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#1
Feb 10, 2010, 01:20 AM
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and i spent the time talking about my ex boyfriend, the one i believe has ptsd,
i basically didn't get to finish any of my sentences and she said if we get back together that he'll pretty much start beating me and i can't help him at all... and that by texting him that i love him, i'm harassing him... (even though i told him if he wanted me to stop texting him goodnight to say so, and i got silence, and he unblocked me on facebook) when i tried to tell her that he had been proposing and making plans to move in together and then suddenly stopped all contact with me when he found out about being deployed, she went on to say how she has family in the military and they never pull away from people before a deployment. and so she pretty much said he's abusive and hopeless and i'm stupid for caring about him and trying to see if i can talk to him about getting help and that the only way my anxiety will ever get any better is if i move away (he doesn't live near me anyway) and change absolutely everything about myself and the way i think. W T F
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#2
Feb 10, 2010, 01:43 AM
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Um, sounds like she did not hear you at all. Calling you names is abusive. I do not care if you were dating the BTK murderer, there was no reason for her to treat you that way. You may have to get some therapy from your session. I hope you find a GOOD T. I am so sorry you had to go through this. Hang in there sweetie and keep trying.
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#3
Feb 10, 2010, 10:10 AM
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I would see a different therapist!
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He who angers you controls you! |
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#4
Feb 10, 2010, 10:46 AM
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I agree, sounds like this T doesn't have alot of professionalism. I would look for someone new. Hang in there, I'm sure that was a crappy session to go through.
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Amanda 
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#5
Feb 10, 2010, 10:15 PM
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i'm just not going back. i'll keep seeing the doc that's giving me my meds, but i'm not seeing their counselors anymore after that. i'm still angry about it, and i intend to tell my doc what a ***** that lady was!
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#6
Feb 10, 2010, 11:30 PM
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good idea hon.
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He who angers you controls you! |
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#7
Feb 11, 2010, 03:07 PM
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so if my ex does have ptsd... well, his cousin is going to pull him aside this weekend and make him talk. he masks everything with anger and she's going to get to the bottom of it. i hope that won't make things worse.
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#8
Feb 11, 2010, 03:21 PM
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I don't think it is a good idea for someone to try to force a combat vet to talk. they do it in their own time hon. how involved are you at this point? do you live close by?
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He who angers you controls you! |
 Catherine2
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#9
Feb 11, 2010, 03:26 PM
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i live on the other side of the country. she just wants to get him to talk about me and why he left since it doesn't make sense to anyone to go from wanting to live together and get married to hating me so suddenly without a fight or anything.
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#10
Feb 11, 2010, 07:18 PM
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Hard to say what happened. I know I am extremely sensitive to words...and often over react. Maybe irrational thinking? Anger management has helped give me options,...or to at least think before reacting sometimes.
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| Catherine2
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#11
Feb 11, 2010, 08:18 PM
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 Please don't judge all therapists based upon one experience! With regards to the guy, I wonder where the love is. No one deserves to be treated like he did you, and from just what you said, he does appear to be abusive. The pattern of being controlling and abusive, and then loving and contrite only to become abusive and controlling again will not change. It may even become worse after deployment. Try and find a normal life for yourself during this time of his being away. It could be you can realize what a really good relationship is like. People tend to accept only the amount of love they think they deserve ... but even without knowing you, I suggest you deserve better.
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#12
Feb 11, 2010, 08:33 PM
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my ex fiance was a marine. every time he was on deployment he acted like i was the queen of his world. when he came home all he would do is drink and cheat. awesome.
anyways, hugs from me, doll. and wow, she told you you should change al those htings about yourself, including where you live?!?! thats intense.
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MCLEAN HOSPITAL ALUMN!! www.mylifeintreatment.com there is a LOT of personal information on there from my current hospitalization and it may not be for everyone, but it's a good read! please PM me anytime, day or night... i am always awake and wanting to talk!! We'd never know what's wrong without the pain Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same |
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#13
Feb 11, 2010, 09:34 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
 i think being cheated on would hurt the most. as far as i know he has never cheated one me, he's more paranoid about being cheated on because he so desperately wanted to be my one and only, and he was and still is.yeah she told me i had to change absolutely everything about myself and move. she came up to me today to ask how i was when i was waiting to see my doc for my meds, and i just wanted to tell her to go the hell away.
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#14
Feb 11, 2010, 11:04 PM
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Quote:
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#15
Feb 12, 2010, 07:00 AM
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Maybe he cut you out of his life because he thinks that if something happens to him while he is deployed that it will hurt you less if you're mad at him. I could be projecting a little, but it is something I would do. It could be his way of protecting you.
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#16
Feb 12, 2010, 10:33 AM
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It might be risky to make him feel ganged up on. If he is feeling badly about your relationship, his pulling back or anything, it's more likely to make him very defensive and make him feel he has noone to go to.
Yes! Tell them what an idgit they have working for them as a counselor! All of us can overhaul they way we think, but her attitude and refusla to listen betrays her as the one who should take the first plunge. My word! Silly councillor! As you have already heard, you need another therapist. That was going through my head before i finished the first paragraph in your post. Stand your ground! HUggs. |
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#17
Feb 12, 2010, 11:01 AM
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....death and hell are never full.....
