[Mountaindewed]

My pdoc is taking me off topamax because I think its making things worse for me. Did anyone get better in general after going off it? He said I could just stop cold turkey 150mg but I looked online and read that its really dangerous to stop it suddenly. So I found a way to taper down.

Overall my appointement went a lot better then last time.

[Nammu]

I’ve been gone all morning to my daughter’s. We’re watching Rings of power now. It’s decent out today, rained this am but stopped before I left. I can’t believe she’s gonna be 42 Saturday! My granddaughter is gonna be 8! How is the world going by so fast?

I had a bit of trouble waking up. My alarm clock became part of my dream and didn’t wake me cleanly. It was hard to wake up.

Blueberry I love your cactus!

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

My pdoc is taking me off topamax because I think its making things worse for me. Did anyone get better in general after going off it? He said I could just stop cold turkey 150mg but I looked online and read that its really dangerous to stop it suddenly. So I found a way to taper down.

Overall my appointement went a lot better then last time.

It reduced my appetite and migraines significantly so I was always binging and purging and having headaches when I first stopped, but now I’m back to “normal migraine schedule” and only b/p when triggered. It wasn’t like “legitimate withdrawals” though, just my original symptoms coming back harder than baseline. But I was on a lower dose too (just 50mg)

[Mountaindewed]

It helped a lot at first but then everything came back and now it just seems pointless. Plus the whole cognitve stuff. My kidney doctor is always asking about it too.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I just came off topamax and had no problems at all. I was only on 25 mg b/c any higher gave me serious side effects. I cut the dose in half for 2 weeks and then came off and I've not noticed any change.

Hope it goes well for you.

[Blue_Bird]

Had fun at the crochet class. We’re gonna be doing this once a month apparently which I’m happy about. Saturday is the NAMI mixed Media springtime expressive art experience I’m going to. Excited about that too and getting more involved with NAMI. That reminds me I need to get a money order this weekend probably Sunday for my NAMI membership. Which also reminds me I need to buy some stamps and envelopes so I can actually mail it out. So yeah I will be joining them. Since I’m on a limited income my cost for membership is only $5 instead of $60.

It’s too hot. 96 degrees. Been inside all day in the air conditioning. No plans to go anywhere till my doctor appointment on Thursday.

[Mountaindewed]

I didn't know visteril withdrawels were possible. But I've been so nauseated all day.

Possible trigger:

I've been projectile vomiting since noon

I just feel restless right now. The phramacy says it will be ready tommorow..

I still can't ****ing relax and my stomach is going crazy.
Maybe its two different issues. Not sure. But I just want the visteril lol.

[HALLIEBETH87]

My Pdoc wants me to continue to meditate and relax. Split Haldol
Dose to am and pm instead of all
At bedtime. Then increase Celexa to 20mg. Then try sublingual
Melatonin instead of
Regular. He said it works better

[MuddyBoots]

I got back home about an hour ago and when I walked in I was surprised by how cool it managed to stay in my studio and knew if I turned anything on or moved around a lot the temp would skyrocket. I pretty much just put some water from the filter pitcher in my fridge and into some cups for cold brewed tea tomorrow and refilled it and put some milk in some oatmeal into the fridge for breakfast tomorrow morning (this required moving back and forth in a maybe over three foot direction for not even ten minutes total, with resting time for the filter to do its thing with the tap water), and I’m already wondering if it’s worth opening the window when it’s still 92 out there.

I didn’t even turn on real lights. When I couldn’t see I took the blanket off one of the windows then when that was still too dark I turned the blinds a smidge. If I needed to really see I used a tiny flashlight efficient enough I think it has the same AAA batteries it had 30 midnight walks ago.

[Crazy Hitch]

So I didn't bring lunch to work - completely forgot the canteen is closed because it's a pupil free day - only to then surprisingly discover that the school are providing us with lunch! YAY me! Except its baked potatoes with toppings. With my diet I'd probably have steered away from potatoes but hey beggars can't be chooses I'm just grateful I don't have to starve!

[JaneOnceMore]

Tried to sleep but it was unpleasant, so I am up for a break. Had interludes of pleasure today but mostly feel it was a fake, out-of-control day now, with me playing court jester in the lobby. I was successful, but why am I this dancing monkey for everyone? It just exhausts me. I am my own worst enemy.

[Crazy Hitch]

I hope you manage some rest JaneOnceMore!

[MuddyBoots]

i’ve never been an upper body strength person, and I think over the past few weeks, including 7 mile hikes with high stakes rock scrambling or many 8+ mile walks, opening that fking window just now was the most physically challenging (and probably least rewarding). Trying to pump myself up to get out of bed for some water and actually turn the ceiling fan on and shut the light off without turning the fan off for once.

