What does your depression feel like?

For me I'm sinking into a major depression for the first time in a long time. I sleep 15 hours a night and although I'm 28 years old I have to force myself to get out of bed the rest of the day because I have so little energy. It takes everything in me just to get up and go to the bathroom. It hurts just to be awake. I go for days ithout bathing or brushing my teeth because I just don't care. I wouldn't attempt suicide again (I've tried 3 times) unless my mom died but most of the time I wish I were dead. I abuse substances to cope but they only help temporarily. I have long periods of sobriety where I'm even more miserable than while using. I'm so sick of the exhaustion. There's really a lot that I want to do but can't for that. I want to write and paint as therapy but my mind, like everything about me, is so slow and depressed that I can't think.

What is depression like for you?

Rebecca

Like a very bad dream I can't wake up from. Like a monster inside of me, consuming me from the inside out. Like a merry-go-round that spins my thoughts around until I don't know what to think or what I'm thinking. Like something is sucking the life out of me. Like something is shattering my heart while I race around and try to gather the pieces. Like a heavy fog that settles over me and draps me in confusion. Aching. Dull pain. Dispair. Fatigue. A disinterest. Not caring. Wanting, yearning, desiring, but not having. Wanting to hurt myself. Wanting to die. Wishing to sleep forever. Confusion. Searching. Hiding. Fear. Anxiety. Something. And nothing at all.

thine said it really well, I would describe myself in almost the same way. I would add that I feel like a burden to my husband and a curse on my little boy. I feel uselessness and worthlessness and I feel trapped inside of my mind.

Rebecca,
Numb, confused, jittery, fearfull, hopeless, unfocused, desparate, low, sad, isolated, reclusive, gosh the list goes on. loss of interest, loss of self, I feel like I have totally failed my family, unable, tired, achy, brain fried, overwelmed over the smallest task, unclean, haven't brushed my teeth for days.
you are not suffering alone, and it is crippling suffering and coping with depression.

I hope you are able to find some peace, (((Rebecca))). I'm sorry you are going through this.

I guess when my depression is really bad, I'd say it feels like I'm stuck in a black hole and that I'd be better off not being here. I also feel like I've totally lost that person I used to be and wonder where on earth she is.

msolson81

I feel like that way too, I'm not the person I used to be. it sucks doesn't it.

More than I think I can even grasp

Yes, I know of what you speak. We cannot give up. Getting past being depressed about being depressed allows us to work on more substantive issues that will help us through the malaise.

I have found working on these questions to be of benefit:

Five questions

Ask yourself the following questions every day:

1. What am I thankful for today?
2. What did I learn today?
3. Where did I do a good job?
4. Who was I valuable to today?
5. How did I take care of myself today?

What am I thankful for?

Character includes being honest, honorable, and appreciative. It is giving fair return for what you receive and not taking what isn't yours. I've moved thanks to a different area, just as I've moved helping people.
Appreciating what you have and receive enlightens your spirit and shows your character. A person who is thankful is often a person who is good.
You can be thankful for such little things as:

• I'm thankful that had a good breakfast this morning
• I'm thankful that my leg doesn't hurt any more
• I'm thankful that I have some good friends

Ask yourself: "What am I thankful for today?"

What did I learn?

You should be able to learn something every day, no matter how old you are. Observe and be curious. There is so much to learn in life.
There are many things you learn:

• I learned a better way to use the Internet browser
• I learned where I can buy clothes on sale
• I learned a new skill at work

Ask yourself: "What did I learn today?"

Where did I do a good job?

Doing high quality work in what you do is important to you and to others. This includes improving the way you do things.
Look at good areas and where you can improve:

• I did a good job on my homework
• I did my best in painting the fence, but I could improve
• I was very thorough in cleaning out the garage

Ask yourself: "Where did I do a good job today?"

Who was I valuable to?

Helping others get what they want makes you valuable. This includes taking an interest in what someone has to say, being friendly, and being considerate.
There are many situations in which you have been valuable to others:

• I was valuable at work by helping the company make a profit
• I was valuable to my little daughter by playing with her
• I was valuable to the checkout clerk by being friendly to her

Ask yourself: "Who was I valuable to today?"

