[MuddyBoots]

I’m anxious about getting meds tomorrow. I got a call from someone RIGHT after my CM left to discuss goals when I go in for meds in the morning, yesterday my pdoc said if I lost ANY weight by my next appointment she’s sending me to the hospital, and last night I called the emergency line a couple times in a really bad state but refused to say anything that would make them send EMS out.

[unaluna]

Hugs, muddy. I was intrigued? By the fact that it was just you and me all up mooses posterior about her shrimp nutrition facts, when we are like Jack Spratt and his wife.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm doing well today. I had a pretty busy morning. Walked/jogged, showered and read and had breakfast then I had a podiatrist appt. because I have a bad nail fungus. Well also some sort of bacterial infection too according to the doctor, so I had to spend $ on a fairly pricey foot soak and am supposed to use it daily. I tried it out and at least it smells good and feels good on the feet. Then, the doctor said I'll need oral medication for the fungus but he needed liver bloodwork first. My PCP had not checked that with my recent bloodwork, so I had to schedule another appt. with the phlebotomy lab. They had one open a couple hours later so instead of driving home I wandered around Hobby Lobby and bought a masking gum/ink brush for watercolor painting and went to the Target next door so I could buy a snack and get some water. Got home finally and had lunch while soaking my feet, watched a bit of Shetland on Britbox. Not sure if I'll read or watch more of my show. I think I'll skip art for today as it has been quite busy.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Hugs, muddy. I was intrigued? By the fact that it was just you and me all up mooses posterior about her shrimp nutrition facts, when we are like Jack Spratt and his wife.

Well it wasn’t really detailed nutrition facts, just the knowledge that whatever shrimp she had was high in fat because it was precooked, not because shrimp themselves are high in fat. Crazy Hitch was surprised about shrimp having a lot of fat and I know they don’t until you cook them in something with it and wanted to share the knowledge in case maybe Moose wanted to get fresh/raw shrimp next time and make something with less fat or something with equal amounts but a flavor profile she likes more.

I was literally just journaling shyt I did today/last night and thoughts reading a newsletter I got with a bit about quitting smoking and how I’m at peak ED-levels right now though (shyt that will NEVER make this forum) so just a few posts explaining precooked vs fresh shrimp might feel to me like how the stimulant effect of coffee feels to a meth addict when everyone else is a five year old who would probably go ape shyt from the amount of caffeine in a cup of black tea.

[Victoria'smom]

My h wants me to socialize tonight. They're having the grand opening of our building. I have to shower and get ready to go now if I go. I really don't feel like it. It feels like to much work to socialize with people I don't know. At the same time I don't want to be home alone for hours.

[Blue_Bird]

I have a job interview tomorrow morning. It’s actually for reasonable hours. Like mid shift. So I wouldn’t have to sacrifice sleep or screw up my schedule for it. Anyway, I have the interview tomorrow at 9am. It’s for a deli/bakery position in a Walmart

[Mountaindewed]

I'm not feeling good again and my mom thinks its time we go to Northwestern in Chicago but I'm trying out this healthy eating thing because I swear my body just needs to detox from all the crap I've been eating.

[June08]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

That’s awesome! I’m hoping to get back involved in the church again. I’m Catholic and went through RCIA in 2018. But fell away from going to mass a few years ago. Mainly due to anxiety. But I’m hoping to start going back soon. I miss the community I had with my RCIA group. I’d like to find a bible study group or something to attend.

I hope you are able to find something to get involved in! I completely understand not wanting to go because of anxiety-that happens to me too. It's so frustrating when anxiety interferes with the things we want to be involved in...

I'm also Catholic and one of my biggest frustrations with the churches in my diocese is how hard it can be to find a Bible study or some type of small group, especially for women. Churches tend to have things for young adults and men only...maybe moms too. I hope the churches by you will be different!

[Crazy Hitch]

I teach 4 classes today. Ughhh spare me!

I start off with my excellent class who are writing a test so no one will be talking. Woohoo, I end the day with my revolting class who have gone from 17 in the class to 26.

At least I get to go home today at 3:30!

