[RoseInterrupted]

Originally Posted by puzzclar

Talk me out of what I want to do.... its not good.

I hope it's not already too late to talk you out of whatever it was you planned to do. All I can do is send you a cyber-hug
Rose. Hoping you are ok.

[puzzclar]

So far its just been giving in to mental illness. ... physically I'm fine. Mentally not so much

[Espresso]

Nothing like spending a holiday alone and sad. Not that I ever have really celebrated this holiday except for maybe going to fireworks, but it's still depressing being so very alone.

[Bill3]

(((((Espresso)))))

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by Espresso

Nothing like spending a holiday alone and sad. Not that I ever have really celebrated this holiday except for maybe going to fireworks, but it's still depressing being so very alone.

Right there with you. Alone together.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I just came here to express some thoughts and feelings. I don't like the 4th. Not patriotic I suppose. I appreciate the opportunities I have as an American and I really appreciate those who fought for these things. I just don't get into the whole thing. I think overzealousness, if that's a word, turns me off of anything... Religion, patriotism, fitness fanatics, sports fanatics... Realizing of course that this is my issue. People have a right to be excited about something as long as they don't push it on me...

Back to bpd stuff though. I don't like feeling this loneliness while I also don't want to be with most of the people I know. I suppose if I could be myself and not self-conscious I would be happy to be around some people. There are only two people who I feel totally comfortable to spend time with. One is my therapist... That's out of the question obviously. The other is my little sister who lives on the other side of the country. I am trying to be happy to be with myself and not need or feel like I need someone. I'm not succeeding.

[Crazy Hitch]

Today's been a good day

[puzzclar]

At least today I won't be alone.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I have a huge challenge for me to overcome tonight. I have to confront my sponsor at NA and tell her that I don't want her to be my sponsor anymore.

I have written out what I want to tell her and I am just planning on telling her that I want to read it to her because I get nervous and start stumbling on my words. I hope it goes well without any push back. I also hope that there aren't too many hugs. If I have the guts to do this and without my therapists help... I will be very proud of myself.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor

I have a huge challenge for me to overcome tonight. I have to confront my sponsor at NA and tell her that I don't want her to be my sponsor anymore.

I have written out what I want to tell her and I am just planning on telling her that I want to read it to her because I get nervous and start stumbling on my words. I hope it goes well without any push back. I also hope that there aren't too many hugs. If I have the guts to do this and without my therapists help... I will be very proud of myself.

My sponsor wasn't at the meeting. I feel like I am going to have to call her. Maybe tomorrow. :-/

[dancinglady]

I am glad that you are staying committed to your NA.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Thanks. I appreciate that. I have 107 days clean and like 115 free from SI which has been harder at times because I am not in my right mind when I want to hurt myself. When I want to get high it is usually to enhance a good time or feeling.

[puzzclar]

That gives me hope to have that many days. Thanks

[Bill3]

Achy Turtle Armor you are an inspiration to me and others here!

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Achy Turtle Armor you are an inspiration to me and others here!

Wow. Thank you. That was a really nice thing to say. I needed that today.

[puzzclar]

Possible trigger:

I have thought of death once again and I have no one to turn too.... I'm very lonely

[dancinglady]

Today is going to suck. I have a site visit with a bunch of assholes. Males who do not want women around.

[Lene]

Hi I am new here. It is night now and I am tired and as usual I am feeling too emotions all together and it is hard to let go and go to sleep. I am try to take things easy and take some time to rest though.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I have only briefly looked at this but I wanted to share. Coloring!

http://www.muminthemadhouse.com/2015...es-for-adults/

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by Lene

Hi I am new here. It is night now and I am tired and as usual I am feeling too emotions all together and it is hard to let go and go to sleep. I am try to take things easy and take some time to rest though.

Welcome. I hope you find help here. We're a pretty caring bunch.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

Today is going to suck. I have a site visit with a bunch of assholes. Males who do not want women around.

I hope you persevered.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Just an update... I broke things off with my sponsor. It went much easier than I expected. Phew!

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I have no one in my life to share this with right now but I'm proud of myself for two things. First, I went to a birthday party. So that was a social situation which I almost always avoid. I had a good time playing card games. The other thing I'm proud of & that was even more difficult was that there were a few people smoking pot. It wasn't directly in front of me but I could smell it. It was around. That was probably the hardest part. It was uncomfortable. I felt left out. I felt like I wasn't any fun. I managed though and I'm back home, sober.

My question now is... Why do I feel like crying? I want to tell my therapist about this but I can't contact him unless I need him.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I'm really sorry about all my posts but I'm not doing well at all. I don't understand what this is all about. I'm bawling. I heard myself whimpering.

Possible trigger:

Thoughts of suicide just passing through my head. I told my sister I love her tonight. I could go. It would kill her though. She's the only reason I'm still alive.

My t would tell me to get out of bed. Great out of my head. Go do something. I have to get out of here. I can't entertain these thoughts.

[Bill3]

AchyTurtleArmor:

Possible trigger:

Please stay safe. If you are in danger then please go to the ER or call 911.