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#51
Oct 13, 2014, 07:56 PM
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I don't really mind. I don't miss him. I only miss the idea that I could find somebody who likes me. that idea was new and exciting and kept me going.
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#52
Oct 13, 2014, 08:01 PM
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Yeah, I get that. It will happen again though. Be patient, good things will still happen.
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 flours
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 flours
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#53
Oct 13, 2014, 08:14 PM
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"Fake it till you make it" often doesn't work, but you know what, sometimes it does.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman Major Depressive Disorder Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun. Recovering Alcoholic and Addict Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide. Male, 50 Fetzima 80mg Lamictal 100mg Remeron 30mg for sleep Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back |
| flours
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| flours
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#54
Oct 13, 2014, 08:36 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| flours
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| Angelique67, flours
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#55
Oct 14, 2014, 04:13 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
I felt he was afraid of me, though. which is horrible. :-( |
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#56
Oct 14, 2014, 05:17 AM
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Ugly or pretty, bad or good, everybody needs to be genuinily wanted or loved, and nobody likes to be seen mostly as a mean (to boost other people 's self esteem or whatever). Maybe he is not the most perceptive person in the world but anyway perhaps you gave some signals his subconscious got. Many things happen at subconscious level.
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| flours
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#57
Oct 14, 2014, 05:53 AM
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...actually that makes a lot of sense. too much pressure. that''s the whole secret. so I cannot do anything about it. |
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#58
Oct 14, 2014, 06:08 AM
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I do not judge you or get any conclusions about your behavior or values. From what you wrote, I got the impression that you considered him somehow inferior. I understood that you were hurt because a man uglier than you refused you. My question is why not?
On the other hand, it is true that we have to give an opportunity to guys that we don't like first sight.
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| flours
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#59
Oct 14, 2014, 06:21 AM
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true I didn't describe him in such a nice way. it is because I am surprised about being refused and I concentrate on all negative qualities. also maybe you know that you can still like somebody although normally you would think of everything about that person as bad but in that person it doesn't matter. I disliked things about him but I liked him anyway. that is I felt some strong general sympathy, or… I don't really know the right word in English… like friendliness. not being in love but being ready to learn more and be nice and wishing well. you know?
still I think it is right that if I want that nobody wants to be with me because it is asking too much of other people. it makes a lot of sense. still. ... well .... this is not cynicism ... I might actually be an egoistic *****. and that's a very good reason to run! |
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#60
Oct 14, 2014, 08:19 AM
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I do not think that you have a kind of fate that says that nobody will ever like to be with you. It does not make any sense. But you can take this as a learning step. Perhaps the guy has his own issues and who knows what kind of trigger the situation was for him. But, simply, if you did not feel attracted by him, he may have perceived it. And, if you somehow gave some indication of your dislikes, he may have felt he needed to stop seeing you. We all want to be admired and loved, it is an unconscious need. Naturally we have the tendency to refuse people that dislike us, unless our self esteem is deficient, IMO. Sometimes, we don't realize the multiple messages we send to the other. And dating puts us in a vulnerable spot.
The good thing is that you allow yourself having this experience. Maybe, you can also take the opportunity to revisit your responses or the way you behaved. Often you say stuff like if you had some intrinsic characteristic or components that makes you unlikable. Here at the forum you are very likeable and interesting to me, so ... Are you doing something that is eccentric or weird when you go out? I was thinking that maybe partially you may be doing or saying something you do not notice.
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| flours
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#61
Oct 14, 2014, 06:45 PM
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I don't think I am likable. thanks for saying that, though. what I said about the guy was really mean and arrogant. it's not fitting for me to think that about anyone.
actually I started to feel good about myself- like I was interesting and attractive. I never actually felt that way before. I don't now. I realize I was just being arrogant. there is actually so much weird about me I don't know how anyone could ever like me. but I don't know if I should like anybody myself. mostly I try not to because it's only bad. if I like people too much they are scared and stay away. if I like them a little it doesn't matter but we're not getting close. if I like them in a contradictory way it seems to be bad, too. sometimes I like myself being odd. and I like other people who are odd in their own way. I think it is attractive. but also I know that it is a reason for people not to be attracted to me. I hope I can find another weird person some time who accepts me. but if I think someone is weird it is already a reason not to be friends or anything. today it happened again I talked intensely to guys with girlfriends. I didn't specifically look for them! I think they come and talk to me and are very nice to me because I am not a girl to them but neutral or something. ...I really don't know how much longer I want to keep doing this... go out there, have some meaningless delusions about myself being accepted, or being able to do anything which is not completely ridiculous. there is neither a job for a person like me nor a place in society nor any sympathy by anyone who realizes what I am like. I am just pretending all the time. but I don't know how long I can maintain this illusion for myself and anyone else. Last edited by flours; Oct 14, 2014 at 07:24 PM. |
| Lemon Curd
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#62
Oct 14, 2014, 07:42 PM
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For you, i wish you to be proud of your weirdness and send those that do not accept your weirdness to hell. But it is sometimes too hard to live in that way. So, it is perfectly legitimate for you to want to adapt your behavior to the mainstream. Maybe it is just a detail, for example I knew some girls that were marvelous but when they dated some guy their anxiety got too high. They called the guy too many times and we're super available. In that way, the guy got scared or unmotivated. It was a pity.
