Bipolar Check-In #92

HAPPY Pi time!

(I just had to make sure that posted before 3:15 haha) but my therapist wouldn't even let me walk home today after I made a "I'm playing real- life frogger to cope" comment. Now I get to sit on my butt and wait for the meds to come to me! Boooooo

I have only been using my SAD lamp since Nov. 2024. Before that, I had a super similar, psychotic break to this at this point a million gillion times in my life.

Glad H & even my daughter with a learner's permit can doing any driving I may currently need or I would be locked in a loony bin in restraints & a diaper & the seclusion room and no one would hearing beep from me!

Thank the unicorns I've only driven twice in the past 3 months and never outside of the three town range from here to my mom's. I started having big big trouble with sleep in June and hot damn do I feel like I'm wearing a hat made for baby elves. Swear to God my brain is swollen or something.

I’ve been awake for far too long since 4:00am, given I’m not going in to work today. I would say I’ll come home and sleep after my pdoc appointment but I can never sleep in the afternoon even when I try!

So annoyed, my parents haven't left yet. they're leaving at 5 pm. I feel like a burden, and nothing matters, I don't matter. H can't pick up my medication until tomorrow night. I have serious dental anxiety and I have a dental appointment Wednesday, I'm too drugged from the gabepentin to do anything plus I'd just fail and end up in the hospital. H is at work tonight I have to hold it together.

I meant to get a SAD Lamp this winter but I compl forgot. Given Ive only got 3 weeks left I’ll wait for next year. I’m pretty certain my vitamin D will be low. It always is. I should be taking supplements. Ah well.

You're not a burden ! Do not trust that nasty thought. Your family you live with does not think so

Oh, Jesus, why do contractions exist too?!! Synonyms, antonyms and spelling is real too!? No wonder my grammar sucks typing this.

How am I even writing this? Righting, writing, you know. You're your, whatever, geez! How is it even possible someone thought of MSF?

Possible at some point I can count up to 10 too (to/too/two/2) at some point today to try grounding myself a bit.

I'm amazed I even have a DL right now. What is up with the DMV (DPS in TX, because it isn't confusing enough already). In TX the DPS is the Department of Public Safety, but that is pretty much a DMV. Sometimes, Texas may call it the DmV too?! DPS isn't the Department of Protective Services in TX always? Are you joking?!

Oh, politics can happen as well...that could have produced the entire state of Texas AND the US combined? Of course, without TX as a part of the US no one may have thought electing theorangeone was good at this point! Trying not to be too political here.

In TX, nearly everyone owns a gun! How am I here/hear right, write, rite now?

No worries though; we don't own a gun. Neither H nor I have ever owned a gun even before we met.

I have no idea where the entire day went. I just thought it was 12pm - now it's 4pm, WTF. I felt like I got nothing done today, what a mess.

Broke down and just put my AC back on. It was 79 degrees in here, but I was dying because of all the humidity and all the rain. I know my electric bill is going to be very high, but ugh, that's what happens when you live in the South. Tried to tough it out because its' been a little bit cooler, but ugh it hurts to breathe in here.

Hugs to you @Blueberrybook - I know you'll get through this, just a few more days for the meds to do its job. @Blue_Bird - hope you take it easy and rest today, you've been doing a lot, play some more Wylde Flowers! I love that game!

Oh, good, it's only 3 PM here right now because of time zones. How is anyone in the entire world sane right now?

My T tried to reframe it for me but I forgot what he said. H said I couldn't keep living like this. He's right but we have different solutions to that problem.

6:09am here Wednesday morning 😊. Don’t know how sane I am right now lol

Oh, great. Mania has sped up my metabolism to extremely fast. Like extremely super extremely fast. Doesn't help my metabolism was fast to start with due to exercise & genetics & caffeine. When my metabolism rate goes thru the roof it is so fast, I can tell it just by how I feel even after eating & drinking TONS.

Could be why Seroquel is weight neutral for me.

Oh my seroquel is definitely not weight neutral for me. Even at very small doses for sleep lol

My metabolism is very fast though. Possible trigger:

ED stuff:



An AP is not optional for me though.

I have tried other APs like Ability & Geodon, but they never have worked for me. But on Zyprexa I gained 15 lb. practically overnight, and I really could not handle that.

I’m sorry to hear it’s so low. Hugs.

I’m on Abilify. It stops my paranoia. When my mood is elevated it’s common for me to have paranoid thoughts. Fortunately I don’t have that anymore.

Does anyone here know if Tylenol can help with this caffeine headache? I don't want to take it if not because I don't need it otherwise.

Oh, the pdoc told me I just went 3 DAYS without my meds & I'm a mess! but one missed Cymbalta caused everything and it was downhill loco crazy psycho for me!!!!! Taking my meds cannot be toyed with. Not even missing one dose in the morning before I become a mess by 8 PM that day.

It's going to take at minimum 1.5 weeks to become even borderline normal for me. Great.

Thanks! Yes I plan on playing more of Wylde Flowers tonight. It’s such a fun game. So relaxing. Yeah the day did go by fast. All I really did today was go to Walmart to get a money order to pay rent then all the sudden it’s 5pm now and I’ve gotten nothing else done. I am however helping my neighbor order her groceries tonight and taking them into her apartment for her and putting them away.

Other than that it’s been a day of watching stuff on Netflix

I'm caught up with dishes now.

I'm going to make a dinner dish with a more complicated recipe than those I had memorized now. It's an easy chicken dish recipe, but it has to bake an hour, and I need to make rice too. My rice cooker takes nearly an hour, but at least I have a rice cooker so rice is easier than on the stove. Otherwise, I would have started a fire cooking too by now due to forgetting to turn off more than 1 burner on the stove at a time. I would not be bothering with raw chicken, but it is going to expire soon, plus it will make plenty of leftovers to feed dinner to all 3 of us tomorrow & let us all 3 finally have one meal/day that is identical. We have been out of enough leftovers to do that until today for dinner.

Glad the house is still standing at this point since H is only now just back from having to buy ant poison at the hardware stove. We have a raging ant infection.