Bipolar Check-in #89

I love your rose painting @Blue_Bird! It's beautiful! Great job!

@Blue_Bird Pretty!

You blocked me? Guess this is the end of 20 years of friendship. I'm still sick. That's the reason I refused sex. I guess we aren't friends anymore.

I emailed that to him. Who knows when he’ll see it.

Sorry @Moose72 at what you're going through. That's really tough, I am blocked too, so I understand.

I love your painting @Blue_Bird, it looks so good! Thanks so much @June08 and @Blueberrybook - confession is just what I needed. I was nervous at first, but everything turned out okay.

Mother's Day was very good. I went to church early, and went with my sister from the Legion of Mary and we delivered Communion to an elderly couple that can't make it to church anymore. It was a big deal driving with the Eucharist and then delivering it. We prayed, we talked, it was a really good time. It made me feel so good to be able to do that. Then I went to my parent's and celebrated my mom. They loved the ice cream cake I brought. Mom loved all her presents too. I got her some silly things I could afford and a little bit of cash I was able to put together. She really liked everything. Of course, she sent me home with a ton of food, which I told her she didn't have to this week.

I feel pretty good. Waiting on a phone call I hope I get today. I hope everyone has a fabulous Sunday, and a beautiful rest of your Mother's Day!

Today was tough. V thinks we're bad parents because we're poor. So I didn't do anything today. Yet she refuses to get out of poverty, so there's that. She's mad we had her. So it was a tough day. I talked to my mom and my mother in-law. But I spent time plotting our escape from poverty. To buy a place, and be comfortable with our limitations. I can't help that it was a family of 3 on SSI. I didn't plan this ****. I did damn well with what we had. I know I have to let it go but.... It hurts.

I'm sorry it was such a bad day Victoria's Mom

Med stuff



Now I'm just trying to watch Americas Funniest Home Videos and try to stay awake for american idol

I feel kinda better. I don't want to message my therapist today. I just need my doctor to do something with my meds. I know this stuff.

Ugh I feel like I have a fungus infection which will start the collapse of society.

My blood sugar is 142. But I can feel the infection crawling up my leg bone.

Thanks! Glad your confession went well! I know when I used to go it always made me feel a lot lighter and better mentally afterwards

Today went alright, although it almost took a bad turn. This morning, I was doing well mental health wise, but then SI came crashing in. But, thanks to another Holy Spirit moment, I've been able to keep myself busy since then and things haven't been to bad. I still have a lot of anxiety about being in a new place and about everything I need to get done between now and the end of the school year. The trick is trying to not let it stop me from getting things done. At least the things with a specific deadline anyway. I don't think this is the end of my SI so I'll have to work to keep those in check too.

I did get through all of my must do items today, so that's good. And, still got to rest a bit. The lamp I bought lit up part of my place, but there is still a very dark corner. The outlet in that corner is needed for my router and computer though. Maybe, in the future, I'll get an extension cord and another lamp. The important thing is I now have a lamp connected to the switch that allows me to turn a light on as soon as I enter my studio. Without the lamp, I had to walk across the studio to a different light switch.

These last couple of days I've been having trouble zippjng my pants. It just causes pain in my hands and fingers.

All I can say is that I'm impressed. Really, really impressed.

People have become so hurtful, dismissive, disrespectful, and plain rude, and deliver those things in such a casual, normalized way that it has become part of the fabric of life.

And it's everywhere too. At home, work, wherever.

I'm impressed with how low things have gotten and how seemingly everyone seems to live with it.

(To be clear, my intent is not to start anything here. Everyone else is entitled to their own opinion, I'm voicing mine.)

Good morning! I’m waiting for my meeting with my program manager. It’s at 10:30am. It’s 9:30am now. She works in the office in the lobby but she comes up to my apartment for our meetings.

After that I need to go to Walmart to get a money order for something. And also use their ATM since the one in my building is randomly not working today.

I slept really well. From 9pm to 7am. Have an apartment inspection tomorrow. Then Wednesday an appointment with my psychiatrist.

I feel good, nothing to report. Stable.

Hoping to go see the new Final Destination on Friday when it comes out in theater.

I got some pizza yesterday which was good. It finally stopped raining after a week straight of rain here in New York

My birthday is in about 3 weeks from now. I’ll be turning 31. My plan is to go to the aquarium and take some pics of the fishies there and enjoy the day out by myself.

at work sooooo sleepy. the melatonin helped me sleep well but i didnt wana get up lol ive already had an Alani energy drink. nothing.

ive applied for 3 jobs. studying for my boards starting tomorrow. i have one month to prepare.

I can't stay awake today. I got up at 9 and I tried some caffeine and working out. I did take a 20 minute nap. I just can't keep my eyes open. My ànxiety and moods are fine.

I haven't taken my vistril yet or PM meds. My moods are good besides the fatigue. And I'm being pleasent to be around.

Not sure what the difference is.

I just took my blood and it is 117. Last night when I was going crazy it was 142.