How did I take care of myself?

Taking care of yourself means that you made an effort to be healthy. You may have eaten healthy foods, exercised, or avoided abusing your body with bad substances.
Check on how well you have taken care of yourself:

• I took care of myself by avoiding eating those greasy--but tempting--bacon strips
• I took care of myself by doing some moderate exercise today
• I took care of myself by washing my hands before eating

Ask yourself: "How did I take care of myself today?"

Answering questions

You don't really have to formally answer these questions to feel good. Just asking them sets your subconscious mind in motion. You can't help it, but you will give yourself an answer to each question.
Writing down the answers is probably more effective in the short run, but human nature dictates that most people would soon stop writing things down after a while. The most important thing is to ask the five questions. Try to do it every day, perhaps at the end of the day.
They are reminders to keep you on the right path.

It works

These five questions summarize what life is about. By asking yourself the questions and subconsciously answering them or being reminded of the way to be, you will improve your life.
They are reminders. They're a form of affirmation. They let you realize that you doing well and feeling better about yourself.

Summary

Ask yourself the five champion questions and answer them if you can. Try to do this every day, if you can. Your perspective on life will change, so you move toward more fulfillment.

I think everything I feel has been listed. All I want to do is sleep all day and then I am up all night. My head, neck, and shoulders hurt. I feel like someone is inside trying to claw their way out. I feel hopeless. I can't make the easiest dicision. I spend money. I cry. I have lost intrest in everything I used to love. I have become a hermit. I have no friends.

Hang in there

those questions were really great questions, and so simple to follow, I lean on my faith daily and always say what I am thankful for. those questions can be asked no matter what you are facing, your post was very inspiring. thank you.

gosh I'm so tired today, I didn't take my sleep meds last night, and boy I paid for it, nightmares all night and waking up feeling like I didn't sleep.

I'm thankful for the sleep I get when I take my medication,.

Hopeless, you have cyber friends here. I know what it feels like to have no friends, it's hard. I lost close friends to my conditions and I avoid all sorts of gatherings and events because of it too. So hang in there too.

Rebecca, (great name--it's my middle name)
Thank you for asking this question. I have never really tried to describe it. It helps me to verbalize.
Depression feels like an unbearably heavy weight is pressing down on my chest. Often it is a physical feeling. It feels like saddness, gloominess, desperation. I feel like I need to do something drastic in order to get it off. It can feel like anger. At one time in past, I might would binge drink or cut myself but it has been awhile since I have reacted that way. Now I may scream or yell or hit the wall or just cry silently. Sometimes I can't wake up and I just have nightmares and I'll sleep 12 hrs/a day. I might sit in front of the TV, not really paying attention. I might listen to sad songs over and over again and make myself cry...anything to relieve the weight in my chest, in my soul.
I hope that you can receive some healing and stop harming yourself more by using and other negative coping mechanisms. I hope that the fuzziness lifts itself so you can at least get a little painting or something...there is a little light, and we have to cling to that light.
((((rebecca))))

I feel all the same things you do. Sometimes I have to force myself to get moving. My depression is much better than a few years ago. I know the real me is inside fighting to come out. I will not let my depression consume me. I ask God to give me strength to get through another day. My smile will come back again. Yours will too.

It is like I haven't been to sleep in days every morning when I wake up, only it doesn't go away like it used to. I can sleep anywhere, any time of the day, for as long as life will let me. I pray not to wake up most of the time, but that only leaves me weighted down with guilt.
I feel like an ingrate without any sign of hope. If I could find a way to switch places with someone who deserves everything I have been given, I would in a heartbeat. I've spent so long trying to make the best of my blessings, but I just sink further down into this pit of possessions and temporary fixes.

I so wish I could give someone else my life. Someone who would love and be grateful for it and would do something worthwhile with it. I feel like a waste.

thine self untrue.

That was sad to read that you felt like giving your life to someone else. I feel for you, you are not a waste at all. hang in there.

