Bipolar Check-In #91

Just dropped my youngest son off at the holiday program. Yeehaa I have the whole house to myself because my partner is at work! Don’t know when last this happened!

Not trying to be rude but you are awfully judgemental on almost all of my posts. Why do my health issues bother you so much?

Doc said it looked like I puked up poop.

I’m trying to learn how to crochet. I’m terrible at it. I can do the first row but once I start on the second it gets all confusing and messed up. I’m hoping with practice I get better though. My building now has a crochet class once a month. Which reminds me I need to start collecting rocks for the rock painting event I’m doing for people on the 24th.

Today was good. I didn’t dissociate. Mostly spend a lot of time reading. Spent some time playing with my cats. Took a walk to the library and got on the treadmill then showered.

Have the bbq on Thursday, then have my psychiatrist appointment on Friday. We should be able to start tapering me off the trileptal now. That’s his plan anyway.

Got an appointment with the DMV for the 23rd to update/ get a new ID that’s a REAL ID since social security won’t let you in the building anymore without a REAL ID. Anyway, I also have to stop by the county clerks office before that to get a copy of my birth certificate. This is all in preparation to go to social security to get a payee. I have the paperwork from the organization that will be my payee I just have to fill it out and bring it there to the social security office. This should all be taken care of by the first week of August hopefully.

I’ve never had lychee before but it looks like its flavor is used in Bubble tea (boba) sometimes so it’s probably good.

Thanks so much @Blue_Bird - I think that's what triggered me, it upset me so much. Ended up getting out just for a little while to go to the post office and pharmacy. Things are lining up with work pretty well. Arm is feeling a bit better too. Never had a lychee before, I wonder what it might taste like..

My therapy appointment led to an ER visit for a head CT scan. Anyone else think it's weird to be at an age that you're hearing both "you're brain hasn't fully developed" in the past year but today read the phrase "age concordant parenchymal volume loss" and "enlarged ventricles and extra-axial CSF spaces related to parenchymal volume loss" in your notes? Idk just one MRI at 27 and "some brains aren't fully developed until they're almost 30" and the next CT you get because (I honestly don't even remember why I was brought over there, but I know I couldn't consistently move my hands and feet and passed out trying to leave my therapist's room, but the d/c papers just said "reason for visit: headache.") but end up getting back "you're old enough your brain is visibly decaying."

Also I tested positive for alcohol but haven't drank in weeks (not that I really am aware of existing more than 20% of the time) so idk what's up with that? And was negative for amphetamines despite this being maybe two hours after after being watched take *supposedly* 30mg of amphetamine salt (that I've been suspecting lately they're not givinig me Adderall or Valium for a while now anyway)?



I didn’t even have a real head ache. My head was tingling and every other muscle was hurting, could I convey that? Apparently not.

I got this super good loose leaf pineapple lychee hibiscus tea online and I’m so glad I bought like $100 of it hecause that was by far the best hypomanic purchase I’ve had in my life. It’s very fruity and refreshing especially cold brewed on a hot afternoon.

@Mountaindewed Have you had an esophogram? I'm having one next week for possible strictures and am just curious. It sounds unpleasant but fast. I've actually seen one when I was a student OT but I don't remember much about it because it was 25 years ago.

@BeyondtheRainbow no I've never heard of that test. I did a couple edoscopys, a colonoscoy, some test that showed my wonky intestines, a test where I ate radioactive eggs, but the MRI was the one that showed the stricture.

What is the test like?

I’ve been crying. I feel depressed. My mother is mean to me. I can hardly function with this blood clot making my heart race. It’s only been a week. No one takes this blood clot seriously! Nor my extreme fatigue. I can’t find anybody to help me. It’s all I can do to do the dishes and shower and put on clean clothes. I had to get groceries but then needed a 3-hour nap. My mother invalidates how I feel and threatens me. She says she sleeps a lot so my sleeping a lot doesn’t count! She says if I don’t clean my whole apartment she will give my new bed to the Salvation Army! She’s just mean!!!! I have an appointment tomorrow to see a doctor about this fatigue. I’m so sad. I have a serious illness and nobody knows why.

Is that the barium test? Then I did do that one. The stuff you drink is gross and it takes forever but I didn't find it too bad. That showed my.malrotated intestines

@Mountaindewed During the test you drink barium and they watch it go down on xrays. It shows if there is a narrowing on the way down. I'm having it because I've had symptoms of stricture for a long time and if I have one they can stretch it during my EGD. I just dread it because I've had barium before and am not a fan (as if anyone likes it ). It's sometimes (I think usually actually) called a barium swallow.

Had a great day taking my dog for her nail trim (a success!) and chatting with a young woman neighbor "F" in the lobby who i've become friendly with. I seem to be spending my time with the younger set in the building which i am happy to see as the seniors can be quite backward.

F trusted me with a secret today. I was able to share MY experience with the same issue and we laughed about how wild i was. I said for her NOT to do as i had done. I shared another experience i had in the past with the same issue and will share three others once we chat again. It would be helpful for her to know, as they were all good experiences of unrequited love being very pleasurable and no one gets hurt.

