[June08]

Spent most of the afternoon/evening with my mood being on the lower end. A lot of emotional numbness. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

[Blue_Bird]

I’m up almost half past midnight. I have something I need to be out the door for my 7:30am so I decided to skip my night meds. I know I know. I should have just set a loud alarm and taken them and went to sleep. But now it’s too late to take them and I’m wide awake so I’m up for the night/day I guess.

I have therapy at 2pm, I’ll have to walk there which I’m not looking forward to as it’s really hot. But I am glad I have therapy.

Then I’ll take my night meds around 7:30 or 8pm and hopefully crash for like 10 hours. Idk why I keep doing this. I always prioritize other things over sleep. I do need to be up tomorrow early but like I do this frequently. Just sacrifice sleep when I have something I have to be at early. Instead of just taking my damn meds and going to bed and setting an alarm.

[LadyShadow]

Oof! What a long day. I drove to Raleigh in all this horrid heat to meet the girl from my Sci-Fi meetup group. She was really nice and we had fun talking for almost 3 hours! The other girl from the Bumble For Friends app didn't show up - she seems a little flaky for me. But I am glad I have at least one friend now, she is even coming with me and bringing her kids to GalaxyCon next month! So excited!

@BeyondtheRainbow - How to Train Your Dragon was SO much fun, I think any 12 or 13 year old will love it. @raspberrytorte - I LOVE Halsey - I think she's coming to North Carolina too. Your daughter has great taste!

@Blueberrybook - great glass and lemon drink painting, it looks really good! I am glad you had a good day. 9 hours sleep is great!

@Blue_Bird - I really like your paintings too. I am sorry you're going to end up staying up all night. That's really tough. I used to do that too when I had an early appointment, now I just try to go to bed early and set a really loud alarm. I hope your therapy goes well tomorrow too!

@Nammu - glad you had a good day. I love Iced Tea too. I buy the Lipton kind. Good Omens should be fun, I really enjoyed the book. The Witcher is really good too, I don't know if that's on prime.

I have been doing much better. I am concerned about work a bit, but I am not going to get dramatic till next week. Things with my guy have improved, he is still very overly cautious, but I am hanging in there with him. The weather has been grueling though, it looks like it will be 100 on my birthday next week, YIKES! Hope everyone had a good holiday and good day tomorrow.

[jmariah001]

I am really emotional tonight. I lost my cat in April. I considered her my emotional support animal. She slept with me at night. Even when she was dying, she still layed with me. I'd give anything to have her back. At least I have 5 more to love. I was just so close to her. Time will heal.

[Moose72]

From Saturday morning through Tuesday night the heat index is expected to be 104! Maybe we should valet our car Tuesday morning? And take my car as N3’s doesn't have air conditioning! But he still has to drive from his place to mine and back to his place! If he'd only spend the night here that would be better! But stubborn N3 will probably refuse. No wonder they were willing to fix my AC so late in the day yesterday!

Why am I up at 3:30 again?? I keep getting up in the wee hours of the night and can't sleep! Perimenopause? Yeah. Let's blame that! Everyone else does!

[Moose72]

Plus this is the 2nd day of a migraine.

I've been having migraines for 25 years now. Used to take Maxalt for them. It worked great! Then my insurance wouldn't pay for it because it was too expensive so they put me on Imitrex. It's never worked that well. Often, I'd have to take a second dose or take it for a few days in a row. Sometimes I'd have to go in to the office to get a shot to get rid of the migraine. That worked but isn't practical unless I'm in severe pain and Imitrex isn't working. Well, it's never worked really. So, I discovered there's a generic Maxalt now! So, I'm waiting for someone to call me back about getting a script for it. Crossing fingers my insurance pays for it.

Edit; wait! Generic Maxalt has been out since 2013 and nobody told me??????

The sun is up! I still haven't slept but I had a shower and a smoothie for breakfast. Last day of normal temps. Hoping to pick up the script today.

[MuddyBoots]

I fell asleep pretty early for me (around 10) and woke up PANICKING a little over an hour later. No clue why. Don't remember having any nightmares or anything. I even took diazepam before going to bed too because I knew I wouldn't sleep at all last night if I didn't.

My alarm to make sure I'm awake is going to go off in 10 minutes (I don't think it's EVER actually woken me up in the forever time I've had it set. "Sleeping in" is waking up at 5am for me) and I guess that's my cue to leave and go find some good pre-therapy reading spot.

