Bipolar Check-in #89

I'm a bit crabby today. I slept fine. So I'm not sure what my problem is. I think it might just be situational stuff with myself and my uncles girlfriend. Theres still no word on either.

I tried in store grocery shopping but grocery store lights really bother my eyes and so I always give up. In general lights have been bugging me lately.

Once I got home into my dark room I felt instantly better.

My stomach and physical stuff have been fine, I've just in general been moody. I did get more berries and a box of crackers. I have a walmart gift card to do more curbside or delivery.

Thanks for all the well wishes about moving. It went smoothly. The movers were very good at their job and did a nice job taking care of my things. I spent most of the day setting up the place (it's mostly ready). I went to bed very early though because my POTs symptoms got triggered. Conveniently, I am leaving soon for my IV fluids though so that should help me get back on track. For it being my first night in a new place, where I'm not familiar with all of the sounds, I slept okay. Some people were kind of loud though. I also have to get used to the fact that my door will shift so it sounds like it's opening even though it's locked. Scares me every time it does it. I'm figuring out the sweet spot to set my a/c at. I really need to get to the grocery store. I picked up stuff for a couple quick meals yesterday, but don't have anything for supper tonight. I also need to fill out the check-in form. I plan on going to my old place to clean and take care of a few little things that are still there tomorrow. I also have to decide when I'm going to Mass-maybe tonight so I can sleep in a bit tomorrow. So much to do on top of wrapping up the school year!

Fwb said he’s going to go grocery shopping and then come over? I told him I’m not up for any benefits today. I just wanted to talk and have a nice chat in person.

He canceled because I’m not up for benefits. Now I feel alone.

My teacher will be FaceTiming (video calling) me in an hour from now for my violin lesson

It’s Mother’s Day.

I got the sweetest cards this morning from my son! I am blessed.

Graduation
Is over!


I have my masters
!!

Congratulations @HALLIEBETH87!

I've had a pretty laid back day. I took a power walk, showered, had a grocery pickup, put all that away, did laundry, read a bit, had lunch. Then, I got so sleepy, I took a nap, which isn't exactly normal for me, but last night I kept waking up every hour or 2. I went to the library to pick up a couple of holds then to the pharmacy because H forgot to tell me he was out of shampoo so I could put it in my grocery order, so I went and got his shampoo. I mixed up banana bread which is baking now. I didn't get around to drawing today, but sometimes a break is a good thing. I want to refill meds yet today because I don't want to have to refill them tomorrow, on Mother's Day. I am just going to chill tomorrow, and H is going to take care of dinner, I told him I'm completely happy with him doing his cheese quesadillas we all like those, and it's much cheaper than getting food from take-out.

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

Had a great violin lesson

Now just relaxing for the evening with some anime shows

I just took my last 2 valium 2.5 hours ago. But I was so angry all day. I took a half hour nap but it didn't help. Finally my mom came home and filled my med box and I got the valium and it was like an instant different.

I ate a can of asparagus for dinner. Those aren't good sodium wise but they are pretty good taste wise.

Tommorow I need to do laundry.

Forgot to set my alarm but got up on time! Had a lazy morning then went down and played 10,000 for a few hours. Need to take the garbage and recycling out.

Tonight I’ll be reading as there’s nothing on tv. The weather is absolutely perfect, it’s 76 but there’s a north wind that keeps it cool. So I’ve my windows open instead of the AC on, which is so noisy.

Congratulations @HALLIEBETH87 MSSW!!!!!!!! What a huge achievement!

Congratulations @HALLIEBETH87!

Today started out well, but then I crashed physically which caused a crash mentally because I couldn't distract myself by doing things. Despite getting an IV today, I overdid it because of being in the heat on an off to get to different places. I have a car, but it doesn't always cool off the best. And, it was just hot out. So, I listened to my body and stopped being productive for the day. This means I have more to do tomorrow though. The musts are go to Mass, complete my move in check list, and buy a lamp (my new place is extremely dark because there are no lights over the main living space of the studio). My original plan was to go to my old place to clean as well, but we'll see if that happens. I could always go after school one day this week.

