Bipolar Check-In #92

I'm wishing I was on a benzo too right now, but I have been off those awhile now YEARS off benzos.

I wish I could just sleep.

Benzos can be difficult to taper off. It’s good that you’ve been off them for years. Well done!

Got dinner in the oven. H is helping me with the oven part. Good because it is a bake uncovered remove and cover and bake again dish. I'm good at the moment until I need H's help again with that one. But I had to start to be sure it will be ready in time over an hour early. Usually I have this recipe memorized, but I have to resort to reading slowly giving myself plenty of times to reread it if necessary. It helped with the flow of getting it to the oven part. I even got to use the blueberries & strawberries before they went bad. At this point, they all would have spoiled instead of just some of them, and I love those and they'd be gone by now otherwise.

Stupid grocery store substitutions too! Because H had to pick up & put away groceries at curbside, I have no idea what I have/had. How is the entire family doesn't have an active ED by now is a miracle!!!!

Poor H; he had to help with our meds this week too today.

Your dinner sounds like it will be AMAZING 🤩

Thank you.

I love this one. It has chicken, fire roasted red bell pepper, spinach, artichoke hearts (canned), garlic, salt & pepper. When I am better I can give the recipe.

It is considered to be a quite healthy dish.

Sounds VERY healthy and delicious. Yes, when you are better I wouldn’t mind looking at the recipe please 🙏

I hardly cook. I graze and have go to meals like hard boiled eggs and salads. But I’m sure I can find time to cook on the weekends!

You can ask on the exercise & weight loss board or message me about it once I'm back on my feet.

Definitely!

I tried to put it in exercise & weight loss today, but it may or may not be there.

I HATE mania! Whoever says mania is fun is NUTS!!!!!!!

Stability, boring as it is is wonderful.

How do you stop mania if sleeping even 30 min. is out?

I look and feel like crap. My appetite is gone and I've lost like 3 pounds.

I asked my therapist how a single person can help the people in Gaza and make sure its a legit chairty. She said something about world food organization or something. I've never wanted to donate to things like this before.

But yeah I feel like I'm just fading physically.

I’m trying to work out if I’m stable. I mean I’m not depressed and I’m not exactly happy either. I’d give myself a 4.5 out of 10 with 5 being stable. I feel slightly depressed with work issues, but not much. It’s more anxiety that kicks my butt. I need to tell my pdoc that my gp gave me 15mg of oxazepam. I don’t find the 15mg effective and I know it can go up to 30mg. So the question will be whether or not he lets me take 2 tablets instead of 1 tablet. Not sure.

I’m still in rapid cycling. Talked my Starbucks buddy’s ears off at sonic speed telling him I don’t know how he can stand being with me right now. Yesterday I overcooked my salmon so much it was literally like orange leather because I was too busy doing 10 other things too! Earlier I was tired but it’s switched to wide awake. Med time in 15 minutes and then talk to Caleb at 8 then Vraylar 4.5 and Risperdal .5 at 11 if I need the Risperdal which it seems like my sped-up self will….. Risperdal/Vraylar combo knocked me out last night! No crying today at least.

I just donated. I literally have never donated to anything even like The Trevor Project or other lgbt+ organizations .
I wish my stomach pain would shut the **** up

I got a ton of rice pudding since it doesnt bug my stomach

I'm about wishing that too at this point today (6 PM).

Tomorrow's the first day of school! I can't believe it. I think I'm ready. The first two days are pretty full with different talks the junior high kids receive and having a shorter version of their 5 main classes on top of that. Friday, we have our usual Friday schedule with full classes. My projector was acting up today. Fingers crossed it will be fine tomorrow!

I went back and forth about if I should schedule an appointment with the foot doctor, but I did end up scheduling one. The first appointment they had is the 19th so I can always cancel if my foot gets better. The reason I decided to schedule it is because it is still bothering me on and off a tiny bit when barefoot and trying to work out made it hurt.

My aunt and uncle ended up not being able to stop for a visit. Their gps took them further south of where I live than they were expecting it to so they didn't have time to both drive the extra distance to get to me and make it to their destination on time. It was nice of them to think of me though.

Ariel is meowing at me. She knows something’s up. She’s been fed so that’s not it. Awww now she’s laying next to me purring! 😊

Gorgeous girl

Good luck with your first day of school tomorrow June08. May it all go smoothly for you and may your classes be wonderful!

I am beginning my bedroom routine finally today.

Even though I am going to bed much earlier than normal, I can't count on sleep for 2+ hr with meds, so bear with me here.

Please don't let my melatonin run out too! I have the feeling I could MAJORLY OD on melantonin (my entire full bottle of 10 mg pills, don't try that one at home folks even if SI thoughts & sleep issues won't get you 5 seconds of peace!!!!!), and thank the heavens I'm not OD'ing on that too now, or I'd be like this EVERY. single. day.

No wonder alcohol and psych drugs and benzos even EXIST!

6 months of stability down the drain.

In all seriousness though where would we be without psych meds? We all otherwise would be dead by now, the world is too crazy! Life is too, too crazy, and I am a walking pharmacy.

This is just a blip on the radar

I fill my main med tray monthly, another one (mealtime metformins) i do every two weeks. It would make me crazy to have to do it more often. Time flies fast enough as it is.

I give myself 0 out of ten today mentally. Maybe .1 stars.

I don’t remember you as bad as me!