[Mountaindewed]

I can't seem to wake up today. I didn't take any melatonin for once and I've had caffeine and Greek yogurt this morning. I slept great. 8 hours.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Couldn’t sleep due to anxiety so I took klonopin. Whew finally relief

[Scooter9]

Well, there goes the trend of reasonably stable sleep! I got just 3 hours of sleep last night.

It's going to be a hot weekend on the east coast!

[Moose72]

Slept 3 hours last night. Going in for days long migraine for toradol shot but not till 1:30! That’s forever when you haven’t slept! Meanwhile still waiting on generic Maxalt script.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm in such a love/hate relationship with how stupid everyone on my treatment team is (minus my pdoc--she's not incredibly stupid as in lacking intelligence but she is way too trusting which is kind of another form of stupidity if you ask me).

[Mountaindewed]

I have a pdoc apppointment on Tuesday I guess. The last time I was getting super pissed at him but now I'm back on my Prestiq and taking 150mg of Visteril and things are much better.

As for the thing on my leg I think its improving. I've been putting a bunch of cortizorde stuff on it

[Blue_Bird]

I ended up taking my night meds late last night and just deciding to sleep and postpone what I had to do early this morning to Monday. And on Sunday night I’ll just set a loud alarm across my room. So I have to wake up.

I have therapy today at 2pm. I just took a shower and got ready.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I ended up taking my night meds late last night and just deciding to sleep and postpone what I had to do early this morning to Monday. And on Sunday night I’ll just set a loud alarm across my room. So I have to wake up.

I have therapy today at 2pm. I just took a shower and got ready.

I’m glad you got some sleep. That’s important.

[LadyShadow]

CPAP said I slept almost 9 hours, which is good. Having pain in my forearm and wrists, it feels like arthritis or carpel tunnel. I used to have it really bad years ago. Going to try and get some work done today if I can, or at least apply for some jobs.

My mood is really good - I just wish I didn't have to wait so long for therapy. I am trying not to have an "all or nothing" attitude which I tend to have. Really glad the temperature is going down today, I wish I could go outside and finish up my errands. It might have to wait till tomorrow. I REALLY would hate to go to Walmart on a Saturday, yuck.

Hope everyone has a great day today! It's supposed to get into the 100s next week for my birthday. YIKES!

[MuddyBoots]

Since you brought up Walmart, does every Walmart in existence only have one Mayyyyybe two cash registers run by actual cashiers open at a time, but the cashiers are always super slow and make mistakes or need assistance with at least 25% of all customers, even on weekend afternoons in mid/late December?

There may be three people in those lines and 30 in the self-checkout line, but the self-checkout line is ALWAYS faster.

[Blueberrybook]

@jmariah001 It is so hard to lose a beloved pet. It's like losing a member of your family. Hang on to the good memories; I hope with time you can focus on the good life you gave your pet and feel less pain at the loss. But it is hard, I know. We lost 2 cats, and it was so difficult.

@Blue_Bird - I'm glad you took your meds and slept. I am pretty sure you know it is not a good idea to skip your night meds and not sleep.

@LadyShadow - It's wonderful to hear you are in a more positive state of mind. Just be careful with your ex. I do wonder if he's dragging you on, hanging onto you until someone else comes along? That would be my worry at least. Phone calls daily seem excessive unless he says he wants to get back with you and doesn't put that boundary up. It's a weird situation for sure. If I had a guy calling/texting daily I'd expect a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship at that point. It just seems a bit weird to me that he calls so much and you are not together as such. Just be careful with it as you have stated before you know you have codependency issues.

@June08 - I'm sorry for your low mood

It must be the night for several of us to have poor sleep. I only slept 5 hours last night despite taking my night meds as prescribed. I feel okay today so far, may try a nap in the afternoon. I took a long power walk/jog this morning. Showered, had breakfast, read with the SAD lamp. I finally cleaned off a shelf of my daughter's old toys to store my art supplies instead of having them all over the floor and I dusted and vacuumed most of the house.

I painted a picture of an artichoke; it was given a high difficulty level in the book, so I'm glad you can at least tell what it is. I'm getting more used to using watercolors in tubes. I also did a quick drawing of a seal point Siamese cat.

[Nammu]

Blueberry 🫐 I love that cat.