[JaneOnceMore]

@MuddyBoots:

Yes, as far as I know shrimp are the highest profile food as regards the ratio of calories to grams of protein in the animal kingdom so they are an ideal food. You are correct that they must be eaten without fat or breading added tho. Seems like you got housing at last, at last. Congratulations! Sorry you are struggling with your ED. It's good that you have a crisis line to call but too bad that you have to censor yourself with them.

~~~~~~~

I am doing well. I've been having long quiet days. Yesterday i got invited to a BBQ with kids. They informed me that i am a "Funny Gramma"!!! Not sure whether to say thanks or not! I think they mean that i have gray hair but it is so short it's unexpected in an older person. Who knows! They were delightful kids and i had a great time!!!

So nice to see all the banter and good support on here! Really warms my heart!!!

My friend and neighbor went to detox today. I wished him well and called to leave my number with staff if there's anything they notice i can do. My friend and neighbor has my number but in the throes of detox i am not positive it will occur to him to call me.

I am particularly interested in being a supportive buddy when he moves from detox to rehab, as during transit he may pass a liquor store or a bar and i want to be a voice of reason to remind him of the investment he has made in recovery. Of course, i will not argue with him and it is his choice if he wants to stop the cab and get out and drink.

I am urgently interested in him getting rehab immediately after detox because detox is only seven days and that's not enough time for him to form healthy new habits. If he comes back home here to the building, alcohol is available next door, just an elevator ride away, and that could be disastrous.

Rehab is only nine weeks, which seems quick to me. I'd like to see him stay for nine months. But i think the standard today is much quicker due to increased demand. He will get expert advice in the detox and decide for himself.

Well, i will do what i can. He is an adult and has to want sobriety enough to tolerate quite a bit of discomfort. I hope he makes it and will do anything i can to ease the process, including bringing my dog by if he is lonely for his cat. He loves his cat and thinks my dog is cute, so if he's allowed visitors during detox i will make the offer. He probably isn't allowed visitors tho, but i can always offer.

[raspberrytorte]

My therapist called me back this afternoon. She can't see me in person this week because she has Thursday and Friday off for a medical procedure, which is unfortunate. I ranted her ear off for half an hour, about how weird I feel and how the world seems blurry and how I'm having difficulty concentrating and about the alternate realities and how I woke up one morning feeling as though there was something I was supposed to remember... but it wasn't a dream. I told her about the unease I've been feeling because I don't feel like I belong here or something. I told her about the text messages I've received from alternate realities of myself. She asked how I've been sleeping and eating and what my activity levels have been. She thinks I'm hypomanic, but I don't think I am. I don't know WHAT'S wrong with me. I just have a feeling that something is very wrong right now.

I told my husband about the alternate realities and he grew very concerned, but I don't know why. I told him I'm not having any hallucinations or delusions. I just feel off... and kind of like I'm walking in a dream maybe?

My therapist recommended grounding techniques and that I try and get more sleep. I'm going to the store today and buying some melatonin since my Seroquel only knocks me out three to four hours max. Like last night I went to bed at 11PM and woke up at 1:30AM, which I knew was bad.

[Blueberrybook]

@raspberrytorte - Could some of it be dissociation? At least the feeling "off" and like you're going through a dream state and disconnected from reality? For me, I even feel disconnected from myself, my name, my identity. I don't have multiple personalities or anything like that, but definitely I deal with dissociation a lot. I one time did have the alternate reality feeling but that happened when I made a mistake and double took my meds. Thankfully, that hasn't happened to me again. Lack of sleep is definitely probably making things worse for you. Have you tried taking your full dosage of Seroquel (in the past you have said you take half of what you are prescribed)? You might not like it but maybe it would help you through this patch?

[Victoria'smom]

I went for a little while, listen to jazz, made a bouquet of flowers, did a scavenger hunt, got aromatherapy bottle and a robe with slippers. Saw a hoop dancer and a fan dancer, h had coffee liquor drink, h had cheese and crackers. They're still down there, I came home because of all the walking/standing I did.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Victoria'smom

I went for a little while, listen to jazz, made a bouquet of flowers, did a scavenger hunt, got aromatherapy bottle and a robe with slippers. Saw a hoop dancer and a fan dancer, h had coffee liquor drink, h had cheese and crackers. They're still down there, I came home because of all the walking/standing I did.

That’s great!

[Nammu]

I’ve had a busy day. Had a bank appointment. Then it was running to Wally World to get my tea. The only place in town that sells my tea or I’d never go. As it was I’ve been out for two days. I did order Lipton lemon tea for something to drink as I stopped soda and water is just bland. I only drink one or two bubbly’s as it’s pretty pricey. Anyway tomorrow morning I’ll have my chai back.

Then I emptied out the refrigerator of old things and. Went though the pantry. Then when the groceries arrived I had a place for them. Then I did the recycling. I went downstairs to play 500 but enough people showed up that I was able to come back and watch the 1% club. It’s so fun to see how I do. I miss some of the easier questions but get the harder ones.

