Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

Neither pdoc nor t cancelled today (so far) miraculously. I hurt a lot and feel a little manicky. I get to find out my weight in an hour!

I'm very tired but I feel fine. I don't feel like I need valium or prestiq or visteril at the moment. Just a long nap.
I ate a can of no salt added beans for breakfast and some unsalted almonds just now. I also worked out around 5AM. Maybe everything can be controlled by diet and working out. Well the bipolar part at least.

I ended up falling asleep for half an hour which was good because the AC guy needed to turn the air on but I was so deeply asleep and curled up in a blanket I didn't notice.

I got kinda pissed about just stuff in general. I made a healthy salad for lunch that took about 5 minutes to prep. I also started the visteril. I know people don't typically find it helpful but it does seem to easy my anxiety in addtion to benzos.

I don't have any other plans for today. I went to Kohls but just got annoyed.

It looks like I have pneumonia, again! During the past 6 months I've had a major sickness 3 times, including this one.

My mental health is likely contributing to this since I've been feeling really low for many months now.

I've got antibiotics and puffers, so hopefully I will be feeling better soon, at least physically.

I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. Swear to God I’m just a hostage on this train wreck of a journey.

not going to be an easy day

Oh, I’m so sorry. Your dog was extraordinary in helping you.

Going back to college in the fall (so around August) to resume my education, my associates degree I never finished.

sorry for what you’re going through

I started dissociating then I decided to get on the treadmill to see if it’d help and it didn’t I did 10 minutes and it was just me dissociating while exercising the whole time and feeling kinda worse in a way cause I was worried it’d get worse while I was on it so I got off of it for my own safety. Being on exercise equipment while dissociating isn’t exactly safe. So now I’m just gonna see about playing a relaxing game for awhile and see if that helps. I might get back on the treadmill later only if I’m feeling better.

Ugh the heat is still on in the building and it’s getting mild out. Meaning the temperature climbs at night and I can’t sleep. I’m so afraid to leave the windows open. Got them open now and it’s a comfortable 66. Really want to leave the windows open. This building has hot water heat. No way to shut that completely off.

Got my second bunch of clothes washed and dried. Tomorrow I hope to do the third bunch. The secret seems to be to get there at noon. I hope that hold true for tomorrow too. Of course it helps that I’m up before noon! It’s so hot I can’t sleep so yep, waking early.

Hello everyone!

Have some exciting news since everyone is talking about weight... I'm still fat as fck and don't fit into any of my old clothes.

Sorry. Feeling a little testy today. Got my period yesterday, the pain is excruciating, took a shower around noon, and:

Since I don't know how to use the new trigger warning thing I'll just put it here: THIS TRIGGER IS IN REGARDS TO LADY STUFF.



I need to buy some tampons or something just for that special time of the month (I'm allergic to tampons.)

I started taking my seroquel again. Couldn't handle the withdrawal. I was SO fudging nauseous. 🤢 Omg. It was TERRIBLE. So feeling fine again. Feeling fine. Though I'm still only getting four hours of sleep a night, but whatever.

I got really inspired yesterday. Like, inspired to write a new beginning of my novel. It's great! So that's what I'm doing tonight. Writing. And squirming in agony from my STUPID PERIOD. Fudge man.

Hope everyone's having a lovely day. ❤️

My practicum clinical supervisor told me today that she is not gonna hire anybody until I take my Aswb exam in June and if I pass, she’d like to give me the job thereI’m

Landlord was able to get exterminators to confirm I have bedbugs!!! Now I get to deep clean, launder in hot water and dry at hot temps, or throw out everything I own (and make sure it’s all in sealed containers) by Thursday morning!

(While incredibly malnourished and sleep deprived but that’s my fault)

Oh, what a huge pain! Good luck.

Oh my fuuuuuuaaahhhhking gawd I swear I just ate pasta which in theory should not hurt because it is not high fat content.

I was on the phone with my mom and she literally asked if I needed a ride ti the ER and hung up. I might.

Only had like three bites too. Wtf.

I just took the one visteril and it really helped. I feel fine now. I passed out for a couple hours after taking it and I woke up feeling good. I'm prescribed two 25mg 3x a day.

I so wanted a giant cheese pizza for dinner but then I think of those smoking commercials about people getting heart attacks from heart disease from smoking and I've never smoked anything in my life. So I just made some whole wheat pasta for dinner. Which tasted crappy.

But the can of beans I had for breakfast was good and I was kinda proud of my little salad for lunch. I might check out the used bookstore for a cookbook to get some ideas.

Why did your mother hang up MuddyBoots?

Because I was crying. I called her back and she’s coming over to help me finish up what I’ve got in the laundry and go to the ER because my feet feel like they’re on heavy doses of Percocet though

Hope you feel better soon!

Little bit antsy. I had chicken legs for a late lunch and fish for a late breakfast. Took a shower. Picked up my meds. The blister packs are labeled Morning and Evening so two days, four in a row and no empty blisters! Genius! They’re still off by one day but I’ll just have to ignore that I guess. The Vraylar can be refilled in a week in a bottle I think but I still have 15 capsules left including tonight’s. So that means I’ve been on the 3 mg for about two weeks. Tomorrow we sing Tenebrae. I’m afraid of messing up! I’ll have to beat rush hour traffic to get to church to meet my ex so he can help me with the Anglican chant notation.

I hope you won’t have a long wait at the ER!

Gallbladder pain is the worse. Back when I had it it took a whole year to be properly diagnosed because everyone, including the ER docs took one look at my chart and said I was having body memory! Then they’d give me pain pills, which were useless. Finally I was back in ER again and the doctor was handing me a bottle of stronger pain pills I got fed up and told him to look for the cause. Or I’d go home and take all three bottles of pain pills! What did he do? Committed me to the psych ward. The nurse there who was checking me in looked at me sweating and said this is physical. Called a doctor and got an ultrasound. I was scheduled for surgery the next morning and the surgeon said she’d never seen such bad case of gallstones outside a thrird world because in USA they are caught much earlier.

I had two procedures, one they went in though my mouth with grabby hooks, the second was a tubal surgery on my abdomen. Then they’d give pain was gone when I woke up.

Stand your ground. Insist they treat the gallbladder issue!

I experienced something really similar except they didn't put my in the psyc ward. I had pain for about 7-8 months before they diagnosed me too, it was awful.

I know it's hard to do - try to be calm and clear in the ER, Muddy. Advocate for yourself clearly and calmly - they're more likely to listen then.

Ong guys im so close to freaking out is wear there are fish in my ear