[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I started back with my math lessons again. Unit 7 is so far wayyyy easier than 6. I was able to just put the video halfway through and pause it and study a couple minutes and get all the quiz questions right. Fk integrating for hours, differential equations are where it’s at (for now, idk, only did the first two exercises).

Are you using Khan Academy by any chance? I love that. It’s a great resource

[LadyShadow]

Waiting for a phone call and getting anxious. I hate this part about our relationship - the not knowing part, it can be really hard sometimes. I am keeping myself occupied by reading some comics and hoping for some jobs to come in this week. Kind of nervous that I don't have anything set up for next week. The weather is supposed to get really outrageous too - they are forecasting upper 90s all the way into next week. It's too early for this!

I am feeling better though. Made some new friends and meeting my sci-fi group friend tomorrow. I almost feel like canceling because it's going to be SO hot tomorrow, but I don't want to do that. My parents are traveling on Saturday and I am really nervous about it. It's a really long trip to New York and I worry about them a lot.

The Bumble for Friends app is going well. Connecting with a lot of ladies and trying to keep up with the messages. But my heartstrings, oh it just keeps getting tugged at. I wish things didn't have to be so hard.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Are you using Khan Academy by any chance? I love that. It’s a great resource

I am. I took a few calculus courses at a community college and in the Calc BC Khan Academy course I think covers pretty much everything I learned in three semesters except Sal's videos are edited when he makes a mistake or writes something misleading whereas I dropped out because my professor my last semester did not and I was already hypomanic and in a relationship with an addict and ready to quit to focus on my drug addiction and abusive relationship. I remember the last class I went to, too. He did an integral and I was like "where tf did that 2 come from?" for like 10 minutes and then after like 10 minutes of working on this one problem he's like "hmmm, this isn't the right answer..." and figured out that 2 wasn't supposed to be there and I said fk it and never went back because every single class was like that where I knew that shyt but felt like I didn't because the professor SHOULD be teaching something he knows how to do better than the kid that just looked at the textbook and did some of the homework, right? Ha, no. I wish I knew about Khan Academy and knew to not go to class and just look it up online, probably would have gotten a degree by now if it weren't for that guy.

[Crazy Hitch]

Feeling like I need a Valium. Trying to be conservative with them though.

[raspberrytorte]

@Blueberrybook

I've never disocciated before (to my knowledge) so don't know what it feels like. I've been taking my full dose of seroquel for a while now.

Anyway, we were tapering me off loxapine. I got down to 20mg from 50mg, and it wasn't working out obviously. I took 40mg last night and feel much more grounded today. I'm going to call my psychiatrist tomorrow and tell her I want to stay at my original dose, which was 50mg. Another med we tried getting me off of that didn't work out. Sigh. At least now I know loxapine is the antipsychotic keeping me from going psychotic! Maybe we can try seroquel next. I don't know. Nothing works out. I'm DOOMED to be a walking pharmacy!

I got a monroe piercing today. It's swelled up like a bytch, but pain level getting it done was like 0/10. As soon as it heals I'm getting one done on the other side.

On Friday we're seeing Halsey (one of our daughter's favorite musicians). My husband made a HUGE f-up and thought it was near Milwaukee but it's actually a four and a half drive across state! He had to quick book a hotel and get his Saturday morning shift covered, otherwise our daughter would have been devastated. 💔 And then on Saturday her and I are going to a pride event downtown. It's supposed to be like ninety-three degrees and after a four and a half car drive I don't know if I want to go anymore, but she still does, so we're going. Should be fun though, even if it's going to be BOILING outside. I don't do well in heat unfortunately.

BUT feeling better, hoping I sleep tonight. 🙏 Did buy some melatonin, so if I wake up in the middle of the night I'll take that. No problem.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Tomorrow is my GI appointment. I hope that I get some answers and maybe something to help me feel better. I also hope that the NP is much better at her job than my prior encounter with her.

I'm anxious about this. I don't have to drive to the big city, I'm seeing her at a satellite campus about 75 minutes from here so at least that's good. And my mom can take me so I didn't have to go up and spend the night somewhere as my appointment is before my meds wear off enough for me to drive safely.

Now I just hope I sleep. Last night it was 4:00 AM when I finally fell asleep and that's just not good.