I'm not much of a cryer, but I had a little cry this evening because of feeling so lonely. Some SI was creeping in but then I had what I like to call a Holy Spirit moment where something popped up on my phone that helped lesson those thoughts.

Congratulations @HALLIEBETH87 !! What an achievement, so proud of you!

Sorry about your fwb situation @Moose72 - I can't tell you how alone I feel all the time.

I have really good weather tonight too @Nammu - it's not noisy but I am facing the parking lot and I always get nervous with the windows open at night.

Confession was really good. This priest is really good at confessions, a lot of my church friends said so, and I have to agree. Father was very kind, and he honestly told me that the "demons" would attack more because I am following God and became a part of the church. He urged me to reach out to friends and family and ask God to take the thoughts from me. He told me to get a good support system in the community and asked if I was still doing my Legions of Mary work and to continue doing that. He urged me to reach out to a couple that I used to talk to that are in the recovery community, he said it's important to stay connected with my recovery group. It honestly only lasted 5 minutes, but felt like a spiritual therapy session, I was really happy.

Also had a nice phone call today; we watched cartoons and spent some time together. He also coached me for the confession, and made me feel less nervous about it. I really love the fact that he was an altar boy and a devout Catholic.

Watching Svengoolie tonight, its a bad killer spider movie with William Shatner. I am feeling much better. I wish I didn't have such bad thoughts sometimes.

I hope you had a good experience at confession! It's such a beautiful sacrament.

Edit: whoops! I posted this right as you were making your post saying you had a good experience I"m glad it was a positive one!

Going to lunch soon with my partners family for Mother’s Day. We’re going to invite them to our elopement

How do I put this? Fwb refused to hang out with me today because I didn't want sex. I'm just not 100% yet. Still taking the prednisone and zpack antibiotic for another two days. So, I told him that was a ****** thing to do- that it makes me feel like I'm just around for sex! I said we are more than that- we've known each other for 20 years for Christ's sake! I did clean my apartment and do my laundry and get groceries today but just felt not into it to have sex. So now he's not responding to me! Which is another ****** thing to do! So much for his saying he "misses the emotional closeness " a few weeks ago!

I dunno. That's all I have to say. I am not a toy.

I fell asleep from 6:30 last night until past 6 this morning. I tried waking up for snl and I couldn't. I did have this really bad stomach ache which took a couple pepto bismols to get rid of

Today I feel ok. Just kinda foggy from sleeping so much

I'm stil feeling ok. Just a bit down. My neighbor is at it again. I just now shut my curtains.

I do have to admit I have been a bit down lately and listening to Don't Fear The Reaper more then I normally do.

Went out to breakfast with N2 and N1 this morning. Was nice. N3 and I are going to get together tomorrow.

I'm glad your confession with well @Lady Shadow and that the priest was very understanding and comforting. Sorry about your fwb @Moose72.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers on this board!

I've had a pretty good Mother's Day so far. I took my morning walk, showered, got a breakfast egg white feta & spinach wrap & mocha latte from Starbucks for breakfast, read with the SAD lamp, spent time with H. Drew some and tried a bit of watercolor (not very good at it, it's my first time, but it could have been worse, both pics in the creative corner). Going to read a bit, watch some TV, H is doing dinner tonight, the weather is nice, low 70s, low humidity and cloudy, feels cool to me, LOL!

I hope everyone has a fabulous Sunday!

I took a double zopiclone dose, and I still slept only 6 hours. I guess it's better than 4.

Fwb blocked me

I just hit/punched the hallway wall really hard. I've just been incredibly angry these last 2 days for no reason. Unless that killer fungus is getting to me. I messaged my pdoc and told him to fix my meds. Maybe I'll message him again

Now I'm achy but I feel a bit better. Its like PMS anger but I've had all my parts removed so its not possible.

I did just test my blood and it waz 133. Which I think is a record for me. Not sure if thats my issue. This happened to my dad when my folks went to see Braveheart in the theatres back in the 90s lol.

I painted with my friend over video chat today. I decided to paint a rose inspired by those roses I got on Friday. Used watercolors.

Having a good day, just chilling now for awhile. Gonna probably practice violin later after I rest a bit.