Bipolar Check-In #92

Which meds are you worried about? You probably wont have to take your T unless you stay more than a week. Anything else you probably wont want to try to swallow given where they are operating. They will have to make sure you dont spring a leak.

@Mountaindewed

I'm not sure how it'll all work with your operation... but at the hospital they'll make sure you get your prescribed meds.

@Scooter9: So delighted to hear that you are now sleeping well at night and even napping in the daytime! What a breakthrough for you! Congratulations! You must feel so much healthier! I am sleeping much better now too. I get about six hours a night. Unfortunately, i am still out-of-control. Two steps forward, two steps back. I don't seem to make any progress.

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I had a new cleaning lady ("Hellena") in yesterday and she did a fabulous job and i have my bedroom back. I even put my rocker back in there and was able to enjoy the room in the daytime. So nice to get a change-of-scenery from this living room. There is a lot more to be done so Hellena is coming back on Sunday to spend all day. It is so worthwhile to have a cleaner in. I'm no longer dashing out to avoid the mess here. Aces!

Sort of disappointed that no one supported me about the awful date i had yesterday. *I* support all of YOU when i am well enough. I guess we are all in our own little worlds, even here. Not a kind word for me... Makes me wonder what i am doing here.

Its just my valium I'm worried about and I'd be getting my meds at the supposed time instead of the schedule I"ve had for 10 years.

My knee is so swollen I need to something about it in the next few hours.

@JaneOnceMore - It is hard for me to support everyone here. I read all the posts; everyone is in my thoughts & prayers. I just don't have the time, the stamina to write individually all the time. It can be very hard, especially if a post is on another page, and it may even be if you do an advanced post or preview your post because all the posts ahead of you don't show on the page you are posting from. I preview a lot of my posts because I often post pictures & I want to be sure they post correctly. I don't even remember to give every post a hug even though I mean to. I do commiserate with you on your bad date. I too have had internet dates turn out not close to their profile picture or much older than I desired & how old they told me they were beforehand or who were not at all into the lifestyle I live & wanted in return. I even changed my phone number once because one was so persistent (this was back when most people still used their house phone because unlimited minutes on a cell phone was so expensive. But on the other hand, I met H online, and we've been married 20 years, 21 yr. less than a month away now. But it is hard to be on your own, wishing you had a partner

Pretty sure they will have you on strong pain relievers and you wont miss your valium.

Mh knee was better in a week or so. Have you been icing it? And stop doing whatever is bothering it!

@JaneOnceMore I’m sorry your date didn’t go well. I’m sure you’ll find the right person eventually, sorry I haven’t responded much lately I have been in my own world cause have been busy and distracted or dissociating but I do care and support you , I hope you know that sometimes I’m a little socially awkward and shy even online

Glad you were able to get a cleaner. It’s so nice having a clean place. It’s a big relief and reduces a lot of stress

telling more cleints today that im leaving. really worried about one of them who doesnt take change well. woke up at 4:40 am and barely slept til 8. im exhausted today, readyt to get off work.

im going to my first al-anon meeting tonight. im nervous but excited.

Good morning all, have a meeting with my supportive housing program manager in about an hour. It’s just our monthly meeting.

Then at 2pm I’m teaching that rock painting class. A little nervous but it’ll be fine. The program manager will be in there with me to help me out with anything I need

I slept pretty good considering I didn’t go to bed till after midnight. I decided to put some chicken drumsticks in the crockpot in buffalo sauce around 8pm and they took 4 hours on high to cook. After that I went to bed then woke up 7 1/2 hours later around 7:45am.

Glad I have therapy tomorrow morning.
A little worried about tomorrow because my dose of Lamictal goes up to 200mg and I know any med changes usually bring on paranoia and panic attacks about my meds poisoning me. After I’m on the med changes for awhile it goes away but the initial change aways terrifies me. I’m still scarred mentally from when I ended up in the icu for 8 days with seizures , and kidney failure from really severe lithium toxicity. That happened when I was 19 and I have yet to get over my cautiousness around meds and it’s made me develop a fear of meds and med changes in general.

Anyway, I’ll do what I can to distract myself the first few days of the increase then after that I should be fine when I realize it hasn’t killed me.

Then that’s it, I’ll be at the full target dose of Lamictal Friday , then in August we stop the trileptal. I’m down to 600 mg from my original dose of 1500 mg. So we can just stop it after my next psychiatrist appointment mid August. Then that’s it for med changes. Finally. It’s been a long process. Rest of my meds stay the same and I’m good to go.

m therpaist doesnt take my new insurance ill be getting its $175 a session but i refuse to start over with someone new. ugh

My doctor was just like "ultrasound totally blew through my mind." He is trying to get it in but he put the wrong code in and insurance is denying it.

Then I tried using the bathroom and got these insane sharp pains in my lower stomach and I was unable to sit for a few seconds.

I have therapy in an hour and I just want to lie down.

I just tossed up my protein shake. Therapy will be remote today.

When did he say to go to the er?

Iol. I thought I was texting my mom instead of making a new post

The ER I go to is pretty pointless every time I go its like from the movie Mean Girls "Why don't you try Sears.?"

Sure you guys don't care -- but I have no one else to share my excitements with. I did make some final tweaks to Brentes to reflect MY face more, this is the real final Brentes anchor photo (and a fun one of him in his very expensive blue himation!)

@Blue_Bird - Med changes can be scary but I hope the increased dose of Lamictal helps you. Sorry you have been dissociating lately; I have too unfortunately (sigh). IYour rock painting class sounds fun! I hope you post some pics of the painted rocks @Scooter9 - Glad you have been getting some sleep lately. Sleep is so important to your mental health. @HALLIEBETH87 - Yikes! That is quite a cost for therapy! But I definitely do understand not wanting to start over with someone else, rehashing all that history and trying to make a connection with a new T. @Brentus - Nice pics! It's great that you have fun with tweaking them. And so cool that you are having a good time with studying that era in history & literature.