So, it's been a satisfying day, and i am happy to have felt pleasure and gotten more intimate with F and spent my time in a worthwhile way, investing in a new friendship.

The exorcists called to check-in and we agreed to deactivate my case as my crisis is passing nicely. I slept well again last night. I no longer plan on becoming a bum and lolling around in filth. That was just a weak moment.

The exorcists say i can call anytime if my crisis escalates again or when i have an episode in the future. I'm glad it was a long-term investment in getting myself some support and feel some fragile hope for my future health.

I followed-up with a therapy organization and they responded that i can expect to be contacted within the next 72 hours. F does therapy and encouraged me to seek it out when she heard about my accident. We agreed that my trauma is adding up, with three ordeals so far in my life, and that it would be good at this juncture to seek out some help.

Yeah that stuff is gross. I had to drink stuff for my MRI but it tasted like lemon lime Gatorade. But I had to drink 3 16oz bottles in 15 minutes.

I hope it goes well for you.

@Mountaindewed Thanks. There are some ways I dread this more than the EGD/colonoscopy. I gagged a lot the last time I had to drink barium. Colonoscopy prep sucks but I think she's having me drink all the stuff over the day instead of just a few hours. I think that will make it easier. I also get to eat gummi worms during the clear liquid time and I think that being able to chew something will help a lot.

I hope that you finally get some relief with this treatment. Did the IBGard help at all? It's helping me some. Some days a lot and some days a little but definitely better that without it. The peppermint essential oil also helps more than I expected. The only problem is the IBGard is expensive but I'll deal with the cost if I don't feel nauseous all the time.

Im not trying to be rude or judgmental. From what you post, you dont seem to understand your conditions. Im trying to answer your questions, or provide information. Sorry for bothering you.

@BeyondtheRainbow The IBgard was messing with my heartburn. But the drops I got are ok. Mainly I've been taking Pepcid, Zofran, Dramamine and Tylenol.

I was mainly worried about not going "clear" with my colonoscopy prep. I had to drink half of it starting at 5PM like a glass every half hour. Then I had to wake up at 4:30 to drink the other half.

But at least its gotten a lot better in the last 10 years.

H got home he says I worry to much that it's in my past is just that I reconize that I was really sick then and I did everything to keep everyone safe.

Watching Mission Impossible III with my best friend and feeling better. I have some maximum strength Aspercreme for my forearm that seems to be working. Also took some Tylenol - I think I will just have to take it easy.

I am feeling okay I guess, doesn't look like I will get a phone call tonight - been backtacking a little bit. The inspection has got me nervous, but I think it will be okay. Going to try and get a bunch of stuff done tomorrow if I can, just need to wake up early - lately my sleeping has been horrible.

Looking forward to my new study with @Blue_Bird on Thursday, and try to be postive about things. My mood has been in the dumps today, and I don't even really know why,

We had such a great time tonight playing 500. It was a goofy time with us often getting no face cards and having to re-deal. You just had to be there. Watching D I c k van dyke now. It’s been a good day. Slept late then did my errands took a shower. Picked up my new cozy, looking forward to it.

Not looking forward to Sunday. It’s the cousins picnic and my sisters and my turn to host. It’s in the park and expected to be hot and humid. Wish I had thought ahead of time and we could have had it here in the AC community room. Got to get there at 10am and set it all up.

Today has gone by fast. My mood has been mostly fine. The main thing I did today was go grocery shopping. I only bought enough food to get me to Saturday because I want to get back into the routine of shopping on the weekend since that's when I will during the school year.

Oh, I also talked with my insurance company about my IV fluids being covered and they say they are covered! So, now it's just seeing how the cost plays out with this insurance company compared to my last one.

It's been a few weeks and my knee is still bothering me. I see my pcp next week so I might ask her about it then. It's very mild pain that comes and goes, but it's just not going away. If it needs to be looked at, it might require another appointment though because we already have to talk about my bloodwork results and do a POTs check-in. We'll see. Maybe, it will be feeling better by Monday?

Time to watch America's Got Talent!

Period is kicking my as*. I was SO nauseous this morning. 🤢 But I took a zofran and felt well enough to travel to the nature preserve with my husband and daughter. There were so many geese. FLOCKS of them, and geese are mean and scary, and they were nonchalantly walking across the path, so we were a bit wary. It was fun though.

I finally started reading submissions and then got so restless I couldn't stand it!!! It's awful. Like I want to claw my face off.

Have an appointment with therapist at 8AM tomorrow. I may have to cancel, depending on how I'm feeling. If I'm particularly nauseous, fatigued, pounding headache, excruciating cramps, overall period sickness I may have to cancel. We'll see though.

I’m sitting under 3 blankets with so many layers of clothing and I still feel cold! I refuse to put them heating on. Got my electricity bill yesterday that I’ll pay tomorrow. Don’t want the gas bill to arrive!

It has taken me a full hour to realize the virgin mary is indeed NOT singing in the street right now. I don't think it's really suck in because I still hear her.



Ohh, okay, I guess now someone's just going to shout "booze. Boots. Booze! Boots!" for the next hour...

I think I need to go to the ER

My mom said to use the heating pad