Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

Heh heh, cats be so good at getting what they want that they are flummoxed when they don’t get it. She’ll forgive you……eventually

Went to dentist, no infection, so it was just the hadol. Stupid AP jaw tensing. Still hurts a little

I’m feeling so irritable tonight. To the extent that I want to punch a hole in the wall. I honestly don’t know why. I just feel angry and like crying for literal no reason

@Blue_Bird you think something like TIPP will help?

Maybe, I didn’t think to try it for this. Normally I just use it for dissociation. But I might go ahead and try it now

I just did 5 repetitions of dunking my face under a large bowl of ice water. I already feel calmer. Gonna try playing a relaxing game now

Idk if anyone plays any mobile games on here but Flow is a lot of fun. It’s a puzzle game and really good for anxiety. There’s tons and tons of levels. I did pay like $1.99 to remove the adds in it but it was worth it. It’s such a relaxing game and has so much content.

I forgot about that game! My mom played it a lot and I helped her when she got stuck.

I don't feel good at all right now. But it seems like GI stuff instead of med withdrawel stuff. I'm just in a lot of stomach pain. My moods are ok. I'm just getting involuntairly sick and I haven't been hungry but its been legit medical related. Idk. I stuck to my new diet so that may have been why I'm not hungry and then the whole other stuff maybe.

I'm like 95% asleep but I keep waking up because I feel like I'm falling and everything feels so loud and close

Ah, finally got done putting away the clothes. Oh, my back is killing me from all the bending. Usually I fold my clothes down in the laundry but it was overcrowded, so I bought it up unfolded. That means bending to get each piece and folding it, then bending to put it all away. Ugh. Got three more loads to do tomorrow. If I can. Lately Everytime I go down it’s busy. I’m so backed up. But to be honest I haven’t tried too hard. Laundry is when I really miss my apartment in Texas.. it was big enough to have hookups and I could do laundry whenever I wanted to, no dragging it up and down halls and elevators. I counted my pjs, it’s been 7 weeks since I did laundry. Man, no wonder there’s so much. But I ran out of pjs. Still got clothes. I really need to go though my things and get rid of some of it. Except for pjs and underwear I could go months without doing laundry. In the Jack Reacher novels he doesn’t do laundry, just throws his clothes away and buys used at a thrift store. Has nothing, owns nothing. What a way to live, but it’s kind of appealing too.

I’ve been seeing wood spiders today. I
See Pdoc Friday

I slept for a few hours like I had taken heavy sleeping meds even though I just wasn't feeling good. I woke up feeling a lot better but I think I'll get some more sleep.

No sleep tonight! Bed bugs are biting viciously!

Bed bugs are the WORST! When we lived in Scotland we had them. Wanted to fumigate the whole house. Cheeky critters.

Yeah, in my old apartments I had to drag my laundry pretty far. In the snow I would just drag it especially like a week before my back surgery. I can't believe I was able to do that. But I was on pain killers. Then after back surgery it definitely wasn't nearly as bad and they cut my narcotic pain killers way back but I'll tell you ibuprofen helps me a ton.

I really feel for you. Now I have a washer and dryer in my apartment that I've lived in for almost 14 yrs. It helps a ton!

I'm sorry I haven't been on. So much going on.

My old caregiver that was stealing from me went to my apartment manager and said I was a hoarder. My sister had went down to talk about me getting into a bottom floor apt. They asked my sister and she said no, she was stealing from my sister and it's just retaliation and my landlord said that's what we thought.

Well she called my sister today and said I'd like to talk to you about your sisters mental health. It freaked all of us out bc we have no idea how she got my sisters phone number. My sister said with all that I've got going on the last thing we need is for you or I to get a stalker. We both have blocked her but it's kinda scary.

Other than that I had a good day. I really like my new caregiver so far. She really scrubbed down my toilet add mopped with my new swiffer power mop. But she said she would really like to get on her hands and knees and really gives it a good scrubdown. Get in the corners etc.

Really worried about my son. Tomorrow he goes for an evaluation about him breaking stuff and hitting a cop when he first got there. I have a friend and he looked up why are some schizophreninics more violent and it's bc they have a lot of psychotic episodes. My son had tons before he did the thing to me that he ended up in jail for. He had ended up in the hospital probably 7 or 8 times. So I told him today that my caregiver is willing to have me drive nut help me with getting out there. He doesn't want to come bc he said he'd be too paranoid with my caregiver here. So we're just going to go out there for me to learn the route. I love him so much but he definitely causes me a lot of stress.

I hope everyone is doing well. 😊

I was/am fking pissed. Got over 10,000 steps in around the city before my alarm even went off. Wasn’t intending to do that and was carrying notebooks, my rain coat, the almost 600 page book I’m reading and my full water bottle so I hurt a bit.

Good morning!

I think I know where the random irritability came from yesterday, PMS, cause I started my period today so that would explain that. I tend to get really bad irritability right before.

Going to walk to the store in a bit to get some milk. Hoping it's sunny when I go out. Other than that just gonna be a typical day for me. Treadmill, violin, art, cleaning my apartment a bit, reading.

I feel pretty good, slept well. Don't feel irritable.

I just checked the weather, it'll be sunny starting at 8am. So I'll go to the store around 9am.

There's newer ones too I think they're called Flow: Hexes, and Flow: Bridges.

This one I have right now will take me a very long time to get through I think but when I do I'll try those ones out next

My daughter & I are going to my sister's house today as the pipe work will mean no water today. H is staying home though and will call us once we have water again.

I slept pretty well and did a nice gentle pilates video but am a bit nervous about the drive. She lives in a very crowded part of town with very heavy traffic pretty much all day. I really hate driving there, but it will be good to see my sister again. She rarely comes here because she and one of her daughters are pretty allergic to cats. So looking forward to seeing her but not to the drive. I really hate driving! Sure would be nice if there were actual public transportation here, but dream on!

Even managed a pic this AM before leaving:

I keep falling asleep and then waking up. Just one of those nights. My son is supposed to be here around 1:30. I hope he shows up. I really want to see him.

I replied but it went away. But I hear you on the driving. Next Monday my care caregiver a ND I are going to Walmart to return some clothes and I'm going to drive there. But it's not that far. . Good luck and I'm thinking of you! 💖

I am feeling better today -- I slept like a log and woke up with a headache, but I'm better now. Had breakfast -- go to work at 12pm. But I feel good to face the day. It's a little on the cold side, but I may go for a walk before work. I heard back from my therapist-- we're gonna start this week. I'm glad about that.