Hey hey hey.
Total loss of confidence, physical capabilties severely reduced (every simple task becomes a disaster), like everyone hates me, seeing/hearing things (not serious, just on the peripheral, as it were), every second's an agonising, torturing struggle, headaches, heavy breathing, palpitations, loss of appetite/interest in food, not wanting to talk to or be near anyone, total loss of trust, loss of concentration/focus (which sucks at school), like nothing will ever go right, a feeling of complete loss of control, feeling like a failure, feeling like a horrible person who should be shunned, feeling like a burden to everyone, wanting every second to run away and never have to deal with anyone or talk to anyone again, and desperately desperately uncomfortable.

It changes though. Sometimes it's extreme bitterness, sometimes extreme hoplessness, sometimes extreme paranoia/insecurity/neuroticism. . . . .

Stuff like that

My pdoc says I have treatment resistant depression.....in simple English, nothing works.

My depression is a deep, dark, never ending sadness that sucks the life out of me. It's as if someone has reached inside and is twisting my heart until it hurts. It hurts, physically hurts. It is always there lurking in the shadows of my existence waiting for me to let my guard down so it can pounce once again.

Tears are my traveling companion through this never ending sadness. Why the tears? I don't know but they are always there. I buy tissues by the case and sometimes that isn't even enough to last a week. Even with all the tissues used I still feel no relief

I know all the "things" I should be doing for myself but there doesn't seem a purpose. Do things that give you a belief in yourself. Repeat phrases of encouragement over and over until you believe them. Why?

Without meds, I can't sleep. My brain just keeps going never taking a break from the sorrow. Today, tomorrow, the next, everyday is exactly the same.

Since 2001, I've had over 65 different meds and combinations there of. I've had regular monthly visits to the local mental resort facilities. In 2005 I under went ECT treatments. Right now I'm on a combo of drugs that allows me to function. I'm still not living but the drugs give me the ability to function. I'm so lucky??

Words you will never here me say: "Welcome to my world".

kebs

This is exactly EXACTLY how I feel. If you took 28, and made it 22, I would write the exact same thing.

Even though I do not want others to feel what I feel, it's oddly refreshing to know others feel EXACTLY how I feel. Thank you.

Really sorry to hear what you're going through Rebecca.

For me its the feeling of pointlessness, not being bothered, whats the point attitude, cant be bothered.

Inaction full stop.

Simply, I feel very negative and can be bothered to do things like brush my teeth properly or eat properly. However I dont feel like this all the time. Just sometimes.

Im coping though and I would like it to improve. Action is a big problem for me however.

Hope you feel better Rebecca.

For me, when my Depression is particularly bad, it just feels like complete nothingness. Devoid of everything, that makes me emotionally animated.

Basically what everyone has already written, but that I can never sleep. I'm lucky if I sleep for an hour a night, even if I take Benadryl. So... being depressed for me means all of the above, but being too sad to think of the words to describe it further.

I hope everyone feels better. Thanks for that post, Byzantine.

you have captured my worst depression exactly with your words - it is a wish to be nothingness -
it is an ugly place to be - I wish you wellness!

Rebecca, I know exactly how you feeling, the only thing that gets me out of bed is 6 rabbits and a cat, they need fed and toilet cleaned, I feel more for them than myself, then I go back to bed, I trying to work out what a "post" is, here, and it going to drive me back to bed if I cant solve it soon, find something (human or animal) to make you move, animals need humans so I recommend a pet

When I feel depressed, I often feel like im sort of not with it. I feel like the world is moving and everyones doing thier own thing but I am not. I just sit there feeling lonely with my thoughts as the only thing that will listen to me and myself as the only person that I can call a "friend". I feel numb or personalized to the point where I dont want to move. I just want to sit there and do nothing. I either feel sad or extremely emotionaly numb. Its like If I cant feel sad, I cant feel anything. I also feel hopeless and confused about my ownlife and I actualy feel like a big heavy boulder that cant budge. Just standing up feels like I am lifting piano. Depression really sucks and its just something we have to live with and treat.

I hope everyone has a fantastic week!

Roman