[Blue_Bird]

I’m pretty sure someone is tampering with my meds at the pharmacy or someone is messing with my food somehow. Maybe my doctor is just trying to kill me. I’m not really sure

[Victoria'smom]

Muddyboots, I'm going to talk to my therapist tomorrow to see if they have a dietitian that specializes. I don't know.

[raspberrytorte]

I woke up this morning feeling as though there was something I had told myself to remember during the night, but I couldn't remember it, and I've been feeling strange all day, and everything feels off, as though I don't belong here or something. I don't know. It's a weird feeling. I can't quite explain it. Something to do with the alternate realities.

When my husband's sister's husband's sister died my husband had a premonition ahead of time that she would die. He kept on thinking about her Facebook picture randomly (and my husband isn't even really on Facebook!). Today he told me he's been having strange deja vu moments the last few days, and today while at work he had another moment, but this time it was a foreboding feeling, like something bad was going to happen to someone close to him.

He's close to three people. Me, our daughter, and his mom.

Possible trigger:

I think I'm going to die sometime this week.

I've been having feelings that I'm going to soon too. I'm curious as to what else there is out there anyway, and I'd rather NOT have something bad happen to our daughter or my husband's mom.

I'm sad because I'll be missing a lot in this life, and I'd convinced myself I'd live to 91, and there's a novel that'll never get written, but at least I've completed six I guess. Obviously I'm sad about a lot of things. 😭

[BeyondtheRainbow]

@Blue_Bird If you feel you need the hospital ABSOLUTELY go. But I wanted to remind you that you've told us before that med changes make you anxious about your meds. I can't imagine how hard it is to take them when you feel that way but you are going through a lot of changes and anxiety would be normal.

[June08]

I wasn't feeling the best again today so I stayed home from Mass. Just spent the day hanging out because of this. I hope I feel better tomorrow because I plan on going to the volunteer meeting at my church. Not getting physical activity in, because of not feeling well, is making it harder to stay asleep at night.

My mood continues to be fine. I'm mainly bored during the day.

Knock on wood, I haven't needed a med adjustment since either the end of December or early January (I don't remember exactly when). This is the longest I've gone without a med change since I was diagnosed and started meds in the fall of 2021. It's nice, but I do catch myself worrying about when my mood will be off again.

[LadyShadow]

I hope you're okay @Blue_Bird I am thinking of you. I hope you went to the hospital if you needed to, I am worried about you.

I am glad you haven't needed a med change in a while @June08 - my meds have pretty much been the ones I have always been on since my manic episode and before that. They haven't changed, even though when my moods get really low I worry.

Tonight was good despite not getting a phone call. Today I am sure he was spending Father's Day with his kids which I definitely understand. My heart weeps though. I spent the time with my best friend watching "Bridge of Spies" which is a really good Tom Hanks movie I have never seen.

I hope you feel better too @raspberrytorte - I am thinking of you too.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm not sure when last I had a med change. October last year I'm thinking. I'm on the highest dose of antidepressant, an AP and lithium. I don't think there's much room for changing what I'm on.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I actually have had a positive med change. In trying to figure out what is going on with my nausea my family dr is taking me off as many meds as possible. Topirimate was an obvious suspect that I was taking at a low dose. I'm off it now and don't even notice.

I guess I also just lowered my AD dose for the first time in 2 years (usually my doses are seasonal) but that was because I was showing signs of hypomania.

I wish more psych meds were on the chopping block but the ones I'm on now I do need. Maybe if I stay stable I'll be able to try lowering my clonazepam dose. That's been a goal for years but every time we get it lowered something happens and I need the old dose again.

[JaneOnceMore]

Wow, such fantastic writers here on the board! Such caring and compassion and fun! The board is more vibrant and worthwhile than ever! So glad i tuned back in.

Thanks for the support @LadyShadow. Hang in there. The right person will come along. I just stayed open and interested and curious and persisted in socializing with many people and finally stumbled on someone who is an excellent buddy for me!

I spent the day quietly and meditatively, slowly re-organizing my home that got turned upside-down by a small renovation project. I feel soooooooo much better now that my messy bedroom is under control. Still more to do, but at least i am comfortable in there again.

What a difference 24 hours makes! Last night at this time i was considering going into the ER, i was feeling so desperate and out-of-control. But now i feel under control and peaceful.

I've been hanging out in the Town Square recently (my building's lobby). I enjoy chatting with my neighbors. Some of them are quite funny! But some try my patience by telling me their problems as if i am their therapist. One 35-year-old man and a senior woman are particularly troublesome.

I think if these two start in on me again, i will tell them that while the first few sessions are free, subsequent sessions cost $300 an hour. I don't desire to be anyone's therapist, and if they want my services, they can darn well pay me for it!

[Blue_Bird]

I ended up falling asleep once my night meds kicked in and feel okay now

[Mountaindewed]

My blood pressure was high last night then it went down a lot and I fell asleep.

