Bipolar Check-in #89

Got my daughter to her AP exam; they wanted her there 45 min. before the start. She's supposed to finish around 3 PM.

My sleep could have been better. I woke early and got around 7 hr. I function better with 8-9 hr., but it is what it is. I got a walk in, cut a bit short by scary lightning and progressively heavy rain, so I jogged the last 1/4 mi home. Showered, had breakfast, read a bit, didn't use my lamp much though so I'll see how I do with less time with it. I drew 3 pics, but my pic of a dog, ugh, coloring messed it up (all in creative corner). After dropping my daughter off, I stopped at Starbucks and got the egg white, spinach & feta wrap for lunch with a mocha frappucino.

Like @Lady Shadow I am on my period too. It is giving me horrible cramps today. Ugh.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a great day! @Lady Shadow I avoid FB b/c it started to make me feel inadequate as a wife, mother, woman. People always post their best moments on there, and it's easy to feel like you're a failure by those standards - my house is not that nice, my child is not that well groomed, I don't do a million things a day, etc., etc. It's really helped me not to go on social media at all, other than NextDoor when there's a storm or power or internet outage or chemical plant mishap.

Time to eat before my food gets cold!

Here is my messed up dog:

I did get my haircut. I got a hair stylist in training so I was there for close to an hour because her boss had to kinda redo it. Which I'm glad because the first stylist was doing a kinda bad job and I'd rather be there for an hour then have a bad haircut. The small talk was so dumb though she said "did you eat breakfast?" "What did you eat?" "What are you eating for lunch?" She was a bit hefty.

I had planned on going out to the grocery store after but I was tired so I just came home. Overall I feel fine today. My mom said my anxiety is good and I'm not out of sorts.

Blueberry I think dogs and wolves are hard. They may be our best friends but they are sure hard to draw!

Making lunch right now. Heading out to the movie theater in a couple hours. I always eat a snack right before I go because I’m not paying their ridiculous high prices for popcorn and soda etc. once in a blue moon I might but hardly ever. It’s just easier to eat before I go.

They don’t allow oversized bags/purses in the theater cause they don’t want people bringing food in. At least at my theater it’s that way.

Anyway, hopefully the movie is good. It’s a horror movie. I love horror movies. There’s quite a few of them out now despite it not being near Halloween which is nice cause I love them year round.

I read for about 40 minutes. Probably gonna read some more before I leave.

@Nammu - I would freeze at 70F in my house! We keep it 74F, but it's really warmer than that as it's an older house and the insulation is not great around the windows & doors. I've been pretty cold today with it at 74F (technically according to the thermostat). My period always makes me so cold and then my cycle so hot at other times!

@Blue_Bird I hope you enjoy the movie!

I'm fixing to leave to pick up my daughter. Her test finishes at 3 but I have a couple checks to deposit at the bank on the way there.

got my hair and toenails done. both were needed. my stylist did my hair as a graduation gift. ive known here for 20 years. sweet girl. i always take her a mcdonalds dr pepper bc its her fav. anyway tomorrow is my graduation luncheon at my universitys ballroom and its cocktail attire.i m wearing navy and polka dotted cocktail dress. i bought it for my sisters wedding in june so at least im getting morethan one use out of it!

Have a great time at your graduation @HALLIEBETH87 You deserve it!

Enjoy your graduation luncheon @HALLIEBETH87! All your hard work has paid off!

I actually went out to the lobby by myself today. I'm super proud of myself. First time I've left the apartment alone. Though my eyes were going crazy because of my nerves, Nystagmus, that I could hardly see I did it! Other than that I'm looking into a ux boot camp while in school. H applied for a substitute teaching job. We'll see if he gets it, if he likes it, and stuff like that. I'm making dinner too. It's just hamburger helper but I'm cooking. I'm going to need that dog soon if he gets this job.

My doctors office just called and wants an echocardogram done on Friday. I've never had one before. I feel ok right now. Just a bit out of breath but it could be anxiety.
I don't know if heart problems can make you feel worn out.

I also just got a message from my doctor that he wants to repeat some labs to see if the inflammation went down and he wants me tested for some autoimmune diseases and he wants me to wear a heart monitor for 3 days to keep track of my heart rate.

My mom is freaking out a bit but I'm just wondering how I'll move around and sleep for 3 days. If its hot out then I'm not sure how to hide it and theres no way my therapist is seeing it..

Its funny because part of the inflammation is in my lower back and I've had like freeze ups and I've just made Home Alone jokes or I'll be like "my girls are gone why does it still hurt."

My nephew had to wear one for a month and then repeat it when he moved. Heart problems can make you short of breath and easily wore out. Hopefully they can help.

That’s awesome! I’m glad you were able to get out into the lobby. And it’s great you’re cooking too! Those are both really positive things

Went to urgent care. Asthma wasn’t reacting to meds. Waiting at the pharmacy for antibiotics and prednisone.

I am feeling much better than I did earlier. Having all these emotions during my cycle is really overwhelming; I cried a lot the past two days. Thank you so much @Blue_Bird for all your amazing advice, I really appreciate it. Yeah, I am going to stay off of Facebook for a while. For the most part it's all my recovery friends that I know that I want to keep tabs on, but sometimes it's just too much. They post a lot of positive stuff, but I am not in Raleigh anymore, so when they all post pictures of get togethers, I get kind of sad.