I'm doing well today, slept around 7.5 hr. My body & muscles were tired from jogging several days in a row, so I did a gentle pilates video. It's always a victory when I listen to my body and do what I need in the way of exercise (eating too) and don't force myself to do more than I should.

I read with the SAD lamp and got so hot even though the AC was on, and it was 74F as we usually keep the house temp. I don't know if it's hot flashes or what. I sweated so much I had to change my shirt. Anyway, my book was good; I really am enjoying being able to read so much.

Art today was just sketching which I had neglected lately in favor of painting. Though to be honest, painting involves first sketching a picture you are satisfied with before painting it, so you are drawing too.

I plan to have a laid-back day, playing on my iPad, reading, maybe even a nap.

Thank you @Blueberrybook-- part of my want to immerse my world was your photos! Your artistic outlet is inspiring. I wanted to do the same, with no real talent for sketching or painting.. i'd use words and let someone else render it.

Thanks @JaneOnceMore and @Blueberrybook!

Yeah, it is really good to be sleeping more This was triggered by a med change, I'm glad it's working out so far.

Really great pics @Brentus! It's amazing what you can do with AI these days.

AI is quite the feat. ChatGPT is literally my language, history, and storytelling teacher all in one. I've had so much fun so far with it. I'm still remembering the days where AI would just pull random junk from the internet from keywords-- not have a full blown natural, past information gathered and referenced, conversation with you!

Anyway, I'm doing fine. Just really into my studying right now. Nothing to really report.

@Blueberrybook the animal pictures are adorable!

@Brentus I'm so impressed that you can create such detailed images through AI. I can barely use it to help me with lesson plans, let alone create images like you've been able to.

Today is going well so far. I had my virtual study group and one of the sections of our study was about Edith Stein who I think was a pretty cool person. I just enjoyed a cup of coffee with this new flavor of creamer-birthday cake-and I really like it. Not sure what I'll do with the rest of my day. I'll definitely read. I should wash my compression socks. I haven't been wearing them lately, but want to start again to see if they help increase my blood pressure. I'm really trying to raise it naturally because I do not want to try a medication to increase it. Hopefully, it will be a little higher once I start standing in front of my students to teach again.

I swear this nightmare NEWVER VKING ENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE WHEELS IN THE SKY KEEP ON TURNING MOTHERFKJER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve been wide awake since 3:00. Woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. Plus I had a headache so I had to get out of bed and take a painkiller. First morning I feel like I might be okay without taking a benzo. I see my psychiatrist on 6 August and only he can say if I can increase my benzo from 15mg to 30mg. The 15mg barely touches sides during an acute panic attack. I teach 5 classes today so whilst busy I’m so grateful I don’t have my impossible class on my timetable! It’s going to be a full on day but I’ve got some nice classes in there so that’s good news.

Was 10 minutes into my therapy session and I said "can we finish this tommorow?" And she said yeah. So then I crashed almost immediatly for 2 hours. I woke up feeling just blah. I still havent heard anything from my doctors Çhatgpt says its pretty swollen

Cardiologist just called and I see them next Tuesday.

Didn’t go anywhere today. They are doing construction on the main street into my complex and traffic is crazy- or so I’ve heard. Good thing getting out for church for the duets will be easy at 5:30 am- that’s when I leave for church to get a good parking spot! Then I just sit at Starbucks or Dunkin both of which are several blocks down from church. In a few weeks N3 and his dad are singing duets like they did last August. It was really good. They sound like each other anyway. It will be filmed and hopefully edited to each piece so I can link anybody’s who’s interested directly to each piece like last year.

I didn’t take a nap today but I did sleep in. Oops! Only till 8:15 but I’m supposed to take my blood thinner at 7 and 7 religiously. Turns out my alarm was turned off!

Caleb won’t be visiting for like 3 weeks because he nixed this weekend for some reason- never mind the construction!- and then I leave for church early when N3 and his dad sing and apparently, he doesn’t want to come to church with me. So, it will have to be the week after that. He’ll be retired a week from today so he won’t have to leave as early as he has been.

I gave my memory foam mattress pad to a lady in my mom’s neighborhood. My mom said the woman really seemed to appreciate it- especially since it was free! I got it new as a gift a couple years ago and I think they’re about $100! It’s the wrong size for my new bed and you need longer sheets vertically to accommodate it anyway.

N3 is going on a trip right after the duets at church for a week. Must be visiting friends. Then a bit over a week later school starts! He’s really been busy this summer.

Well, I don’t know how I’m going to get anywhere during the week now. Should’ve gotten more coffee yesterday! Should get more diet cat food before the “cat month” sale is over at PetSmart. I can always leave before 9 when I assume they start work every day. And I can go the back way which is less direct but avoids some of the construction.

Edit: I looked it up and construction doesn’t go on on Sundays!

Incredibly irritable today - like so bad it's out of control.

I had a hard time printing my GalaxyCon tickets today at the library because Yahoo Mail was apparently down for hours and hours - then I hit a curb really hard with my car - I tried to enjoy the Fantastic Four movie, but it was pretty awful and I hated it. I really hate literally everything right now and I don't know where it is coming from.

All I want to do is scream. I hope this gets better for the convention tomorrow - I only get like this when my period comes and I have missed it totally this month. My pdoc appointment went well this morning though, no med changes, nothing new to report.

I hope you start to feel better soon @LadyShadow