I feel more awake today. My GI stuff is ok. I've taken the stuff I could but I'm not sure it will totally work. My anxiety is fine. I just need to clean off my bed. I have so much stuff on here.

I'm a bit irritated, the morning is going by slowly. My anxiety is still fine.

[MuddyBoots]

I got like two hours of sleep last night. I don't know. Just was doing stuff I guess. I don't even know what stuff. I organized my pantry and made an insect-repellent with a blend of essential oils that I wiped down my window frame with. I cleaned my yoga mat. Swept. Wrote. Did an "unhealthy coping skill" sheet I got from the hospital that I never did.
Other than that, not really sure what I spent most the night doing.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I got like two hours of sleep last night. I don't know. Just was doing stuff I guess. I don't even know what stuff. I organized my pantry and made an insect-repellent with a blend of essential oils that I wiped down my window frame with. I cleaned my yoga mat. Swept. Wrote. Did an "unhealthy coping skill" sheet I got from the hospital that I never did.
Other than that, not really sure what I spent most the night doing.

Hey Muddy, what kind of yoga do you do? Do you follow any particular videos or just do your own thing? I have a yoga mat and do yoga sometimes too. I usually follow videos on YouTube for it since I’m not super experienced with it. I find it helpful but I struggle to remain consistent with my practice but hope to do better with it eventually.

Sounds like you’re doing some positive things

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

@Blue_Bird If you feel you need the hospital ABSOLUTELY go. But I wanted to remind you that you've told us before that med changes make you anxious about your meds. I can't imagine how hard it is to take them when you feel that way but you are going through a lot of changes and anxiety would be normal.

I know, it’s hard to get over the paranoia of meds. Part of it is my history of ending up in the icu for a week with severe lithium toxicity (levels 4.6) with kidney failure and seizures. It was really traumatic for me and makes me wary of meds and med changes. I had paranoia about meds long before that but that experience and the trauma from it just ratcheted up my paranoia and anxiety around meds severely and I haven’t seemed to be able to shake it even though it happened 12 years ago.

[HALLIEBETH87]

at work and its a tough day thus far. ugh. i need coffee.

[Nammu]

I was able to go to bed on time and sleep! Had a fantastic dream. Quite Werird but fantastic. Woke up on time without the alarm.

I need to get going and go downstairs today and socialize. Been holed up, not even getting any reading done. Been on the internet mostly.

Cookies for everyone!

[Blue_Bird]

I think last night was just the initial anxiety from the worrying about my the med changes. I feel fine today. Normally once I get past a couple days I feel less concerned about my meds because if nothing bad happened by then I figure I’m pretty safe.

These are the first major med changes I’ve had in years so it makes sense I’d be anxious about them.

So it’s day 3 of the increased Lamictal (been over 2 weeks since I started the med, increased to 100mg 3 days ago) , increased Thorazine and decreased Zoloft. I’m definitely sleeping now, feel less mixed mood swings. The Thorazine really is knocking me the hell out at night. Just in general I feel sedated during the day. Which is okay for now I guess. Other meds stayed the same (abilify, trileptal). When I see my psychiatrist on the 11th of July we plan on starting to slowly get me off the trileptal and Thorazine. The end goal is to just be on abilify, Zoloft, Lamictal and my PRN klonopin. That’s gonna take some time though as the trileptal has to be decreased very slowly for 2 reasons, for one decreasing the trileptal will automatically make my lamictal levels rise, and two there’s always the seizure risk when coming off an anti epileptic drug so it has to be done gradually. I’m hoping by early September to be off the trileptal and Thorazine.

I notice since I’ve been on the Lamictal I’m a LOT less irritable and angry.

I felt kind of weird last night like I couldn’t remember the correct names for things, but that seems to happen each increase in Lamictal then it goes away after a few days. I think that’s why I panicked.

Anyyyway , aside from the med stuff, I have therapy this Friday. I’m glad. I had to reschedule last Friday because I had been up 44 hours straight by the end of the day. I just couldn’t focus so I chose to reschedule. It would have been pointless I wasn’t in a state where a therapy session would have been effective.

Im debating going to see a movie tonight

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Hey Muddy, what kind of yoga do you do? Do you follow any particular videos or just do your own thing? I have a yoga mat and do yoga sometimes too. I usually follow videos on YouTube for it since I’m not super experienced with it. I find it helpful but I struggle to remain consistent with my practice but hope to do better with it eventually.

Sounds like you’re doing some positive things

I usually follow videos because it helps to make sure I'm doing both sides kinda equally, but sometimes I'll do my own flows if it's not a lot of one-side specific poses or a complicated routine.