Applied to several jobs today too. I am going to go for it even though the questions about the background check AND credit check scare me. I have no idea why these jobs are requiring both now. I just got to do something about my situation. Just a lot of stress is not good for me. But I will try to go to the movies either this week or next week to see Thunderbolts. I keep pushing it off because making money is more of a priority. I do have some events planned coming up. I am going to another Sci-Fi Geeks of Raleigh meet-up for another Coffee Talk next week, then their Annual picnic is the week after. I am also going to spend the weekend with my sponsor, she is going to present me with my 4-year sobriety chip. I have a lot going on coming up, and I am glad too. Just been in this house way too long. Taking some classes is a great idea, I have to see what they have available in my area.

I went to the doctor today. He is ordering a bunch of tests before he refers me to GI which is really helpful. If I am sent to GI it has to be in the big city because I can only get anesthesia for a scope at that hospital because of my MAOI. They've done research on it and are completely comfortable and the local hospitals won't touch it. I have to do a stool sample which I do NOT look forward to but otherwise it's ok. He also gave me carafate to help calm things down if it's an ulcer which is the working diagnosis. I'm also stopping metformin and will discuss potentially stopping topamax with my pdoc. I'm barely on any of that so it can probably go and now is as stable as I've been so it might as well go if nothing else changes.


I really hope something works or some test tells us what is going on. I'm tired of feeling nauseous and I really don't want to have to go the GI route. I also am going on vacation in 3 weeks and I want to be able to enjoy that. Right now the idea of 12 hours in the car is overwhelming. Hopefully the carafate takes care of that.

It’s cooler today but still in the 70’s so I can have the windows open. Which is nicer because it’s quieter the the AC. I’m so surprised that hearing people don’t complain more about noise pollution. Around 11 every night there a loud motorcycle that pops and revs. If it’s loud for me I can’t imagine what it’s like for people without hearing aids. The other night I swear there was a helicopter but I couldn’t see one. The hospital is across the street and there is helicopters occasionally but this went on and on, I couldn’t see a cause.

Drove over to my daughter’s town to pick my granddaughter up from school. We had fun watching some movies and eating pizza. The interstate on the way over was horrible but on the way back it was good.

Just hope I can sleep tonight. Tomorrow is my blood work and that always goes better if I’m well rested and hydrated.

Metformin caused my gi issues. I’m on three meds to take care of it. Wasn’t just nauseous but I couldn’t keep food down. Now a couple of years after stopping the metformin I still need the gi meds. I did have an ulcer when I was 8 so maybe that was why but I blam the metformin.

Nammu, im across from a hospital too! Yeah that helicopter can get LOUD. But it does remind one to be grateful that youre not the person in it. Sometimes the lights are right into my apartment and im like, TURN TURN TURN! Or its scenes from the Godfather

Yeah, very grateful.🥹 never had the lights come in my window. When I first saw it out my window I was amazed how small it was! They are building another 5 story building so the usual approach of the helicopter will have to change. I wonder how that will affect the winds?

Saw my pdoc today. Meds all stay the same. I left there feeling a little discouraged though. There's just a little bit of a disconnect between how much I feel having bipolar disorder and POTs affects me compared to how my pdoc sees it (he sees it as less than I do). He did admit though that he might not be the best judge because he gets the whole spectrum of severity. He hasn't said it, but I am probably one of his most mild cases of bipolar disorder. It's still a pain to stay stable though. I should note, my pdoc wasn't trying to dismiss what I was talking about, it really just is a difference in perspective. I still think my pdoc is great! This is a common issue I have-getting people to see how much something impacts me-because they see me doing well in life so figure things are fine. It's not necessarily that I'm fine though-a traumatic childhood just caused me to be REALLY good at masking things, taught me it's better/safer to just keep things to myself, and taught me to thrive in survival mode.

I think I'm in a good spot packing. I will finish up after school tomorrow. I plan on leaving after my last class of the day so I can stop by my new place quick and then finish packing. There are a lot of smaller things (papers, electronics, meds, etc.) I'll have to move on my own, but I'm set up for the majority of my stuff to be moved by the movers.

Had some SI today. It's mainly triggered by how overwhelmed I feel about moving and wrapping up the school year.

Adding on to my last post, as much as I struggle to be seen and heard by others in my life, I never feel that way on this forum. Thank you to you all for helping me feel seen and heard!

Took my old and new meds for the morning. Hoping I feel ok!

I really don't like days like today. I called into work because of some digestive issues. (I made up my hours yesterday by working a full day because I have an appt today with my psychiatrist.). But I hate having to wait. I'm the worst at feeling like I can't do anything until my appointment is finished-- and today it's at 3:15PM. So I just wait around and pace and hope for no hiccups. It's anxiety inducing, but honestly I have to learn to not give up an entire day for a 10 minute session of "Everything OK? Meds sent in. Have a good day.". I'm just like this I guess. Again, let's hope there are not issues.

Good morning. I slept good. I slept for 5 hours and then was up for a couple hours. I forced myself back to sleep around 6am and slept another 3 hours because I knew it’d be a rough day if I was only running on 5 hours of sleep. So I got a total of about 8 1/2 hours.

I walked to the library today to return some stuff and get some new books.

I caught a shiny pokemon on my walk with Pokémon Go. Shiny pokemon are super rare pokemon that are colored differently than they normally are. They only pop up extremely rarely so it was cool to get one today. This pineco is normally always green. But on rare occasions you might come across a shiny and this is the shiny version I caught today which is like a gold color.

It’s raining today. It’s been raining for like 5 days straight and will be raining tomorrow and Saturday as well.

I have a volunteer shift with the cat rescue tonight from 6pm to 8pm.

Overall I’m feeling pretty good