Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

I care about you. Please don't give up.

it hurts.

Hang in there, nevergoodenough. You have a lot of people on this site that care about your wellbeing and are here for support.

[TheOriginalMe]

Today was less bad than Thursday, but less good than yesterday, I'm still bouncing around in the mood basement of life. Eventually I will stop bouncing and come to rest, maybe one day I'll have the strength to crawl back out.

[Sirensong18]

shypoetgirl it's hard for me too in the Winter time when there is not enough sunlight. I was glad to walk home from work during the hour before sunset today, got to feel it shining on my face for a while.

My day - too many ups and downs. I've been pretty down lately, especially at work which is hard to deal with when I'm supposed to be helping petty people with their petty first world problems.

I got a chance to vacuum the living room and bed room today, which was good since it hadn't been done since Christmas time. Seems odd to be happy about cleaning (I don't like housework) but it's a sense of accomplishment that at least I got something constructive done and the place looks nicer now as a result.

Hubby is making dinner, it smells yummy, and I'm trying to keep a positive attitude and monitor my 'self thoughts' to ensure I'm not being negative or beating myself up. I hope everyone has a nice evening.

[Turtlesoup]

Extremely fatigued today-my contributions have been minimal at best-with all I have been doing I have finally hit a big wall-whack. Hopefully a little more downtime will revive me. So sorry for all those that are having a rough evening

[boomerango]

I am grateful for this site. the support between people is such a source of strength and comfort to me. Thank you everyone!

I'm getting really lonely with my husband gone since Thursday. Can't wait for him to be home tomorrow night. Yesterday my get together with my friend only lasted about an hour. We went for about an hour walk and then weren't hungry enough to grab a bite to eat, so we went our separate ways.

Then last night was pretty bad with my being-alone-in-the-dark phobia. The time until I took my bedtime medication passed soooo slowly.

Today I'll be going with my friend to see American Sniper. Then we planned on getting something to eat. I don't have to leave for that for 6 hours. Not much to do other than take the dogs for a walk, maybe read the book I picked up at the library yesterday.

[IcryWhoAmI]

Everythings going downhill. It was all going good for a while and I started to think that maybe I could have a future, but I guess I was just fooling myself.

[Ruftin]

mad world ... sad world ... hide my head ... want to drown my sorrow ... no tomorrow

I wish I didn't feel so bleak about the future. If I could only get excited about it or something, then maybe these coming months would be easier to live through, knowing, at least, that better days are coming for me. But I don't feel like better days are coming at all, and I have no hope for the future whatsoever. I can't see myself doing anything or ever making it out of here. It all looks very unpromising and hopeless.

[Turtlesoup]

Got some sleep last night so I'm going to pace myself today so I don't get so worn down. Have some errands to run in a bit & dishes & laundry-think I will bake something chocolate today. Feel ok but not great. Still have not washed my hair but I keep telling myself today-but it's been a lot of todays since that happened.

Chiming in again to say I just got some bad news. I know I should be grateful that my parents left me a trust to give me money every month - - and I am - - but effective this month, the amount is decreasing by about $150. That's a big drop.

My husband probably won't be thrilled to hear about this. I REALLY need to get this job that I just interviewed for. Yes, the amount was increased by $60 per month for horseback riding lessons, but I really need that extra $60 now for other expenses.

Darn!

[angelene]

Feeling blue and inarticulate.

[hope2010]

Feeling dizzy, foggy mind, I am not sad. I am up set with myself because I can't pass over my dizziness and the fear of going out. Driving again was my goal few days ago, now I had have learned that I am so dizzy because of my daily dose of Lamictal.

I will keep taking because help me a lot. But the side effects are hard to cope.

Sooner or later with my Psychiatrist will will figures out the right dose. Hug to you all

[Rose76]

Still recovering from what I guess was the flu, and it's slow going. I have no interest in doing anything but staying in bed. I'm not sure how much of this is depression verses how much is from being genuinely sick.

I have to go to the store for my friend, as he is out of some of the basics and can't go shopping for himself. He is probably running out of clean clothes, but I'm not up to doing laundry.

I'm sort of depressed.

[TheOriginalMe]

A bit lower again today, despite my taking the time to rest and relax yesterday. I spent 2 hours job hunting this morning, I really needed those 2 hours for other things, I guess I wouldn't mind so much if I'd found something to apply for, but I didn't.

