on his phone so he's locked out of every account he has and there's no way to fix that, even with a new phone. If someone try's to get into his phone it auto wipes so even if he gets it back it may be wiped. So he's mad. So I really have to control myself and they didn't have the hadol at the pharmacy or I would have taken it by now. Why do I have to be like this? medication should just ****in work. now the only way I can listen to music is dying. Maybe WV T was right and I have a personality disorder. I'm not Sza. Questioning Dx and meds I'm going to go splash cold water on my face. not doing well.

Today has been an incredible couple of days - tons of emails from my ex - I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but from one or two a day, it has increased a lot. I think he's getting used to me again, I just have to take my time with it.

Keeping myself really busy though. Went to do my bloodwork this morning, and it was all complicated because my pdoc ordered SO much - it was only supposed to be a Lithium level, ugh.

Then went to an AA meeting and saw a movie by myself at bargain Tuesdays at my theater. The guy at the counter even gave me free popcorn AND a drink! It must be the pretty dress today, lol : )

All in all, it was a fantastic day. Just love getting out in the world again. @Mountaindewed - it's so cool we like the same music. Troye Sylvan is one of my favorites. Youngblood I think is one of his good ones. So good to see you again @JaneOnceMore !! I am loving your painting @Blue_Bird and your cool new keyboard! So glad you've been feeling better too! @Blueberrybook - you're getting better and better at your drawings! Hope your cycle is over by now too, 11 or 14 days is a lot! @Nammu - my weather is so crazy too - it didn't snow, but in the morning it's winter, by midday its spring, and by afternoon its summer. I never know what to wear! OH! and all the pollen! My dark gray car is green and yellow I swear, ugh. I am afraid to wash it because in a day it will need to get washed again!

Other than that, I am really good, back to my old self. Got all dressed up again today :

The power adapter for my keyboard arrived today and we have sound now! It sounds beautiful. I’m still keeping my old lightweight smaller keyboard for practice in my bedroom (the old Casio) but the beautiful big high quality Yamaha will be for recording myself play. I have a stand for it, a really heavy duty stand but I’m kinda scared to put it on there cause I’m afraid it’ll fall off and the keyboard is a full sized piano so it is HEAVY. Like 30 lbs maybe. So I don’t want it to fall. Maybe I’ll just only put it on the stand when I’m using it and in the living room.

I have my Bluetooth mics which I tested and they sound good.

Also have a project I started with my violin that’s gonna take me into December. I have a plan to play and record 25 Christmas songs so I can post one a day on Facebook for the first 25 days of December and ending on Christmas. I’m starting now because it’s gonna take me time to learn the songs and get good recordings of all of them which is why I am starting so early in the year. But it should be a fun project!

Also resuming lessons with my violin teacher in May. Took a couple months off to deal with my mental health and dissociation etc but I’m doing better now so I’m ready to start lessons again.

Thank you @LadyShadow ! I’m glad you’re doing better too

Also yes I used to be scared of escalators as a child too. Still kinda am. Stepping onto them feels weird to me. It’s so fast lol

That’s understandable! Getting stuck in an elevator is scary. I plan on using the stairs as much as possible from now on. I live on the 3rd floor so it’s not too bad, at least I’ll get more steps in for exercise lol obviously there’s gonna be times I have to use it like if carrying up groceries or a package I’m not dragging that up 3 flights of stairs but just for the most part will be using the stairs now.

I started my new cholestreol med. The side effects are just like headaches and joint pain. As long as I don't sleep or eat all day from it I'm fine. I was feeling overwhelmed for a bit but I'm ok now. Its just the blood pressure med but I think I figured things out.

Ugh working on a 10 page competency reflection final
Paper

Time
Consuming and it’s due Friday

I took some Nyquil for these weird allergies and it helped. My eyes aren't watering and I'm not a sniffling mess anymore. I didn't have anything else. My therapist is swearing on the blood pressure med so I switched back to my other one which haa been fine. My psych meds are ok. I just need to figure out the other stuff.

Today was only day 2 of 5 days of state testing and my students are already getting really antsy. I don't blame them though. Between yesterday and today, they've already taken 7 tests. They have SO many more to go too. I feel bad for them-it's a lot to have to do.

Saw my pdoc today. It went fine. He weighed me and

I've shown no symptoms but, because risperidone can cause tardive dyskinesia, my pdoc went through the tests for it. Everything turned out fine-a silly part is I had to stick my tongue out at him.

Meds are staying the same and I'll see him again in 5 weeks.

I don't feel good. It feels like just anxiety but I woke up pretty sick an hour ago and I haven't had anything to drink since. So my therapist would probably say its physical and I need electorlytes or some ****. I had some bad nightmare that woke me up with my heart pounding and I thought it was November. My therapist thinks everything is physical. My new cholestrol med can cause sleep problems. Idk.

I had TD on Invega last June and the symptoms were awful and disabling! They lasted over a week even after I had stopped taking the med! So far no side effects to the upgrade to 3 mg of Vraylar!

I wish the pharmacy had my hadol I slept 3 hours again tonight. Still not in the best mood but not crisis level. I hope by Friday I'll feel better.

Here I am again! Four a.m. and awake!

This Klonopin is making me slur my words. Im going back to sleep.

@LadyShadow What a beautiful picture! It's good to hear you feeling like your old self. It's wonderful you got free popcorn & a drink at the movies! I wish that would happen to me. Though I haven't been to see a movie in ages; it's so expensive, and getting to a bargain theater is a bit of a drive from my house.

@Blue_Bird It's great that you're getting back into music, and what a wonderful plan you have for recording songs in December! You'll have to post them here as well!

@June08 I haven't been on birth control pills in ages, but I do recall I lost weight when I went off them. It wasn't a ton of weight, I don't remember exactly but less than 10 lb. It sucks to gain weight, but if you're still in the healthy range, it's nothing to worry about.

I'm having a pretty good morning though H left for a work trip and won't be back until Sunday He's driving out of state, taking a student with him. I went to get ice for his cooler this morning and got that ready with sodas and water. I did a pretty difficult pilates video and read with the SAD lamp, went to the pharmacy to pick up meds. Drawing was meh this morning (pics in the creative corner). After lunch I have to take my cat Midnight to the vet for her rabies shot, and I am not looking forward to getting her in the carrier. Cats absolutely hate getting into carriers and riding in cars! Thankfully, it only takes about 5 min. to drive to the vet. Hopefully there will not be too much waiting as Midnight is a very vocal cat.

HUGS to everyone having a rough time I hope everyone has a good Wednesday!