I’m doing ok. Just now ordered gifts for my granddaughter. I completely forgot her and my daughter’s birthday on the 28th. Usually I have my gifts way ahead of time. This time I blanked. But then it doesn’t feel like June already! Oh it’s August weather outside, hot and humid with heat warnings. But the weather has been all over the place. I just can’t wrap my head around it being June! The middle of the year already!

I’m getting signs of nerve damage in my right hand again. I think it’s my neck that’s the problem. It’s been painful again. Last time I had an mri it showed a couple of vertebrae out of place. But my back surgery eliminated the nerve damage symptoms. I don’t really want to start all that again or have spinal surgery on my neck. They wanted to do my neck when the did my back but I said no.

[Blueberrybook]

@Nammu Is doing physical therapy a possibility for you? Sometimes that can help with issues like that. But if insurance doesn't cover it, I know it can be out of reach. Do you at least have splints for your hand? Or is it more your fingers/palm bothering you? I have carpal tunnel that occasionally acts up, but thankfully not bad enough for surgery and wearing hand splints at night usually helps it. But I've got neck problems too, cervical degeneration in the neck. I was supposed to go to physical therapy but the copay was too much. Stupid health care in the U.S.!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Moose72

From Saturday morning through Tuesday night the heat index is expected to be 104! Maybe we should valet our car Tuesday morning? And take my car as N3’s doesn't have air conditioning! But he still has to drive from his place to mine and back to his place! If he'd only spend the night here that would be better! But stubborn N3 will probably refuse. No wonder they were willing to fix my AC so late in the day yesterday!

Why am I up at 3:30 again?? I keep getting up in the wee hours of the night and can't sleep! Perimenopause? Yeah. Let's blame that! Everyone else does!

At Dr. feel bad. Can’t get the migraine shot because I’m on blood thinners! I feel like crap. Probably from lack of sleep. Dunno. We’ll see what they say!

[MuddyBoots]

Naturally I'm in a horrible mood now that I've started the day off seeing my therapist and said I'd have "a rest day," and since the library is closed have pretty much been home since. Not taking the Adderall to see if I can sleep more and eat more has severely backfired because I am again eating less a lot of the time because I just feel like I have more to do even though in actuality now I have less so come 8pm and it's getting dark I realize "oh, hey, I meant to have that lunch I made 7 and a half hours ago," and, yeah, I got 8 hours of sleep, but it took me three nights to get there.

I don't know. Maybe I just feel chaotic, defiant, and suicidal again because withdrawals or something. not like I was on a high dose for a long time...

[Blue_Bird]

Therapy went well. We talked about the manic episode and the importance of sleep. And also to set boundaries on not overscheduling myself and not applying for jobs especially when manic

We also discussed my inability to say no to people. And are working on not being a people pleaser

Going forward we’ll work on more EMDR for trauma and other things like learning to be able to say no.

She also recommended a podcast to me so I’m gonna check that out

[Mountaindewed]

I went to immediate care and the doctor said it was a good thing I came in. I got some stuff prescribed. I feel ok but I think I'm a dose off my Geodon and I could really use some pizza.

[LadyShadow]

Things are going well today - I have been just waiting around hoping to book more jobs next week. I decided against Walmart to work today, but I know it's going to be bad tomorrow. @MuddyBoots - the lines are always crazy at Walmart - self-checkout and regular checkout with cashiers - there are considerably less cashiers now though, which is a shame.

Thanks so much @Blueberrybook for your advice. He does call every day, sometimes he skips a day, but it is mainly consistent. I don't think he is just stringing me along till someone else comes, he has a lot of things to take care of with his children as a single dad and now he is in school to get a better job. There are a lot of factors why we aren't together. My manic episode opened up his eyes about his own situation as well, that's why he became more proactive in taking steps to better his life. I was gone for almost three months, he had a lot of time to think, so those walls that are up didn't just go up overnight. I don't think he ever thought he would hear from me again. We have a lot to build back, these phone calls only started recently, but I am holding on. I love him very much, and I don't want to let go, and even though those walls are up and he has boundaries, I don't think he wants to let go either. Things take time, and in the meantime, I am going ahead and making friends and doing things so I don't stare at the walls of my place and close in on myself. By the way your cat drawing looks really good!

That's nice @Nammu - my birthday is the 26th its around your granddaughter's that's pretty cool. Glad you had such a good session @Blue_Bird - I miss my therapy so much.

But I have to admit, that even though it's 4pm and I haven't gotten an email or phone call, I am doing really good. Months ago, it would have been catastrophic.