Bipolar Check-in #89

Did a quick water color painting to help with my anxiety

Oh that cupcake! It looks fantastic!

Thanks Nammu!

Coffee and a cupcake! Yum!

My mom is being all stubborn about her health again. She has really bad athrtis in her thumb. I told her to go to immediate care for a steroid shot. Thats what they gave me when I had that arthtrtis and bone spurs in my shoulder. But she just said she'll call her doctor who will probably tell her the same thing.

I've had needles in the worst place possible. so a needle in my thumb doesnt bother me but maybe shes scared of the shot.

Lol. I was at their psych ER in 2006 a few times and for some medical stuff after 2016 but its that one time in 2020 that really haunts me.

@Blue_Bird - Now I wish I lived near dessert cafe! Fantastic job!

Monday morning here. My mood is not great. Hopefully it picks up later on!

Thanks everyone, I ended up doing one more watercolor today of a pumpkin.

I’m noticing the more I paint the less restless and anxious I feel so I’m trying to make it part of my daily routine again

My mom said I sounded bad. I don't feel sick. Just a bit tired from the couple Benadryl I took. I ordered a crap ton of beans and rice because of the cost of food. I looked and Healthy Choice meals are over $6. A 2 pound bag of rice is less then $2.

So I still feel ****** from choking yesterday, my lungs hurt the most, my whole body hurts, I'm still coughing. It sucks. I'm supposed to do my app every day but I haven't done it the past 2 days. I really need to start.

Awesome pumpkin @Blue_Bird! You've been productive today! I see your camera likes to photograph sideways too sometimes! Glad I'm not the only one! @Victoria'smom I didn't realize you were choking yesterday. I hope you start feeling better soon

Blueberrybook thank you, it was really scary almost had to call EMS. I'm giving myself a break until Monday.

Thanks @Blueberrybook ! Yeah for some reason even though the pics are right side up on my phone they end up reverting to sideways or upside down when I upload them on here. I’m not sure why.

@Mountaindewed do you like red beans and rice? I love that

@victoriasMom sorry about what you experienced. Choking is one of my huge phobias so I definitely understand how upsetting that is

I ended up practicing piano for 30 min. Starting tomorrow I’m implementing a routine of 1 hour of painting, and 30 min of piano, and 30 min of violin. Everyday daily. Obviously there’ll be some days I’m too busy to do some or all of them but that’s what I’m aiming for on most days.

Lately I’ve been finding less and less fulfillment in my life and I think it’s because I let my hobbies kind of slip off to the back burner. I am very passionate about music and art. But idk low grade depressive episodes or something kinda took away my motivation/interest in things I really enjoy. So I’m glad to get back into things. I had to push myself to do them today but I feel better having done them

@Blue_Bird - I try to draw (and now paint) daily, but I steer clear of putting a time limit on it because some days I can draw for hours and other days I struggle to draw one picture and there have been a few days I just felt like a break. The main thing is that it doesn't start to feel like a chore to you to do your hobbies, that while you do them, you enjoy yourself

My favorite of all 3 is the cup cake!
keep up the great distraction.
bizi

Yes you’re right blueberry

And Bizi thank you, I got pretty decent at drawing cupcakes a long time ago but never considered painting one before now. I’m happy with how it turned out . I like doing really vibrant colorful pieces, especially when something is multicolored like that cupcake

@Blue Bird I like the boxed Zatarans red beans and rice. That with smoked sausages is really good

My mood continues to be on the low side. TW: food and appetite talk


A fun thing from today is I ran into a family from my school after Mass today (I don't go to the church connected to my school so it was a surprise to see them). One of their kids is one I currently teach. I also taught two of her brothers, one of whom is already finishing up his junior year. They are very sweet kids-it was fun to hear a little bit about how the junior is doing.

Today was so hard. I cried for most of it, and even heard the voice

Possible trigger:

Kill yourself you ugly fat **** it was so awful

I went to mass and then did my service to the church by visiting an elderly woman and praying with her and giving her the Eucharist. My priest did say that as I get closer to God, the devil will attack more, even more so that I joined my church. I just have to be very aware of it.

I was with my parents today which was really nice. Went out with my dad shopping for a bit too. Bought a nice window fan and now I can save money on my electric bill by cutting off my A/C. It's too early to use it yet.

Those thoughts were bad and they came up because I am just so lonely, and I feel I can never be with anyone because I am so fat and ugly.

No one sees my pain or knows my pain except you guys and the once a month visit to my therapist. My parents don't know, none of my friends know how bad it is. My sponsor knows a little and she always tells me to let people know, but I just can't open up about my demons that way. No one knows the self-loathing I carry or all my pain. I am really grateufl this forum is here nad you guys are here or else I would be really alone.

Yeah, I can relate.

My throat is killing me. I know I've been very thirsty these last 2 days and my mom said I sounded weird yesterday. I haven't been sleeping very good. I wonder if it caught up to me.

My mom was also asking why I seemed off last night after having a really good day. Idk.

Good morning , I’m at the food pantry waiting in line. Got about an hour and 20 minutes left to wait. I’m second in line so once they open I’ll be in and out quickly. Just trying to pass the time while standing here.

It’s day 3 of being on the Lamictal. I haven’t had any major side effects from it so that’s good.

I slept pretty good. I’m back up to 1200 mg of the trileptal.

As of now my meds are 30mg abilify, 1200mg trileptal, 25mg Lamictal, 300 mg Thorazine, 100mg Zoloft, and 0.5mg klonopin PRN up to twice a day (though I only use the klonopin in emergencies). In about a week and a half we increase the Lamictal to 50mg.

Here’s a question, am I supposed to take the 50mg of Lamictal all at once in the morning when I increase to it or am I supposed to take 25mg morning and 25mg at night?

I love Zatarans too with sausage!

@LadyShadow you’re a beautiful person inside and out. I have similar negative thoughts about myself so I know it’s difficult. I hope you can come to see you’re an amazing person, I’m sorry you’re struggling , I hope things improve over time

I hope you feel better and regain your appetite soon! That’s great that you ran into them