[Artchic528]

I'll never get Mr. Right back...he's gone forever....

[H-H-H-H]

[waterknob1234]

Originally Posted by H-H-H-H

I think a lot of us put on our "masks" to hide the truth of how we feel. Nobody really seems to understand depression unless they have been there.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by waterknob1234

I think a lot of us put on our "masks" to hide the truth of how we feel. Nobody really seems to understand depression unless they have been there.

Exactly....

Mood is not too bad today, although I'm in a bad fibromyalgia flare (bad pain in legs mainly). Coffee always seems to make me feel a little better mood-wise for a little while, and I'm drinking coffee right now.

Today have to go to the grocery store, vet and cook dinner. Not sure if I'll walk to dogs or go to the AA meeting. May all be challenging given the flare.

Editing to say I just found out that I'll start volunteering at the museum next Tuesday! Hopefully this will increase my feelings of accomplishment and give me a chance for more social interaction. Just have to be really careful with exercise so I don't get into fibromyalgia flare that will impact my ability to do the work. Wondering if I should go to the Humane Society volunteer orientation Saturday or just stick with the museum for now . . .

[H-H-H-H]

i've been feeling good.

amazed how fast today seems to have gone

[Angelique67]

I took a Cymbalta and I think I'm committed to just trying it and see if the nervousness wears off after 3 or 4 days. I really need the pain relief it did help with when I was in the hospital. But typing on my phone seems a lot harder. I'm trying to do it too fast.

I'm in a lot of pain today. Physically, I feel horrible - headache, unrested because I didn't get a lot of sleep. No energy. I have this horrible mental fog, I really can't seem to focus well on anything and my vision is odd in a way I can't explain - I guess this is from staring at a screen all day. Emotionally, I feel like I just wanna get out of here. I can't take this anymore. I know I've said that before, but I mean it now. I can't even write. It's killing me and it will succeed sooner or later. I'm going to shower now.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

I'm in a lot of pain today. Physically, I feel horrible - headache, unrested because I didn't get a lot of sleep. No energy. I have this horrible mental fog, I really can't seem to focus well on anything and my vision is odd in a way I can't explain - I guess this is from staring at a screen all day. Emotionally, I feel like I just wanna get out of here. I can't take this anymore. I know I've said that before, but I mean it now. I can't even write. It's killing me and it will succeed sooner or later. I'm going to shower now.

I think you'll feel worlds better if you can get to that clinic and get treated for the depression. That's what they're there for! Lots of hugs!

[angelene]

I wish today was over and done with.

[tz90]

Stayed awake last night. I have to write a paper for uni and the deadline is coming closer and closer, but I still can't start writing. Hate this and I just can't be assed with that crap. Nobody's going to read my paper anyway except for my supervisor.

[regretful]

It just won't leave me...this darn depression...

[Angelique67]

Not sure if I can build up momentum on the Cymbalta. I feel so dizzy now. I'm scared. Basically just terrified. And tired.

Very depressed. Got in an argument with someone earlier. We yelled at each other. We both cried. I feel guilty, depressed, hopeless... Life is pointless

So much for staying out of the depression. I'm in pain, I don't know why, maybe it is nothing. I'm so tired, everything that could go wrong is going wrong. One minute I'm hoping and thinking of nothing but the moment and I'm thinking "I'm okay", a bit later my son is kicking me in the store. And he is no small boy. Getting tired of being a mommy. Sounds bad to mothers who read this, but I'm tired. It has been almost 2 and half years, with very and I mean very few breaks where he has seen his dad. Now I'm not feeling well, and I think I'm losing it. Ever feel like you are on the brink of insanity? That's where I am at this moment. Too tired to make supper, but who the h else is going to make it, like for most of my whole life? I know complaints complaints... I am losing it.

[TheOriginalMe]

My mood just plummeted, all I want to do is cry but I haven't the energy for more than a few unsatistfying tears.

The only way out I can think of is to stop eating and waste away, it would be very,very, slow as I'm not skinny. I don't even know if that is just a wish or if I'm serious. Maybe it is like the sui and si thoughts, another torment to make this illness even more cruel.

