Bipolar Check-In #91

Okay, so when I moved and changed my address with USPS they said I could sign up for "informed delivery" for free, it sounded cool, so I did. It said stuff that "would be coming soon" in my "daily digest" that hasn't come from June 28th. Kind of important stuff--like a fking card that I use to pay for my stupid POS meds. Yeah, didn't read the dumb warnings for Rexulti and screamed and cried in the bathroom for like half an hour trying to pee when I didn't know I had to until I felt an insane pain that I know only from experience of having urinary retention from Prolixin, Geodon, Cogentin, Thorazine, and to a minor extent (but enough to make things 100000% worse when combined with Cogentin), Haldol. Idk how much of an anticholingeric Rexulti is, but OMG I mentioned it to my therapist yesterday, and today I'm going to mention it to the nurse alongside telling her, yo, have not SLEPT SINCE FUKING SATURDAY INTO SUNDAY OTHER THAN MICROSLEEP WHILE WALKING IN TRAFFIC WHICH I FEEL SHOULD BE SCARIER THAN SOMEONE WALKING IN ON ME TRYING TO PEE IN THE HOSPITAL BUT IT'S NOT BECAUSE THE "TRICKS" I LEARNED FROM URINARY RETENTION INVOLVE REMOVAL OF SHOES AND SHIRT AND SOMETIMES BRA SO MIGHT LOOK A LITTLE WEIRD--don't ask me why it helps but I swear it helps more than having water running--AND THAT LAST SLEEP WAS "A WONDERFUL 2.5 HOURS AFTER TWO ALL-NIGHTERS" ACCORDING TO MY JOURNAL

I asked Chaptgtt how to sleep and it said to go to the ER if you are hallucinating, feel unsafe or out of control, have significant memory gaps, or feel hopeless, suicidal, or some third thing that's kind of a daily given. Yeah... that's been like every day for long enough to get used to it and not see any of it as an "emergency." I literally have barely a memory of the ER other than that's what we decided to do instead of talk when I tried getting up to leave and then it went dark, but I got the MyChart emails so I guess I did go and complain of a "headache." I love how they just casually put my BMI and average HR in there and added "make sure to get exercise in," in the attachments. Like, dude, if someone is "intermittently screaming" and reports "not well" when asked about eating and fluid intake, I don't think their average HR should be low 50s.

I'm literally at the point where random CMs that visit regularly to my area know more about my walks than I do. "M said he saw you walking around yesterday--said you were fast," oh cool, did he say where he was because I don't remember what feels like 40 hours ago in a 5 second wrap up scene in some movie I made up in my head 10 years ago but remember that better than the stupid fking walk.



edit: is it me having no reading comprehension or is this really freaking disorganized?

It’s pretty disorganized I think. Hope you’re doing ok

Maybe see your family dr for that pain? At thr er they can’t do mych

I have an appointment Friday but yesterday I guess my therapist was watching me and messaging the nurse and my psych doc at the same time and they said just send her to the ER.

Good morning. Took a 10 min walk outside this morning. Then did laundry. Still have to fold it and put it away. Which may happen in 2-3 business days as usual.

Got up at 5am today. It’s going on 8:30am now. Not much planned for the rest of the day. I got my laptop charged so I can help my neighbor order her groceries tonight.

Feel good. Tomorrow is the BBQ and my Bible study with @LadyShadow then Friday is psychiatrist appointment. I’m so ready to come off the trileptal. It’s been a long wait while adjusting to the other meds. But now we can finally move forward with tapering me off it. Really slowly. I’d rather just stop it all at once but that’s not the way to do it because it’s a anticonvulsant and can cause seizures if stopped suddenly and will make my lamictal levels rise a lot rapidly if I were to suddenly stop it. So I have to follow my doctors directions and come off it slowly. Then we’ll have to see what we can do about the Thorazine. Probably start tapering off that this Friday as well if he’s okay with that, he said he would be once I’m stable and I am

The ultimate goal is to just be on my 30 mg abilify, 100mg Lamictal, and 50mg Zoloft. And the as needed klonopin which I hardly ever take. I’m still on the same bottle of that from 6 months ago and there’s still a ton left. I only use it in extreme cases.

I’m so excited though! I’ll soon be on two less meds and on the least amount of meds I’ve been on in so many years.

I may have a demist appointment today.

ER just got me out of pain and checked my gallbladder. They said to just follow up with general surgery.

Some guy in the waiting room got mad and was all like "**** this ****!" And swore some more and knocked some stuff over. Security came and told him to stop and he left. He was upset about the wait time. Something about the wrong meds and then he was going to file a lawsuit.

I'm not sure what they gave me but it sure is making me all jittery and restless.

I didn't realize you stayed in the hospital for a few days after stomach stricture surgery. I thought basically everything was out patient

Edit: I'm not feeling great again. I know lidacaine patches have helped in the past. Maybe I'll get some of those.