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| Lemon Curd
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| Angelique67, flours, Lemon Curd
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#63
Oct 15, 2014, 04:10 AM
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no, no. I was the most charming person I can possibly be. not in an intimidating way, still relaxed. I genuinely liked myself when we met and I had a genuinely good attitude towards him and the whole world. I started to feel really good about myself then. that's why i wrote that earlier. I thought I was an interesting person then. and I felt good about all the things I am now ashamed of. I felt comfortable that I didn't have the impression the guy was perfect either.
sometimes I feel I look horrible and I only imagine myself to look good and sometimes it is the other way around. I cannot tell though. I change my mind about this. I didn't make any obvious mistake. we talked during the whole night. neither of us planned to stay out long. and I had a good feeling. I know there doesn't need to be a reason. it's like the lottery or something. everything is just getting too exhausting and I don't want to continue. everything is useless and I want it to stop and not play this game anymore. this is so exhausting it already drained all of my willpower. I don't know how I managed earlier to lift myself up and try and try again and to feel good about anything. I meet my T today but don't know anything I would like to talk about. I don't want to tell her that whole story. I am just sick of myself and everything. it makes me sick being with myself. I just want to sleep. |
| Lemon Curd
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#64
Oct 15, 2014, 05:14 AM
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I am sorry you have to go through this alone irl
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| flours
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#65
Oct 15, 2014, 07:37 AM
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Quote:
I read many posts here by people who have families and do not live alone. and they don't seem to have a better time because of them. so I guess the only difference is that I don't have to worry about anyone around. I can cry if I want to, not shower, live in a mess and nobody feels annoyed by it. haven't talked to my family on the phone in days or weeks either. I don't remember. |
| Lemon Curd
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#66
Oct 15, 2014, 08:02 AM
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True. Sometimes people do not get it. Not that is a consolation, but dating is particularly mobilizing and sometimes complicated for many people. Romantic movies show lovely moments that we would like to recreate but reality can be far away from our dreams. In the past, I tried to focus on the advantages I had (I was not married, no children and probably I would never be, but I had my freedom then I worked hard and went overseas).
Anyway, none of those memories of past achievements are helpful right now. I am just depressed and life is hard
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| flours, Lemon Curd
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| Lemon Curd
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#67
Oct 15, 2014, 08:16 AM
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okay, I will tell you something good now:
life is not far away from these movies. I don't mean it in a delusional way. I am very realistic, I think. things in real life are basically the same for me than in movies. they just look a little differently because it's not played by the same actors and people in real life don't say so cheesy things and have ridiculous haircuts. but I can have the same feelings about real life as about movies. I guess that's something good because I don't feel life is any less interesting than movies or dreams. just more physical. thanks for reminding. hope that was any helpful to anyone. |
| Clara22, Lemon Curd
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| Clara22, Lemon Curd
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#68
Oct 15, 2014, 08:29 AM
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Thank you for this! You are right. Life can be even better than movies
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| flours, Lemon Curd
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| flours, Lemon Curd
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#69
Oct 15, 2014, 10:24 AM
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saw my T. first time ever I feel a lot worse after. a lot.
:-( 
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| Lemon Curd
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#70
Oct 15, 2014, 10:30 AM
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Hang on in there, Flours!
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| flours
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| flours
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#71
Oct 15, 2014, 10:41 AM
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Wow, what happened?
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#72
Oct 15, 2014, 10:56 AM
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it's my fault.
I tried to explain what has been happening but it's just too much to squeeze into one meeting and we talked about the many different issues superficially. for example I said people never like me if I like them and she said maybe it is not the kind of people I should be with. so I can never be with those I particularly like? that upset me a lot! so what's the ****ing point in life then? we talked about alcohol too because I was concerned about drinking too much. so I should stop or watch it at least very carefully. sure this is reasonable and I think the same. but now I officially have to care about one more thing. there are so many things I have to control all the time I feel there is nothing pleasant left and it also keeps me busy a lot. I think this is going to cut me off social interaction. I am afraid. tomorrow I am invited to a party. maybe I shouldn't go then. it all looks pretty dull. |
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#73
Oct 15, 2014, 11:02 AM
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No, go to the party. But alternate alcohol with club soda so you don't get drunk. Or something. Tell the therapist you felt things were too superficial this time, next time you go. See how they take it. Good luck with the therapy!
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| Clara22, flours
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#74
Oct 15, 2014, 02:51 PM
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on thursday I thought this was a bad moment. but actually since then every day has gotten a little worse. how come it's going so quickly? am I doing this?
is there anything I could do right now to prevent this from happening? I don't want this to happen. I was totally fine last week. now I am back to sleeping excessively long, avoiding eye-contact and moving really slowly. okay, I will stop the drinking. maybe cleaning my apartment will help. sometimes I feel better after doing that. I cooked a nice meal for myself today, I bought flowers and put them on the table and I went running. did that to do something that makes me feel things are good and normal. there are other things I should get done but there comes the pressure. so maybe one at a time… maybe… I will try writing. T also said I should get something to do that is not work-related. |
| Lemon Curd
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| Lemon Curd
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#75
Oct 15, 2014, 03:18 PM
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Quote:
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| Lemon Curd
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| Lemon Curd
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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