[LadyShadow]

Thanks for the cookies @Nammu ! I am glad you managed to sleep well. My sleep was SO screwed up last night. We had some very bad thunderstorms and my power kept getting knocked out interrupting my CPAP machine. IT was the WORST. I think I barely got three hours of sleep. I woke up feeling very irritable, sad and moody, thankfully my best friend is just a phone call away. He is very good at getting me up and out of bed and out of those crappy moods.

Thanks so much @JaneOnceMore - I am on the Bumble for Friends app and am slowly meeting some like-minded ladies, but they live kind of far, which is a real pain. I had some good luck by getting the number of the girl from my Sci-Fi group that I went to the museum with two months ago. I had added her on the MeetUp app but she never got it so this time I got her number at the Coffee Talk I went to Saturday. We are planning to meet for coffee on Thursday! I am so excited.

@Blue_Bird - I am glad you are feeling better. I know you feel about med changes, but it sounds like you have been doing better on the Lamictal. I used to be on that too at one time. So glad we are on Letterboxd together too! I have to go on there and review some more movies. What movie were you planning on seeing tonight?

I am feeling up and down about my guy - it gives me such bad feelings sometimes, because there is a HUGE wall between us that he put up. I know it's his boundaries, but it makes my heart ache so much. Just going to try to get through the day and not think about it too much.

Here is some New York Style Cheesecake to go with Nammu's cookies! Let's do a sugar overload this morning!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

Thanks for the cookies @Nammu ! I am glad you managed to sleep well. My sleep was SO screwed up last night. We had some very bad thunderstorms and my power kept getting knocked out interrupting my CPAP machine. IT was the WORST. I think I barely got three hours of sleep. I woke up feeling very irritable, sad and moody, thankfully my best friend is just a phone call away. He is very good at getting me up and out of bed and out of those crappy moods.

Thanks so much @JaneOnceMore - I am on the Bumble for Friends app and am slowly meeting some like-minded ladies, but they live kind of far, which is a real pain. I had some good luck by getting the number of the girl from my Sci-Fi group that I went to the museum with two months ago. I had added her on the MeetUp app but she never got it so this time I got her number at the Coffee Talk I went to Saturday. We are planning to meet for coffee on Thursday! I am so excited.

@Blue_Bird - I am glad you are feeling better. I know you feel about med changes, but it sounds like you have been doing better on the Lamictal. I used to be on that too at one time. So glad we are on Letterboxd together too! I have to go on there and review some more movies. What movie were you planning on seeing tonight?

I am feeling up and down about my guy - it gives me such bad feelings sometimes, because there is a HUGE wall between us that he put up. I know it's his boundaries, but it makes my heart ache so much. Just going to try to get through the day and not think about it too much.

Here is some New York Style Cheesecake to go with Nammu's cookies! Let's do a sugar overload this morning!

Yeah Letterboxd is fun! I’m glad we’re friends on there 🙂 the cheesecake looks amazing. Cheesecake is probably my favorite dessert. Though I love all desserts cause I have a major sweet tooth. Chocolate chip cookies and cheesecake would be a nice way to start the day 😂 with some coffee of course!

I’m thinking of going to see the new How to Train Your Dragon movie tonight at 7pm

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I was able to go to bed on time and sleep! Had a fantastic dream. Quite Werird but fantastic. Woke up on time without the alarm.

I need to get going and go downstairs today and socialize. Been holed up, not even getting any reading done. Been on the internet mostly.

Cookies for everyone!

What kind of activities do you all have there?

Glad you slept well!

I had terrible dreams last night. I won’t go into details but it was regarding political stuff.

I need to get out too I’ve been in my apartment too much. Hope you have fun socializing!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

My blood pressure was high last night then it went down a lot and I fell asleep.

I feel more awake today. My GI stuff is ok. I've taken the stuff I could but I'm not sure it will totally work. My anxiety is fine. I just need to clean off my bed. I have so much stuff on here.

I'm a bit irritated, the morning is going by slowly. My anxiety is still fine.

Glad you’re feeling better in regards to the GI stuff.

Irritability sucks, hope your day gets better!

[Blue_Bird]

My kitties 🐈*⬛

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Yeah Letterboxd is fun! I’m glad we’re friends on there 🙂 the cheesecake looks amazing. Cheesecake is probably my favorite dessert. Though I love all desserts cause I have a major sweet tooth. Chocolate chip cookies and cheesecake would be a nice way to start the day 😂 with some coffee of course!

I’m thinking of going to see the new How to Train Your Dragon movie tonight at 7pm

Letterboxd is definitely fun! I have to add more movie reviews there, I think it would be really cool! Something is wrong with my movie theater's website : (
They aren't showing any movies this week. I hope everything is okay.

I hope you get to go to How to Train Your Dragon tonight, it should be fun!

[Nammu]

Speaking of movies I’m taking my daughter and granddaughter to see lilo and stitch tomorrow. It’s $5.50 tickets. Tuesdays pricing. My granddaughter has gymnastics at 4 so we’re going to the noon movie. Should be fun.