@LadyShadow and @Blue_Bird is the training a dragon movie good for a 12 year old?

[Mountaindewed]

I feel a bit weird physically. But I always do. I've gone out of my house twice this week when I rarely do and theres that new Nimbus covid variant going around. My doctor claims I'm not a hypocrondiac but I think I am a bit of one.

I had this freaky dream and then one where an angry goose kept nipping at me. I think I've been watching too many Liberty Mutual commercials.

[Scooter9]

Really good for you, @MuddyBoots!

Math is hard, and that you stuck with it after having a bad professor is commendable.

Having the right teacher, especially in math, makes a huge difference and I'm glad you find Khan Academy helpful.

I studied electronics engineering in school and had a really hard time with much of the advanced math. But at one point, it started to make sense, and I started thinking in radians, and learned and understood equations not from their terms, but from their graphs.

Calculus, differential equations, Laplace transforms etc are really amazing when you get deep into them.

Of course the connection to physics is great, too! Practical applications for these seemingly abstract approaches.

[Scooter9]

I'm listening to some really nice, calming music.

One of the compositions is called Clouds Behind the Sun, a really nice piece of music.

The title sounds really nice and airy, but when you think about it, it's not physically possible to have clouds *behind* the sun In front, yes, but not behind!

Kinda technical, but they really should think about their titles a little more

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Tomorrow is my GI appointment. I hope that I get some answers and maybe something to help me feel better. I also hope that the NP is much better at her job than my prior encounter with her.

I'm anxious about this. I don't have to drive to the big city, I'm seeing her at a satellite campus about 75 minutes from here so at least that's good. And my mom can take me so I didn't have to go up and spend the night somewhere as my appointment is before my meds wear off enough for me to drive safely.

Now I just hope I sleep. Last night it was 4:00 AM when I finally fell asleep and that's just not good.

@LadyShadow and @Blue_Bird is the training a dragon movie good for a 12 year old?

I actually still haven’t gotten around to seeing it yet but I have seen the animated one and the new one stays true to that apparently so I would say yes

I hope your appointment goes well!

[MuddyBoots]

@Scooter9 what if it was composed from some kind of space craft or another planet that had the sun between us and them?

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

@Scooter9 what if it was composed from some kind of space craft or another planet that had the sun between us and them?

Hmm, it's a possibility but the picture that went with it quashed that!

It was a photo of a blue sky with white, fluffy clouds and the sun behind them Talk about overlooking the obvious!

But it is art, so I guess it's not meant to be technically accurate, conveying an emotional connection instead

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Hmm, it's a possibility but the picture that went with it quashed that!

It was a photo of a blue sky with white, fluffy clouds and the sun behind them Talk about overlooking the obvious!

But it is art, so I guess it's not meant to be technically accurate, conveying an emotional connection instead

I guess there’s also the possibility of meaning stardust clouds, but if a picture showed they were cumulus or something then yeah, you got a point.

[Blueberrybook]

@raspberrytorte - You may google the different types of dissociation and see if one fits. Could be a little dissociation. Glad your loxapine helped. I hear you about being a walking pharmacy; I am one too, just look at the meds in my signature.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm incredibly agitated today. I'm probably going to stay off the board.

[MuddyBoots]

Gonna be a hot one today! Made sure to put some tea in the fridge before bed, keep the windows open at night/fan on and shut them before dawn, keeping hydrated. Already did enough walking to satisfy that need (it’s already soup air), and don’t need to or want to go anywhere since the library is closed anyway.

[luvtoya59God]

Good Morning Everyone,

I started a new job last Friday of last week and it continued until yesterday. I had to be in the Sun a lot which I know is definitely not healthy for me! But it comes with the job. I have had 3 panic attacks during those days. I am also working with Department of rehabilitation for peer support specialist job that will be easier on my body physically where I won't have to be in the sun . I m just waiting for my name to come up on the wait list. I was informed that I am next after 1 more person. I can't wait to get out of ABA!
But on the upside, they gave me money for new work clothes, so that is what I am doing this morning, shopping at the goodwill to stretch my dollars.
I hope everyone has a great Thursday!🙂

[raspberrytorte]

@Blueberrybook

I'll look up dissociation and see if that's a little of what I was experiencing.