Dentist tomorrow

I don't want to be at work today-- but I can't afford not to be. I'm not feeling good. I feel run down. My Adderall is supposedly being filled today (which is good-- cause I ran out today. I don't know what happened, but I'm always like one day off on it. Like, I always am either short one day, or have an extra day's worth). If it can't be filled today, it CAN for sure tomorrow so it'll be fine either way. They said they are waiting for their supply truck to come in but it should be done today. I'm not glossing over my mood possibly being negative due to not having my meds but at the same time, this is a bigger systemic pattern I've noticed. this is just one day of many now being like this, ya know?

Anyway-- nothing to report really. I just don't wanna do anything but sleep. I'm depressed. I hope I can get out of this rut somehow.

Ugh, I'm definitely having a day.
possible trigger - accidental OD
.

So, I'm quite tired and a bit dizzy today but otherwise okay. I did manage a walk somehow (probably should have stayed in and done pilates though). Read with the SAD lamp okay, but I couldn't draw or paint anything today and I think I'm just going to give art a break today, perhaps just read and play on my iPad, maybe stream some shows. I'll try art again tomorrow. I am a bit off today and just need to take it easy.

HUGS to everyone, sorry I'm behind on all the posts. Will try and catch up later. I need to eat lunch.

So I got a call last night, and it was amazing. It was late but he still made time for me.

Mission Impossible III was a bit disorganized but was still a good movie. My best friend and I had a good time watching it. Today is turning out to be a better day than yesterday. Can't wait to start my bible study with @Blue_Bird - I think it would be really good for the both of us. My faith has been wavering, especially since it's been so hot in my church. I think I might skip mass on Sunday - I really am not up to suffering in all that heat. It is making it really hard to connect and appreciate the mass.

Work is going good today. I am going to try and go out and do some errands even though it is really hot. Going to put on some Sex and the City on Max to get me through the afternoon.

I’m finally back to practicing ukulele and studying music theory. Took a break from violin for a bit. I miss playing my instruments (violin, keyboard and ukulele). I just wasn’t motivated for awhile, glad to be back to it. I love music so much it’s just purely euphoric.

I signed up to go to an 8 week NAMI peer to peer education class. It starts in September and is 2 hours a week for 8 weeks. Looking forward to it. Every Tuesday from 6pm to 8pm.

I'm so mentally exhausted and drained, and frustrated because I should be getting work done but I'm not!!! All I do is listen to music these days. It's the only mentally stimulating thing I CAN do because it takes zero mental energy. I hate this.

I'm feeling better even though

But overall I feel better now. My mom and I took naps. Hers was longer then mine since I had already gotten 4 hours of sleep before the ER and I slept a bit in the ER.

But my stomach feels ok right now.

Yeah, that's a pretty common thing when

Don't be sorry! We're just glad you're okay. Plenty of time in the future to read (or not) posts

I got paid today. Finally paid the water and electricity bill. Going to the store to buy a blanket and pillow for the spare room. My eldest son is coming over on Sunday for a sleepover. I’m so excited to see him!

Helped my neighbor order her groceries and brought them inside for her and put them away. Now I’m worn out so am relaxing and enjoying the evening just chilling. Probably gonna spend a lot of time reading. Maybe playing videogames too possibly

Yep, I think so as well.

Still a bit off though less tired than I was in the morning/early afternoon.

I spent all afternoon basically playing Happy Color on my iPad while listening to the History Channel Documentary The Toys that Built America. Pretty interesting series. I find it relaxing to listen to documentaries while playing Happy Color.

Hopefully, I'll feel more myself tomorrow.

I did nothing today. I got dressed that’s about it. My back and neck were still hurting and my chair was the only comfortable place to be. I ordered four different kinds of salves and sprays for pain. The spine doctor mentioned some of them. Only two were on prime sales though. I also got two tshirts for protests. Don’t know if I’m going tho as it’s in a weird area with no parking.



This pretty much is my attitude today.

I need to get in the shower but …. Oh man the effort! Maybe after lunch I’ll get in the bath but the water pressure runs so slowly it takes ages to fill it up to a decent level. Maybe I’ll add some bubble bath I got from Big W on special.

Sorry about the med mix-up @Blueberrybook I did that a few weeks ago and it's just a bad feeling. I can't believe you made it outside to exercise. All I could do was sleep.



I hope you are feeling better now.

I sent a very detailed message to this guy I am talking to on interpals. It's nothing really, but I am reminded that's just how me and my ex started here on these forums last year. The endless messages. Sometimes I go into my old messages and reread our correspondence, it all seemed so much simpler back then.

Spending the evening talking to my best friend, we are watching "A Trip to the Moon" the very first sci-fi movie ever made from 1902. It's interesting. It's amazing how far we've come.

No email or phone call today, but I am happy to report it isn't catastrophic for me. I am doing really well, I think. Talked to my bestie I met from Bumble earlier, and I am looking forward to Superman and all the activities I have planned for Saturday,

Really anxious about this inspection tomorrow- I really don't know what to expect.

Lady, i looooove A Trip To the Moon!!! I saw it with a Joy Division movie a few years ago, and i was like, omg i REMEMBER that!!! I googled it and omg what a treat. I saw it as a child, with Around the world in 80 days or Its a mad mad mad mad world - i get them confused - they both have world in the title!