[jnone]

I'm so alone, I'm surrounded by people and so brutally alone

In a terrible fibromyalgia flare. So sore, fatigued and lightheaded I could just cry. My husband wanted to go out to breakfast this a.m. and then grocery shopping, but I just don't have it in me. Not sure what I'll do besides watch the Packer playoff game later.

No matter how I feel tomorrow I have to make the journey to ECT. I cancelled last time and don't want to do it again.

[herethennow]

not doing so well.

quite anxious coming the exams that are coming up (i still have 3, deferred 1). nothing is going in.

been si-ing alot these days... guess it helps to release things. unhealthy, i know.

on another note, i hate it that meds do nothing, except for 1: make me unable to cry. sometimes i do cry, but i find that in the midst of it i just stop because i.. can't. and i hate it. if one healthy way of finding catharsis is gone... then.....

[Angelique67]

Having a ton of anxiety. It hits at night worst but it's the 24/7 kind. Scared about my health and the bleak future I have now.

Sent from my A0001

[worthit]

Apparently I scheduled an appointment for the cardiologists for my dad at 3:45. It gets dark at 4 40 here. So I'm really nervous about driving at night. I wish I didn't have to take him so late. But there must have been no way around it that must have been the only time they had. So I'm really nervous about it and may take a nap in before I take him

I am so insanely jealous of people who have futures ahead of them.

I'm young (18) but that doesn't mean I have a future.

Not one worth looking forward to, anyway.

[Nammu]

Yesterday and today....so far, I've been able to get on line from home. We'll see if it's gotten warmed up and running or if this is just a weekend thing .

I'm doing pretty good(I don't want to say I'm doing really good cause I feel like I'll jinx things if I do) except for two days I've gotten up and dressed, even if I didn't go anyplace. I want to keep that up, even though it feels silly to bother when I've no place to be or anyone to see. I do feel better having gotten dressed for the day.

I'm trying to be a good mom. It isn't horrible, just didn't get any breaks, well almost none, for the past 2 and half years with him. He has one set of grandparents, and that's my mom and dad, and they are too sick to take him. He's 14, so kind of old for any programs that might be around (checked, he used to have a support worker but they can't find any in this small town.)
I'm mostly tired with my health, don't know of anything else for sure yet. My gp finally said "I care about you." hmph, I don't mind, but gee it kind of says something, that he didn't care before, because until I demanded help for the pain and the mri, he didn't write down my symptoms.
My dad is hanging in, but hints too much in not just words, but actions, that he isn't going to be around. I guess I've always known he gets very depressed himself. Mom is losing her appetite and has alzheimer's., so I worry about them.
I need to take care of myself but I can barely eat lately.
At least I'm doing the basics, getting groceries, bills paid, laundry and cooking for my son, and supporting him more with school. Life just seems too hard lately.

[waterknob1234]

Work was somewhat better last week for the first time in a long time. I don't expect the improvements to last. I had a long reprieve from migraines but this morning I had one. I am having too many nightmares. I don't know if this is caused by medication or what but the bad dreams are so disturbing. I still have a vague anxiety.

well that's just ridiculous, coming to check on the thread. I didn't press the thanks button shypoetgirl, must have glitched. weird. anyways, i need some motivation... there is none today

[TheOriginalMe]

I feel so inadequate, not enough time, too much to do, not enough sleep.

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

I feel so inadequate, not enough time, too much to do, not enough sleep.

Exactly. I know this problem too well.

[justwalking]

I'm really pooped today. I have been on call all week. It has been quiet until last night. I got several calls. Then I get one at 2 am. These calls where ones that have to be confirmed by management. My manager wouldn't answer his phone. (I am sure he was out partying. He is that sort) This caused the call center to keep calling me back even though there was nothing I could do until he was contacted. Made for a very long night.

To top that all off, today my car popped some belts. So I had to fix that. Parts cost was just at $56 bucks. Mind you I just had to shell out $100 bucks for new tires on the front of the car. Had to dip into my vacation fund. grrr.

I am dealing with that ok, but I feel very wore out.
Oh well tomorrow is my last day on call so plans are to allow myself to rest Tuesday night.