I would love to run away, but depression would hitch a ride on my shoulders, there is no escape, this is forever.

[Bimmer01]

This is a pretty rough time of the year for everyone. Less sun, cold temps, S.A.D...On top of that, I made a huge a career mis-step last year and went from a satisfying job with a great boss to a boring job with a nasty, stress-inducing boss. A depressed person's worst nightmare. They take your feelings of inadequacy and just ratchet them up even tighter.

I've been trying to force feed myself positive thoughts. Whenever I make a grim prediction of the future or tell myself that I'm worthless or stupid, I try to picture Frau Farbissina from Austin Powers shouting "LIES ALL LIES!"

I've also gotten more in touch with my religion. I realize not everyone believes in that, but FWIW, it helps me. I believe that sometimes bad things happen to us to teach us a lesson. Suffering is inevitable no matter who you are, but if you learn something in the midst of the suffering about life, then it was not in vain.

I still have thoughts about self harm or suicide, but when a suicidal wave of depression hits you, you just have to brace for it and wait for it to pass.

[Ruftin]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

I would love to run away, but depression would hitch a ride on my shoulders, there is no escape, this is forever.

Where ever we go, there we'll be....Sad but true.

[herethennow]

------------ trigger warning -------------------

so school upon seeing my very long leave given by the hospital (i asked for special consideration in exams marking) told me it would be better if i defer my exams. so i deferred one, and would have to take it next semester...

while part of me is relieved that i would have more time to study.. the negative part of me is chiding myself. feeling quite bummed about it actually.. like this testifies im a failure, i can never do things right.. i would never be on par with my peers, doing an exam at the same time... and those thoughts just runs in my head with no breaks.

this feels like there's no end to this depression. even when i know people around me is helping, it just feels like no end. trying to hold myself back by si, but seriously wishing i could just end it all.

[herethennow]

... (don't know why it double posted)

[Turtlesoup]

Originally Posted by herethennow

------------ trigger warning -------------------

so school upon seeing my very long leave given by the hospital (i asked for special consideration in exams marking) told me it would be better if i defer my exams. so i deferred one, and would have to take it next semester...

I had to withdraw from college in my last year due to my myriad of issues- so I know how you feel-but I was able after taking time off to go back & finish & graduate with honors-so if I could do it you can too Please don't be so hard on yourself-this is no different than if you missed school because you had pneumonia-take care

Things can change, but it is hard to hang on sometimes. Just remember, (kind of talking to myself, kind of hoping to help), pain isn't forever, good things eventually happen. I'm so thankful for the support here. We all are. If it hadn't been for this forum, to release my feelings and get support, I may not have made it. It is a difficult life, but there has to be some beauty in it. I see it here, this place, even though people are suffering we reach out to each other.

[Bark]

herethennow, I know how you feel. I've had to miss several final exams and write them later. Once I failed a course, redid it, and needed another semester to actually finish it. Every time someone asks me when I'm graduating, I get embarrassed. I shouldn't, but I do. Sometimes I say I'm taking it slow, and they're understanding. Most people my age have graduated. But there's no use in dwelling on it. One foot in front of the other.

[herethennow]

Originally Posted by Turtlesoup

I had to withdraw from college in my last year due to my myriad of issues- so I know how you feel-but I was able after taking time off to go back & finish & graduate with honors-so if I could do it you can too Please don't be so hard on yourself-this is no different than if you missed school because you had pneumonia-take care

thanks bark and turtlesoup.. i know there is a part of me that is telling myself that i need this break, that i cant take exams in this state. but the negativity seems to be louder...

really not looking forward to meeting pdoc and telling him this matter. during the time i was in crisis, he pushed for deferment but i keep insisting on taking the exams. and now, this...

even though i am smiling infront of people, inside of me is screaming.. forever chiding myself. things just got worse ever since i got out of the hospital. i don't know whether i need that place again...

si is going on at a worser rate, and the episodes have been worse. and the urges to end it all have been really...