Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

I'm doing ok today. I'm just sleepy. I slept fine last night but I've been sleeping all morning. My mom went out to get a new car. She is hoping to find one.

But my anxiety is good right now. When I woke up at 6:30 it was kinda high but after waking up again at 11 its better.

Someone called and said my case manager says I need a sooner appointment with my psych np and made me an appointment for Friday morning. Seems a long time from now!

@Blueberrybook your drawing is stunning 😊

Good afternoon. I took my walk to the store. Did the treadmill. Also finished my painting of a candle. I might add more to the background eventually I have t decided yet

Beautiful painting @Blue_Bird

I’m not looking forward to work today.

Very busy teaching day.

And I don’t get recess because I have a restorative conversation with someone at recess with the assistant principal. It’s the student who told me to F off last week. I actually spoke to his mother yesterday. I’ve been teaching him since last year and he’s never been any drama. But he does have special needs (an intellectual disability). None the less he will get a voice in the meeting today

We also have house athletics sign up for next term. It’s more like organised chaos signing students up. Especially because we are signing up juniors. They don’t normally know what’s going on. It’s going to be a long day!

I spoke with my pdoc and there's really nothing to do right now, so I gotta go through this.

I had a good amount to eat even though I didn't want to. It helped for sure, at least physically.

I'm still very cold, etc, it's the depression. I guess the Remeron was doing its thing, at least partially, but now that it's gone I'm getting a better idea of how I am without the meds. No surprise though.

@Blueberrybook and @Blue_Bird:

I agree with @Crazy Hitch, your art is stunning! Bravo!

I couldnt wake up all day. I just had one Pepsi but it didn't do anything. Idk if extreme drowsniess is an issue or if I'm just lazy.

Yes I used to have those long periods in my 20s. I'm sorry you're going through that. Big hugs. I love the drawing! I love pictures of eyes.

I'm having a good day so far. Got up earlier that normal. Just waiting for around 2 or 3, for my interview with my new caregiver.

I love it!

Did my drawings for the day but haven’t yet shaded the dove.

I had a horrible night. Living on a space ship and falling, falling constantly. Woke up early but stayed in bed too exhausted to get up.

Was flipping channels and found a reality program about game wardens. Made me nostalgic.

Did get a shower in but not sure I’ll get out to drop off books for the friends of the library book sale or pick up my meds. Just sort of an isolation day, tho it is beautiful outside, cold but beautiful.

I actually have puffy eyes today from the bad night. I’m just bone exhausted, but I know after the sun goes down I’ll “wake up”. I think the crazy weather is mixing my head up. Last week it was 70’s last night we had snow, today is sunny but only 32F. Tomorrow is more snow. Then 50’s and thunderstorms. I really need to run the books out, but gosh, getting dressed?

I'm sorry nammu. I have those days too. Our weather is bizarre too. But not that bizarre, lol.

Now for some good news! I saw my primary doctor today and everything since November is improved or cured! My liver is stable, I've lost weight, I'm healing my voice by regularly being in choir, my blood sugar is good, I'm walking more- especially with N3... it's just good news all around and I don't have to see her again until July. She is aware of Vraylar’s side effects and will keep tabs on me especially cholesterol and blood sugar. I didn't need any bloodwork or vaccines. I'm seeing my psych NP on Friday to sort out the lack of sleep and psychosis. So, things are looking up!

@Blue_Bird I love your candle painting!

@Scooter9 How much longer is it until the trial? You've just been having such a bad time of it with it seems like no end in sight. Are you sure it's worth it for the trial? And will it be run like any other trial where some people end up with a placebo (in scientific trials that is often how it works)? If they will be using placebos to to help with the configuring more accurate results, I don't know, you might really have to reconsider. If you don't know if a subset of the trial participants will get a placebo, you really should ask your contact with the trial to find out for you. I really wouldn't want that dropping into your lap too late. Usually clinical trials are run so that the subset of people receiving the placeb and the actual medication are not told which they are getting until the end of the trial, so it could be a bumpy road.

I don't feel good but I didn't do anything bad. I slept from 9AM-3PM. I saw on the news theres a historic allergy season going on. Thats most likely it. I was looking around for some Benadryl last night even though it makes my anxiety go high.

My mom got the car. It is new and has a sun roof and heated seats. She was worried there wouldn't be any left on the lot. I rescheduled my PCP appointment for Friday so she could get there early since I knew she was worried.

I slept maybe 2 hours. Started my math, bombed it. I can't concentrate, my head is loud. I have pdoc tomorrow no idea what to say. I'm just laying down listening to music. T was sick today. I have no idea how Friday is going to go. I have to talk to a new person by myself for vocational rehab. I want to... And cry. I have to walk two miles tomorrow because transportation never came through and I have no money for an Uber.im sick of living on yogurt. It's okay soon we'll just have cheese and rice. I just want to sleep for April and it hasn't even started yet.