An OK kind of day today. Went to church. Following the service I was at the table where the water and lemonade are. As I was serving myself, a homeless woman came along, and she asked me to pour some lemonade into a cup. So I did, but I wanted to say something to her. I ended up being very tongue-tied. I felt terrible about that because I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say something helpful to her. It seemed like the people didn't talk to her, also. I personally feel that being homeless can happen to anyone, including me. Unfortunately these days it can happen to those who mean well in life and just have bad breaks that's overpowering to them. I hope and pray that I would get another chance to see her again. I wanted a chance to do something good for someone, and it slipped right by me. My problem is that I am very shy with strangers.

Took a two hour bike ride today and it was a nice day to do it. But I had struggled a lot with health anxiety. My friend and I got together after the church service only briefly. We had a discussion about my little health issue that I have and it upset me a lot.

At least I have tomorrow off from work, which is nice. My friend and I plan on getting together. I hope that tomorrow will go better than Saturday.

Woke up at 2 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep. This always happens when I can't take my Xanax at bedtime the night before ECT. I need to ask my ECT pdoc for a sleep aid that I CAN take.

Don't know how tired I'll be today so not sure what I'll do today. Could go to AA meeting at noon. Need to take a drive and drop off a book I borrowed at a friend's workplace. Not really sure what else.

I dread ECT. It seems like my husband's always pissed at me too. I really need to say something to him.

[tigersassy]

I'm not doing to well today. Feel like crying. My brain is still trying to process this chronic condition that is cancer. I think that's what's bothering me today. It started yesterday. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. No one understands what a big deal this is to me. I'm 27 and I have a cancer that will go into remission, but I'll have to treat it forever. It's not treatable in treatments it's everyday forever. I won't be able to have kids because of the med I have to take everyday. Therapy is helping, but I still have times where it gets me. Like now. Can I just not be strong for a little bit?

[Artchic528]

What's the point?

Now not only do I feel like ****, but I look like it too. My acne has come back because I can no longer motivate myself enough to wash my face daily. My diet sucks because I'm too lazy to exercise and too much on an emotional eater to give up junk food. So I won't be losing any of the 100 or so pounds I need to lose to be a normal size. I always feel bad in some way.

[Artchic528]

I am loosing weight but even that doesn't seem to cheer me up. Also, what's the point in even trying to date if no guy will even talk to me? It makes me feel like I can't even be a female in the right way if I can't even attract a single man to so much as talk. I must not be female enough or something....

[Turtlesoup]

Wow more bad news from back home-one of the next door neighbor boys that I grew up with fell over dead with a massive heart attack-he was only a couple of years older than me-when we sold our 1st house when I was in high school he bought it so he would be close to his family. My cousin's funeral was yesterday-I feel sad when things like this happen & I'm too far away to attend. My hubby is doing well post op but I wish I had someone here to help me-eek I'm tired but I'm hanging in-mood is even-hope to kick back at some point today-so sorry for all those here who are struggling

[Nammu]

Ok just lost my long post

Wireles was just Saturday part of Sunday.

QQQ, do I have a sign on the front of my car that says ; please, please just cut right in front of me, I'll break. And another one in the back that says ; please tailgate, I love back seat drivers!
Don't get me wrong I love having the freedom I am getting from my now running car, just more nervous than ever about driving here.

That's all I remember

Had my psych appt. this morning. Same old. So, he says, what do you want to do about this? I'm like, well, what do you think? No answer. No new suggestions. So I had to be my own doctor again, and so I asked for the first anti depressant I tried. It had worked well, but that is long ago. Amitriptilyne.. we'll see tonight or tomorrow. Whether I can then stop the seroquel that has helped my appetite but messes with my blood sugars.

Ups, my oldest called. He is doing well. My younger, is doing well too. My health, I'm working on it.

depression is coming and going like tidal waves, it's strange.

[JustTvTroping]

Why is it so hard for me to cry? One of the only times I feel like crying and I can't do it and get rid of these feelings. Ugh...

[TheOriginalMe]

Tonight was only meant to be a flying visit to PC, but then I got distracted checking on threads and messages. I need to get some decent sleep tonight, so this must be my last post today

I am struggling, I'm faking it at the moment, hanging on pretending I can cope, I might be surviving, but I'm not convincing myself, even if other people are fooled.

[jnone]

EMDR earlier today, been a downhill slide all day.