Sorry you had a bad Mother's Day @Victoria'smom @June08 I'm so sorry about the SI thoughts. They are so difficult to live with. I had a bad bout with them last November, and it really was the pits. I can't remember, do you see a T where you can work on this? I'm sorry @Scooter9 sometimes I feel that way too especially regarding the state of the world we live in, i.e. politics. Sounds like you have a busy week planned @Blue_Bird! That pizza looks delicious! Now I want pizza! Good luck with your job search and boards @HALLIEBETH87!

As for me, I had an early mammogram appt. at 7:45 this morning, so I didn't have time to walk. I tried pilates, and my wrist held up for a gentle beginners video so that was promising! Then it was off to get my boobs squished; I've never had any issues really though I usually come back with dense breast tissue though not always?! Came home and read with the SAD lamp (I find if I don't use the lamp I really do feel it). I did laundry and drew a pic and painted an orange with watercolor. Well, not sure if you can tell it's an orange, it's only my 2nd watercolor painting, but I suppose it could be worse (both in the creative corner).

I'm still stable, my mood is good, I'm actually happy a lot of the time, not even flat but happy and not manic which is fantastic!

I do have a busy week which does sometimes get to me. I have to take my daughter to an AP test on Wed. and pick her up when she's through, see the pdoc on Thurs., see the PCP on Friday & then take my daughter to another AP test and pick her up and I had the mammogram this morning, so it's a lot for me. Hopefully, I can maintain a positive attitude throughout it.

I hope everyone has a fantastic day!

who was it that loves the group sleep token??

i saw theyre coming to my city for a huge concert this summer!

I believe it is @raspberrytorte who loves Sleep Token.

Dewed - could be roid rage. Maybe your testosterone needs to be adjusted now that you have dropped other meds? Or it is being affected by your anemia? Idk. Thats a lot of balls youre juggling there, you should pardon the expression!

I got bloodwork done last week and pretty much everything was either high or low. I don't even know what any of these things are. I am waiting for my pdoc to let me know what he thinks. I called my pcp this morning to see what was up with the iron pill he was supposed to call in. Then I'm still waiting on the echo results.

I also got a UTI test back that was a bit weird result wise but I've done 3 of them recently so they should figure it out with one of them.

The alarm on my Fitbit didn't work this morning, so that was pretty annoying. Had a hard time getting up and staying awake today, just was really sleepy. I am not eating the best, so I know my sugar runs high after meals that's why I am getting so sleepy. I really feel like kicking myself because I threw out a bunch of food today that expired in my fridge. I am on such a tight budget so I really can't afford to throw out food. I don't know what I am thinking lately. Overall, I feel pretty good even though work has been very disappointing. I am going to apply for some more jobs today I think.

@Scooter9 - I empathize and agree with your feelings. I think a lot of that is accepted because people just gave up. It's very bleak out there. Yes, we haven't seen @raspberrytorte in a while, but she is the Sleep Token girl! Lol. I hope she's okay. @Blueberrybook sounds like you have a busy week ahead of you, hope everything turns out okay. My mammogram is due too, and I should really get on that with the history of breast cancer in my family.

Really glad you're feeling so good @Blue_Bird - I feel pretty good too, kind of working on accepting things. I am still trying to get out to see Thunderbolts this week, my sci-fi group in Raliegh is having a coffee talk about Marvel on Saturday and I want to be prepared. Do you have anything planned for your birthday? Your birthday is close to mine, I am in June too, but the end of the month.

I am sorry about the SI thoughts too @June08 - I had some really bad ones earlier in the weekend, that really took me over. It's tough. So sorry you're going through so much too @Victoria'smom

The coffee talk sounds fun @LadyShadow I hope you enjoy it. For my birthday I plan on going to a local aquarium to see all the fish and then probably stop at a Italian pastry place to get coffee and some cannolis I might stop at a used book store that’s right by the aquarium too since I’ve wanted to go there for years and never got around to it.

Dewed - yeah i google everything on my blood tests. Its all out there. Just kinda divide it up by organ and or system and go for it. All i have is high white blood cell count, which i figure is my gums. Everything else is pretty much controlled by meds, like my cholesterols and my blood pressure and sugar. I get my kidneys and liver and thyroid tested this week - i think he erred in skipping them last time, its gonna be two years now. I hope im still alive! Seriously, i pee okay and have not had a gall bladder attack in years i think, so im not too worried

I saw that I had left my B2 vitamin on my bed. I decided to google it and found out all this shyt about people taking it and getting increased anxiety and panic attacks

This is the first time I've felt like myself in awhile and the B2 is the only thing different.

Man now my anxiety is ok enough that I want to go grocery shopping before I get my heart monitor thing and am stuck inside for 3 days.

You should go about your regular daily routine on the holter monitor. Thats how you find out where the problems are, if any. I didnt have any anomalies until i got into a fight with my mother on my third day. Not for lack of trying, wink wink. I did all KINDS of aerobic activities!

I have a job interview tomorrow. I am so excited. I applied and someone texted me right away for an interview tomorrow. Please God let this turn into something good!