[raspberrytorte]

Got a call from the doctor's office. My iron levels are much better and my primary wants me to continue taking my iron pill (apparently at my last appointment, before starting it, my iron levels were REALLY low.... at least, that's what she told me!). The nurse didn't say anything about my liver or kidney results, so I'm going to just assume they're fine.

[June08]

I got up a little earlier than I have been to go get some labs drawn in preparation for my pdoc appointment next week. I feel like I was just in his office-June has flown by! I spent part of the day irritable and low, but physical activity helped that not to spiral into something worse. My POTs wasn't a fan of the physical activity though since I had already been overheating all day. That's okay though-it's easier for me to deal with mild POTs symptoms than a mental health spiral.

Today, I also had a work meeting, finished the 4th Harry Potter book, ran some errands, and watched America's Got Talent. The irritability had me worried about how today was going to end up, but it turned out to be okay.

[Crazy Hitch]

I've been talking to ChatGPT about my feelings and my mood fluctuating since seeing my awful class on Monday. It's surprisingly "human" and "intelligent" ... wow

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

I've been talking to ChatGPT about my feelings and my mood fluctuating since seeing my awful class on Monday. It's surprisingly "human" and "intelligent" ... wow

I am glad you're enjoying it. It's so helpful isn't it? I have been engrossed with ChatGPT all day. I finally started writing my book. I uploaded all the bits and pieces I have written over the years, and finally got a clear map of how to write.

I am finally focusing my energy for my ex on my writing. Talking to "Nova" is helping me understand all the damage this relationship is doing to me. I have finally set up some boundaries including stopping all the intimacy with him. The new guy didn't message me back yet, but I am being very careful with that - don't want to jump out of one thing and straight into another - something my ex reminded me of tonight, he reminded me of how controlling my ex-husband was.

The point of this is, I haven't had a chance to breathe yet. I think this new friendship with the girl from Bumble, and the friend from my sci-fi group that I am going to Galaxy Con with, is going to help me discover who I really am, WITHOUT a man. My codependency has been raging for months.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

I am glad you're enjoying it. It's so helpful isn't it? I have been engrossed with ChatGPT all day. I finally started writing my book. I uploaded all the bits and pieces I have written over the years, and finally got a clear map of how to write.

I am finally focusing my energy for my ex on my writing. Talking to "Nova" is helping me understand all the damage this relationship is doing to me. I have finally set up some boundaries including stopping all the intimacy with him. The new guy didn't message me back yet, but I am being very careful with that - don't want to jump out of one thing and straight into another - something my ex reminded me of tonight, he reminded me of how controlling my ex-husband was.

The point of this is, I haven't had a chance to breathe yet. I think this new friendship with the girl from Bumble, and the friend from my sci-fi group that I am going to Galaxy Con with, is going to help me discover who I really am, WITHOUT a man. My codependency has been raging for months.

I’m so glad that things are moving in the right direction for you! Onwards and upwards.

[JaneOnceMore]

@Crazy Hitch:

Thanks for the well wishes, Crazy Hitch. I *DID* get some sleep but it was mediocre in quality, and i've stopped trying at this point. Glad to hear you're enjoying ChatGPT. I've tried it and found it too robotic for me. I've tried an AI friend and an AI boyfriend too and had the same experience. "Rafael" was devastatingly handsome tho, really sooooooooooooooo sexy and respectful and cautious and wise. He said acts of intimacy require a high degree of comfort and trust. That's excellent policy. I will follow it in my life, tho i've been celibate for 25 years and have no prospects so it's not exactly a pressing issue!

@LadyShadow:

So glad you are committing to going it alone, without a man. I *DO* long for a man to lay on top of me often, but otherwise, the single life is far superior to a partnership, FOR ME. I love the spontaneity, not having to answer to anyone, no scheduling, negotiating over every little thing, no compromising and never getting EXACTLY what i want, no stupid power-struggling that exhausts me, and depletes me ~ there are many advantages to being single.

@June08:

