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#601
Jan 23, 2015, 01:59 PM
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Failures after failures. Disappointment one after another. Maybe my thoughts were true - that I am not worth it and I would never succeed.. Never be able to get better.. Never be able to function as normal people do.
----- TRIGGER WARNING ----- the sui thoughts become more tempting and stronger.. and i just want to give up. End it all. Nothing I am doing is lessening the pain I feel inside - not even si. 
__________________
"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
 angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, hope2010, shezbut, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#602
Jan 23, 2015, 02:31 PM
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I thought I'ld be a lot better today and pretty much over feeling sick. But I'm still recovering and feeling weak and tired. I'm not depressed at the moment, though.
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| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous37914, Bark, boomerango, Clara22, hope2010, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#603
Jan 23, 2015, 02:41 PM
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I'm so bored with my life.
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| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, hope2010, TheOriginalMe
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#604
Jan 23, 2015, 04:41 PM
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I did it!
I set my alarm and got up, ate breakfast and went to the Senior citizens center for excersize. the first group was an overall step group...man it is embarrassing to have to sit for some of the actives when those much older than me were able to keep standing, but there was no judgments or anything like that, very comfortable. Instead of doing the second set I went to a weight loss suport group, it a very good group. Did the thread mill for 10 mins. Talked to a couple people then went to yoga. I'm sore but also feel more energized than I've felt in a long time. Over all a very positive experience, my goal is to go at least twice a week on Tuesdays and Fridays when there's yoga and tai chi, but the over all positive experience has me thinking of going more often. Definitely helps the day look brighter.
__________________
Nammu Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. ... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Anonymous37914, boomerango, Clara22, Rose76, SeekerOfLife, shezbut, TheOriginalMe
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 angelene, Angelique67, Bark, Clara22, Rose76, SeekerOfLife, shezbut, Turtlesoup
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#605
Jan 23, 2015, 05:42 PM
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Really really really really really depressed.
__________________
"I wanna sleep forever, but I keep waking up." - highly suspect |
| angelene, Anonymous100165, Anonymous37807, Anonymous37914, Bark, boomerango, Clara22, Nammu, shezbut, Turtlesoup
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#606
Jan 23, 2015, 06:22 PM
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I feel like utter s***.
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| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, Nammu, shezbut, Turtlesoup
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#607
Jan 23, 2015, 06:27 PM
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I seem to be alternating between horrible days and slightly less horrible days, today was not quite as bad as yesterday. I am going to accept that for what it was, a relief.
(((((((Clara22))))))) I am thinking of you and hoping that the right course of action becomes clear to you. Words are so inadequate, but in the PC world words and smilies are all we have.  
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| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, Nammu, Turtlesoup
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| angelene, Bark, Clara22, Nammu
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#608
Jan 23, 2015, 10:03 PM
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Every time I swallow it feels like a dagger down my throat. Can't sleep because eventually you have to swallow. I don't like taking medications unless I have to; I'm more inclined to tough it out. But if I don't fall asleep before dawn, I think I'll give in.
herethennow, I for one hope you don't give up. I know how it feels. And in the moment, it's hell on earth. I'm around if you ever want to talk. |
| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous37914, Clara22, herethennow, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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| herethennow
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#609
Jan 24, 2015, 12:53 AM
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A short work week and now the weekend is here. It seemed like it came quickly. Been feeling very depressed when I wake up to go to work. I like my job, but I feel depressed when the alarm goes off and it's dark getting up.
I have a week off on the first week of Feb. I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it because I have made doctor appointments. I have an illness that I feel that I need to take care of. Even though I feel fine and people say that I look great, I'm feeling my symptoms of my illness is acting up. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling so depressed and anxious. I am always thinking that the worst is really going to happen. Also I have been thinking about death (not suicide) a lot. But I am feeling that bumping myself off would be better than going through tortuous treatments that I am imagining that could happen to me. |
| angelene, Anonymous37807, Bark, boomerango, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#610
Jan 24, 2015, 04:39 AM
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--------------- trigger warning ----------------
if only i just cease to exist. then its just one less burden... meeting pdoc soon and should i bring this up, i know he'll alert family now that he has the contacts. but family's going through a lot of troubles now and mine are just trivial and i don't want to add to it.....
__________________
"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
| angelene, Anonymous37807, Bark, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#611
Jan 24, 2015, 07:19 AM
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Quote:
do bring them up with the Pdoc. keep posting here too so you can see we understand and suport you.