Thanks everyone, I’m happy with how the painting turned out

I had a long busy day. Did my walk 30 minutes to the store. Then did 30 minutes on the treadmill. Took a nap. Finished my painting. Practiced violin. Cleaned and vacuumed my apartment. Meditated, showered and journaled and read for awhile, played with my cats. Now it’s 9pm. I just took my night meds and am getting ready for bed. My body is sore especially my back. Might put my heating pad on for a bit.

Anyway, it’s been a good day. I’m tired though. Hoping to get to sleep by 11 at the latest then sleep as late as I’m able to tomorrow.

Hit 10,600 steps today,

Good night 😴

I'm feeling better now than I was earlier. On my walk, I was hit with a flood of suicidal thoughts. Hopefully, that was a one and done thing. I stayed home from the volunteer meeting at my church so I could take care of my mental health.

Day one of testing has everyone drained, especially because there were so many tech. issues. Because of the type of issue that happened in my classroom, I'm predicting it will be an issue tomorrow too. There were great snacks for the teachers!

A perk to testing week is I get to simply be a fun science teacher for the week. There is no homework, quizzes, etc. during testing so I chose to find some group challenges for them to try. The one they started today seems to be going well. It's taking longer than I expected, but that's fine. I have some wiggle room so can always push some of what I have planned for this week to next week if needed.

My sleep has been weird lately. I've been dreaming more and the more I dream the less rested I feel. It's like my brain is registering the dream as me being awake when it comes to energy levels.

Here it is 4 a.m. and I’m up again! Hungry, too. Meh! 🫤

I fell asleep last night around 7. I woke up at 10 and then I got back to sleep until 2. I feel pretty good this morning. I cut out coffee and I'm trying to watch the other caffeine. So I hope I can stay up today. I need to fill up my fridge and take out the garbage.

I discovered Troye Sivan the other night so I've been listening to him a lot.

Oh wow, Benadryl worked! I slept 7 hours!

I'm feeling much better, physically. At least it's not compounding other issues.

I'm not as cold as I have been for the past couple of weeks, a big relief.

I've had a pretty good morning. I did pilates; this video had a killer arm workout at the end, but if you're feeling it, you're getting stronger, that's my hope anyway. My period finally ended on day 13, so I sure am happy about that. I had breakfast, read with the SAD lamp. I fought a bit with concentration, but honestly, I think it was the book I am reading. I don't know how it got 4.5 stars on Amazon. I completely agree with the 1 and 2 star ratings for this book! Even a lot of reviewers said they couldn't follow it and it bored them to tears, so perhaps I am not alone here.

I had a pdoc appt. this morning, no surprises there, everything still the same, basically just med refills though the pdoc did apparently look over weight trends, and I've lost 10 lb. in the last year. Well, I was switched back to lamotrigine around 9 months ago, and I had a lot more energy and started exercising a lot more again, so it didn't really surprise me. I'm not entirely sure pdoc was happy about that, but my weight is still within the normal BMI range though on the low end of it now.

Came home and drew...the first drawing was a bit hard as it used perspective and also was furniture which is not exactly a huge favorite of mine to draw, but I shouldered though; the end result wasn't horrible. Anyway, I read some good advice in one of the art books I own which was to draw that which makes you uncomfortable. I also drew a male torso which was a bit TMI so it is not posted in the creative corner because I don't need a warning from admin. The other 2 drawings I did today are there.

Planning to read some, maybe nap, allergies are hitting me again, but spring flowers are out in bloom which is probably why.

Hope everyone has a fantastic day!

I ordered a power adapter for my new keyboard. That arrives later today so I’m gonna try out the keyboard tonight. I went to the pharmacy earlier and picked up my meds. Then came home and finished up writing out flash cards for my music theory workbook part one definitions. Got a few hours to relax then I’m gonna practice violin and get on the treadmill. Then mess around with my keyboard tonight.

I got stuck on the elevator on the 2nd floor today in my apartment building. Thankfully I had my phone with me and could call security. They really need to actually fix that elevator. It’s always getting stuck. They say that they fix it and it still never works well. I’m never using it again unless absolutely necessary. I’m just taking the stairs from now on. I’m not interested in getting stuck in it again.

Your picture looks great @Blueberrybook ! Good job with the perspective!

Great job with cutting out caffeine. I used to drink a lot of caffeineted coffee and cutting it out made a huge difference. I used to be so angry and irritable and anxious all the time and that pretty much went away once I stopped drinking 5-7 cups of coffee a day. Now I just drink decaf coffee when I want some. I do miss the surge of energy and happiness from caffeine sometimes but I always over do it so it’s not worth me having it in the house.

Yeah I can feel a big difference in my anxiety. And my dizziness too. I still drink zero sugar Coke but I did just buy 3 cases of caffeine free zero sugar Coke so I'm hoping to go down some more on the caffeine.