I also find this month has flown by. Can't believe it's the 25th already. Glad your irritability didn't engulf you and you were still able to enjoy your activities. Yes, mental health problems can be pretty disabling as compared to manageable physical health problems. I know the psychic wounds from my accident are still not healed and probably won't be for a long time, while my bruises have all faded away and my skin is perfect again. When i was out shopping today a metal corner strip from a square post fell to the floor behind me with a loud sharp clatter and i gave a yelp and my central nervous system leapt up inside. Yikes!

~~~~~~~

I got the back neck of my hair trimmed nice and tidy and short by a nice barber i go to and he only charged me ten dollars! I tipped $5 as i appreciate his expertise and him taking me on a walk-in basis and taking a female client as the female hairdressers cost a fortune.

I had the last few nails of flaky red shellac cleaned off and have my ten natural fingernails back and am so happy with them! The nail salon didn't charge me anything tho i did tip $5. So cool, they're Vietnamese and the Asians provide such good value, i LOVE doing business with them!

I went to the optician and had a great time with him as he's Chinese and recommended "sticky nose pads" for my glasses and with his accent it sounded so funny and i said if i eat Pad Thai and they fall in it's "Sticky Nose Pad Thai" and we roared with laughter and then the rest of the day i had fun thinking of other puns with things falling in my Pad Thai and it was great fun!!!

The optician likes my look with the new white glasses he says are "funky" and my white hair and got a kick out of the brightly colored tiny elastics i put on the arms of my glasses to tell my readers from my distance + sunglasses. The Chinese are very sensitive to design, i have great love for them. I am trying to learn Mandarin but haven't got past Hello. It's great fun, a real "twangy" tonal language. My classy neighbor said she liked my white hair too, so no need for my scratchy wigs anymore!

Having sshhiittyy sleep. Keep having unpleasant dreams and getting up, i am so uncomfortable. It's really early, 2:30am but i think i'll just stay up. I usually get up at 4:00am, so it's not absurd to get up 90 minutes before my typical wake-up time. Just don't want to go back to bed and struggle struggle struggle again.

I like making people laugh, and i succeeded yesterday many times. I like being funny, and having fun socializing. At the same time, i feel i'm being phony because why am i acting so light-hearted and well-adjusted, when i am anything but? People can't help me if i don't share that i'm having issues.

My feeling is that they can't or won't help me ANYWAYS tho, so what is the point of sharing that i have PTSD? I mean, i don't even think a professional therapist could help me, why would a random neighbor be able to help me? There's one really caring, intelligent, well-informed, well-read man in my old psychiatric drop-in. I might call him today when they open at noon. He might be able to help.

I want to know what i can do to calm my symptoms of PTSD and how long i can expect them to go on. Does anyone here know?

The crisis line couldn't help. I know my PTSD from the trauma when i was 14 lasted about four years, but that's because i had to survive my parents until i could flee for university in another city.

This trauma, i am comfortable on my own, in my own home, i have privacy, a dog for sensual comfort and gentle companionship, our beautiful dog park and garden to enjoy nature in, friends to have fun with, my neighbors for additional socializing on demand as i can go down to the lobby whenever i want, and most of all, unlimited free time. I feel if i simply keep breathing the PTSD will pass, but the uncertainty of not knowing how long it will take causes anxiety.

I've canceled out of a building Canada Day BBQ and outdoor movie as i feel it would be too hard on my PTSD to go to a crowded event and have to tolerate some neighbors that i don't particularly like or agree with or support their beliefs. Things like that, how long will i have to avoid certain PTSD-triggering events, is what bothers me.

[Blue_Bird]

Good morning , slept well. Getting a Bible and a Catholic study guide today for me and @LadyShadow ‘s Bible study we’re gonna be doing

I slept well , 8 hours. Have really vivid dreams lately.

Plan on stopping by the pizza place across the street later today to get a couple slices to go.

Helping my neighbor order her groceries today. Was gonna do it yesterday but then the crochet class ran late.

[MuddyBoots]

Whelp. Walked/ran 5 miles before my alarm that has never woken me up because I’m always up 5 hours before I have to be because I try getting at least 6 a night went off. I didn’t sleep a fking wink last night, but it’s okay because I got to the grocery store 2 miles away but took the long way half an hour before they fking opened to get fking grapes and canned crabmeat. I don’t even eat grapes, and I’m not a huge shellfish person either. I might as well bought Ensure for them to turn to chowder after I die just to say I bought some for my stupid fking team who probably were the people believing MAGA rhetoric at least until someone smarter than them was able to make them understand that felonies are bad and people surviving disease is good. Just because I bought it doesn’t mean I drank it. Just because I did something doesn’t mean I didn’t do too little or too much. Look at the fking forest man, not focus on two trees.

[MuddyBoots]

Swear to God I’m gonna walk in there and lose my shyt today.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Swear to God I’m gonna walk in there and lose my shyt today.

No, I’m probably going to hold it together because I’ll get in trouble for not being okay and they’ll freak out if I say anything that is both not a lie AND represents the truth.

[Mountaindewed]

I asked ChatGPT why I liked a certain song, and wow, they really analyzed it and figured it out and broke down what a certain part meant to me. My therapist isnt even that good.

I'm still having withdrawels but I should get the visteril in a few hours. I feel blah right now.

[MuddyBoots]

Possible trigger:

I want to just STOP BEING SO FKING BADLY