I wish I knew what to do, give up on the idea of job hunting until my mood improves or carry on with what seems like a futile task, that consumes my spare time and is leading nowhere fast. Certainly, the disappointment of not finding jobs to apply for makes me feel more hopeless, so it becomes a battle between looking after my mental health or look after my future.

[Jolisse]

I'm feeling unbearable sadness and can't stop crying.

Today was a busy and OK day today. I went to church this morning and a elderly gentleman sat in the pew in front of me. He was by himself. In seeing him, I felt like I wanted to die because I felt sorry for him; and in thinking for myself, I could be just like that when I'm his age. He was hunched over and hard of hearing. He didn't seem to say much. I felt bad that I couldn't talk to him much.

I will be off from work next week. But I am not looking forward to it. I would much rather be at my job. I have some doctor consultations lined up for me next week to make a decision on what I have to do. I have been feeling so depressed about it, and been having bad dreams. I have to drag myself out of bed each morning.

I've had plenty of notices from the new management here. First one was nice, never had that the owners of this building sent a christmas card. Then, a week later, a paper in an envelope. So, I'm thinking, what is this.. feeling a little dread as I know they are upgrading some apartments and selling them as condo's. Thankfully, it was just a statement of what was paid in rent over the past year. Never had that before either. Then about 3 days later, another envelope under the door. I'm thinking what the heck. It was "the rent is increasing by such an amount"... this was getting me upset as I already pay more than I can afford, but I manage it. Then, another few days and another envelope. Inspection in a little over 24 hours. Thank you. Gee they really no how to get people a bit frustrated. So today I'm up early and want to clean, its not really bad but I don't like random people coming in to my home and looking around. Already had that last year, and the guy took pictures (new owner management), but they didn't explain that to me, and I find that offensive. Because they don't need pictures of my things.
At least it was very tidy then. I've been very tired and sore and don't have the energy to make the place look real nice.

Ups, yesterday I went to church and caught up with a nice friend. I went to walmart and bought an orchid. I've never had one, I doubt it will survive long because of our winter with not much sunlight. I made my mom laugh, which for her is rare in her life, because she had depression and major anxiety her whole life, well at least from my life and what I know. But she won't change her thinking, and never would. Always looking at the negative. I swore I wouldn't be a mom like her, and I'm not. So I have to get out of my thinking that everything is depressing. I don't like pills, and I don't like the side effects, but I think there isn't a choice at the moment. I don't know, I wasn't bad with a smaller dose of quetiapine for sleep and 5 mg of diazepam, but lately I have been using the antidepressant and I don't want to depend on it. It's drying me out like nuts.

Well I've had my coffee but I wish someone could force me to go finish the dishes and get the vacuum running. And eat breakfast, yuck.

I don't know why, but I'm having another day where I just don't feel like doing anything and am not looking forward to the day. Kind of tired. Just feel like crawling back into bed even though I know I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. I'm trying to bear in mind the day I felt like this last week but then things turned around once I actually got out and did something. In other words, I'm not doomed to feel like this all day.

Have an appointment with my pdoc today, which is good because I hopefully can finally get off Effexor, which is causing sexual side effects. Other than that, planned on going jog/walking with my dog Belle and to an AA meeting.

I am looking forward to my husband coming home from his trip tonight. It's been a long stretch in this house by myself for most of the time.

[avlady]

nevergoodenough i care!!!

[angelene]

There is a blizzard going on outside. I wish I could have the same feelings about that as I did when I was a kid. School closed, playing in the snow, woo hoo!
Instead a feel like I'm stuck beneath all that snow.

[Nammu]

Made it to the SC center and did the cardio workout. 45 min of that and 10 min on the threadmill. I have to do somethings from a seated position but I got out of the house and got there and that's huge for me. Friday and now today! My goal is at least twice a week to start with and increase to more as I'm able.

It really does help the day.

feeling somewhere in the middle

not good and not bad

but more like just going through the motions

nothing gained nothing lost

i'm not sure. i haven't been able to do anything for years and was ready to admit defeat and just live out life on my own, in this state, for as long as it lasted. in hiding and apathetic.

a family member gave me a brochure for a partial hospitalization program sometime back and i finally qualify this year with my new insurance. i decided on a whim to contact the facility today. i am not hopeful. i don't feel much of anything. but i am surprised at myself for taking some initiative when it truly feels like i don't care. maybe i do care on some deeper level or convinced myself i don't care because it's easier that way. i hope they get back to me. i emailed them because calling seemed overwhelming. we'll see what happens.