[Blue_Bird]

Idk if starting a new job now would be the best idea but idk. I’m stuck on this and I can’t stop. It feels like an amazing idea but at the same time feels like I feel deep down it’s gonna end disasterously for my mental health when I’m already currently going through major med adjustments. It’s impulsive but I can’t stop.

[Victoria'smom]

Should I tell h I was hearing voices in the sound bath? Or just see if it's just a fluke?

[MuddyBoots]

I don’t get the point of this living thing. Is it supposed to be one of those challenges you do just to prove you can do it, like a single day Pemi loop (it’s a 30-35 mile hike with 9,000-14,000ft of elevation gain depending on start point, whether you skip certain peaks or do the extension, etc. that sane people do in 2-3 days and people like how I was 10 years ago would do in a day just because why hike 6 mountains when you’re sore from hiking 6 the day before when you can just do all twelve in one go and get to carry a lighter pack?) Because I don’t think people that do the whole Pemi in a day actually have a chance to enjoy it, they just do it to do it and get bragging rights or they’re limited on time or hate themselves or something. I get my bragging rights by not trying to die tonight/any other night I haven’t tried dying. A double dose of valium to go to bed instead of leaving the building without intent on returning is my single-day Pemi.

Maybe that’s how I’ll cure my chronic SI: “ I don’t deserve the luxury of not living.” That’s how I stopped ever adding anything to my tea or coffee.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Idk if starting a new job now would be the best idea but idk. I’m stuck on this and I can’t stop. It feels like an amazing idea but at the same time feels like I feel deep down it’s gonna end disasterously for my mental health when I’m already currently going through major med adjustments. It’s impulsive but I can’t stop.

I think most of us would say there’s probably going to be a better time to start in the future with a higher chance of success.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I think most of us would say there’s probably going to be a better time to start in the future with a higher chance of success.

Yeah true, I just impulsively applied to like 20 jobs a week or so ago when I was manic. I had my meds adjusted and I’m feeling better, but Walmart called me tonight and I immediately agreed to an interview even though I forgot I had even applied.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Victoria'smom

Should I tell h I was hearing voices in the sound bath? Or just see if it's just a fluke?

Couldn’t hurt to tell him. He seems like a pretty trustworthy guy who stands by you, that knowledge can only help him help you, or at least understand more about what’s going on. You can clarify that you believe there’s a chance it’s “a fluke,” but if it’s not it’d be good for him to know earlier rather than later. If it is “a fluke,” you can tell him it hasn’t happened since.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I don’t get the point of this living thing. Is it supposed to be one of those challenges you do just to prove you can do it, like a single day Pemi loop (it’s a 30-35 mile hike with 9,000-14,000ft of elevation gain depending on start point, whether you skip certain peaks or do the extension, etc. that sane people do in 2-3 days and people like how I was 10 years ago would do in a day just because why hike 6 mountains when you’re sore from hiking 6 the day before when you can just do all twelve in one go and get to carry a lighter pack?) Because I don’t think people that do the whole Pemi in a day actually have a chance to enjoy it, they just do it to do it and get bragging rights or they’re limited on time or hate themselves or something. I get my bragging rights by not trying to die tonight/any other night I haven’t tried dying. A double dose of valium to go to bed instead of leaving the building without intent on returning is my single-day Pemi.

Maybe that’s how I’ll cure my chronic SI: “ I don’t deserve the luxury of not living.” That’s how I stopped ever adding anything to my tea or coffee.

Hugs Muddy, I don’t have good advice right now but I really do hope things improve and I’m always here for you including many others here

[Blue_Bird]

Plus I just had to take a temporary step back from my volunteer position. Which was only like 2-4 times a month. So clearly I’m not thinking clearly to immediately decide I can suddenly handle a job right now

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I don’t get the point of this living thing. Is it supposed to be one of those challenges you do just to prove you can do it...

Maybe that’s how I’ll cure my chronic SI: “ I don’t deserve the luxury of not living.” That’s how I stopped ever adding anything to my tea or coffee.

Okay, i get the no additions to tea, but not the coffee. My t said i drank a candybar for breakfast.

And the first thought is what i asked my t - what is a party, exactly? Per you here, it is some weird little microcosm of life, but then wtf is that.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Okay, i get the no additions to tea, but not the coffee. My t said i drank a candybar for breakfast.

And the first thought is what i asked my t - what is a party, exactly? Per you here, it is some weird little microcosm of life, but then wtf is that.

Well, I do admit I have added stuff to coffee after I said I wouldn’t, but not stuff like cream or sugar. Stuff from the drug store or things you need proof of adultness to get to enhance the effects, not the flavors.

As to thw candy bar thing—they have cans of iced reeses and oreo coffee out. And only just as many calories in them as half of what gets sold at Starbucks that isn’t even flavored after fking cookies.