__________________
Nammu Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. ... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| avlady
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| angelene, Clara22, herethennow
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#612
Jan 24, 2015, 07:38 AM
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Quote:
I know that feeling, too. Especially regarding family.
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| avlady, Clara22
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| angelene, herethennow
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#613
Jan 24, 2015, 07:43 AM
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I ended up managing to fall asleep in the morning for a few hours.
Strepsils is making it worse because it's forcing me to swallow. Guess I should head to the pharmacy. I'm surprisingly awake despite the lack of sleep. |
| angelene, avlady, Clara22, herethennow, Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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#614
Jan 24, 2015, 08:07 AM
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I don't like it when my husband's out of town, as he is until Monday night. I miss the human interaction. Yesterday I went to an AA meeting and had lunch with a friend afterward but the rest of the time I was alone - - well, with the dogs but that's not the same as human company.
Today I'm going hiking with a friend and then somewhere for a meal but otherwise a lot of time alone. Same with tomorrow and Monday. It makes me appreciate him a lot more. Didn't get a call from the law firm about a second interview yet. Hoping that will happen next week. And at least I did some running yesterday but didn't get in a fibromyalgia flare from it. |
| angelene, avlady, Bark, Clara22, herethennow, Marla500, Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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| Bark, Turtlesoup
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#615
Jan 24, 2015, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
__________________
* Panic Disorder w/ Agoraphobia * Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder * Hoarder * Fibromyalgia * Major Depressive Disorder w/ Recurrent Major Depressive Episodes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I exist here. I must learn to walk in this world." |
| avlady
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| Clara22, herethennow
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#616
Jan 24, 2015, 12:05 PM
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I'm useless when it comes to most things. At this point I'm not even decorative.
__________________
* Panic Disorder w/ Agoraphobia * Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder * Hoarder * Fibromyalgia * Major Depressive Disorder w/ Recurrent Major Depressive Episodes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I exist here. I must learn to walk in this world." |
| avlady, Bark, Clara22, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#617
Jan 24, 2015, 12:11 PM
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i know, i feel really tired today even after 10 hours of sleep. i sleep alot anyway because of sleep apnea, but i am getting very happy about possibly getting my new partial of my teeth, its been months as i needed 20 cavities filled first, which i already went through. i had the molding done too, but not quite sure when i'll be getting the new teeth, hopefully monday.
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| angelene, Bark, Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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| Bark, Clara22, Turtlesoup
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#618
Jan 24, 2015, 12:26 PM
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thanks guys... (really sorry i can't really reply indepth to anyone right now - just don't have the strength to...)
guess maybe i shall start off pdoc's session with "if you are not going to keep this confidential, then i don't see a point of me telling you." tbh i am still raging over what he did the other time - without me knowing, he called a family member.. which then triggered off a fight at home. *sigh*
__________________
"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
| angelene, avlady, Bark, Clara22, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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| Nammu
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#619
Jan 24, 2015, 12:27 PM
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I'm so depressed I don't know what to do with myself.
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| angelene, avlady, Bark, Clara22, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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| TheOriginalMe
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#620
Jan 24, 2015, 12:45 PM
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Ahh painkillers. I can actually swallow without excruciating pain. It feels more like a normal sore throat.
Almost got put on antibiotics. If I didn't know any better, I would have taken them. But like I thought, it's a viral infection. Antibiotics would be beyond useless and actually harmful. Good I saw a doctor. I'm kind of tired but moodwise not bad. Just need to make sure I eat. |
| angelene, avlady, Clara22, Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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| Nammu
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#622
Jan 24, 2015, 01:02 PM
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I wish I could go to sleep and wake up 30 with a house and a car and a good job and loving husband. I hate my life as it is and I don't want to live it anymore, if it's not ever going to get better (which it won't). I want to have what everyone else has. But I've always been the one left out of things.
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| angelene, Anonymous37807, Bark, Clara22, hope2010, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#623
Jan 24, 2015, 01:52 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| hope2010
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| Bark, hope2010
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#624
Jan 24, 2015, 02:14 PM
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No one cares about me. I give up.
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| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, hope2010, IcryWhoAmI, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#625
Jan 24, 2015, 02:18 PM
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Quote:
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| hope2010
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| angelene, Angelique67, Bark, boomerango, hope2010
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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