....niether are the eyes of men.... ....cats can fly from nine storys high.... ....and pigs can see the wind..... ......quote from "the highwaymen"...... This is the best description of the explanation on how I felt/feel at times... Do yaa understand it?......for me....it is a description/statement/explanation on how to follow orders.....WITHOUT asking WHY.....soldiers are not allowed to ask WHY........WE just follow orders.....Soldiers are not trained to think(enlisted persons)...........WE just DO......Without Thought....WITHOUT FEELING...........WE just DO what we are ordered to DO.....FEELINGS ARE DISTRACTIONS........WE are not human anymore.....WE ARE SOLDIERS... Distractions take Lives.......................Focus saves Lives....... Watching my brothers back.........While he's watching mine...... Death is real................and staying ALIVE.......is the focus...... ......to make my own peace...... ......with my own God.............. ......in my own time................ ............this is the beauty of life................... ............truths and realities,can be and are at times, very harsh in this thing called life......this post is by NO means meant to offend.... ......I once said to God....."GOD I wish to speak the truth" and GOD replied, "are you willing to be ridiculed, ignored and starving by the age of forty-five"?......and I said "why by the age of forty-five"?....and GOD said "because by that time, you will have become accustomed to it"...... |
| Catherine2, Hunny, lonegael, Secret
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#18
Feb 12, 2010, 11:29 AM
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Well, we all know that soldiers are human! Hopefully, at some point, they will reach where they allow those emotions, but have full control over them... I'm sorry there is such jealousy in a relationship that hasn't even made it to marriage! Not good.  Do your best ... that's all any of us can do! Your T appears to be very caring for you. :hug;
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| Hunny
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#19
Feb 12, 2010, 09:19 PM
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i do feel like he is trying to protect me in his own way. i think he thinks i'll kill myself if he dies over there. he just doesn't seem to understand that i need to know how he is doing. i understand that he needs to focus over there and not worry about what i'm doing back home, even though i would never ever ever cheat on him, but even just telling me what's going on and that he's okay would make my anxiety go down so much.
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#20
Feb 13, 2010, 02:18 AM
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Quote:
I've been following your thread with interest. You've brought up some good points about what folks back home are dealing with...thank you for that. Jmo, but yes he is trying to protect you in his own way. But he may also be trying to protect himself. It's good that you understand he has got to focus on his present situation, and not too much on back home. Your cheating on him is most likely the last thing on his mind... Pre-Deployment takes as much out of a soldier as post deployment does; just in a different way. Triple those affects if there is little time between deployments... Another counselor may be of great help to you...please don't discount therapy because of the actions of this one. Perhaps concentrating, for right now, on your anxiety and anger will ease this painful time for you. My best wishes, Catherine
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The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
| TheByzantine
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#21
Feb 13, 2010, 06:54 AM
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LOVE isn't supposed to hurt; get another psychologist, educate yourself on abuse, etc...you cannot change him, and yo do not need to change yourself, but you DO need to understand what is gooing on. The Verbally Abusive Relationship byp Patricia Evans saved my life.
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#22
Feb 13, 2010, 03:34 PM
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i know he needs to focus. but the more i leave him alone, the more he seeks me out to be cruel. we met on a forum first, and i stopped talking to him there and now he's reading every post i make and leaving rude comments to me for absolutely no reason. like he says he doesn't want contact with me, but as soon as i stop, he'll seek it out in negative ways. Quote:
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#23
Feb 13, 2010, 04:02 PM
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well, for the cheating thing, when i was with him for the marine corps ball he curled up and begged me not to cheat on him and said he'd go crazy if i left him, then said all women cheat during deployments. so i know it has something to do with it even if i would never do that.
I am truly sorry that you have gone through so much...his problems seem to be long standing and you have been caught in the middle of them i know he needs to focus. but the more i leave him alone, the more he seeks me out to be cruel. we met on a forum first, and i stopped talking to him there and now he's reading every post i make and leaving rude comments to me for absolutely no reason. like he says he doesn't want contact with me, but as soon as i stop, he'll seek it out in negative ways. Is there no way you can put him on ignore...or be invisible whenever you are on? maybe it will stop now that he is deployed--or is he deployed? his time online should become limited and maybe this will help the situation... love hurts. he has problems and i think he needs to be evaluated. he doesn't seem capable of controlling this side of him when he snaps. either he gets help and things work out or he doesn't. i can't force it, but i can inform his family that i'm friends with and they can support him since he won't let me You're right...love hurts although it shouldn't...but when it starts hurting this badly, changes have to be made. You have to take care of yourself, veggy It sounds like you are ready to do so...and I know that is painful on so many levels. I sincerely wish you well on healing from this, Catherine
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The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
| lonegael, Secret
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#24
Feb 13, 2010, 04:04 PM
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he isn't deployed yet. and it's a forum.. so like.. it's like being here. he would reply to me posting a reply to someone or just something in general and be a jerk or leave a wall comment on my profile. his family is trying to calm him down and make him see reason, which with him is way easier to do in person so i'm glad they are going to meet up with him and see him. unless he has to look you in the eye, he'll lie and put up a wall.
i don't want to move on from him because i love him so, so i feel torn. i just want everything back to normal.
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#25
Feb 14, 2010, 12:47 AM
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From my own experience, perhaps taking a rest from all of this would be beneficial to you. It was something I had to do for myself at one point...dealing with my ex's PTSD was harder in many ways than dealing with my own. Our hearts can take only so much aching, I think. Please take care of yourself, continue posting and let us know how you are doing. In Peace
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The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
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