Don't you HATE being a walking pharmacy? And I just don't know what to do because all my attempts to NOT be a walking pharmacy end in failure. I don't know how this HAPPENED. I wasn't always on EIGHT psych meds.

What really sucks is that each of my meds has a stupid purpose!!! And the only side effect I have is a bit of weight gain! I've finally, very slowly, been losing though.

Ugh. FUDGE!!!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

@Blueberrybook

I'll look up dissociation and see if that's a little of what I was experiencing.

Don't you HATE being a walking pharmacy? And I just don't know what to do because all my attempts to NOT be a walking pharmacy end in failure. I don't know how this HAPPENED. I wasn't always on EIGHT psych meds.

What really sucks is that each of my meds has a stupid purpose!!! And the only side effect I have is a bit of weight gain! I've finally, very slowly, been losing though.

Ugh. FUDGE!!!

I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. I feel similar. I’m on 5 psych meds and 1 PRN psych med. I feel like I’m on a lot but I know some are on more. My doctor is taking me off two of them thankfully now that I feel more stable on the other meds. So we’re dropping two of them soon. Im not so concerned about stopping the trileptal but the Thorazine is gonna be a nightmare because as soon as we drop the dose or come off it I end up just not sleeping or getting 3-4 hours of poor quality sleep max. Idk if I just have to push through and maybe my body will adjust or what. But it’s a pain being on a lot of meds especially when my body is so reliant on the Thorazine to sleep. We’ve tried to stop it before and I always end up not sleeping.

If they help you though with minimal side effects then that’s good. I feel pretty stable on mine now. We are making some changes going forward but I feel those are necessary for me personally.

I hope you’re able to figure out what’s going on in terms of the feelings you’re experiencing. I agree with blueberry that it does sound similar to dissociation which is something I experience as well.

[Moose72]

My ac broke! Put in a maintenance request but they haven’t sent anybody out yet. Today it’s cool out but next week will be in the 90’s! Might have to stay at my mom’s for a bit if they can’t fix it soon. Especially after my biopsy Tuesday.

Edit. It’s Juneteenth- a federal holiday. Good thing it’s in the 60s today. But next week it will be in the 90s including my biopsy day! I hope maintenance comes tomorrow! I unplugged the ac unit just in case!

[HALLIEBETH87]

Ugh I’m
So anxious lately


I’m
Nervous about changing careers. Imposter syndrome is bad y’all

No
Jobs are calling me back either

[Mountaindewed]

I put on gym shorts and showed my mom the red thing on my leg. She thinks I need to go to immediate care but I feel like such a frequent flyer there. She said they always find stuff though.

I had therapy and it was ok. I got my haircut before and I like it a lot. Afterwards I went to the grocery store. I want to make turkey, brie cheese, and apricot jam sandwhiches.

So my agoraphobia is a lot better.

[Blueberrybook]

I had a busy morning, don't know where the time went. Well, Pecan let me sleep in; that was part of it. I got over 9 hr of sleep! I took a long power walk though the sun really got to me the last 1.5 mi. I've always been sensitive to the sun thanks to my coloring, but meds make me more sensitive to sunlight and heat (I suspect Seroquel is the main culprit). I showered, had breakfast, read with the SAD lamp, had pretty good concentration, folded laundry, and painted a picture.

The picture is supposed to be juice, not that you can tell, I'm on the learning curve using tubes for watercolor painting versus the pan paints. And it was a weird juice glass in the tutorial book with the lighter highlights supposed to be ice cubes. I'm not sure that really worked in the painting. At least you can tell it is a glass of something to drink with an orange slice on the side of the glass (I hope!).

(((HUGS))) to everyone! Sorry for those of you going through tough times. Bipolar just sucks and it's even worse because most of us have comorbidities with it too.

[Blue_Bird]

Your juice looks fantastic Blueberry, especially the orange slice!

I painted today too with my friend over video chat today. These are what I painted I. My watercolor journal

[Blueberrybook]

I love your paintings @Blue_Bird! That flower is especially good How fun to paint over video chat! Do you paint on watercolor paper or canvases? I use the paper, haven't tried canvas yet.